by Levine, Nina
My eyes bored into hers. “I haven’t had sex in three months, Birdie.” I hadn’t even looked at another woman after I ran into Birdie at the airport three months ago.
Her breathing slowed as she processed the meaning in those words. “Well,” she said slowly, “we don’t need a condom. I mean—”
“I’m not fucking you without one. We’re not screwing this up this time. When we get pregnant, it’ll be because we planned it.”
An emotion I couldn’t get a read on flashed across her face. Whatever it was, she let it go and said, “We won’t get pregnant, Winter.” She paused before adding, “I’ve got that covered.”
Something was off here. Birdie’s body language and tone had shifted. I fought myself over slowing things down to ask her what it was versus finishing what we’d started. My selfish need to fuck her and make her mine again almost won. But I cared too fucking much about her to do that; I had to make sure she was okay first.
When her hand wrapped around my dick again, I placed mine over it and stopped her. “What just happened?”
Her eyes darted away briefly. When they came back to me, she curled her hand around my neck and said, “What did just happen? The last I knew you wanted to fuck me, so why aren’t you letting me touch you?”
“Don’t do that, Angel. I know something is on your mind. Talk to me.”
She let go of my neck and took a step back. “The only thing on my mind is sex,” she said with a spark of attitude. “You’ve made sure of that.”
Fuck, she was shutting down on me again. And hiding something. But before I had the chance to respond, her watch buzzed with a phone call.
She held my gaze for another moment before eyeing her watch. Tapping it, she said, “Hey, Mum, what’s up?”
And with that, I knew we were done here for the night.
Jennifer’s voice filled the space between us, full of urgency and concern that caused me to pay close attention. “Birdie, are you with Winter at all?”
Birdie’s gaze shot to me again as I said, “I’m here, Jennifer.”
“Oh, thank God. Your brother has been looking for you. He’s left you a few messages on your phone.” My phone that was in Carey’s lounge room, switched to silent for the night.
“What’s up, Mum?” Birdie’s voice now held the same concern her mother’s did.
Jennifer turned silent for a beat. “It’s your father, Winter.” Another pause. “He’s had a heart attack… and…. You really need to call Max.”
I clenched my jaw, knowing deep in my gut the words she wasn’t saying. It was right there in the anguish I heard. “Tell me.” It came out a bark when I didn’t intend that. But fuck, I needed to know.
“I’m sorry, Winter, but he passed away.”
9
Winter
* * *
My father was a hard man. Strict in the way he raised my brother and me. Uncompromising in his standards. Obstinate about his methods of achieving his parenting goals. But I’d never met a more loyal, honest and reliable person in my life. He’d shown me by example how to be the kind of man worthy of a woman’s love. And how to be a man led by my convictions.
Dad had loved my mother with every fibre of his being. He’d done his best to never raise his voice to her and had always treated her with love and the kind of respect that helped keep them together until she’d died eight years ago. My goal in life was to love as well as my father had loved.
The last time I’d seen him had been three months ago when I’d returned from a trip to the States. He lived in Brisbane so I’d stopped off on my way home. I’d stayed a week. He was a man of few words, which meant he hadn’t voiced his request for me to stay longer, but I’d sensed that wish from him. I didn’t extend my stay, though, because the club had a lot on and King had asked for my assistance with some of it. Now, I fucking wished I’d stayed. Now, there wouldn’t be any more chances to say all the things that I never got around to saying.
“Winter,” Birdie said, cutting into my thoughts.
I reached for my jeans, yanking them on. Then my shirt. All the while ignoring Birdie. The only thing I could focus on was getting to Dad.
Her hand curled around my wrist. “Winter, slow down and—”
“I need to call Max.”
I need to get to Dad.
She didn’t let go of me. “I know, but—”
I pulled out of her hold and looked at her. “I don’t have time to stand here discussing this, Birdie.” I didn’t miss her blink as the ice in my tone hit her. I didn’t mean to be so cold, but my father just fucking died; I had nothing else to give her.
Exiting the bedroom, I left her to make the call. My brain processed my next steps, leaving behind everything that had happened tonight. Not that I wanted to move on from that so fast, but I had to focus on plans to get to Brisbane. It was bad timing for the club, but King always put family first, so there wouldn’t be any issues with me taking some time out.
“Winter,” Max said when he answered my call. “You heard?”
Fuck, he really is dead.
No more Friday night phone calls from him telling me to hurry up and find a woman to settle down with.
“Yeah. I’m gonna leave tonight and come up.” Max lived in Brisbane with his wife and their sons. “Can I crash at your place?”
No more sitting in his tinny, throwing a line in, listening to him bang on about the love of a good woman being all a man needs in his life.
“Don’t leave tonight. Wait until the morning.”
I ignored what he said. “Max, can I stay with you or not?”
No more footy in front of the TV with him giving me hell over not supporting the Broncos anymore.
“Of course you can stay here, but I really don’t think you should be on the road—”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He knew me better than to argue over shit like this. “How are the kids taking it?”
He sighed, his usual level of frustration with my choices in life evident. Besides frustration, I heard the weariness and grief in his voice. But Max wasn’t one for emotions so this would take him years to process fully. I wasn’t convinced he’d processed Mum’s death yet. “Not good.”
I figured that was all I’d get out of him, so I left it. I’d see for myself soon enough. “I’ll call you when I’m close.”
“Stay safe.” He wasn’t a fan of bikes and he wasn’t a fan of not being fully prepared and planned for anything in life, so those two words covered a lot.
I ended the call and shoved my phone in my pocket as I turned to locate my keys.
Dad’s dead.
There’s no more of anything with him.
Ever.
It hit me fair in the gut, and I doubled over as the pain forced itself through me.
Fuck, he’s only 59. And healthy. He shouldn’t be dead.
My chest crushed in on my heart and I gulped for air.
I blindly reached for something to grip on to, to hold myself up because, fuck, the room was spinning and I was about to hit the floor.
Just as I felt myself going down, Birdie moved in close and wrapped her arms around me. She steadied me and kept me vertical.
We stood together for the longest time. Arms around each other. Her cheek to my chest while she squeezed me like she was trying to save me.
By the time I moved out of her embrace, I’d managed to get my shit together. I pushed everything I was feeling down deep. The only thing I allowed in were thoughts about getting to Brisbane. The best course of action right now was to be methodical about everything that had to be done. I’d crack open everything else later.
“You’re leaving for Brisbane now?” Birdie asked, looking up at me.
“Yeah.”
“I’m going with you.”
I swiped my keys up off the coffee table. “No.”
“No?” She stared at me in the way she did whenever I said something she couldn’t believe. There was always the beginning of a challenge in t
here, too, and I could hear it tonight. Hell, Birdie was stubborn as fuck when she wanted to be.
“Yeah, no. Not happening. I’m doing this alone.” She had shit to do here in Sydney; she didn’t need to be along for the journey of burying my father.
“Yeah, no. Not happening. We’re doing this together,” she threw back, laying the challenge right at my feet like the Birdie I loved. Then, softening her tone a little, she added, “I loved your dad, Winter. And I don’t want you alone right now.”
Fuck, that screwed up my thoughts. She might have been shutting down on me before, but this was far from shutting down. This was Birdie opening wide for me. “I’m taking the bike. You’ll have to pack light.”
“I know the drill.”
She was right; she did. Birdie had come on every road trip I’d ever done while we were together. She’d often told me the back of my bike was her second favourite place in the world. Her first had been in my arms.
“I don’t know when I’m coming back.”
“I can fly home if I need to.”
“Fuck. You’ll be too much of a distraction, Angel. Max and I have shit to discuss.” Shit we’d been putting off for far too long. Shit I needed to be completely focused for.
“I promise I won’t.”
“Yeah, you will.” And yet, I couldn’t say no to her. I lifted my chin towards the front door. “Leave your car here. You’ve had too much to drink.” Thank fuck I’d only had two beers.
Without argument, she did as I said.
I shot Carey a text to let him know what was happening and then I waited as Birdie settled her ass on the back of my bike. When her arms came around me and she pressed her body to mine, and murmured, “I’m not going to let you shut down your grief like you did when your mum died,” I knew this might not have been the best idea of hers I’d ever agreed to.
10
Birdie
* * *
Sitting on the back of Winter’s bike gave me a lot of time to think about everything that had happened between us. That was happening between us. Before he received the call about his dad, I’d been ready to forget all my reasons why I shouldn’t sleep with him. I had forgotten them in the time between Winter first kissing me and then getting me naked. The minute he’d mentioned a condom and falling pregnant, it had all slammed back into me. But my attraction to him was too great, and I’d been unable to pull away. All I’d wanted was one more night with him. One night to forget my past mistakes. To pretend he was mine again. To let him love me the way I desperately wanted him to.
And now, after turning everything over in my mind for the past six or so hours, I was fixated on what he’d said about cheating being his only hard limit. “I don’t give a fuck what else happened that you think would stop us from being together.” That’s what he’d said, and maybe, just maybe, I could tell him what I’d done and he’d accept it. “And, baby, when two people love each other the way we did, there’s not fucking much worth holding onto.” I’d truly believed him when he’d said that, and hope was building deep inside that maybe he’d be able to move past my deception.
But first, we had to get through his father’s funeral and everything else that needed to be taken care of. I didn’t know how Winter’s relationship with his brother was these days, but it had been strained five years ago and for many years before that. Max’s wife, Melissa, was the cause of that tension, so I doubted much had changed. If that was the case, Winter was in for hard times, and I was determined to help him through them. We might not have been together for the last five years, but my love for him had never lessened. This man’s happiness was important to me, and I’d stand by his side for as long as he needed, just like he’d stood by me when my father had died.
“What are you thinking, Angel?”
I jumped at his voice. I’d been deep in thought standing in front of the drink fridge at the servo we’d stopped at in Coffs Harbour. Winter had left me to go to the men’s room and I hadn’t heard him coming up behind me.
I realised just how close he was when I spun around to face him. “You could give a girl some notice,” I said, a little breathless at his close proximity. God, even after all these years, Winter still sent my heart racing and scattered my thoughts. No man had ever come close to making me feel the way he did.
He smiled, but it wasn’t his usual sexy smile. This one was filled with exhaustion and the grief he wasn’t showing but was definitely feeling. Winter never shared much when he was hurting. He was good at showing his happiness, but when presented with situations that brought pain, he didn’t want to talk much about it. He usually just wanted to get on with life and tended to focus on the practicalities instead of the feelings. He was a lot like his brother and his father in that respect. Not that Winter would ever agree he was like his brother.
“Well?” he prodded. “Are you regretting your decision to come?”
“No, I wasn’t thinking about that. And I don’t regret it. I was just thinking about Max and Melissa, wondering if she’s still causing issues between you and him.”
Exhaling a long breath that spoke volumes about his weariness over the situation, he nodded. “Yeah, she is.”
“So you guys still own your mum’s house?”
When she’d passed away, his mum had left him and Max her family home that she’d grown up in. Her father had built it himself and Winter had spent a lot of his childhood there. Melissa wanted to sell it, but Winter refused, and that had caused huge issues for him and his brother when Max had tried to push him to agree to the sale.
“Yes, not for lack of Melissa trying to force my hand. But it’s not like they desperately need the cash. I’d sell if that were the case.”
I loved Winter’s strong family values and how he felt so strongly about holding onto a piece of their family history.
“I hate that she’s being like that. I’d hoped she would come to her senses over it all.” Melissa had always been difficult, especially with Winter, and I’d struggled to connect with her when she’d married Max. But I’d worked hard to build a friendship because Winter had needed me to. He’d needed me to be the bridge between them at times, to help them navigate their rocky relationship so that their problems didn’t put a permanent wedge between him and his brother.
He turned silent for a beat, emotion filling his eyes. The kind of emotion that caused warmth to pool in my belly. Winter didn’t often do soft, but the way he was looking at me was every kind of soft a girl could ever want. “She hasn’t changed, Birdie. The only thing that’s changed is the fact I don’t have you to run interference anymore, and fuck if I haven’t missed that.”
I forgot my left from my right.
The warmth in my belly spread.
Every skin cell tingled.
Shit, this isn’t the time to feel all these feelings. Not when his dad just died and he needs to focus on that.
Doing my best to push my feelings to the side, I spun around to face the drink fridge and grabbed a bottle of water out before looking back at him. “We should get back on the road.”
The words blurted from me in a bewildered mess. Winter didn’t miss any of it. As I tried to push past him to walk to the counter and purchase my drink, his hand curled around my arm. “Don’t shut down on me again, Birdie.”
Not wanting to make eye contact with him, I glanced at his hand where it burned heat into my skin. The timing for this was all off. After trying to push Winter away, I was ready to open myself up to him, but I didn’t want to go down that path and distract him from dealing with his father’s death.
Taking a deep breath, I met his gaze again. “I’m not shutting down on you. I just don’t think now is the time to get into this.” Not even when every fibre of my being is drawn to you and screaming at me to throw myself at you.
Winter’s eyes didn’t give me a second of reprieve. They refused to let go of mine as he angled his face down. “I need you like I’ve never needed you.” Grief clung to every syllable he uttered. His
words bled with anguish. “In every way, Angel.”
Time stood still as the harsh white lights in the service station faded into oblivion. The stark silence surrounding us also ceased to exist as Winter’s pain became my pain. This man carried his suffering deep inside. He never asked for help and he sure as hell never laid himself open like he just had.
God, how I didn’t want this for him.
All I wanted was to take his hurt and heal his heart, but I knew that wasn’t something I could do. What I could do was give him what he asked for. Where that would take us, I didn’t know, but saying no to him again wasn’t something I was capable of. Not now. Not when he stood in front of me, a broken man.
Placing my hand over his, I said, “I’m here for you, Winter. However you need me.”
11
Winter
* * *
Family was everything even when it was the hardest thing in the world. As I pulled my brother in for a hug when we arrived at his place after the nearly twelve-hour ride to Brisbane, I knew a storm was coming. The way Melissa greeted me coolly gave me that heads-up. And having an idea of what was in Dad’s will meant I knew the storm was going to get wild. As far as I was concerned, though, family was worth fighting for, and I’d go down swinging if I had to.
“Good trip?” Max asked when I let him go. He wasn’t big on displays of affection and looked uncomfortable after I hugged him. That trait wasn’t one I’d inherited or learned from our father like he had, and since I liked to push my brother, I pulled him in for a hug as often as I could when we were together.
“Yeah, good trip. There were no assholes on the road,” I said.
His attention shifted to Birdie who moved next to me after saying hi to Melissa. “Hey, Birdie. Long time no see.” Glancing between us, a look of confusion on his face, he added, “Winter didn’t tell me you guys were back together.”