She was leaning back into the seat with Taylor Swift blaring in her ears when the bus finally pulled out of the station. The knot in her stomach eased a bit more as she watched more miles fly by, taking her away from the life she’d been trapped in. Every mile felt like a weight being lifted from her shoulders. The sun was rising as she finally began drifting off to sleep, feeling a sense of elation fill her as she realized she was moving ever closer to the happiness that had been eluding her for years.
Chapter Four
“How’s Bullet doing?” Peanut asked Rage as they sat on the park bench watching Jazzy and Cody play tag near the swings. Despite her insistence that she was too old for the park she seemed to be having the time of her life playing with Cody. His little angel wasn’t as grown up as she tried to pretend she was.
“He’s started walking now. Not far, only a few feet but it’s something. Another month or two and he might be able to start riding again. He’s so damned stubborn. Refuses to let the stabbing keep him down. Most of the doctors are surprised as hell that he’s recovering as well as he is. It’s been ten months since the attack, but he is actually starting to slowly find he way back from the edge.” Rage rubbed the back of his neck, a slight smile on his lips.
“Is Shirley still staying with him?” Peanut asked.
“Yeah, for now. Although she said today that she’s getting tired of his ignoring the doctor’s orders. I figure another month and she will head back home to Wyoming. We all know she was never cut out for this life. Even when Bullet was young and her old man was alive, she didn’t hang around the club too much according to Chains. She loves her son, but she thinks club life is dangerous. I think she was hoping he’d decide the life wasn’t for him after he recovered.”
“Ha, we both know that isn’t happening. Bullet is just as much a brother as the rest of us. He isn’t leaving the life till he’s dead,” Peanut said shaking his head as he glanced at Rage.
“I know, but when he was dying I wasn’t telling her that. Now that he’s doing better, I’ll let him mind his own business. I’m the club president, not a damned nursemaid,” Rage grunted
“We ever get any leads on what went down after talking to him about what happened? I know he said they came up from the side and stabbed him while he was looking at the bodies, but I wondered if over time he’d remembered something.” Peanut knew they’d discussed this before but sometimes when you were fighting for your life things got muddled. He didn’t know if something new had come out that he wasn’t aware of. He knew it would be brought up in church this week if there was something but he asked anyway.
“No, nothing and it’s ticking me off. This is the first big attack we’ve seen and I don’t know what the fuck is happening. Most of the shit has been petty but the grow house was their first real big hit. I’m starting to wonder if this is someone besides the Raiders. I don’t fucking know but my gut is telling me something about this isn’t right. It’s too simple for it to just be the Raiders. I wish this shit would just go away so I can enjoy having my son and my old lady home where they belong,” Rage mumbled, his scarred face grim.
Peanut grinned. He was happy for Rage because after years of pining for his woman he finally found her again. Zoey was sweet and she knew how to handle their cranky president better than anyone. Since her return Rage had been a hell of a lot less stressed and she’d managed to smooth out his rougher edges in only a few months. Peanut wondered what a few years would do. Would he lose his edge or would he be deadlier than ever before? It still remained to be seen but Peanut was betting on deadlier because having something to lose made a man appreciate the cost of failure.
He would know. Almost five years ago when Jasmine’s mother had shown up on his doorstep he’d realized what it meant to live for something. He hadn’t realized until that moment that he was just going through the motions of life. His daughter had shown him how to live and he had loved every second of it. He had moved up in the ranks of the club quickly, likely because he’d stopped partying and running around with his brothers every night till dawn. Having Jazzy depending on him had definitely made him more vigilant. He had a feeling it would be the same for Rage.
“Maybe they will show their hand soon. We’re all frustrated with the stupid shit that keeps happening. Until they stabbed Bullet it was just annoying but since they stepped it up a notch the brothers are getting restless. We all know they will slip up at some point, it’s just a matter of time.”
“Yeah, but waiting around for the other shoe to drop has never been my idea of a good time. It’s frustrating the fuck out of me. Not to mention keeping me on edge because what if they try hurting my kid or wife next. These types of situations have a bad habit of biting us in the ass when we least expect it to.” Rage rubbed the back of his neck, his movements jerky, making Peanut realize that he was a lot more worried about it than he was saying.
“Rage, we all have security in place for our families. Sin’s been teaching the women how to shoot and Phoenix and Viking have installed systems in most of our houses. We both have panic rooms for if shit hits the fan. You have to trust that we have this under control and our families are safe. If we stop believing we can keep them that way we are going to make mistakes. Bad shit is going to happen. It’s a fact. We just have to be prepared when it does,” Peanut said, watching the kids screech in joy and run from each other.
“I know but I just got them back, Peanut. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to them. I don’t get how you’re so calm about the possibility that something could happen to Jasmine.” Rage looked at him seriously.
“I’m not calm. I’ve done everything I can to make her as prepared as she can be. I’ve trained Jasmine to go to the panic room if something happens and I taught her how to take down a bigger opponent. I also told her who to call if I’m not able to help her. None of this makes me calm, but it helps. I know I’ve done everything in my power to keep her safe and I pray like hell that it’s enough. There are no guarantees in life, we both know that.”
“Damn, I know what you’re saying is true but how the hell do I survive it if they get hurt because of me? How do I stay sane if they die because I’m part of the club?” Rage asked.
“How do you know something mundane like a car wreck or an illness isn’t going to take them, Rage? It’s life and sometimes shit happens. You just have to make peace with it and if you can’t, you end up living like Jitter does,” Peanut said.
Jitter was one of the older brothers in the club. He’d lost his old lady and son years ago because he just couldn’t believe they were safe. It had taken Tina about four years to get fed up with his constant confinement and ridiculous rules. Jitter had tried hard to wrap them in cotton wool but it had only caused a rift between them. He’d ended up alone and cranky.
Peanut’s eyes were still on the kids who were unaware of the heavy conversation happening between their fathers as they played. Peanut watched Jazzy tease Cody from the top of the slide. When Cody started up the slide she ran to the ladder and began climbing down. Not to be outdone, Cody slid back down and ran around, tagging her leg before she could scramble back up.
“How am I supposed to make peace with the fact that I could lose them at any moment?” Rage asked, his eyes haunted.
“You just have to live. Appreciate them and do everything you can to protect them without putting them in a bubble. It’s all any of us can do. Sometimes bad shit happens like with Jazzy’s mother. Susie didn’t do anything to deserve getting ovarian cancer and yet she’s dead. Yet here I am still breathing, a man who’s done a lot of bad shit is still here raising her daughter. You can’t protect them from life, Rage, and the harder you try the more worried you will become until life isn’t something you’re living, it’s something you’re dreading. Just let go and enjoy the time you have with them. Either it’s going to be a long time or a short time, but every minute you get to live it with them will be a good one.” Rage punched him in the arm, making him glanc
e away from the kids to look at his friend.
“When the hell did you get so damned philosophical?”
“I guess when I realized a woman I barely knew was dying and because it hurt Jasmine, it hurt me. Those months right after Susie died were some of the hardest of my life. Jasmine was a mess and I didn’t know how to handle it. I learned to take it one day at a time and to appreciate the good days even when there were more bad ones.”
Peanut had never really talked to anyone except Viking about Susie’s death. None of his brothers had asked him about it because they all knew her death was hard for him. Even though he hadn’t loved her they could see the damage it had done to him and Jasmine. Many of them had lent a hand when she was sick, but they hadn’t discussed how he felt about it or how her death had changed him. Living with Jasmine and Susie while Susie was sick had taught him to appreciate life in ways he never had before she’d shown up on his doorstep.
Peanut wouldn’t change what happened despite the pain it had wrought on him and his daughter. He knew that if Susie hadn’t gotten sick he never would have been a father. She never would have brought Jasmine to him and that would mean he’d still be stuck in that sad little cycle of partying and uselessness. At the time he hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed a reason to step up and be a man, but he knew now, and he was damned glad he’d been given the opportunity.
“I didn’t realize it was that hard on you. If I’d known—” Rage began but Peanut cut him off.
“If you’d known there wouldn’t have been a damned thing you could have done, Rage. Jasmine took her mom’s death hard and despite the fact that she’d been living with me for months she was a mess. We needed exactly what you and the club gave us. Space—the space to learn each other and to become a family. Nothing anyone did then would have helped with that. We needed time which we got, and you and the club gave me a break when I needed it. It’s not something I feel you or anyone else did wrong. Everyone was there for us and you all helped, either by cooking or helping us to find our footing as a family. I didn’t bring it up to make you feel like you failed us. I brought it up so you would remember that life has a way of working itself out and we just have to let it.”
“Yeah, alright. I get what you’re saying but I’m not sure I can be as calm about what’s going on as you are. The possibility of something happening to my family isn’t something I can easily let go of now that I’ve finally gotten them back where they belong, but I’ll work on it,” Rage said softly, his eyes solemn.
“That’s all anyone can ask for. You’ll get there, Zoey will help you.” Peanut grinned at Rage.
Rage snorted out a laugh and nodded. Both of them knew that Zoey was a force to be reckoned with. Rage had talked to him about how she’d once thought she needed him to save her and it was almost a laughable thought. She was a strong woman who’d taken to club life like a duck to water. In the short time she’d been his old lady she’d straightened out the women of the club as well as the boys at the club house.
Nobody dared to put their chores off on the women anymore. They knew if they did that they would be facing a really ticked off Zoey and none of them were brave enough for that. Knowing that Rage would cut the balls off any man who looked at her wrong much less spoke to her out of turn might have something to do with it. It was still funny to think of her as anything other than the sweet but fair little dictator she was.
The kids came running over, jumping up and down and begging to go for ice cream. They agreed to their demands and shared a smile at their combined cuteness before they loaded them up and headed to the local ice cream parlor.
Chapter Five
Peanut neared the club house with his thoughts in a jumbled mess. He’d left Jasmine with Star and her boys tonight instead of Brenna, mostly because Brenna was starting to take his leaving Jazzy with her the wrong way. Maybe if he hadn’t had sex with her a few months back things wouldn’t have gotten so complicated between them, but he’d been horny and drunk. She was a sweet woman, but he wasn’t interested in making things permanent with her.
Really the two of them had little in common other than love for Jazzy. She was a bank teller for fuck’s sake. She also thought the club was something he did because he didn’t know any better. She had no idea who he really was. She’d only seen him in dad mode. He was a very different person when he was taking care of shit for the club. He’d tried to tell her, but she just wasn’t getting it.
She had started making little comments about them like they were dating whenever he dropped Jazzy off with her and it was starting to wear on his nerves. He was going to have to find someone else to watch Jazz from now on. Letting his dick do the thinking had made the situation complicated and he was not interested. He was a fucking idiot and he’d let his dick get in the way of a convenient sitter. He’d still let Jazzy see her if she wanted to, but he was going to have to put the kibosh on her idea that they were together in any way. He just hoped like hell Jazzy didn’t get the shit end of the stick because of his mistake. She loved Brenna and if Brenna snubbed her because she was mad at Peanut it would hurt her.
Fuck, some days he was a shit father.
With frustration eating at him he pulled into the yard at the clubhouse and climbed off his bike. He started walking towards the door, nodding to two prospects who were smoking on the front porch. He was glad to see that despite glancing his way and returning his nod they were still scanning the yard for trouble. Peanut knew that Rage had them keeping an eye on things while the senior members of the club were in church. With the recent shit that had been going on Rage was being extra cautious. No one wanted some other club trying to pull some stupid shit while the leadership of their club was gathered together in one place. Peanut knew that there would be men stationed on each side of the clubhouse, as well as the main road every few hundred feet, with the ones surrounding the clubhouse being the most loyal.
He entered the clubhouse to see Frankie sitting at the table near the door of the large conference room where they held church. Two bins were filled with guns and phones which were not allowed in church due to obvious reasons. None of them wanted a heated disagreement turning into a bloodbath or some idiot thinking they could record shit. Cops and other organizations had sent in moles in the past and some of them had made it into the club’s inner circle. It happened sometimes and none of them wanted to go to jail because some idiot had a video recording of them talking about something they’d done that was illegal.
“Hey, Peanut. How’s Jasmine doing? She still loving that girly hair you got up in that man bun today?” Frankie asked with a chuckle. Peanut ignored the jab as he pulled his piece and his phone out, tossing them into their perspective bins. He shot Frankie a dark look.
“She’s fine. Turning into a real spitfire but otherwise she is still my favorite girl,” Peanut replied, ignoring his jab about his hair which he didn’t have in a man bun. He had it twisted into a ponytail and tucked in—fuck, maybe it was a man bun. Damn, he was a fucking freak, but Jazzy loved his hair. She spent hours brushing it while they watched TV. It was something that started when she was little. He hadn’t had much time for himself after her mother died because Jazzy had been too distraught to leave with anyone. He hadn’t had much time to deal with shit like cutting his hair.
One day they’d been sitting in the living room after another night of her night terrors. Jazzy was still crying and he’d been holding her. He must have fallen asleep because when he woke up, she had been brushing his hair with her little comb. At the time it was only just reaching his shoulders, but it had calmed her down and after a little while she’d been asleep on the couch. He’d decided then and there to let his hair grow and he hadn’t cut it short since. These fuckers could give him shit about his hair all they wanted because he didn’t give a shit what they thought about it.
“Ah, yeah, I hear she’s been asking Star to take her to get her nose pierced,” Frankie snickered.
“Yeah, that’s not fucking hap
pening,” Peanut grunted. If she’d wanted her ears pierced, he might have been okay with it, but she was way too young to pierce her nose. Maybe when she was eighteen but not when she was nine years old.
“Figured, but it was funny that she’s asking. When that girl hits puberty you are going to have your work cut out for you, I’d bet. She is gonna be a real pistol.” Frankie didn’t hide his shit-eating grin and Peanut wanted to punch him.
He likely would have if he wasn’t afraid that Frankie was correct. It boiled down to the fact that she didn’t really have a female role model. Sure, she had Star and the other old ladies from the club, but none of them were around as much as a young girl trying to find her footing needed. Which was why the Brenna situation was so damned fucked up. It didn’t escape his notice that Brenna did have a nose ring. It was odd considering her being a bank teller, but Brenna had a bit of a funky side to her which was why he’d thought she would do well with Jazzy in the first place. Damn him and his dick to hell. Peanut couldn’t help the heavy sigh that escaped him as he rolled his eyes and stomped into the conference room.
He headed over to the chair he typically sat in that was near the wall on the other side of the room. The large room was set up like an old fashioned meeting room with chairs around the outside of the room which were filled with lower members of the inner circle. The middle of the room held a table with about twenty chairs around it which were for officers and head members of the club. Just about every fully patched member was already in the room. Not surprising since he was pushing being late because of his indecision about where Jazzy would stay earlier tonight.
Saved by the Devil (Devils Arms Book 3) Page 3