by Lauren Smith
“I’m Leo,” Leo said, raising his hand.
“Maxim,” Maxim grunted.
“And I’m Nicholas, but you can call me whatever you wish, Your Grace.” Nicholas bowed grandly, and Maxim elbowed him in the ribs.
Elena’s eyes glinted with humor, and Dimitri’s tension eased a bit. It was going to be difficult for them to adjust to the confines of their new relationship after they had become intimate with each other. He was relieved his friends were here to help provide a distraction and some distance.
“Have you all eaten?” Elena asked.
“Yes, Your Gr—”
“Please don’t call me that unless I ask you to.” Already her tone held a sense of confidence to it, though Dimitri doubted she had noticed it. “Well, there are plenty of rooms to choose from. Please feel free to pick one. I guess I’ll see you all in the morning.”
She turned and walked toward the room they had planned to share tonight. The room he’d planned to share with her, along with so much more. It left him aching in a way he’d never felt in his life, to see her walk away, forever out of reach. She got to the doorway, and he waited for her to turn to him, to cast one glance back at him so he didn’t feel so alone in that moment.
She didn’t, and it killed him inside.
Despite her casual manner, Dimitri had seen the tension in her face. She was still upset, and she had every right to be. He had made a vow to her to be whatever she needed, and now he was breaking it to keep the vow he’d made to his father.
“I like her,” Nicholas said.
“She is rather fascinating,” Leo added.
Maxim merely turned his gaze on Dimitri. “What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“About her. She has eyes only for you, just as you do for her.”
A pang stung his heart. He couldn’t respond right away. His emotions were too thick. He glared at his friend. “You said it yourself—I’m not good enough, nor would it be right. I made a vow.”
Maxim, Nicholas, and Leo all exchanged a look that made Dimitri realize he’d been left out of whatever conversations they must have had on the way to meet him here.
“Dimitri, we all made that vow, but sometimes you have to break your word if it’s more important to do what’s right,” Leo said. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that we would release you from your vow.”
Maxim and Nicholas both nodded.
“If she wants you, she should have you,” Maxim said. “With what’s to come, she will need you more than ever.”
Dimitri wanted to agree, to go straight to her and take her in his arms. But he’d made so many promises to his father, to the White Army, and all he could think of was that moment his mother had been killed and how it had driven his father into a death spiral of his own. If Dimitri stopped it now before he and Elena grew any more attached, that might be the safest course of action for both of them.
“I can’t,” Dimitri murmured. He stepped out the front door into the chilly darkness. Elena was safe for now, and he needed time to raise a wall around his heart.
He walked all the way to the riverbank and stared out at the black expanse of the plateau, drinking in the starlight. His mind replayed Elena lying beside him, her eyes reflecting the vast expanse of the Milky Way. Fate was cruel, offering him the only dream he had ever truly wanted, and then pulling it away.
13
Dimitri didn’t return to the house for nearly half an hour. He stood beneath the stars near the blanket and pillows he’d brought out for him and Elena to stargaze on. It was strange to think that a mere hour before he’d believed these stars held all the answers, that he and Elena were blessed to have found each other. Now the stars were once again out of reach. He’d never imagined he’d face being torn between duty and love in this way, yet here he was, being pulled apart.
He picked up the blanket and pillows and began the walk back to the lodge. When he stepped through the doorway, he found his friends gathered in the kitchen, talking softly to one another as they drank a few beers. It seemed they had brought their own groceries. Nicholas offered him a beer. He shook his head.
“Did you handle the body?” he asked them. It was easier to focus on work than his forbidden desires.
“Yes,” Maxim replied grimly. “You owe me for that.”
“We found his boat anchored half a mile out to sea.” Nicholas leaned back against the kitchen counter. “He must have swum to shore, which is why Leo didn’t get any hits on the facial recognition software. We also found his burner phone in a waterproof pouch in his wet suit.”
“Find anything on it?” Dimitri asked.
Leo nodded. “I made a call to his handler and used old voice records we had on file to simulate his voice. Told him the mission was complete. It wasn’t easy, but I think the handler bought it. He was ordered to return home to Moscow. My guess is this is his usual routine for foreign missions.”
“So we bought ourselves maybe two days,” Dimitri guessed. Two days wasn’t much, but it gave them a little time to regroup and plan how they would handle this.
“I think so, but we have to be careful. They have pictures of you kissing her, Dimitri. From what I could tell, he’s already shared those pictures with his handler. They’ll dive into every file they’ve got on you to figure out why you’re here with her. They don’t believe in coincidences. Once they learn their agent is dead, they’ll start piecing things together. I’ve kept your online presence clean, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be watching you closely.”
They were both targets now. There was no place to hide that they would not eventually be tracked down. Dimitri dragged his hands through his hair so hard that it hurt. “She’ll be on the run for the rest of her life.”
“There is one option.” Nicholas set his beer down, all humor gone for the moment. Leo and Maxim looked confused. Dimitri had no idea what Nicholas meant either.
“You guys are way too introverted,” Nicholas muttered. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tapped on his screen, then let them see.
“The United Nations is having a massive gala. It’s their annual humanitarian awards. The event is coming up.”
“Are you serious, Nick?” Maxim growled. “Just put a target on her forehead and feed her to the wolves?”
“No, of course not. Think about it—you bring the last true Romanov out to a United Nations event, you make her so public that she becomes—”
“Untouchable,” Dimitri finished. His heart was beating harder than usual. The four of them fell into a moment of silence.
“Every leader in the world will see her, meet her, and love her,” Nicholas added.
“All but one,” Maxim said, his eyes dark. “And he won’t be able to touch her.”
“It’s not the most insane plan we’ve ever had,” Leo mused. “But we would need reinforcements. We need to light the signal fires, so to speak.”
Dimitri could almost see it now. The White Army stepping out of the darkness, shedding the ashes of the past and heralding a brighter, better future with Elena at the forefront. She could never rule Russia, nor would he want her to, but her existence and reemergence would be of huge cultural significance. She could change the world if she wanted to.
“It might be possible . . .” Dimitri reached for the nearest unopened beer, but a sudden scream shattered the quiet.
He ran up to the master bedroom to find Elena shivering in her bed, arms wrapped tight around her body. The other three men barreled into him from behind.
“Elena, are you all right?” Dimitri approached the bed, his eyes sweeping the room. There was no sign of an intruder, which meant her nightmares were back.
“I’m fine.” She looked away from all of them and pulled the sheets and the comforter up to her chest.
Maxim gave Dimitri a pointed look as he left the room. “I think you can handle this.”
Leo offered Elena a warm, brotherly smile before leaving as well.
/> Nicholas clapped a hand on Dimitri’s shoulder as he joined the others and leaned in to whisper, “Stay with her.”
Dimitri closed the door, and darkness descended in the room. He turned on the lamp by the bed, illuminating Elena’s pale face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you guys. I just had a small freak-out.”
He eased down on the bed beside her. “You mean a nightmare.”
She nodded. “I’m okay, Dimitri. Really. You can go back to whatever you were doing—cleaning your guns and talking about assassinations or whatever you guys do.” Her flippant tone didn’t conceal the distress in her eyes.
“Elena . . .” Dimitri cleared his throat. “I made you a promise, one that until tonight did not go against everything I’ve been raised to believe.”
“I know. I know you can’t be with me. That’s really stupid, by the way.” She shot him a glare. “Letting someone tell you who you can and can’t be with?”
“It is . . . but it is the truth. You are above me, Elena.”
“No. I’m not,” she shot back. “I haven’t changed in the last day, Dimitri. I’m just me. My blood doesn’t make me some fairy princess who can’t be with you. So quit being stupid and kiss me.”
She reached for his sweater, grabbing the collar and pulling him to her. He was startled by her bold act and moved instinctively, his hands braced on the bed frame on either side of her body as he leaned in. Her mouth was wonderfully soft, and he lost himself in the pure pleasure of kissing her. He wanted to gather her in his arms and never let go of her. She was the most exquisite thing he’d ever tasted in his life.
Elena’s arms slid up and locked behind his neck. Their mouths moved in perfect harmony with each other, gentle but deepening with every bit of longing he’d ever felt in his life. The touch of her lips jolted his body with an intense awareness. He smelled the clean floral scent of her body, the soft silkiness of her hair, the smooth skin of her cheeks as he pressed light kisses down around her jaw and neck. Her pulse throbbed in her throat, and he let himself count the beats of her heart as he kissed her neck. She wore only a T-shirt, and it would be so easy to push it up and out of his way . . .
The reality of his thoughts came like a bucket of cold water over him. He pulled back. Her hands were still clasped behind his neck, preventing him from making a full retreat. He caught his breath and so did she.
“How bad was your nightmare?” he asked. His hands were still braced on the headboard on either side of her. Dimitri ached to hold her.
“Bad,” she admitted. Her fingertips traced the back of his neck as though the mere act of touching him was enough to calm her.
“You know nothing will harm you, not with me here,” he promised. “I would give my life for you, as would my friends.”
Elena tugged on the hair at the back of his head to force him to look at her.
“Please, Dimitri. I don’t need you to die for me. I need you to be with me. Please choose me, not whatever vow you made that keeps you away. If you want me to be this Romanov descendant of the grand duchess, then you need to give me the one thing I need . . . and that’s you. I want what you promised me. I want you.” The despair and desire in her eyes were an undeniable combination. To be desired for being oneself was such a potent thing.
In that moment, Dimitri knew he would never be able to stay away from her. She was his sun, glowing in the dark universe, and he was pulled into her orbit, bound forever to the stunning force of her beautiful gravity.
“You win, kiska,” he sighed, and that barrier he’d begun to erect around his heart earlier today came crashing down as if the trumpets of Jericho had sounded.
She cupped his face, her green eyes glowing in the dim light. “We do this only if you want me too, remember?”
He closed his eyes, savoring her touch. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and she traced his lips with a fingertip.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?” he asked, his gaze locked on her mouth.
“For wanting me. I didn’t think . . . I didn’t think anyone would want me after what happened.”
“Elena . . .” Her words were a knife to his heart. How could she think that?
“I know.” Elena’s sigh was heavier than the world itself in that moment. “The therapist said it’s normal to feel that way, but there’s nothing normal about feeling broken, used . . . destroyed from the inside out.”
“You are none of those things. No matter what you think, you aren’t. Do you understand?” He held her gaze, and she managed a nod.
She placed a hand on the bed beside her. “Will you stay?”
As if he could leave her now. As if he had ever been able to. He nearly laughed at the thought, but he didn’t want her to think he was laughing at her.
“I’ll stay, kiska.”
The smile that lit her face was brighter than any of the stars they had seen in the sky tonight. “I was starting to miss that.”
Dimitri pulled his sweater over his head and let it fall to the floor. “Starting to miss what?”
“You calling me kiska.” She blushed a little as she pulled back the covers next to her. “It makes me feel safe.”
Dimitri leaned in and cupped her chin. Her breath hitched so strongly that he felt it pull at him with her quiet desires and eager eyes. He leaned forward, and she licked her lips. He forced himself to speak the words she deserved to hear.
“A strong woman deserves a strong man. Strong women also deserve to feel safe. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Make me feel safe, Dimitri.”
She leaned back in bed, the invitation to be with her so clear and pure. It wasn’t about sex, not tonight–it was about human connection, and he would give her that. He unfastened his jeans and tugged them off. He felt her gaze on his body, and he had to work hard to keep himself from responding. Tonight was not the night for that. She still needed to process the information she’d been given. He would not let her try to use her body and his to escape thinking about that. She also needed to rest.
He slipped into bed beside her, more than pleased to feel her body warm against his. She wore only a shirt and cotton shorts. Someday he wanted them to sleep skin to skin, but not tonight. He turned off the light, cloaking them in darkness.
It was dark, but her body found its way to his. She pressed close to him. They lay in silence for a time, listening to the wind blow against the windows. There was nothing more perfect than holding this woman in a warm bed when he knew how cold it was outside.
“Tell me about something beautiful. Something wonderful. I don’t want my mind to go back to that dream.” She pressed her cheek to his chest, and he circled his arms around her body, hugging her to him.
“Something beautiful.” As a boy, he’d loved learning about the world, about everything that was around him. That had only deepened as he’d grown up. He’d become obsessed with nature, art, and history. In every city he traveled to, he visited museums and art galleries and historic sites, soaking up the knowledge of the world. It reminded him of the beauty that the world offered.
“There is a species of jellyfish that is immortal.”
She giggled at that. “What?”
“It’s true. It can revert back to its child state after having become sexually mature, and therefore it never dies. It’s very small and is found worldwide in temperate to tropical waters.”
“Can you imagine living forever?” Elena asked.
Dimitri tangled his fingers in her hair and gently massaged. “I cannot.” If he could live forever, he would only do it if he had Elena with him.
She yawned and burrowed closer. “Tell me some more interesting things.”
“Hmm, let’s see . . . polar bears have black skin and see-through fur.”
“How is that possible? Their fur looks white.”
He moved his hand to his shoulders, rubbing her soothingly. “The long, coarse g
uard hairs that protect the bear’s undercoat are hollow and transparent. The thinner hairs of the undercoat are not hollow, but, like the guard hairs, are also colorless. They look like they do because the airspace in each hair scatters light of all colors. The color white becomes visible to our eyes when an object reflects back all the visible wavelengths, rather than absorbing some of the wavelengths. So polar bears reflect all light.”
“How do you know all these things? Is that in your spy handbook?”
He chuckled. “As a child, I had many books on animals. My mother used to read me some of them. After she died, I kept reading. She taught me about learning to bring joy and pleasure.”
“And your father?”
“He taught me duty.” Dimitri didn’t want to talk about him. He had idolized the man, but now he was realizing that he no longer wanted that life.
“I’m sorry.” She pressed a kiss to his skin, and a flush of warmth filled his chest. He cradled her even closer. He tightened his hold on her, and she shifted slightly. His body responded to her pressing against him, but he ignored it and instead focused on the sound of her breathing. She would be asleep soon.
“Thank you,” she said drowsily against his chest.
“For what, kiska?”
“For you . . .” He felt her body relax against his as sleep claimed her. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to disturb her now that she was finally resting. The peace that filled him at holding her was almost overpowering. But if he wanted this dream to become a reality, where he could hold her for the rest of their lives, he had to figure out a way to protect her, not just now, but forever. He had a plan, and he hoped it would work.
He waited until she was deeply asleep, then slid out of bed, grabbed his cell phone, and stepped into the hall. He dialed Royce’s number.
“Man, these after-midnight calls are going to kill me,” Royce grumbled as he answered. “What is it? You all right? Don’t tell me you’re already in Colorado?”
“No, we’re safe but still en route. There something I need you to do.”