by Levine, Nina
The look he gave me sucked the breath from my lungs.
This was the reason I’d fallen for this man all those years ago.
It was a fuck-yes-but-I’m-aware-of-what-this-is-costing-you look. It was awareness and understanding and appreciation. It was respect and gratitude and love. Maybe it was because I knew him so well, but Winter could express so much in one look. And his ability to grasp the depth of what things meant to me was beyond my understanding. I mean, the man was all kinds of bossy and arrogant most days, yet he could be sensitive and sacrificing too. He was a bloody contradiction and always kept me guessing.
Before this moment became something we didn’t need it to become, I grabbed my floral Peter Alexander pyjama shorts and a clean top from my bag. No way would I sleep well in my jeans. Exiting the bedroom to use the bathroom and to change, I was hyperaware that I did so with Winter’s eyes burning heat into my skin. And although he wasn’t with me while in the bathroom, I felt him everywhere.
By the time I got myself under control and returned to the bedroom, Winter was lying on the bed, fully clothed, hands resting under his head. He tracked my movements, eliciting a whole new flurry of feelings deep inside me.
I could get used to his eyes on me.
No one made me feel better in the world than this man.
When I reached the edge of the bed, I hesitated. This was probably the moment where I should make a better choice, because there was no doubt in my mind of what would happen the second I laid down next to him. It wouldn’t matter that we didn’t have sex; that wasn’t what this was about. This was about the emotional connection we shared. Sleeping next to him, with his arms around me—which I knew was exactly where this was going—would cause a shift in our relationship. It would move us closer to where he wanted us, and while I had all these thoughts swimming around my head about that maybe being a possibility, I wasn’t sure I was ready for that shift to occur.
“Stop overthinking this, Angel,” he said, his deep voice a rumble of sexiness that I wished didn’t affect me so damn much. “We’re just sleeping here. And if you need me to leave, I will.”
“It’s not just sleeping, and you know that,” I muttered, finally lying next to him. As close to the edge of the bed that I could.
Before I saw it coming, he leaned over, reached his hand across my body and slid me closer to him. “If anyone needs to sleep on the edge of the bed, it’ll be me.”
I stared at him. “Why can’t you just be an asshole? For once.” It would be a whole lot easier to push him away if he were.
His lips pulled up in a chuckle. “Pretty sure you’ve called me an asshole on numerous occasions.”
“Yeah, well maybe you could recreate some of that magic for me.” The truth was that while he could annoy the living hell out of me, Winter was as far from an asshole as you could get.
We turned silent for a few minutes, both staring up at the ceiling. I was exhausted, but lying next to him had me all kinds of awake. I wasn’t convinced I could sleep.
Needing to take my mind off the way my body was reacting to him, I asked, “What’s in your dad’s will?”
I glanced across at him in time to see his chest rise as he took a long breath. Blowing it out, he said, “Dad had more money than he let on. His brother left him everything when he died and Dad invested it wisely. I knew about it, but Max didn’t.”
“Wow.” His brother had died years ago, just after Max married Melissa. He’d been a wealthy man. “That’s a long time to keep something from Max.” I realised why Winter was wound tightly over this; Max wasn’t going to take this well at all. But I knew why his father had made this choice; he hadn’t trusted Melissa from the day he met her. Over the years, she’d proven those instincts right when she’d tried to get her hands on family money whenever she could.
“That’s only the half of it.”
I rolled onto my side, facing him. As my gaze traced the lines and angles of his face, I said, “What else is there?”
I watched as he swallowed, restraining myself from reaching out and touching him. God how his masculinity called to me. His good looks. His strength. His grit. His constancy. Winter was a man of his word. And he was very intentional about the way he did things. He showed up for the people in his life and didn’t let them down. He was a man who could be counted on, and that was one of the most attractive things about him to me.
“Unless he made changes since the last time we spoke about it, he’s put a stipulation in the will that we can’t sell his house. He wants it to stay in the family and used to build wealth. He liked that I refused to sell Mum’s family home and wanted the same for his house. And he’s giving fifty grand to charity. Cancer research.” He turned to me. “Between all of that, Melissa will be completely pissed off. I see only pain ahead for Max and if I could do anything to stop that, I would. But I can’t.”
I saw pain ahead for Winter, too. And I felt the same way—I would do anything to ease it for him.
Reaching out, I placed my hand on his chest. “You are a good man, Winter. I don’t know any as good as you.”
His eyes searched mine for a long few moments. They flickered with a myriad of emotions. And so many unknown thoughts. The one thought he had that wasn’t secret was that he wanted me. That blazed brightly from him, even when we were discussing something completely unrelated. This would be the undoing of me, because try as I might, I couldn’t deny how that knowledge made me feel.
I liked feeling wanted by Winter.
I liked that his desire for me was an open book.
It was these thoughts I was contemplating when he said, “You need to roll over and stop talking, Angel, otherwise I’m going to be that asshole you want.”
My entire body lit up. Lust coursed through me and I waged war between my mind and body over what each wanted. Winter thought that fucking me now was the asshole move. I didn’t share that sentiment, but I didn’t want him to do something he’d regret later. So I rolled over and stopped talking.
Silence sat between us for the longest time. It was probably only fifteen minutes, but it felt like forever. I closed my eyes and did my best to ignore his presence and drift off.
I wasn’t anywhere close to sleep when he spooned me, his arm wrapping tightly around my body. His lips brushed my ear when he said, “I suggest you don’t wear these shorts again, baby. They’re distracting as fuck.”
I should have told him to move back to his side of the bed.
I should have insisted he not touch me.
I should have done a lot of things.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I gripped his hand and kept it exactly where he’d placed it. And I finally fell asleep, feeling all kinds of safe and happy in his arms.
13
Winter
* * *
Sleeping next to Birdie was what I needed. Waking up with her four hours later helped soften the blow when my new reality of life without my father hit me.
She was already awake when I stirred with an erection I had no hope in hell of doing anything with. Not that she wouldn’t go there with me if I wanted it. She’d made that clear earlier. But sleeping with her under these circumstances wasn’t what I wanted for us. When she finally gave herself to me again, I wanted it to be because she needed me as much as she needed air. Because being with me was the only choice she could make.
“Have you been awake long?” I asked as I tightened my hold on her. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet.
She didn’t resist me, allowing my arms to stay around her. “Only for about ten minutes or so.”
I pressed a kiss to her neck, not able to stop myself. I might have been holding out to fuck her, but that didn’t mean I’d keep my hands or mouth off her. Not now she’d shown me where she stood on our relationship. “Thank you for this.”
She wiggled in my hold, twisting her body to face me. She clearly didn’t have a handle on just how fucking much I wanted her, because situating herself like this m
ade it hard for me to restrain myself. “For sleeping here with you?”
“Fuck,” I swore under my breath, letting her go. Rolling onto my back, I exhaled my frustrations. I’d wanted Birdie every day of my life since I’d known her, and being so damn close to having what I wanted but not taking it made it hard to breathe. “No, Angel, for being here. For being you and giving me what I need right now.”
She sat up, crossed her legs and looked down at me. The way she bit her lip and absently pulled stray hairs from her clothes told me she had something to say that she was unsure of. They were classic nervous-Birdie habits. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Winter. Not as in here with you, but as in emotionally here. And I’m worried that I’m causing a whole lot of confusion for you while all you should be thinking about is your dad and your family. I don’t actually think I’m giving you what you need.”
“You’re giving me exactly what I need. Don’t doubt that. As for you figuring out what you’re doing here, I’m a patient man. You know this. And you know I’ll wait as long as you need.”
She stopped fidgeting with her hair and stilled as she asked, “What if that takes forever?”
“It won’t.”
“It might. And what if I don’t make the choice you want?”
“You won’t.”
She shook her head, piqued by what I’d said. “Don’t do that. Don’t always assume to know what I’m feeling. I’m trying to be honest with you here because I don’t want to give you the wrong idea about where this might go.”
I sat up and met her gaze, certainty radiating from every pore of my body. “And I’m being honest about what I’m seeing in you. Everything you’ve said and done has shown me I’m right in my assumptions about you wanting this as much as I do. And if that makes me an arrogant bastard, I’ll own that.” I paused for a beat. When she didn’t respond, I moved off the bed and added, “You let me worry about me, Birdie. I’m not getting the wrong idea about anything here.”
“Where are you going?” she asked as I headed for the door.
“I’m going to find Max. We need to get over to Dad’s place and find this will.”
I exited the room without another word and went in search of my brother. He was with Melissa at the dining table, in the middle of what looked to be a heated discussion.
Melissa saw me first and shot me a filthy glare. She didn’t waste time on small talk before getting into shit with me. “I can’t believe you, Matt. Hiding stuff from your brother.”
“Yeah, I bet, Melissa. Especially when it’s stuff you would have wanted a hand in,” I said, pushing her so we’d have the conversation Max and I had been avoiding for too long.
Her filthy glare turned filthier and her body tensed. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Max stood and attempted to stop us from careening down this nasty path. “Let’s all just calm down and—”
Melissa turned on her husband with as much anger as she’d shown me. “Let’s not, Max. Your brother has had it in for me since the day he met me, and I am over him and his shit. If he’s got something to say, let him say it, because I’ve got just as much to get off my chest.”
Regret raged in Max’s eyes. Fury raged in his wife’s. This was not going to end well for any of us.
“I haven’t had it in for you,” I said. “But it is true that I don’t appreciate the way you handle my brother.”
“For fuck’s sake, Matt,” Max said. “She doesn’t handle me.”
“No? Well what would you call it then, because I sure as hell wouldn’t call your marriage equal ground? Not when it comes to our family stuff.”
Melissa cut him off as he opened his mouth to speak. “You have never been married, so don’t you come in here and tell us how to run our marriage. You don’t have the first clue about how to make a long-term relationship work.” Every word she uttered was laced with venom. Melissa was going into battle to protect the control she had over her husband. My fear was that he would refuse to open his eyes to what was going on in his life. Still. After all these years and all these attempts I’d made to help him see. But I couldn’t stop trying. I loved him too much for that.
“You misunderstand, Melissa.” My voice turned hard as I thought about the shit I’d seen going on between them for thirteen years. “I’m not here to tell you how to manage your relationship. I’m here to talk to Max about the way you’ve tried to cause problems between him and me for years. And about how your money-grabbing ways were the reason Dad didn’t tell him about the will.”
“Don’t blame your troubles with your brother on me,” she spat. “That blame lies solely at your feet. You always thought you could blow in here whenever the mood suited and take charge of your family. Then, after you left, we were the ones who had to pick up the pieces of whatever fallout you caused between everyone. You never had to deal with the consequences of your actions.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I demanded. None of what she said made any sense.
She slammed her hand down onto her hip as she let loose on me. “I’m talking about the time you came home and convinced your father to renovate at a huge cost he could barely afford, and the time you caused that fight between us and all your cousins that took us months to fix, and the times you made us change holiday destinations because it didn’t suit you to go where we’d all decided. Oh, and not to mention the hardship you’ve caused our family because you refuse to sell your mother’s home. And there’s a lot more instances I could give you if you want them. You screw shit up all the time for us.”
I glanced between her and Max. “Let’s go through all that, starting with the renovations Dad did. I didn’t talk him into anything he didn’t want; I simply talked him out of what you told him you thought would be best. And the reason why you thought that? Because it would eat into Max’s inheritance. Next, the fight with the cousins. Again, to do with money and the despicable way you tried to go into my uncle’s home and scavenge every damn thing you could after he died. The holiday destinations I’ll accept some blame for. But if you stop and consider your actions in that, Melissa, you know it wasn’t all on me.” I paused briefly before tackling the biggest issue between us. “And yeah, let’s get into the hardships I’ve caused you guys over Mum’s house.” I looked at Max. “It’s time for you to speak up brother. Tell me how hard I’ve made shit for you guys, because from where I’m standing, I’m not seeing you two struggling financially. What, with the brand-new car parked outside, and the brand-new television I saw on my way in, and the brand-new couch you sit on to watch that television.”
Fuck, I was being a prick to him, but Melissa always had brought out the worst in me.
Footsteps sounded behind me, and Melissa’s glare shifted to Birdie who came to stand by my side. I met her gaze as she placed her hand on my lower back. It was another show of support. One I was grateful for because I’d struggled over the years trying to decide if I was too hard on Melissa in my judgement of her, and Birdie had always been there letting me know I wasn’t.
“This is a family conversation,” Melissa said as she ran her eyes over Birdie. Her tone was condescending, as was the way she looked Birdie up and down.
“She’s not leaving.” I put my foot down. I wasn’t standing for Melissa getting her way all the time from here on out.
Birdie looked at me with uncertainty. “I can leave if that would be better,” she said softly.
I shook my head. “No. Stay. I want you here.”
Melissa crossed her arms. “Well I don’t. And I’m not continuing this conversation until she leaves.”
My eyes bored into hers and I did my best to convey every ounce of distaste I had for her as I said, “At this point, Melissa, I’d be more than happy for you to leave. The conversation I want to have more than anything is with my brother, not you.”
There was no going back from this now, so I was intent on laying all my cards on the table.
Melissa’s eyes widened wi
th surprise and all the bad blood that sat between us. “You are—”
Max finally stepped the fuck up and joined the conversation. Gripping his wife’s arm, he pulled her back as if to tell her to stop talking, and thundered, “That’s enough. I’m not going to stand here and listen to you two tear each other apart.” Eyeing me, he said, “Our father just fucking died, Matt. Why do you think this is a good time to start fighting over all the things you don’t like about our family?”
Regret slammed into me. This was not how I’d wanted this to go down. But at the same time, it had gone down, so the only thing to do was deal with it. “I don’t think it’s a good time, but unfortunately, Dad’s will has left us no choice than to talk about this stuff. Not unless you guys are willing to respect the choices he made to write it and to fill it with what he did. That would be the adult thing to do here.”
Melissa’s filthy glare intensified at that. I ignored it and concentrated on Max. He was the one I was trying to reach. And I suspected, as I always had, that any issues he had to do with how Dad or I chose to handle financial matters concerning our family, were only issues because he knew his wife would have a problem with them.
My point hit home with him. I saw that in his eyes and the way he backed down when he said, “Let’s go to Dad’s and see this will before continuing this discussion.”
He was hoping for something that would never come to pass, but I gave him the time he asked for. Nodding, I agreed, “Okay.”
Melissa eyed Birdie again and spat, “There’s no need for you to come. It’s not like you’re even in the will.”
I was past caring about watching what I said to Melissa, but this spiteful remark tipped me over the edge. No fucking way would I allow her to talk to the woman I loved like that.
Stepping forward, I crowded her space. “You will never speak to Birdie like that again.” Anger surged from deep within me, unlike any anger I’d ever felt towards her. I could tolerate the shit she threw at me; I would never tolerate her treating Birdie badly. Searching her eyes for understanding, I bit out, “Am I understood?”