by Levine, Nina
“I’m angry we wasted an opportunity to go away together this weekend. I’m also angry that Haynes is still in your life. But I’m not angry at you.”
“Well, it certainly feels like it.”
“Look,” he starts, but I interrupt him.
“No, not look.” I won’t allow him to steamroll me again like he did this morning. “We obviously see this entire situation from different standpoints, so I’m going to state mine again. I’ve already made it clear how I feel, but you didn’t listen. This time, I want you to take it in because I don’t want to keep having this argument with you.”
He doesn’t respond to that except to clench his jaw, so I take a deep breath and continue. “I know you’re used to getting your own way and being in charge of absolutely everything in your life, but that’s not how I see this relationship going. Like I said this morning, we have to be equals in this. Otherwise, I see no reason to be in a relationship with you. Your way of barrelling in and taking over when you think I’m struggling with a situation isn’t something I like. I need you to let me work out my own problems unless I come to you specifically and ask for help.”
“If you’re struggling with something, it’s only natural for me to want to help.”
“No, it’d be natural for you to ask if I need help.”
His brows pull together. “Yes, so I’m not sure what the issue is here.”
My eyes widen. He seriously has no idea. “The issue is that you don’t ask, you just assume.”
Irritation flashes in his eyes. “Jesus, Lorelei, you’re really going to get upset when I try to help you? That makes no sense.”
And there he goes, pissing me off even more. “Why can’t you see where I’m coming from?” He’s driving me crazy with his inability to comprehend this.
“I don’t understand the problem. You couldn’t deal with Haynes, so I’ll help you with that.”
“Oh my God, Ashton, this isn’t just about that! This is about so much more than that. For a smart man, you’re being dumb about this.”
His anger flares; I can’t miss it in his eyes and across his face. But before he can respond, his phone rings.
“Fuck,” he mutters, checking the caller ID. Then, placing the phone to his ear, he snaps, “What is it now, Cassia? I’m in the middle of something.” His tone is harsh, harsher than any I’ve heard him take with anyone. I pray I never see the day where I’m on the receiving end of that tone.
I turn away from him to face the Sydney skyline. The wind has picked up and I wrap my arms around myself as a chill sets in. I’m not entirely sure if that’s from the weather or the way this discussion is going with Ashton.
Leaning against the balcony, I close my eyes and draw in another deep breath. I love being with Ashton, but I’m beginning to have doubts we’re a good match. We’re both too strong-willed, and while I’m willing to bend, he doesn’t seem to even know the meaning of that word.
“Here, you’re cold,” Ashton says, cutting into my thoughts as he places his jacket over my shoulders.
I secure it around me and face him again. Nodding at his phone, I ask, “Is everything okay?”
He exhales sharply. “I don’t know. That was Cassia again. Apparently Mum and Dad’s fight has escalated to the point where Mum has started throwing things.”
I frown. “Is that usual for your mum?” I’m still to meet her. The dinner Ashton had organised for Thursday this week had to be postponed.
“No. It concerns me.”
“You should go over and make sure everything’s okay.” I don’t want him to leave while we’re in the middle of discussing our problems, but I don’t want him to ignore his mother if she needs him.
He shoves his fingers through his hair again, agitated. “I don’t want to leave until we figure this out.”
I’m such a mix of emotions right now, and I’m fairly sure he is too, so it would probably be for the best if he left. Some space might give us time to think.
“Go. I’ll be here when you get back.”
He watches me thoughtfully for a long few moments, as if he’s trying to decide if I really will be here. Finally, he nods. “Okay. I’ll be as quick as I can.”
“Don’t rush, Ashton. We need some time apart.” I hate saying that, but it’s the truth.
Determination settles across his face as he moves closer to me. His hand sneaks around my waist, and he pulls me to him. His grip is firm, determined, and his tone is demanding when he says, “Time apart is exactly what we don’t need, Lorelei. Tell me you’ll be here when I get back.”
I look up into his eyes, a little breathless at the sudden change in his mood. While I don’t love the Ashton who just takes over in some situations, I do like this bossy, demanding one. This is the Ashton who makes me feel wanted rather than just feeling like a piece of property to be owned and controlled. “I already told you I would be.”
His eyes search mine. “Tell me again.”
I place my hand on his arm. “I’ll be here.”
He stalls for a few moments before bending to kiss me. It doesn’t begin as a deep kiss, more a brush across the lips, but the electricity that is always between us is heightened today. We may be angry at each other, and unable to come to an understanding, but there’s no denying how much we desperately want each other or how much we truly want to resolve our differences.
By the time he’s finished with me, I’m an achy mess of need. I don’t want to be, but I am. I cling to him, pulling his mouth back to mine. I don’t want to let him leave. I don’t know why I have the sudden feeling that him walking away from this right now is the absolute wrong thing for us, but I do. All I want to do is beg him to stay, but I don’t. Not when it’s his mother who needs him.
I end the kiss and push him away. “Go,” I say, all breathy.
He stares down at me with confusion, which I don’t blame him for. I’m confused by my mood swings, so I know he must be. He doesn’t argue, though. A minute later, he disappears out of my sight, and I wrap my arms around myself again. The chill in the air has intensified, and again, I can’t decide if it’s the weather or what’s going on between Ashton and me. All I know is that my gut is twisting with unease, and I’m unable to fathom why.
49
Ashton
“Go home, Ashton. Your mother is just experiencing one of her moments,” my father says to me when I arrive at their house. He pours a Scotch and adds, with contempt, “I’m not sure why Cassia thought it necessary to involve you in this. It’s not like you’re part of the family these days.”
I ignore his attitude towards me. “Where’s Mum?”
“Cassia is putting her to bed.”
I have no fucking clue what’s going on here or why Cassia is involved, but I intend to get to the bottom of it. Stalking out of his office, down the hall to their bedroom, I reach for the door only for Cassia to open it and slip outside, closing it behind her.
“She’s almost asleep,” she says quietly, clearly trying to impress upon me that I shouldn’t interrupt her.
I scowl. “Move out of the way, Cassia. I want to see my mother.”
“No,” she says with a firmness that’s rare for her. Cassia may have argued with me over many things while we were together, but it wasn’t often she took this tone. “She’s too upset. Let her sleep it off and then come by tomorrow and see her.”
I don’t know if it’s the fact I had to see my father, or that I’m irritated to find Cassia here, or if it’s the turmoil I’m feeling over my arguments with Lorelei today that does it, but I grip her arm and pull her away from my mother’s bedroom. When I’ve got her down the hall, I demand, “What the fuck is going on here, and why does it involve you?”
Her eyes widen at the anger in my voice, or maybe it’s at the way I’m manhandling her because that’s not my usual style. Yanking her arm from my hold, she whisper-yells, “Don’t talk to me like that. I’m just trying to help your parents.”
“How?” I demand.
She swallows hard under my scrutiny. “Your mother asked me over for dinner. Everything was going well until she started arguing with your dad. Things went downhill fast, and your mum lost it. I’ve never seen her like this before. She was screaming at him and then throwing plates and cups. I managed to get her to the bedroom and calmed her down, and I think your dad has calmed down too.”
“What were they arguing over?”
She hesitates briefly. “Do you really want to know?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”
Her shoulders slump as she sighs. “Your dad’s been having an affair. She found out.”
That fucking asshole.
I ball my fists.
“Fuck,” I mutter. This isn’t my father’s first affair. It isn’t even his second. At last count, he’s had at least five affairs, and that’s only the ones I know of. I have no idea how many of those my mother is aware of.
I walk away from her to head back to my father’s office, but she reaches for my arm and stops me. “Ashton, don’t.”
The sound of his car screeching out of the driveway breaks into my thoughts before I can argue with her. Turning back, I meet her gaze. “Why are you spending all this time with my parents?” The question comes out angrier than I intend. Everything’s turning to shit today, and I feel unable to rein my emotions in. If I can’t confront my father, I’ll settle for this confrontation.
Her body tenses. “Is there a problem with me doing that?”
“Yeah, a big fucking problem, Cassia. You and I are not together, so I don’t understand your motives. And when I don’t understand someone’s reasons for doing something, I know deep in my gut that something shady is going on. So start talking and don’t leave anything out.”
“Ashton, I’m worried about you. You seem so on edge today. Is everything okay?”
“No, it’s not. I want to know what the fuck is going on,” I bark, feeling a loss of control I never feel.
Her lips flatten. “I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I always liked your mum, and when she initiated our friendship, I didn’t think it would be a problem for anyone. It doesn’t affect you in any way. All it does is give her someone to spend time with and share her burdens with. We’ve grown close, and I treasure her friendship in more ways than you’ll understand. I just wish you could be happy that your mum has someone she trusts and confides in. Especially when your father is a bastard to her.”
I take all that in and realise I’m being a complete asshole to her when all she’s trying to do is be a friend to my mother. She’s right—it doesn’t affect me in any way.
I rub the back of my neck, taking a step away from her. “Fuck, I’m sorry. It’s been a shitty day, and I took it out on you. I appreciate that you’re here for Mum.”
She watches me silently, the tension easing from her body. Nodding, she says softly, “Okay.” Then, she moves close to me again and places her hand on my chest. “Do you need to talk about it? I’m always here for you.”
“No.” Talking to Cassia is not what I need.
Before I can stop her, she reaches up and curls her hand around my neck. Pulling my face down, she kisses me.
I pull away from her. “Fuck, Cassia, what the hell?”
Her eyes hold mine, and I see the defiance in them. “You can’t tell me you didn’t just feel something, Ashton. We’ve always had something between us, and I think it’s time you admitted that to yourself.”
Anger at her inability to let this relationship go flows through my veins. I have enough on my plate to deal with; I don’t need to add her to the list. “There’s nothing between us, and you need to understand that and move on.”
Bitterness creeps into her tone as she says, “So that you can continue on with the little fling you’re engaging in?”
“This thing between me and Lorelei isn’t a little fling.”
She hits me with a dirty look before smoothing the scowl lines on her face. Stepping away from me, she says, “You can continue fooling yourself, but eventually you’ll see that you and I are meant to be together. I’m not going anywhere.”
With that, she walks away from me. The woman is deluded if she thinks for one second that what she said is true. There’s no way we’ll ever be together again.
Lorelei is in the shower when I get home. I want nothing more than to strip and join her, but I know we aren’t in that place today. She can hardly look at me, let alone fuck me. So I lie on the bed and wait for her, doing my best to ignore the way my dick gets harder with every passing minute.
Fuck.
I can’t do it. I can’t let this divide grow any deeper between us. And the best way I know to stop that is to touch her. The way she responded to my kiss earlier is all the evidence I need to know this. We may have some problems to work through, but I refuse to allow them to come between our sex life.
Pulling my shirt over my head, I drop it on the bed and make my way into the bathroom. Steam warms my skin as I finish stripping out of my clothes. Lorelei’s eyes meet mine as I step in the shower, and I suck in a breath at what I find there.
She doesn’t want this.
“Ashton,” she says. Her voice is soft, but it holds a warning. “I’m nearly finished.”
Every emotion I’ve felt today unleashes itself inside me, but the dominant one is fear. Fear of losing Lorelei. There’s no fucking way I will let that happen, so I take charge of this situation before it gets out of control.
Moving toward her, I say, “Don’t shut down on me, Lorelei. Not now. Not ever. Just because we’ve got things that still need to be worked through, doesn’t mean I won’t touch you. I will always want you, regardless of everything else.”
She gasps as I cage her in and take hold of her waist. Hands to my chest, with water streaming down her body, she says, “I can’t get lost in you, and I know I will if—”
I put a finger to her lips. “I will make sure we finish the conversation we started earlier, but there is no way I’m not having you now. We need this.” God, how we fucking need this.
The sex I’ve had with other women in the past never meant what sex with Lorelei means to me. With her, it draws me closer. It helps me crack her open a little more each time. It reveals pieces of her I can’t help but love and want more of. Time together and conversations may help me get to know her, but sex is the key to unlocking that part of her she isn’t even in touch with. And I will do anything to touch that part of her, because when she surrenders to it, she gives me everything. She hands me her heart and tells me it’s mine to keep for as long as I want. And I fucking want it forever.
She pushes harder against my chest, an apology in her eyes. “No, we don’t. Sex is the last thing we need right now.”
And with that, she moves out of my hold and exits the shower. I’m left staring after her, wondering how the hell we got here. And how the hell I can fix it.
50
Lorelei
I lie quietly on my side of the bed and stare out the window of Ashton’s bedroom. It’s just past seven this morning and I’ve barely had three hours sleep. I know Ashton hasn’t slept much either. After my shower last night, we argued again and didn’t get anywhere. After an hour of going back and forth, each of us getting worked up, I told him I was going to bed. In the spare room. He fought me over that, and in the end, I agreed to stay in here with him. He’d gone downstairs to his office while I went to bed. It’s been a long night of an unbearable silence between us, and I’m not looking forward to today.
The bed shifts as he leaves to go into the bathroom. A moment later, the shower starts, and I let the breath I’ve been holding out.
I need to find a way to fix this between us, because my heart hurts too much with the way things are going. Maybe I’m expecting too much from him and being too demanding. Having never dated a man like Ashton, I’m not used to dealing with his kind of needs in a relationship. He is who he is, and I didn’t start dating him just so I could then try to chan
ge him. And after a lot of thinking during the night, I’ve come to see that everything he does is to help me. It’s my insecurities getting in the way, and that is something only I can work on. That’s not on Ashton.
I leave the bed with the intent to join him in the shower and call a truce. As I walk past his dresser, though, his phone rings. I know he’s concerned about his mother, so I check to see if it’s her calling. It’s not. My stomach drops when I see Cassia’s name flashing on the screen. I know she’s probably calling in relation to his mother, but I don’t like her being close with Ashton like this again. Not that I think they’re close, but the number of times they’ve interacted recently seems to be increasing.
That makes me nervous.
Unsure.
I know it’s stupid, because Ashton has made it more than clear he’s over her, but still, I can’t shake my feelings.
The ringing stops and a text comes through almost straight away. I know it’s an invasion of his privacy, but I read it. I justify it to myself that maybe her message is urgent, but even I don’t buy that reason.
I’m snooping.
Spying on him.
And when I read the message, I wish I hadn’t.
* * *
Cassia: I’m sorry I kissed you last night, but you can’t ignore the fact you felt it too. Call me.
* * *
With shaky hands, I place the phone down, but another text comes through, and I’m unable to resist reading it. It’s like a train wreck I can’t look away from.
This message isn’t from Cassia, though.
* * *
Jessica: Sian has more properties for you. At this rate, you’ll be the king of Willow Street.
* * *
The king of Willow Street?
I don’t know for sure what she means, but I have a sneaking suspicion Ashton is planning something for Willow Street. It was how we met after all, when he came to me trying to buy my property.