by Levine, Nina
“I’m not the awesome person you might think. I had no choice but to say yes.”
“Why?”
“When I was seventeen I got mixed up with this crowd who committed robberies. I didn’t have anything to do with their crime sprees. I just drank with them and hung out with them. One of the guys, Dermot, was a friend of mine from school, that’s how I met them. I eventually moved on and found new friends, but I always kept in touch with Dermot. I tried to help him see that crime wasn’t a great life choice. A year ago, I realised how deep he was involved—he’d found a new gang to run with, and they carried out armed robberies that sometimes involved people getting shot. Nothing I said seemed to get through to him. One day, I’d just picked up some dry cleaning for Paris and was walking back to my car when I saw him in a car down the road. I tried to talk to him that day while he was sitting in the car. Later I found out he’d been waiting for his crew who were in a nearby bank robbing them. I’d fucking approached the driver of the getaway car, and I’d put my prints on it when I leaned against the door. The police threatened to bring me into their ongoing investigation over that robbery if I didn’t help them with their murder case.” His words are bitter, and I don’t blame him.
“Did they really think they could pin anything on you?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think so. The detective I’ve been dealing with is an asshole, and he’s made it clear he won’t hesitate to drag me through the process of having to clear my name if I don’t help him. He wants to be the one who cracks this murder case, and he’s hell bent on proving its Jolene. I looked at my options and decided to help him rather than put Sean through any more upheaval. Plus, I was trying to avoid more lawyer bills. The last lot wiped me out, and I’m just beginning to turn that around.”
I squeeze his hand. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“I was told not to tell anyone close to me what was going on. Not even Tyler or my mother knew. Just after we slept together, I told the detective I was done. All I want to do is move on—file the divorce and move the fuck on. I ended up asking my mum for financial help, so I have a lawyer helping now. He hasn’t been able to give me much hope, though.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I finally managed to get some information out of Jolene on Saturday that the police wanted. We thought that would be enough for them, but I spoke with the lawyer again today, and he now thinks they may want more.” He blows out a harsh breath. “I’m beginning to wonder if I’m better off sticking to my guns and letting the cards fall where they will. Seeing Jolene does my head in and I’m not sure how much more I can take.”
“But you’re worried about Sean, aren’t you?” I say softly. He’s just a father trying to do the right thing for his son and in the process he’s being screwed by people in authority. It’s a gross misuse of power.
His shoulders slump as he nods. “Yeah. He’s the only one I care about here, Callie.”
I think back to all the grief I’ve given Luke over the past year.
All the arguing I’ve done with him when he’s been trying to look out for me.
All the times I refused to take his help because I thought I knew better.
God, I’ve been so stupid. Taking care of people really is in his DNA, just like he told me.
I shift a little closer to him on the couch. Reaching out to touch his cheek, I say, “You are an amazing man, Luke. I won’t hound you over the divorce again. I know it will happen and until then I’ll be patient. I’m just glad to have you in my life now.”
His hand closes over mine against his cheek. “Fuck, Callie, you haven’t hounded me about the divorce. You can ask me about it anytime. I promise you there are no more secrets. You know everything now. And screw patient. I’m sick of being patient over this. I need it to happen now so I can get on with my life.” He moves his face so close to mine that a shiver of lust races across my skin. “I need you in every-fucking-way,” he growls.
“I need you, too.”
God, how I need him.
And it’s not just about sex. It’s the connection to him I know is missing—the connection that giving yourself over to someone completely brings. The emotional as well as physical. Allowing yourself to be so vulnerable with another person takes the relationship to a whole new level, and I crave that with Luke.
His lips meet mine. Scrunching my eyes closed, I try to block out the instant guilt I feel. Is it cheating if you’re giving your heart to someone even if you’re not giving them your body? Is it cheating if someone is married, but not in love with their spouse anymore?
My lips part as my body sinks into his.
My arms go around his neck as shame stains my heart.
My tongue finds his as turmoil ravages me.
This man might finally break down my walls and cause me to forget my morals. Because how can something that feels so right be so wrong?
Our kiss grows more insistent, more demanding. We both want more from it, and my restraint is near breaking point.
I move my hands to his chest and then down so I can reach under his T-shirt as memories of our night together fill my mind.
Luke groans as my fingers trail a pattern over the ridges of his abs. His hands slide down my back to grip my ass. When he pulls me into his lap, I moan. His erection presses against me, and I grind against it. Holy hell, I want him. More than I’ve ever wanted a man before.
I can’t help myself—I pull Luke’s shirt off. Dragging my mouth from his, I eye his bare chest and abs. The man is made for sin. I swear it. Chiselled muscles taunt me, as does the tattoo on his chest. I love ink on a man. Luke has a couple of tattoos that I want to dedicate time to studying.
My eyes find his and the need I see there causes my thighs to clench tighter against his legs. His hands reach for my face, and he pulls my mouth back to his.
Oh, God.
Please don’t send me to hell for this.
I promise I’ll be a good girl in my next life.
Clearly I’m destined for a life of sin in this one, because as much as my morals are screaming at me to stop, my body has taken over and is all in.
And then Luke pulls his lips from mine. He stares at me, his eyes wild with want and his breaths coming hard and fast. He rakes his fingers through his hair and mutters, “Fuck. Sorry.”
My chest rises and falls hard and fast as I try to catch my breath. And my senses.
Before I can form words, he lifts me and deposits me back on the couch. Reaching for his shirt, he pulls it over his head while he stands. His back is to me, and I take in the way his hand rubs the back of his neck. My eyes are drawn to his muscles rippling under his shirt, and I curse under my breath.
He turns back to look at me. His face is filled with as much torment as I am feeling. “I better go before this gets completely out of hand.”
I nod, breathless. My body is still catching up to my mind. It’s begging me to stop him, but I don’t. Instead, I let Luke leave as I wonder how much longer we can go on like this.
If Luke hadn’t stopped us tonight, I don’t think I would have.
16
Luke
“Mummy!”
Sean’s high-pitched scream draws my attention from Callie. Probably a good thing. I’ve taken a few hours off work to spend with her. She came over for pizza, which we finished about an hour ago. We’ve been on the couch talking since then, but all I can think about is last night and how close we came to sex. It’s been just over two weeks since we slept together and I’m fighting like fuck to respect her feelings about sleeping with a married man. I don’t share her reservations because I know my heart hasn’t belonged to Jolene for a long time, but I never want to pressure Callie to do something she’s not comfortable with. Last night was hard, though. I almost fucked it all up.
Pushing off the couch, I say, “I’ll be back. Don’t eat all that chocolate while I’m gone.”
She grins. “Good luck with that, buddy. Me and chocolate have a lon
g-standing love affair that not even you can come between.”
I return her grin. “I bet.”
Making my way through the house, I contemplate the fact Sean is still having nightmares that end with him calling out for his mother. This has been going on for about a year now. It happens less often, but it still happens. When I arrive at his bedroom, he’s thrashing in his bed, crying. My heart constricts with both pain and anger. The fact Jolene has done this to him, pisses me off. The fact she doesn’t have to see it, causes an intense anger like I’ve never known to consume me. But then again, she was never a mother who was close to her child, so she probably wouldn’t even be affected by it.
I pull him into my arms. “Shhhh,” I murmur over and over until his crying subsides.
I cradle him for about ten minutes while he calms down enough to open his eyes and look up at me. “I want Mummy,” he says, his voice wobbling.
I run my fingers through his hair. “I know, little man, but Mummy has gone away.” My voice cracks. Nothing prepares you for parenthood, but nothing fucking prepares you for this.
“When will she be back?” This question gets me every time he asks it. What do you tell a child when the truth is worse than any bad dream they will ever have?
It’s been a good six months since he’s seen her. I used to take him to visit her in prison, but I stopped when I discovered the truth. It was bad enough taking a child to that place when I thought his mother was wrongfully there, but no way was I allowing her to see him once I knew who she really was.
I stare down into eyes that will always remind me who his mother is. “I don’t know.” It’s the most honest answer I can give him. And honesty is something I will always give him because those you love deserve nothing less.
He thinks about that for a little while, and I continue to hold him. Finally, he says, “I miss her.” His words shred my heart a little more, and I swallow down my pain.
Nodding, I say, “I know.”
His head snuggles against my chest, and we sit like this for another ten minutes until he falls back asleep. I place him back in bed and pull the covers up. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I whisper, “I love you.”
By the time I make it back to Callie, she’s eaten almost all the chocolate. It looks like she may have left me two pieces. Either that, or she’s still planning on eating them.
She hits me with an expression that tells me she’s concerned. “Is he okay?”
I sit next to her and drape my arm along the couch behind her. “No. He’s been having these nightmares for a long time now. He always wakes up screaming for Jolene. I don’t know what to tell him except that I don’t know when she’ll be back.”
She places her hand on my knee. “That’s all you can tell him, Luke. It’s the truth, right?”
I suck in a breath at her contact. “Yeah, and that’s all we’ve got.”
Nodding, she agrees. “More people should stick to the truth. Life would make a lot more sense I think.”
She’s emphatic, and while I don’t completely agree with her that life would make a lot more sense if everyone was always completely honest, I love the way she believes in things and will fight to argue her point. I want to kiss her right now. My eyes drop to her lips, and my gaze lingers there until she stands.
“Oh no you don’t,” she mutters, running her fingers through her long, blonde hair. “You can’t look at my lips that way.”
She’s right. And my dick would agree because her lips are dangerous territory.
I stand and meet her gaze. “It’s hard not to look at them that way, baby.”
Her eyes widen, and she presses her hands against my chest. “No, no, no! Stop talking.”
I chuckle and raise my hands in surrender. “I won’t look at your lips anymore.”
She picks up her bag. “Good.”
I eye her bag slung over her shoulder. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I have an article to write for work, and it’s my first real article, so I want it to be perfect.”
I frown. “Aren’t all your articles real?”
“I mean, it’s not just a story about local events. My boss asked if anyone wanted to write a piece about putting a sugar tax on soft drinks. It’s not due until the end of the week, but I want to put some time into research so I can back up my point of view.”
“Where do you stand on it?”
“I’m for it.”
I whistle low. “I look forward to reading it.”
She cocks her head. “You don’t believe in it?”
“I haven’t researched it or anything, but I wonder if there’s a hell of a lot more to be done in society to tackle this problem rather than simply taxing sugar consumption.”
“Oh, I’m sure there is, but surely every little part helps.”
“I don’t really think the parents who happily feed their children sugar-laden food will really blink at a slight increase in food. And adults happily throw cash at their addictions. They’ll yell and scream for a while, and it will possibly stop some, but overall, what does it teach people? I think it’s a bandage for a deeper wound in society.”
“Mmmm, I’m going to think about that a lot more,” she says with a smile. “You’re a smart man, Mr Hardy.”
I surprise her when I pull her close so our bodies press hard against each other. Her eyes widen as my face comes close, but I don’t kiss her. I rest my forehead against hers for a beat. “My lips are staying firmly over here, but I needed one last touch.” With a smack on her butt, I mutter, “Now go, before I lose the tiny speck of self-control I have left.”
After she leaves, I sit on the couch and rest my elbows on my knees. Dropping my face into my hands, I exhale my frustration. When I told her I had a tiny amount of self-control left, I was lying. Callie has no clue how much I want her. How could she when I’m only fully grasping the depth of it myself?
17
Callie
Luke: Come straight to the bar after work today.
Me: I see bossy Luke is in full swing.
Luke: Is argumentative Callie in full swing?
Me: Depends.
Luke: On what?
Me: What do I get out of coming to the bar?
Luke: Me.
Me: Oh how I wish that were true.
Luke: You might be surprised.
Me: Your lips are moving, but all I’m hearing is you can’t touch this. I’m not good at playing this game.
Luke: Let me introduce you to a new game, baby. Be here.
* * *
“Callie, have you finished that article yet? I need it within the next hour if it’s going to make the weekend edition.”
“Yes, give me about forty minutes,” I say with a quick glance up at my boss.
He nods. “Thank Christ, because I didn’t have anything else. Promise me what you’ve got is good because we’re running low on time to fix it if it isn’t.”
Fridays seem to be a stressful time for this office. Today has been one mad rush of “get me this” and “do that”. I give him a tight smile. “It’s good. Promise.”
He leaves me once he’s satisfied I’ve got the goods, and I go back to thinking about what Luke meant by his text. The next six hours can’t go by fast enough.
“Thank you, Callie,” Mrs Harper says as I hand her the groceries I picked up for her after work.
I smile. “No worries. I’m always here to help when you need it.” Even when I’m desperate to get to Luke because I promised I’d come over straight after work.
Mrs Harper called me half an hour before I was due to finish work, asking if I’d collect some groceries for her. As much as I wanted to tell her I had new games to go and start playing, I couldn’t say no. I would never do that to her. She relies on me because she has no family who live close.
“If you’ve got a moment to spare, would you mind coming in and changing some light bulbs, dear?”
I stare at her, wondering if there are any polite ways to say no,
but nothing is forthcoming. Instead, I nod. “Sure.”
She leads me inside and shows me which lights need new bulbs—the bathroom one and the light in her bedroom. God, I would have been a bitch if I’d said no. Those two lights are necessary. I bet she’s been waiting to ask me, too. She’s probably already gone some time without them.
I fix the bathroom light easily, but the new light I install in her bedroom doesn’t work. When she informs me she doesn’t have any more spare bulbs, I mentally curse. I don’t have any at my place either.
“I’ll head down to the shop and buy some more bulbs,” I say, ignoring the text message that just arrived.
She gives me a grateful look. “Thank you, dear.”
I head downstairs to my car and check my text message as soon as I slide into my front seat.
* * *
Luke: Where are you?
Me: I just have a quick errand to do on the way.
Luke: You’re killing me here, Callie.
Me: Buddy, you killed me a long time ago.
* * *
I shove the car into reverse and scream out of the car park. The journey to the corner store is the quickest trip I’ve ever made there. Fifteen minutes later, I’m back at Mrs Harpers.
After I finally get her lights all working, I’m almost out her front door when she says, “How did your roast go last week, dear? I’ve meant to ask you if your friend liked it.”
I grimace. I just wanna go play games with Luke. But I turn to face her. “I burnt it, but he fixed it. Thank goodness I found a man who can cook.”
“I hope this man is nicer than your last boyfriend.”
Something I love about Mrs Harper is her no-bullshit approach to life. She doesn’t fuss with details or bother with niceties for the sake of sparing feelings. It makes communicating with her much easier because one always knows where they stand. I nod. “Yes ma’am, he is.” My voice grows softer when I add, “I think this one’s a keeper.”