by Lori Wick
19
Sunday morning Amy lay against Silas in her usual pre-rising fashion, marveling that Mandy, Carrie, Levi, Clovis, and Becca had been with them for an entire week. Already there was such a change in them. They looked different certainly, more filled out and healthier, but the biggest change was in their attitudes. Each of them save Mandy, who was coming along at her own pace, roamed all over the house as though it was his own, and in Amy’s mind it was.
Christine had asked her outright how she coped. Amy, in all honesty, had not understood the question. Things weren’t picked up all the time like they used to be, and the floors needed sweeping almost constantly. But then there never used to be little hugs from small people who just waited for your embrace and hugged you back, nor little faces at the supper table shining with delight when you brought in a chocolate cake, nor little boys running in the back door to tell you of the horses they rode. Experiences Amy wouldn’t trade for all the quiet or clean floors in the world.
Not that it was all fun. Amy fell into bed every night in a state of exhaustion. And there were scenes—like the one at the supper table the night before with Becca—
“I don’t like green beans.”
“You don’t have too many. Please eat them, Becca.”
“No! I won’t, Amy, and you can’t make me!” After which she threw herself to the floor in the dining room and had a screaming fit. Stunned, Amy didn’t move. Rising from his chair without a word, Silas picked up the crying five-year-old and put her on her feet. The flat of his hand connected one time, very hard, on the backside of her dress before she was placed back in her chair.
“When Amy tells you to eat your green beans, you eat your beans, Becca.” She did, without further protest. Amy thanked Silas later for handling it. He told her how much he’d hated to spank Becca, but they both agreed it would be easier for everyone if the children knew what was expected of them and did it without complaint.
And the episode with the wagon, which had been frightening. “You should have told us, Mandy,” Silas had said later.
“Ross told you all about it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it wasn’t so bad and I really didn’t want you to have to take me.”
“It would have been no trouble, Mandy, and I hate to think what might have happened to you. Next time you need something, just ask. If I don’t have time I’ll tell you. And stop thinking of yourself as trouble. We don’t feel that way.”
Mandy had nodded and smiled, but Silas and Amy were not sure if she really believed them.
And then there had been the snake. Amy felt a shiver go through her at the thought. It was an episode from which she was certain she would never recover.
“Are you cold?” Silas gently slid his arms around her.
“No, I was just thinking of the snake.”
He immediately began to chuckle, causing Amy to become indignant. She tried to move away from him, but he would have none of it. It had become a wrestling match before Silas stopped laughing and Amy stopped fighting him.
“Are you mad?”
“Yes,” and she was, a little.
“I’ll try not to laugh anymore.” His voice was still highly amused and Amy was dubious. “By the way, I’m not the only one who gets into trouble with his wife. Luke told me he teased Christine the other day and made her cry.”
“I hope he spent the day in the doghouse,” Amy instantly sided with her sister-in-law. “The last thing Christine needs in her condition is teasing. And Luke has a way of doing it with such a straight face that it’s hard to know if he really is teasing.”
They lay quietly for a moment. Then above them they heard the sound of feet hitting the floor.
“We better get up if we’re going to be to church on time.”
“You’re right. I’ll put the coffee on and then get the boys going before I head to the barn. And Amy, I’m sorry I laughed. Really.” He punctuated his apology with a kiss.
“And I forgive you. Really.”
“You can wait until the service is over.” Silas whispered the words to Levi who asked, for the third time, if he could be excused. “Next time, go before the service starts.”
Silas, as a boy, would have vowed never to inflict such misery on his own children but as he looked back, he knew that the only thing that ever taught him to see to his personal needs ahead of the service was having to sit through a few sermons in agony.
Silas and Amy were not in the miserable condition that Levi was in, but neither were they getting much out of this service. The first one in the pew had been Mandy, then Becca, then Carrie. Silas felt it a good idea to put Becca between her sisters, hoping she would stay quiet. Next to Carrie was Amy and then Clovis, Silas, and Levi on the end. Anyway, that was the way it started out.
Silas lost track of how many times Becca had gotten up to come down and get her nose wiped. Finally Amy had given her the handkerchief, but she lost it within three minutes so Silas took her on his lap, which miraculously stopped her running nose.
Between Levi’s having to go outside, Becca’s running nose, and Clovis’ feet and legs that would not keep still, Silas felt like the pew hosted “The Cameron Family Side Show.” Maybe it was the heat, Silas thought, as he watched a stern-faced Mark take both Emily and Eliza out, who at nearly ten and six, were both old enough to sit through the service.
Suddenly he envisioned Sunday dinner at Grandma Em’s with all 24 of them, 11 adults and 13 kids, and wasn’t sure he was up to it.
“Now, I think we’re all set.” Grandma Em said the words with a smile and took her place in the dining room. “Silas, would you give thanks today?”
He stood and moved from his place at the table to the doorway between the kitchen and dining room to see if everyone in both rooms was quiet for prayer. He thanked God for the five additions to the family and the one on the way. He asked God’s blessing on the food and the hands that prepared it and then took his seat back in the kitchen.
They had, for the fun of it that day, set the tables for all the boys in the kitchen and the girls in the dining room.
Sue had her hands full with all four of her girls at the table. Mandy and Carrie impressed everyone in the dining room by assisting Ellen and Erika throughout the meal.
What everyone wasn’t to know was how grateful Mandy was to have a little girl to take care of. Children she could handle; she’d been doing so all of her life. But conversation with adults, even though she knew she was considered one herself, was usually awkward and embarrassing. It was a relief for Mandy that nearly everyone at the table was busy with a little person, sparing her from making conversation.
The meal didn’t take long and Julia, Amy, Mandy, and Carrie cleaned up and did the dishes in record time. The day was warm and everyone had moved out of doors to the front porch and yard. The cleanup crew made their way outside when the work was done. They had just settled onto the porch when a verbal fight broke out among Levi, Clovis, and Charlie at the corner of the house.
Faster than anyone anticipated, it moved from verbal to physical and within seconds the three were rolling on the ground. Surprise held almost everyone immobile, which gave Carrie and Mandy, who were beyond surprise, a chance to move off the porch and wade into the flailing arms and legs as though they did so every day.
Carrie laid hold of Clovis and Mandy easily handled Levi. Charlie picked himself up and would have come forward again but saw that his opponents were being firmly held. Mac was next to arrive on the scene, and he looked furious with Charlie. Silas was on Mac’s heels and immediately said he wanted an explanation.
“I said I expect an explanation and I mean right now!” He repeated himself when the boys stood reticent.
“Charlie, you go first,” his father ordered.
“He said you drank.”
“He said I what?” asked a totally confused Mac.
“Levi said all men drink and I said my dad didn’t.”
“That isn’t all you sa
id.” Clovis spoke with uncharacteristic anger, and the three fell silent again.
“What else did you say, Charlie?” Appearing embarrassed and reluctant, the boy didn’t answer. Mac took hold of his arm, but he still said nothing.
“He said our pa is a drunk and he’s not!” Levi’s eyes were filled with tears as he said the words.
“Charles, you will apologize right now.” The command itself told Charlie his father would brook no disobedience.
“I’m sorry I said that about your pa.” It was obvious he meant it by the look of regret on his face.
“Now, Clovis, Levi, you apologize. Mac doesn’t drink and you know very well I don’t drink, so you were wrong, too.”
There were apologies and small nods all around and then Charlie took himself off to where the other adults were keeping the rest of the children from interfering.
When Levi spoke only Silas, Clovis, Mandy, and Carrie were within earshot. “Don’t think I don’t know he’s a drunk.” His eyes were still filled with tears and he faced Silas defiantly. “But he’s still my pa and I’ll knock anyone down who dares to bad-mouth him to my face. Come on, Clovis.”
Silas felt defeat wash over him as the two little boys retreated to the backyard alone.
“He doesn’t deserve that kind of loyalty.” Mandy spoke as she too watched her brothers leave. “He’s never been a good pa, but like Levi said, he is our pa.” Both girls moved then to follow the boys. Silas watched them go, praying with all of his heart—for what, he was not sure.
20
Ross looked up from his desk as the door opened. He smiled and leaned back in his chair at the sight of Peter Culver, his future housemate, leaning against the closed door.
“Well, Pete, what brings you out of that fancy office at the bank?” Ross posed the question to the good-natured man.
Pete worked at the bank and had an office with a window. The fact that the bank building was owned by Pete’s uncle had something to do with this. That wasn’t to insinuate that Pete had not worked for the privilege. More than one person had been fooled, by his relaxed attitude toward life, into thinking he was a bit slow-witted. Ross knew firsthand that this was not the case.
“I was at the post office and you had a letter, so I just thought I’d bring it by.”
“Thanks.” Ross took the letter from the outstretched hand and felt his heart quicken upon recognizing Sarah’s handwriting. She must have mailed this the very day I left, he thought and wondered what it would say.
“Bad news?”
“I don’t know,” Ross answered honestly.
“Well, if it’s Sarah telling you to go fly a kite, the girls in Baxter will be rejoicing.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, my friend. You didn’t notice the girls who turned in their seats on Sunday as you came up the aisle.”
“I do not go to church to turn the heads of the young ladies.”
“No, I guess you don’t. As a matter of fact, neither do I. But when a guy is having a nice little chat before the service with the very attractive Candy Hunter, and then this guy’s friend walks in and suddenly Candy forgets he’s even there, well, let’s just say it’s a bit discouraging.”
“I didn’t even see Candy yesterday.”
“That’s my point. From what I could see, the only girl you saw was Mandy Jackson.”
“Mandy Jackson?”
“Hey, Ross, take it easy. I’m not criticizing your choice. She’s real easy on the eyes.”
“Don’t you talk about her like that!” Ross was instantly on the defensive.
“Oh, so that’s the way the wind blows,” Pete said with a knowing smile.
“No, it’s not. It’s just that the Jacksons have had a real hard time of it lately, and I don’t like that kind of talk where Amanda is concerned.”
Peter eyed Ross for a moment and then shrugged. “You’re right. It is a rather flip way to refer to a lovely lady like Mandy Jackson. But I better warn you—if you’re feeling something for her, you’d better speak up. Every guy in church yesterday had his eye on her.”
“All six of them, you mean?” Ross’ voice was unconcerned.
“It only takes one.” Pete turned away after making that remark and didn’t see the thoughtful look on Ross’ face.
“Well, I’m back to work. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, my uncle said the house would be ready next week.”
“Next week! That’s great.”
“Yeah, I think so too. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Ross! You’re home for lunch. What’s the occasion?”
“No occasion really. I need to read a letter from Sarah without worrying that someone will come into the office.”
Grandma Em looked compassionate and Ross sat down on the nearest chair in the kitchen. “She couldn’t have received the letter I just sent, so it makes me wonder what she has to say. Something tells me it’s not good news.”
“I’m sorry, Ross.”
“Thanks, but I’m not sure if I’m sorry or not. I guess I’m just too much of a romantic. I always pictured that love would come for me as it did for my mother. She said that she was walking down the street when she saw a small boy run into the road. Without even looking she charged into the street and then froze, putting herself and the child both in danger of being run over by a fast-approaching wagon. My father witnessed the whole thing from a few yards away and rushed after them.
“She said when they’d arrived safely on the walk and the boy skipped away unhurt, she looked up to find my father’s arms still around her. She said it was love at first sight. He came calling that night, and they were engaged and married five weeks later. My father always jokes that it would have been a lot sooner but my mother insisted on a church wedding—fancy dress and all.
“The first time I saw your granddaughter-in-law, Abby, I was sure it had happened to me just like mother said. But she ended up being the answer to my spiritual needs and believe me, I’m not complaining.” Grandma Em nodded, remembering Ross telling her about this not long after he moved in.
“Now with Sarah, it wasn’t love at first sight because we’d known each other so long. It was more like a feeling of rightness. That, along with our bond in the Lord, and of course we care for each other. And well, we just sort of—”
“But there’s no real spark.”
“No. No spark.” He looked as if the thought had just occurred to him. Then he rose. “I’ll be in my room for a while. If I have time later I’ll grab a bite to eat.”
Grandma Em sat for a time where he’d left her. The yearning for the companionship she’d had with Joseph had never completely abated but at least the unsureness of youth was gone. They’d had many wonderful years together and now he was with the Lord. And someday she would be too.
But how many times had she been through this with her own son and grandchildren? She wasn’t sure what the exact count was, but all of them had followed a pattern that somehow led up to the good marriages they all shared.
First came their faith in the Lord. Not even Luke, who met Christine before she was saved, ever entertained thoughts of marrying a non-Christian.
She was sure that each one had experienced some sort of misery in the waiting game. It was the spark that she and Ross spoke briefly of, which caused that. If they hadn’t wanted desperately to be together, there would have been no tension about the future.
It was easier, she was convinced, to make a decision about your life mate if you had God to turn to. But it didn’t change the uncertainty of the moment, the yearnings and the needs. Grandma Em knew Ross to be in this state and her keen memory of her own life and the lives of others within her reach caused her to be able to pray with great compassion.
Dear Ross,
It’s hard that you’re leaving tomorrow morning and there are things between us that are unsettled. It’s not the same, but I’ll try to say to you in this letter the things I was
not able to say in person.
I don’t believe that any of this is your fault. You are acting as you feel God leads, and that is how it should be. But I can’t help but wonder about myself. I mean, wouldn’t a woman who loved a man be willing to go anywhere he is, just to be with him? Maybe our friendship has been too close, but something is wrong with the way I feel and I don’t think either one of us should force this.
What I mean by that is—I want you to consider yourself free to see other girls. I will consider myself free in the same way, but please don’t think I’m out looking—I’m not.
I know this hurts you. I hurt, too. But right now, and I think you would agree, I can’t see us as husband and wife.
Please write back to me Ross. Please stay in touch so I know how you’re feeling. I think I’ll always love you. I’m just not in love with you. Does that make sense? Write when you get this. I’ll wait to hear from you.
Love, Sarah
“It makes perfect sense,” Ross said to the empty room. There was something wrong with the fact that she was not willing to follow him anywhere. There was also something wrong with the fact that he was more relieved than upset at knowing there was probably no future for them.
Ross read the letter once again and was again surprised to find himself so relieved. He’d write back to Sarah immediately and thank her for her wisdom. Unbidden, Peter’s words came back to him. “The only girl you saw was Mandy Jackson.”
Ross shook his head. Pete had only misinterpreted his glancing her way to see how the whole family was getting along. An image came to mind of Amanda on the wagon seat, the reins clenched in her hands. Then in front of the dresser holding her mother’s picture and finally, thanking him for not slapping her hand away when she’d reached for him at the funeral.
Ross was convinced at that moment that the most dangerous thing on earth was a slim, hazel-eyed woman who’d never known a day of comfort in her life. Stay away from her, Ross, no matter what Pete says. Stay away from her.