by Levine, Nina
We pulled up at Brooke’s house about fifteen minutes later. J was still shitty, and stalked into the house ahead of me. I watched as he entered the building and greeted Brooke. She looked past him at me, her face a blank mask. I was surprised when she gave me a tight smile and gestured for me to come in.
“Madison, how are you?” she asked as I came through the front door.
Well, shit, I could make small talk too. “I’m okay. And you?”
Before she could answer, Crystal came running into the room. “Madison!” She threw herself into my arms and I was overcome with emotion. I bent down and wrapped her in my arms, smoothing her hair and pressing my lips to her forehead. My heart broke a little more for her and I fought back the tears. I struggled with the knowledge that this beautiful child was now alone in the world, and I was annoyed at myself for not coming to see her sooner.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I said, holding her a moment longer, and then I pulled away to take in her eyes. They betrayed her confusion, her loss and her heartbreak. If I was upset before, I was murderous now. How dare Nix take away her family? I kissed her again and then stood, keeping my arm around her.
J was watching me intently; his pissed off mood somewhat abated. He knelt in front of Crystal. “How would you like us to stay for dinner tonight, angel?” he asked as he ran his hand over her hair in a soothing gesture. “We could order in your favourite.”
He was gentle with her and my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me there was a softer side to J – in there somewhere, under all that rough biker bullshit.
Crystal nodded at him. “My favourite is pizza,” she said, her voice timid.
J smiled at her and said, “Okay, I’ll order that. You go and sit with Madison while Brooke and I organise dinner.” His tenderness was killing me. He was so hot and cold; one minute so angry with me that he was saying shit I didn’t know he had in him, and then this, this sweet talk to a child.
He stood and motioned for Brooke to follow him into the kitchen, leaving Crystal and I alone to talk. I hadn’t seen her in over three years, but before that we had been almost as close as a mother and daughter. Bec had been raising her kids on her own and I was her support, helping her out with money, babysitting and anything else she needed. Coming back into Crystal’s life now, after three years, I had been worried she might not remember me but I was relieved that she did.
I took her hand and led her to the couch. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you. Not only now but also for the last few years. Things happened, and your Mum and I—”
She cut me off. “Mum told me that she never wanted to see you again. I know it wasn’t you who didn’t want to see me.” Her voice broke up as she got her last few words out and her shoulders drooped. Tears began pooling in her sad, green eyes and my chest ached at her grief.
I nodded. “I need you to know that I am here for you now, baby. I won’t leave you alone. Do you understand that?”
She started crying and I used every ounce of control to stay strong for her. The last thing she needed was me crying with her; instead, she needed to know I was strong enough for the both of us, that I would get her through this. I pulled her to me and hugged her, letting her cry. Crystal had always been a tough little girl, fiercely independent and I hadn’t seen her cry much over the years. She tended to bottle her feelings up and tried not to let us see what she was going through. I was sure it was her way of coping with all the crazy shit she had witnessed in her life. Bec had been as good a mother as she could be, but the men she had been involved with had often brought the crazy to her life and, as a result, the kids felt it too. Having grown up in the club lifestyle myself, I could always see why Crystal shut herself off like that because I had done the same as a child.
We sat there quietly and I held her close while she sobbed. I wondered if this was the first time she had let herself feel her grief. A week earlier, she had her family. Now she had no one. No one but me and a club of bikers who would, I guessed, do anything to protect her. In that moment, I knew I would make damn sure they protected her. Even if it meant moving back here; the place I had sworn never to return to.
Dinner was strained but Brooke, J and I did our best to keep it friendly for Crystal’s sake. After dinner, we moved back to the living room and watched some television. Crystal was subdued and fairly exhausted so Brooke suggested she have a shower and go to bed early. She agreed and headed off to the bathroom while Brooke went to clean up the kitchen. This left J and I alone, and we sat in silence watching the television. I had no idea what we were watching because my mind was racing with so many questions; not only about Crystal but also about him and me. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his angry outburst earlier.
I looked over at him and found him watching me. He didn’t break eye contact, just continued to watch me. My stomach tensed as unease washed over me; I didn’t know what he was thinking anymore. When we were together, I used to be able to read him most of the time, but over two years later, I had no idea of the thoughts running through his mind. Hell, maybe I never knew him as well as I thought I did. He had, after all, told me to leave right when I thought we had a chance to be together again.
I finally broke the silence. “Have you guys found Nix yet?” I went with an easy question.
“No, but Scott’s got a lead so he’s chasing that up tonight,” he answered, eyes still firmly on mine.
“What’s the plan for Crystal? Do you think she’s safe here?”
He dragged his hand through his hair and sighed. “We’ve got two guys watching the house. We’re doing what we can to keep her safe.”
“How long will she stay here with Brooke?”
“She’ll be living with Brooke now. It was what Bec wanted,” he said quietly, as he watched for my reaction. He would have known what was to come.
I shot out of the chair. “What the fuck, J? Why would she do that?”
He reacted sharply, standing and grabbing my arm. “Keep your voice down, Madison,” he snapped. “Bec and Brooke were close after you left. It’s definitely what she wanted.”
I yanked my arm out of his grip. “Well, I’m going to be around to help so Brooke will just have to deal with that.”
His eyes widened. “You’re staying? For good?”
I nodded. “Yes.” I’d been grappling with the decision, but as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was the right one. A sense of peace settled within me.
Tension thickened in the air as J silently watched me.
He doesn’t want me to stay.
That hurt.
Deep.
And it shouldn’t have.
God, why am I even allowing what he thinks to upset me? I’ve moved on. I don’t care what he thinks anymore.
I pushed my shoulders back and took a deep breath. “Yes, J, like it or not, I’m staying so you’d better get used to it.” Without waiting for his response, I walked outside, in desperate need of a moment to myself to clear my head.
Ten minutes later, I was considerably calmer after giving myself a pep talk. J was smart enough to give me that space. I’d taken a step towards the house to head back inside when he came out.
“You’ve missed a call,” he said, handing me my phone before going back inside.
I checked to see who had called and smiled when I saw it was Serena. Shit, I was supposed to call her when we arrived. I called her back and waited for her to answer.
“Bitch, I was worried!” she chastised me.
“Honey, calm down. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I got side-tracked by Scott and Dad, who are being their usual bossy selves. And, don’t get me started on J.”
“Oh, please do get started on J,” she quipped.
I laughed and just like that, she broke through my anger and hurt and reminded me how much I needed her in my life. “He’s making me crazy!”
“Mmmm, what’s he doing? Besides getting your girl bits in a tizz?”
“He said that if I hadn�
�t dated Nix, none of this would be happening.” I answered her, the words tearing at my heart.
“Wow. Holy shit. He might be a hot guy but what an asshole. I hope you told him where to go.”
“He caught me off guard. I never expected him to say something like that to me. He’s confusing the hell out of me. I just don’t know what to make of it.”
“Just keep him at a distance, okay. Do what you went there to do, and then you can come home and forget all about him again.”
I paused for a moment and then sighed. “I wish I could, honey, but I’ve made a decision. I’m going to move back here to be close to Crystal and look out for her.”
“I thought you might decide to do that. You’re a good woman, Madison Cole, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not J,” she said, and I loved her a little more for her unconditional support.
“I’m going to miss you. Maybe you should move here too,” I said, meaning every word.
“Never say never, huh. Gonna visit you real soon, though,” she replied, “And I’ll kick J’s ass if he’s being a fucker to you.”
I had no doubt about that. “Okay, I’d better go. Can you tell Blake I’ll call him tomorrow? I love you, honey.”
“Will do. Love you, too, girl,” she said and hung up.
I went back inside, hoping to say goodbye to Crystal and convince J to take me back to the clubhouse. I didn’t want to hang around Brooke’s for much longer.
Brooke and Crystal were back in the living room with J, and they were all laughing at something on the television. J looked over at me and then tapped Crystal on the shoulder. “Say goodnight to Madison, angel. We have to go in a minute,” he said, and I was relieved he had the same plans as I did.
Crystal gave me a long hug and I whispered in her ear, “I love you, baby girl, and I’ll be back to see you soon.”
She kissed me and then left with Brooke to go to bed. Brooke nodded at me as they left the room. I wasn’t sure what that meant but she didn’t seem to be as hostile towards me as I thought she would be.
“You ready to go?” J asked, without as much as a glance in my direction. He was already heading towards the front door, my answer clearly not even important.
I didn’t bother answering him, simply followed him out to his bike. Without uttering a word to each other, we rode back to the clubhouse and my resolve to stay away from him strengthened.
10
Jason
I collapsed onto the bed, thankful as fuck the day was over. I didn’t have it in me to bother heading home so I crashed in my room at the clubhouse. The ride home from Coffs Harbour had been long, probably because I couldn’t concentrate with my dick doing the fucking happy dance that Madison’s tits and pussy were pressed tight to me. It had been just over four hours of torturous bliss; her on the back of my bike again was something I had never thought would happen, but I was sure as fuck glad it did.
And then she had gone and pissed me off, and I’d said stuff I wished I could take back because I didn’t really mean it. Fuck, I had really hurt her. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. Maybe it was my way of pushing her away. There was that old familiar pull to her and I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to even consider getting close again. But, fuck, I just had to be in the same room as her, and I wanted to touch her and bury my dick as far in her as I could.
Watching her get into an argument with Scott and then listening to her tell me off had been both infuriating and a relief. It was good to see the old Madison back. She had slowly disappeared on me after the incident with Rob all those years ago, and the drinking only made it worse. It had fucking killed me to see her lose her spark. Madison was the kind of woman who didn’t let any man walk all over her, and after we broke up, I’d been horrified watching her allow Nix to control her.
The night I found her beaten up was one of the worst nights of my life. If I hadn’t let her go, hadn’t given up on us, she wouldn’t have ended up with Nix and he wouldn’t have laid a finger on her. I had sworn death after that and had meant it. Scott and her father had been with me on this, but then club politics got in the way. If we’d followed through on our threat, it would have ended in all-out war between Storm and the Black Deeds, and our club wasn’t ready for that back then. We’d spent the last two years getting our shit in order, getting ready to strike and take the fucker down. Getting Madison out of the picture had been an important part of this plan, even though I hadn’t agreed with it at first. I’d wanted her back with me, where she belonged, but Scott had ordered me to make sure she left town. I’d done this all right; I’d killed any love she might have had left for me the day I told her to get the fuck out; the day I told her I didn’t love her anymore.
Seeing the difference in her, knew we’d done the right thing. When she left, she’d been drowning in alcohol. I hated watching her do that to herself; I felt useless, unable to make her see what she was doing. My mother had done the same thing and it was like watching re-runs of shitty television; seeing the same old crap over and over, hating it more each time. Madison finally had her life together so it made the last couple of years’ worth it, even if she didn’t want anything to do with me.
I was almost asleep when Scott bashed on my door. “J, need you, man.”
“Fuck! Really?” I yelled back. It was just after midnight and I was wiped.
“Yeah, need you to check on Madison,” he replied.
Shit, just the sound of her name stirred me. I sat up and reached for my boots. “Hang on, be there in a minute.”
Scott was pacing at the bar when I found him. He looked up and I was instantly alert. Scott was known for keeping his shit together, but he looked stressed.
“What’s happened?” I asked.
He stopped pacing and raked his fingers through his hair. “Davey was keeping an eye on Madison but she ditched him. I’ve got no fuckin’ idea where she is.”
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I roared. “What the fuck is wrong with these dickheads? They can’t even do a simple job.”
Scott nodded in agreement. “Yeah, brother. That leaves you and me to find her. I don’t trust anyone else.”
“Got any leads at all?” I asked, hoping like hell that he did.
“No. This is a fuckin’ nightmare because Nix has shown back up in town.”
Fuck! Not what I wanted to hear. Needing to lash out at something, anything, I turned around and punched the closest wall. Davey was fucking lucky that he wasn’t in sight because I would have pounded him if he was.
Scott’s phone rang, and while he answered it, I mentally filed through a list of Madison’s old friends trying to work out where she might have gone. I came up short because she had wiped a lot of her friends when she was with Nix.
“Right, Madison might be at Hyde’s.” He slipped his phone into his pocket. “Let’s go.” He headed towards the front door.
I reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him around to face me. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? Not even twenty-four hours home and she starts fucking drinking again?” I was pissed. Pissed at her, at Nix, and at the whole fucking situation. Hyde’s was her old favourite drinking ground, and the last place I thought she would be.
Scott pulled his arm back and snapped at me, “How ‘bout you give her a break? She might surprise the fuck out of you.”
“Yeah, and she might fucking not.” I fixed an angry glare on him. “I’ve lived with, and buried an alcoholic, motherfucker. I know how they work.” I pushed past him and stormed outside. I was in a really bad mood, and when we found Madison, she wasn’t going to know what fucking hit her, especially if we found her drinking.
An hour later, we still hadn’t found her. I was surprised but relieved not to find her at Hyde’s; I didn’t want to think about how I would have reacted if we had found her there. We visited some of her old friends, and pissed them all off by waking them up. But none of them had seen her or heard from her. Scott was ropeable and I was pretty close. Th
en we got a call from Griff; Madison had shown up at the clubhouse.
We made our way back, and as I stormed into the bar, I noted her tear-stained face, but paid no attention to it. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards me. “Have you any fucking idea how worried we have been?” I yelled at her.
She crumbled into my arms and started to sob. My reaction was automatic; I held her close, running my hand over her hair, trying to soothe her. The anger left me, and I felt the need to make everything all right for her. “Where were you, baby?” I asked.
She didn’t answer me and Scott barked at her, “Answer us, Madison. Where the fuck were you?”
I looked up at him, anger burning through me again, but this time directed at him. “Back the fuck off, brother. In fact, everyone get the fuck out of here,” I bellowed, and when no one moved, I added, “Now!”
People started moving out of the room and Scott stood there glaring at me for a minute or so, and then he left too.
I pulled back a little from Madison, to look in her eyes, “Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
Her eyes slid to mine and the heartache I saw there stabbed me in the fucking heart. “I went to Bec’s house. I just sat outside and remembered stuff, you know, the good times we’d had, even the bad. J, I miss her so much. I can’t believe she’s gone. Even though we weren’t friends anymore, I always thought we’d patch it up.” Tears streamed down her face.