“Nothing. It’s not a big deal,” I lie.
“It is. To her it is. You know she loves you, you piece of shit. Even though it’s killing her.”
Jackie’s words plunge a knife into my heart, but I don’t show it.
“She doesn’t love me. It was just a stupid crush. She’ll get over it.” And so will I. Someday. “Isn’t she with Monte now?” Rage surges through my body at the idea of his hands on her.
“Monte?” Jackie makes a gagging sound and mimics vomiting off camera. At least, I think she’s faking. “Were you dropped on your head as a baby? ’Cause you’re a fucking idiot. Even if Lizbit wasn’t completely in love with you, she’d never have anything to do with that douchecanoe.”
A weight lifts off my chest and my heart expands ten-fold. “She’s not seeing anyone?”
“Are you listening to me at all?” Jackie throws her hands up in frustration and shakes her head violently, her bright red hair flying around the screen. “You’ve given her penis PTSD. You’re literally her worst fear. You didn’t just reject her, you eviscerated her.”
“She walked away first.” She didn’t just walk away, she ran. I wasn’t the only one who put up walls.
“Whatever you have to tell yourself, prick. But we both know that’s bullshit. She laid her heart at your feet and you stomped on it.”
My stomach knots up remembering Elizabeth’s face that day in the library. The pain of watching her walk away aches in my chest.
“If you pulled that shit on me, you better believe I would’ve let you twist in the wind. And loooooved every minute of it. But no. Not Lizbit. That girl loves like it’s going out of style. Even after you devastated her, she’s still defending you.”
I let out an aggravated sigh and ask, “What are you talking about?” Elizabeth wants nothing to do with me.
“I’ll admit it’s awesome she finally told that absentee jackoff of a father to go screw himself—”
“No fucking way,” I interject confidently. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before Elizabeth would ever talk back to her dad.”
Jackie deadpans, “Better get the Devil a parka and some mittens then, because it’s a fucking blizzard down there.”
I shake my head, not believing. Jackie rolls her eyes at me.
“It was over you. She told him off for you.”
A pinch of shame twists my gut.
“He found out about the five grand?”
I should have given it back to her. I have most of it. What I didn’t spend on food and basic survival has been sitting untouched in a bank account for weeks. I don’t deserve it. Loving her isn’t a job. Fuck, it wasn’t even a choice.
“Five grand?” Jackie scoffs. “Who cares about money? It was about you using her to beat a drug rap. Not exactly on-brand for Richard ‘The Dick’ Wilde.”
“Are you high right now?” I ask in all seriousness. Elizabeth didn’t even know I was in trouble. And if she did, she wouldn’t care.
“Christ on a cracker! You may be hotter than the sun, but you really are a dim fuck.”
I stare at Jackie blankly, waiting for an explanation.
“She’s the one who broke into Monte’s room and got the evidence to clear you. Idiot.” Jackie’s tone is condescending as shit, but all I can focus on are her words. “It was totally badass by the way.” Her eyes dance with mischievous pride.
The room is spinning. My heart rate is jacked. Hope springs up in the back of my mind, but I beat it down. I can’t believe it. I wouldn’t survive being wrong. She hates me. I know she hates me. She’d have to after everything I said. There’s no way she’d help me out, save my life. What would she get out of rescuing me and losing her father? Nothing.
“That’s not possible.” My head is a jumbled mess. Goose broke into Monte’s room? She put herself on the line. For me? Without asking for anything. Without even telling me.
“Clearly, we’ve already established hell has frozen over. Who do you think paid for that lawyer?”
The guy said it was pro bono. I should have fucking known. No one has ever helped me out without wanting something in return. No one except Elizabeth. Even when I had nothing, when everyone thought I was a drugged-up loser, she was there for me.
“What the actual fuck?” I manage to stammer in complete shock. My heart is racing faster than if I’d mainlined an energy drink. I have to see her. I have to know.
“Wait, you didn’t know?” Jackie’s surprised voice rings in my ears. “I thought that’s what all this Curator of Dark Douchebagness bullshit was about. You trying to pay her back.”
“It’s not.”
“Then what—”
I don’t bother answering Jackie. I’m already out of the door.
I manage the twenty-minute drive to Elizabeth’s in ten and storm into her apartment without knocking. She launches off the couch like it’s electrified.
“Why would you do it?” I practically scream at her.
“Austin,” she screeches in terror, just about jumping out of her skin. I caught her off guard. Serves her right. She should’ve locked her door.
I stalk closer to her, my chest heaving from basically running here. I need to know the truth. “Why?” I demand.
She’s staring at me, completely dumbstruck. The silence is killing me.
“Elizabeth,” I say her name as a warning and she finally snaps back to reality.
“Why what?” she asks, throwing her arms up. Between her pinched forehead and clenched jaw, it’s obvious she’s royally pissed.
“That lawyer. Why did you save my ass?”
There’s an entire apartment between us, but I’m suffocating. Being in the same room with her again takes my breath away.
“How did you find out?” she asks, avoiding answering my question. Her eyes shoot to the floor and her shoulders slouch.
“Jackie.”
Elizabeth lets out an aggravated huff. “That stupid blabbermouth. It was supposed to be anonymous.”
“So it’s true?”
She nods. I dig my nails into my palms to keep from reaching out for her.
“That night at the party, why were you in Monte’s room?”
She purses her lips, angry that she has to answer when I already know the reason. “To get his password. Prove it was him. That you’re innocent.”
“All of it. It was all you?” She shrugs, like it was nothing. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “Tell me why you did it.”
She bites her lip, drawing my eyes down to her beautiful mouth. Jesus, I want to kiss her.
She crosses her arms, juts out a hip and declares, “You know why.”
“No, Elizabeth. I don’t. I have no fucking idea.” My words are dripping with irony. I can tell by her ragged breath and the longing in her eyes that she still feels something for me. But she’s too scared to say it. After what I put her through, I can’t blame her. I’m desperate to hear her say the words. “Why? Why would you help me?”
“You know why, you smug bastard. You know exactly how I feel about you.” Her short, choppy breaths surge through her flaring nostrils. I know her heart rate is pegged and her adrenaline is off the charts, same as mine. She’s beyond pissed now, flailing her arms and pacing. I don’t care. I love this fierce woman, so I keep pushing her.
“Why don’t you give up on me already?”
“Oh, why didn’t I think of that!” She knocks herself in the head with her palm. Her anger doesn’t seem to affect her sarcasm. “Thanks for the suggestion. Do you think I could even if I wanted to? I can’t choose to stop loving you any more than I chose to start.”
She doesn’t realize she’s said it. She’s too busy yelling at me to catch it, but I do. Her accidental admission of love sears my chest, etching itself into my soul. She’s mine. She loves me. After everything, she still actually loves me. She’s pissed as fuck, but she loves me. I want to hold her, whisper in her ear how much I love her too, but Ms. Fiesty’s determined to keep her distance
.
“Happy now? Does that make you feel better? Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Fatal Attraction on you if that’s why you’re here. I know you couldn’t care less about me.” She stalks over to the front door that I never bothered closing and asks in mock civility, “Now, can you please get the hell out of my apartment and never come back?”
Her chocolate eyes lock on mine, fury making them sparkle. Even in her baggy pajama pants and ratty sweatshirt, she’s never looked more beautiful to me. My Goose. My weird little goddess.
“Not a fucking chance.” I close the space between us in three quick steps and have her in my arms before she can run away. I crash my lips on hers, pouring out all the years of doubt and hurt. Letting go of all the pain so I can grab on to her love with both hands and never let go.
“Don’t,” she cries, shoving me away. Walking away, she lets out a tortured laugh that breaks my heart. When she turns back to face me, she’s on the verge of tears. I make a silent vow to never be the cause of those tears again. “I can’t do this again. No more games. No more pretending. I want something real.”
I don’t hesitate before I answer, “This is real. It’s always been real. I love you. I think I have since the first time I saw you.”
“Oh, yeah? You have a real shitty way of showing it,” she quips. She doesn’t believe me and I don’t blame her.
“I know. Fuck, I know. This scares the hell out of me and I’ve been a pussy. I’m sorry.” I reach out for her, but she pulls away. She’s slipping through my fingers and the idea of losing her again is ripping me apart. “I’m so goddamn sorry.”
“Don’t for a second think I’m trying to buy your love.” She crosses her arms and glares at me. Her words are vicious, but her tortured eyes are filling with tears. I can’t break through the wall she’s built between us. “Helpful tip, don’t make the next girl pay for it.”
Every instinct I have is telling me to cut my losses. Turn around and never look back. But I ignore them all. If I leave now, I will lose her forever. Instead, I dig in, determined to hold on no matter the cost.
I take a deep breath. “This isn’t about money and there isn’t going to be a next girl. You’re it for me. I love you.” Anger drains from her face, replaced by stoic nothingness. There is no recognition in her blank expression. I say it again, silently begging her to hear me. Believe me. “I. Love. You.” She stares at me, right through me. I use her name this time. “Elizabeth Marie Wilde, I love you. So fucking much.”
She’s dazed. Her eyes are wide and her mouth agape. I might have fried her brain.
“That’s not… But you said… You can’t…” She can’t form complete sentences.
“I can. And I do.” She doesn’t believe me and there is only one thing I can think of to convince her. “I got a tattoo.”
She blinks at me and shakes her head. “What?”
I pull up the cuff of my sweatshirt and take a few steps toward her so she can see the silhouette of a feather on my left forearm. Thank fuck she doesn’t pull away. “I got it last week. I realized that even though my goose flew away, she left a mark.”
She reaches out, her delicate finger tracing the thick lines across my skin. The sensation is soothing and exhilarating. Her beautiful dark eyes drag up to mine and something unlocks deep in my chest.
“I love that you wear T-shirts three sizes too big. I love that you think pizza is fine dining. I love that you snore louder than a grizzly bear.” I take a small step toward her with every sentence. Thank fuck she’s too entranced to pull away. “I love that you use movie references at least two decades old. I love that you have a favorite human organ. I love how I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth. I love the way your smile can light up the room. I love that your laugh is the happiest sound in the world.” One last step and I’m in her space, chest to chest. I lean down and tickle the sweet spot on her neck with my lips, whispering, “I love the way you shudder underneath me when you come.” I lean back and with a smirk, add, “Or on top of me.”
Her knees buckle, but I catch her in my arms. I hold her tight, pinning her against my body. Taking in her beautiful face, I push aside the jokes and get serious. For once in my life, I’m not going to hold back.
I drop my forehead to hers and vow, “I will feed you when you’re hungry. I will keep you safe when you’re scared. I will hold you when you’re hurt. I will find you when you’re lost. I will tell you that you’re my goddess every single day. And I will love you no matter what.” I kiss her with what I can only describe as unending devotion. The kiss is soft but excruciatingly passionate. I let my lips linger on hers, pleading and taunting.
Her eyes are pinched closed when she asks, “You love me?”
I kiss her again before I answer, “Yes.”
“Are you sure?” she asks again, not willing to look at me.
I squeeze her tight and kiss her again. “I’m fucking positive.”
“Well, that’s weird.”
Chapter Twenty
Austin
I take my jacket off and drape it over Elizabeth’s shoulders before wrapping her up in my arms. She’s a breathing ice sculpture. It’s got to be in the forties out tonight and the valet is taking forever. The three of us finally made it to La Rouge, Elizabeth, her dad—who I’ve continued to call Dick despite how many times he calls himself Richard—and me. After a frosty few months when Elizabeth and I first officially started dating, he finally made an effort and invited us out to dinner. He insisted on choosing the place and here we are.
The food was decent, but not worth wearing a jacket and tie all night for. In his defense, Dick hasn’t said a word about Elizabeth’s outfit. It’s not her usual baggy T-shirt and jeans, but it’s also not the ninety-year-old librarian getup she used to wear around him. It’s a flowy silk dress in dark green that clings to her curves and is tastefully, but teasingly, low cut in the front. A new image she’s trying out that I wholeheartedly approve of, especially as I stand behind her and stare down into the deep ravine of her cleavage. She’s shuffling back and forth on her feet, trying to keep warm. The sway of her hips plus the sexy little bounce of her amazing tits is doing it for me. I can’t wait to get her home.
“Ugh,” she sighs. “I can’t hold it any longer. I’ve got to pee. Hold this. I’ll be right back.” She hands me her purse and disappears back inside the restaurant.
I glance over at Dick, clear my throat and make an effort. “She had a nice time tonight.”
Dick looks me up and down. The coward peeks behind him into the restaurant to make sure Elizabeth is out of earshot and says, “You know she deserves better.”
I tuck Elizabeth’s purse under my arm and turn to face him like a man. “Yes, she does. Better than both of us.”
He does me the courtesy of meeting my eyes and nods. It’s almost imperceptible, but he does.
I give him a hard slap on the shoulder. “Thankfully, she loves us anyway.”
“Then I suppose we will both have to be better.” He puts his hands in his pockets and scowls.
“Yes, we fucking will.”
We stand in the cold silence until Elizabeth comes back.
I pull her against me, neither of us caring that her father is watching. Kissing her neck, I murmur, “I missed you.”
She giggles at the tickle of my lips on her skin and hums, “Seventy-nine.”
“Seventy-nine what?”
“Things I love about you. I keep count. That you miss me when I’m gone, even for a little bit, is number seventy-nine.”
“Fuck, you’re weird.” My grin is a mile wide.
“And you’re an ass,” she chides with a smack to my chest.
“Yeah, I know. But you love me anyway.”
“Yeah, I do. Weird.” She gives me a wry smile.
Fuck, I love this woman.
Epilogue
Austin
Seven years later
Elizabeth is fidgeting, fixing the collar of her shirt
unnecessarily for the millionth time this morning. Some things never change. She twirls her wedding ring, the telltale sign that she’s close to a panic attack. She doesn’t get this way often these days, but today is a big deal.
I grab her hands and pull her against me. “Calm down, Goose. Everything’s going to be fine.”
She lets out an uneasy sigh. “You don’t know that. You can’t know that.”
I take her face in my hands, gently kiss her sweet lips and whisper, “Have I ever been wrong?”
That earns me a much-deserved eye-roll, along with the laugh I was hoping for. I kiss her again. This time it isn’t sweet. It’s dirty and delicious. I wander my hands down to her ass, giving a little squeeze, as I slip my tongue into her mouth. She’s still the sexiest woman I’ve ever met.
“Jesus, get a room,” Jackson calls out across the waiting room, the little cock blocker.
“Don’t be an ass, she’s nervous,” I retort.
“Don’t call him that,” Elizabeth reprimands me with a slap on the shoulder before wrapping Jackson in her arms. He’s not even thirteen yet, but he’s already a few inches taller than her. It doesn’t stop her from babying him. I swear, sometimes I’m worried she’ll smother that kid. But that’s Elizabeth. She doesn’t know how to love halfway.
“I wasn’t calling him anything. I was telling him to amend his behavior. And, besides, it’s your fault for being irresistible,” I counter in my own defense. Elizabeth and Jackson roll their eyes in unison. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was her biological kid.
“Gross,” Jackson scoffs at me. Wrapping his arms around Elizabeth, he adds, “Sorry.” Jackson hugs her, squeezing tightly, making sure she’s real. I know the feeling. Some days I think I dreamed her up too.
We’ve been fostering the scrawny punk for three years. At nine, Jackson thought he was tough enough to take on the whole world by himself. Within the first five minutes of meeting him, Elizabeth was determined to make sure he’d never have to. It took time for Jackson to trust, to believe us when we said I love you and promised we’d always be there for him. I can’t say I blame him. We all have our own baggage in life, but Elizabeth is a hard woman to ignore. She has a way of worming into a person’s heart and earning their trust before they’re able to resist.
So, That Got Weird: A Painfully Awkward Love Story (So Far, So Good Book 1) Page 25