by Levine, Nina
Jesus, remind me never to piss Presley off again; she’s a ballbreaker when she’s upset.
“Okay, so you’re angry at me. I get that, but we need to find a way to sort through it all. Yeah?”
The daggers she’s staring at me with aren’t a good sign she’s ready to talk, but I remain hopeful. “I told you I don’t think tonight’s a good time to go over it. I’m too angry.”
My hangover from this morning has cleared, but I’m exhausted, and while I’m trying to hold it all together and stay calm while she continues to cling to her anger, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to. “You’re giving me mixed signals, sweetheart. One minute you say you wanted me to call you today and now you’re saying you don’t want to talk. Which one is it?”
Her eyes widen and she raises her voice when she says, “I wanted to know you were thinking about me. I just needed a sign.”
I scrub my face. “Well, I can’t go back and change it now but I was thinking about you. I fucking woke up thinking about you.”
The hard set to her face softens a little but she doesn’t cut me any slack with her words. “Next time you wake up thinking about me, you might wanna tell me.”
My temper snaps. There’s only so much bitch I can handle. I close the distance between us and get in her face. “I’ve gotta tell you, I’m not loving the bitch you’re bringing out, baby. I can handle pissed off and I can take angry and ranty, but when I’m standing in front of you and I’m doing my best to be honest with you and admit that, yes, I fucked up, I don’t appreciate you throwing that back in my face. I’m not a pro at relationships, and I’ll be the first to admit that, but a little give and take would go a long fucking way here.”
I thought she was angry before, but hell if my words don’t bring more anger out. She pushes her face closer to mine and lets loose. “You want honest? I’m so angry with you right now. I was happy by myself, happy without a man, and then you came along. I just wanted some fun, but you turned it into more and chased the shit out of me until I gave in. So I took a chance on you and I told you what I went through with Lennon. I fucking shared that with you, so you knew how I felt; that I can’t go through that kind of relationship again. And I believed you when you said we’d be different. And so, I fell for you. And you didn’t follow through!”
The passion behind her words blows me away.
She’s in this with me.
One hundred fucking percent, she’s in.
I grab her arm and pull her against me. “How didn’t I follow through?” I demand while putting both arms around her and sliding my hands down to her ass. Our lips are almost touching and while I know I’m going to kiss her soon, I’m delaying so I can hear what she has to say. I need to know how I’ve let her down so that I never do it again.
An angry moan falls from her lips. “I know it may sound pathetic, but I need to know I come first to you. It hurts too much when I think otherwise.”
Fuck.
It’s her fears of coming second best that are driving all this. And while I think she’s being slightly irrational, I understand that when you fear something, everything is magnified and easily blown out of proportion.
I move one of my hands to cup her cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m listening to everything you’re saying, and I won’t let you down again.”
My apology seems to make its way into her heart because her body softens against mine and she says, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you either.”
I finally give in to my desire and press my lips to hers. She opens her mouth and lets me in, and I spend the next couple of minutes showing her with my lips and tongue how much I want her. This kiss is just what we need; it’s our way of expressing what our words can’t always say.
When we end the kiss, she holds my gaze and whispers, “Thank you.”
I smile. “You need to do something for me, too.”
“What?”
“Please don’t turn bitchy on me again. You could rip a man’s heart out with that shit.”
A hint of a smile crosses her lips. “I’m sorry. I try so hard not to flip that switch but it just happens, and I have no control over it.”
I place my hand against my heart. “Well, it’s still intact so we’re all good for now,” I say with a grin.
My joke lightens the mood and a full-blown smile graces her face. “Thank God for that, huh?”
“Can you do one other thing for me?” I ask, desperate for this request to be fulfilled.
“What now?” She fakes exasperation and waits to hear what I want.
Bending my lips to her ear, I beg, “Can you take your clothes off ‘cause I’ve been staring at those pants for too long now and I’m sick of them.”
15
Presley
The next day I’m restless. I’ve finished editing all the Crave photos and while there are lots of things I could be doing, none of them interest me, so I spend most of the day sitting in the sun with a good book and my earplugs in. Just after lunch I’m almost asleep when Lennon shatters my peace and quiet. He joins me on my balcony and scares the shit out of me because I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in my apartment.
Sitting up, I glare at him while I rip my earplugs out. “Why are you letting yourself in? And why the hell do you still have a key?” I snap.
“I’ve been banging on your front door for a good five minutes, and I still have a key, because my name is still on the deed.”
I stand and put my hand out. “Give me that key,” I demand, my blood pressure skyrocketing.
Shaking his head, he argues with me. “No, I have as much right to this key as you do.”
My eyes widen. “No, you don’t! You haven’t wanted anything to do with that key for more than six months, Lennon, so don’t come back here now when I’m finally moving on, and try to stir up shit.” I click my fingers, motioning for him to give me the damn key.
He folds his arms across his chest. “I’m not trying to stir up shit. I simply want my wife back.”
“It’s funny how you only want me now that someone else has me.”
Rolling his eyes, he mutters, “I didn’t even know you two were together, Presley.”
“Well, we are together, so you should just leave and never come back. I’m going through with this divorce, and I’m committed to Jett. You need to listen to me and hear what I’m saying.” My voice is as firm as I can make it and I hope like hell he’s listening.
He shifts on his feet but doesn’t move from his spot, his arms still folded across his chest. “Tell me, baby, what do you think will be different between you and Jett to you and me? He lives the same lifestyle I do so nothing will change there, and you’ll still have groupies to deal with.”
I ignore his use of the word ‘baby’. It’s unlikely he’ll listen to me if I tell him again not to use it. Lennon does what Lennon wants to do. “Jett knows I won’t put up with the same kind of behaviour I put up with from you.”
His brows rise. “What fucking behaviour? I didn’t cheat on you, I didn’t abuse you . . . what the fuck did I do to you?”
My skin pricks with anger and disappointment. I loved him once, and we could have had it all, but he has no idea how to love someone. “Sometimes not doing anything to someone is just as bad as doing something to them.”
The look of confusion written across his face is clear. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I wanted you to want me; I wanted you to spend time with me, to have fun with me, to do silly things with me, to fight with me. Instead, you ignored me and hardly included me in your life. That’s what the difference with Jett is – he does all those things with me.”
Understanding dawns for him and he softens his voice. “I can change. I can do those things with you.”
I take a step away from him. “No, it’s too late for us.” I put my hand out again. “So give me the key and please leave.” My voice has turned cold because I realise that might be the only way to make him see we’re done.
>
His stare causes me to shiver, and the ugliness in his voice when he speaks cuts to the bone. He throws the key at my feet and spits out, “Have it your way, Presley, but I fucking guarantee you that you’re making the wrong choice here. Jett’s a player, and I’ve seen him in action. It won’t be long until he grows bored with you and goes back to his whores.”
I hug my arms to my body and fight like hell to hold myself together. Breaking down in front of my asshole husband is not something I will allow. “Get out,” I order, glaring at him.
He returns my glare for a moment before turning on his heel and stalking out of my apartment.
I wait to hear the door shut and when I do, I sink to the ground and let the tears fall. It hurts to know I gave my heart and soul to that man, that I planned my life around his and wanted children with him. And I feel like an idiot for not seeing him for the man he really is for so long. The sun fucking rose and set around him, and that pisses me off.
The tears flow freely and I don’t try to stop them. I need to let them out so I can finally let him go and move forward. The only saving grace in all this is that I’m much stronger from everything I’ve been through. And from now on, I’ll always put myself first.
Lennon may have broken my heart but he taught me something.
He taught me to own my story and to love myself regardless of any parts that need editing.
I’m over my meltdown when Jett arrives at my apartment later that afternoon. Lennon’s a distant memory as I look at the man standing in front of me now. He’s smiling as if he’s won the lottery and I cock my head and ask, “Why are you so happy today?”
His hands slide around my waist and I’m pulled into his embrace. “What would you say if I told you I had two full days off?”
“I’d say you should spend those two days in bed with me.”
He chuckles and kisses me. “That’s why you’re my woman; we think the same way. But I’ve got an even better suggestion.”
“What?” I can’t wait to hear it.
“Two days in bed at a resort where we have our own private beach and spa.” He nuzzles my neck and murmurs, “I can fuck you on the beach, in the spa, on the bed . . . any-fucking-where you want.”
Oh God.
I’m sold.
“Let’s go.”
He smacks my ass. “Pack your bag, baby, we leave in an hour.”
My eyes widen. “Really?”
“Yep, it’s all booked. You’re mine and mine only for two whole days.”
I think I must have died and gone to heaven.
Two days away from everything and everyone is just what we need so I pack my bags and wait for him to take me to paradise.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Jett murmurs into my ear as he comes up behind me on the balcony and puts his arms around my waist. He settles his chin on my shoulder, waiting for my response while we stare out into the inky night.
It’s nearly midnight and we arrived at the resort a couple of hours ago. It’s near the Sunshine Coast at a secluded beach and is a beautiful place. And so quiet and relaxing. We had dinner and then Jett made good on his promise to fuck me in the spa. But now, my thoughts have drifted to my life and where it’s going. Lennon’s visit must have affected me after all.
I turn in his arms and sigh. “Lennon came to see me today,” I admit, waiting for him to lose his shit over that.
He surprises me, though, and remains calm. “What did he want?” He might be keeping his cool but I can hear the tightness in his voice so I proceed with care.
“What he always wants, but I think I finally got through to him that I’m done.”
“So why have you gone all quiet?”
“I guess something he said has gotten me thinking, that’s all.”
He lets me go and rubs the back of his neck. Concern fills his features. “What the fuck did he say?”
I place my hand on his chest to try and calm him. “It’s nothing bad, baby. It’s just made me think about where you and I go from here.”
Frown lines appear on his forehead. “What do you mean by that? I thought we were moving forward together.”
“Yeah, we are. I just don’t know how that will look. Your job takes you all over the world and I know at some point you’ll head out on tour. I’m just trying to figure out where I’ll fit into all that. And I’m also trying to figure out what I want to do with my work now. I still have no idea and it’s the first time in my life I haven’t known where I’m going, and it’s starting to stress me.” My shoulders sag a little. I feel like I just dumped everything on him, but it feels good to say it out loud.
He takes my hand and leads me to the couch. Dragging me onto his lap, he says, “Let’s go over all that one thing at a time, beginning with my work. Yes, I’ll be going on tour later this year. I don’t know where you’ll be with your work then but if coming on tour with me is something you want to do, I’m all over that shit. I’m a selfish bastard; if it were up to me, I’d have you with me every hour of every day, but that’s your call. And the other thing to consider is the band’s job offer. We still want you to come on tour and photograph it, so that’s always an option, and it kills two birds. And as for your work, have you got any thoughts on that you want to explore? We could go over the pros and cons.”
I stare at him and listen to everything he says. This man amazes me and causes butterflies in my tummy with his thoughtful gestures and caring words. I lean forward and kiss him. “Do me a favour?” I say when I end the kiss.
“I’d do anything for you, sweetheart,” he says, and I know it’s the truth.
“Don’t walk away from me if I fuck this up and let my insecurities cause me to be a bitch to you. I’m working on that, but in the meantime, please be patient with me,” I ask softly. I know I can be awful when I let my doubts take over; I just hope he will stick with me through the bad times.
“I have no intention of walking away.” He rubs his thumb over my lips and looks at me with what feels like adoration. “We’re in this together, fuck-ups and all. I’ll stick by you and you’ll stick by me when I screw up, ‘cause I’m sure as hell gonna fuck shit up all over the place. Yeah?”
I smile and nod. “Yeah,” I whisper.
He kisses me, deep and hard, and my body thrums with desire. I can’t get enough of him, and his promises of staying with me through thick and thin only intensifies my need. Knowing the person you want so much feels exactly the same, and will put up with anything you throw at them, is the best feeling in the world.
When he pulls his lips away from mine, he says, “You’ve got me, baby, and I’m not going anywhere.”
16
Presley
“So you and Jett are good?” Erin quizzes me over the phone the day after Jett and I get back from our weekend away.
“Yeah. We had our first fight last week but we’re okay now,” I answer her as I reach for a knife to chop vegetables with. Jett’s coming for dinner and I’m cooking him a roast because I’ve discovered how much he loves a home cooked roast.
“It’s always good to get your first fight out of the way, right?”
“Oh god, it was bad, though.” Regret still sits heavy for me over that fight. I still believe I had a right to be upset, but I feel bad about the way I treated him.
“Tell me more. You know how much I love hearing about that sort of shit.”
“So he’s got a jealous streak, and it came out while we were at dinner. I called him out on it and we went from there but then the next day he never called and I didn’t hear from him until after nine that night.”
“And you were pissed off about that, right? Hell, I would have been too. Don’t men know that it’s always on them to make the first move after they’ve screwed up?”
“Right!” Only a woman would understand this logic.
“But I bet he didn’t even realise he’d screwed up, did he?”
I sigh. “Jett’s an odd beast. Yeah, he was an ass, and yeah, he didn’t ful
ly understand what he’d done wrong, but damn, I’ve gotta give the man props for trying to fix it. And then I was a total bitch to him and I knew I was being a bitch but for the life of me I couldn’t stop the damn words from spewing out of my mouth.”
“Girl, that’s a woman’s prerogative and it’s her man’s job to wade through that shit and find the woman he loves underneath all the bullshit that gets in the way.”
“Jesus, you really believe that?”
“Yes, I do, but I also believe it’s the woman’s job to help her man be the man she needs, and to be patient while he gets his shit together.”
Damn, my bestie is one smart chick. “Babe, why the hell don’t you have a man? You’ve got this relationship stuff all worked out.” She keeps men at arm’s length and just has fun with them rather than committing, and I always wonder when she’ll stop playing the field.
She snorts. “Shit, I don’t have the patience for all that. I’ll leave that to a better woman than me. And speaking of things I have no patience for, where is Lennon in all this? Is he still begging you to take him back?”
I roll my eyes. “He came over again and I told him no, again. We ended up having a huge argument and I haven’t heard from him since. I really hope he’s got the message because I don’t know how many other ways to say no to a man.”
“Seems to be a recurring problem in your life,” she says with a hint of sarcasm. “Did you get Diesel to back off?”
“I bloody hope so. I’ve told Michael I don’t want the job so I hope Diesel leaves it at that.”
“And you really didn’t want that job? Or did you just say no for Jett’s sake?”
“I said no for my sake. Diesel seems like too much of a handful for me and I couldn’t see myself working for him for any length of time,” I answer her honestly. There’s a knock on my front door so I tell her, “Babe, I gotta go, ‘cause there’s someone at my door. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”