“Talk to Jed every night, man. What about you?”
I was going to ask if he had spoken with Maris, Jed’s younger sister. Maris not only is a knockout, but she’s also been in love with Nick since that first summer we visited Jed’s family home in Juneau when we were a part of the Great Alaskan Lumberjack Show. When things got uncomfortable for Nick, he swore he’d never go back to Alaska. And Maris has only one thing left of her family—the bar and home she inherited. Instead of clarifying my question, I answer, “On occasion, yeah.”
“Can’t forget, won’t forget. Best of all of us.”
“I agree with you, Nick. That’s never been in—”
“I almost lost his cross.” His confession freezes me in place.
“What?” The single word comes out as more of a hiss than anything.
“Something happened to the clasp. It fell off during training. I didn’t realize it until one of the punks picked it up and taunted me with it. Almost killed him.” I almost wonder if he said the last part or he breathed it into my mind, but either way I heard him.
And I don’t fucking blame him.
“What did he want it for?” I barely acknowledge the tray with the check in front of me.
“Said he was going to melt it down to cap his tooth.”
Pulling out my wallet, I frown down at the bulge beneath the check. My brow raises to my hairline when I see my waitress has left me her phone number on top of a sealed condom. “Which tooth?”
“His front, of course.”
“How long did it take for you to knock it out of his mouth?” I ask conversationally.
“Five minutes, but that’s because I wanted his shit to bleed first. Damn, Kody,” Nick laughs. “I should have called you weeks ago to feel better instead of going to bed with a bottle.
“Jed would have wanted you to reach out, whether you’d lost the cross he left you or not,” I remind him.
“And that’s the truth. So, you’re heading home?”
“Yeah. Hey, have you ever had a woman leave you her number with a condom.”
“Yep. You’re actually interested?” His voice holds disbelief.
“Not even close.” I think back to the few women I’ve enjoyed a relationship with over the last seventeen years. While it’s been some time since I’ve been intimate with one, I’ve never been the kind of guy who jumps into bed just because of my glands. I’ve always been particular when it’s come to the women. Probably because deep down I knew it wouldn’t go any further. I guess that comes from leaving the pieces of my heart in the past along with the best summers I ever had.
Nick’s voice jolts me back to my current predicament. “Then the way I see it, you have two choices. You can be the gentleman and ignore it.”
I quickly scribble in a tip and scrawl my name. “Or?”
“Or you can use that pen to poke a hole in the condom. Bet she knows better the next time.”
It takes me a second before I’m cursing Nick six ways from Sunday. “God, you are such a dick,” I conclude.
“Yeah, but I’m just lucky you assholes love me anyway.” And just like every time we’ve spoken since Jed’s death, I hear the true appreciation for our friendship in that statement.
Sliding out of the booth, condom untouched, I ignore my waitress as I make my way to the front. “You’re right. We do.”
I push open the squeaky bar door before Nick asks, “You left the condom intact, didn’t you?”
“Fuck you, Nick.”
He tsks me, and I laugh on a day when I never thought I would because I can predict his next words. “No, Kody. It’s ‘Fuck me, Nick.’ How many times do I have to remind you of that?”
And as I make my way back to my truck, the longest day in ten months ends with me trading jokes with one of my best friends.
I can feel Jed’s approval.
Meadow
“It’s a celebration!” Maris exclaims.
“How can you say that?” Rainey demands, before I can get a word in edgewise. Her hand slaps down on one of the two folders I placed on the bar when I slid onto the stool.
Maris snickers. “Easily. Mitch was a goddamn fool.”
Then a voice from the iPad jumps in. “I think today is whatever Meadow wants it to be. Emotions of this magnitude are never categorized so simply,” Kara interjects.
“Again, proving this is why you’re the smartest of all of us,” I declare. My cheeks warm as the attention of the three women returns to me. I try to sum up the swirl of emotions coursing through my system. “Do I regret the fact my marriage has been ended by nothing more than a notarized document? No. The problems I’m facing are enormous. I still have to convince the kids the reasons are just because Mom and Dad didn’t work out and what’s happening to their lives will be the best thing for them when I don’t entirely believe it myself.”
At my words, a shot of tequila appears by magic in front of me. Shoving it right back toward Maris, I laugh for the first time since I opened the mailbox. “Getting drunk won’t help.”
“Will it keep you from crying?” she asks sagely.
Before I can answer, Rainey does. “Yes, it will. And I want one too.” Twisting on her stool, she’s already whipping out her phone.
“What are you doing?” I demand.
“Texting Brad to come pick us up so you’ll relax.”
“See? This is why I would cry.” I pick up the papers holding the copy of my final divorce decree and wave them in the air. “I’m being forced to move my family from the only life they’ve ever known, the only security they’ve ever had. Because of these—the judge’s agreement to everything Mitch and I amicably discussed with the attorneys.” Then I drop the papers and do the shot, welcoming the burn in my stomach to counteract the memory of the brief hearing where I was the epitome of polite and sweet to a man who didn’t deserve it. But I just wanted out.
“That sounds awful. What did you have to agree to?” Kara asks curiously.
“As part of our settlement, Mitch agreed to certain financial stipulations. The largest is that he can’t leave the pension he earned here to anyone other than our children in the event of his death. Also, he agreed to pay his share of their monthly college fund payment. Considering the imbalance of our long-term incomes, I felt backed into a corner to accept his demands regarding his job,” I admit to my closest friends.
Friends. A year ago, I never would have believed I had more than my sister to rely on, but the death of Maris’s brother, Jed, forced a reunion almost twenty years in the making where Rainey and I reconnected with Maris and Kara.
And, God, were there so many secrets exposed when that happened.
In the background at Kara’s, she’s mostly ignoring the sounds of her family preparing dinner. But the serene look on her face makes me envious. At a time of my life when I thought I’d be making plans to enjoy the best years of my marriage as my children began to grow and develop their own personalities and interests, I’m about to leave the only home I’ve ever known to start over in a whole new place with no one but myself to rely on.
It’s terrifying, exhausting, and, I secretly admit, maybe a little exhilarating. Looking back to last summer, I can’t believe so much has changed. I quit working for Donna’s—the waitressing job that morphed into my becoming an assistant manager over the years. I put my two-year degree to use and took on managing Brad’s office, freeing up time for me to go back to school and finish what I started so long ago because I never thought I would need to start over at the age of thirty-eight years old.
I’ve forced myself to stop relying on other people, to actively watch and learn from the guys down at the dock. I’m no longer the woman who can’t hang a picture on her own, or who waits for her husband to take out the trash; those days are long gone.
Now, I’m a doer. And I’ve forced myself to admit that little by little, my marriage had disintegrated into shades of fiction long before the final act that destroyed it. But the betrayal of our vows stil
l stings. My husband was still my friend, my confidant, and my lover. I could have lived for the rest of my life without having that spark if I had trust and respect. When Mitch violated both so blatantly, ignorance was something I could no longer hide behind. And since I’ve never told Elise and MJ the truth of what happened between me and their father, it’s something I’m bearing the brunt of. And Mitch doesn’t just know it, he actively encourages it.
God forbid he doesn’t appear to be perfect, I think as bitterness washes over me again.
Through the antique glass window of Smith’s Brewhouse, the sun glimmers in the waning springtime sun. It casts an almost ethereal glow onto the polished floors. It brings back memories of a man with hair as bright as the midnight sun—a sun that will soon encapsulate the land my heart is entrenched in. He was laughing in front of that very window, making it hard to breathe in a room filled full of people on a rare night we didn’t spend in Maris’s backyard.
Kody Laurence teased more smiles out of me during our summer interludes than Mitch did in our marriage. Even the last time I saw him, when the world was just beginning to crumble beneath me, he still managed to elicit one. My lips curve in remembrance.
“See? She’s well rid of that prick.” Maris slides another shot in front of me. Without thinking, I toss it back.
“Maris…” Rainey starts to protest, but I interrupt.
“No, Rainey, Maris is right.” A groan escapes from Kara at my words, but I plow on. “I’m not brooding the end of my marriage.”
“Then what is it?” my sister demands.
“The loss of all of this.” I wave my hand to encompass the interior of the bar, but I mean the budding lushness beyond the walls, the majestic beauty that only someone who has spent time in Alaska can comprehend. For all the ways she punishes us year after year with winters that would terrify the heartiest of outdoorsmen, she blesses our land by illuminating it longer during the summer. The sounds of birds seem brighter, the green of the trees more majestic, and our sunsets are a gift streaking across the sky.
It’s not a land for the weak of soul. It’s meant to celebrate the survivors. “Every time I remember Mitch is forcing me to uproot our children to accommodate his new job to accommodate their financial needs, I get infuriated all over again. They’re already so confused, so angry.”
Maris mutters something vile. Rainey looks troubled, but Kara offers comfort. “I never thought I’d be forgiven for the secrets I kept, Meadow. Time together is what you all need to establish your new normal.”
I recognize the truth in her words. But still— “I wish I had more of it before I had to leave.”
“Tell us about your new job,” Maris encourages.
“I really owe it all to Brad,” I start, once again crediting my brother-in-law for finding me the perfect position.
“No,” Rainey counters. “Brad may have found out about the opportunity, but you earned that position, Meadow. Brad says his office has never been as efficient as it is right now. He’s already mourning your loss.”
“Come on, Rainey. It’s just us girls. Admit you blew the man’s mind as a thank-you,” Maris drawls.
My sister flushes to the roots of her hair. “Moving on.” She picks up her wine and takes a large glug.
I stare at it pointedly. “You’re certain Brad’s picking us up?”
“Already arranged, sister, so relax and enjoy yourself,” she says smoothly.
“I can’t remember the last time I did that,” I admit.
Kara’s voice precedes her lifting her own glass. “And that’s something I can commiserate with.”
We all laugh. Maris leans her elbows on the bar top. “So, how much longer do we have you?”
“Another month. I wish I could stay longer, but I have to be down there before the season begins. I’m just grateful Rainey agreed to keep the kids until the end of school.” I sneer slightly. “Fortunately, even Mitch thought that was a good idea—not to uproot the kids before the end of the year.”
“We’d do anything for you—for them,” Rainey says immediately.
“Crap, that reminds me, I have the papers to give you for medical treatment and whatnot.” I begin to dig into my bag, but Rainey lays a hand on mine.
“Later. We have a month to sort that out. Finish telling everyone about the new job,” she encourages.
Right. “Well, the owner of the rental company said he wished his employee would be there to transition the role to me, but he’s moving to Arizona.”
“You’re going to begin a whole new chapter to your life,” Maris declares.
I nod before tacking on, “Kara, can you tell Jennings thank you again for all his help? I’m really not certain how I would have afforded to transport our belongings otherwise.”
Kara’s elegant head tips back as she communicates my message. A deep male voice can be heard faintly. When her head rights, there’s a happy curve to her lips. “He said, ‘Stop thanking him. You’re family, Meadow.’ And he’s right.”
A warmth steals through me as Rainey squeezes my hand. In the last year, I’ve come to realize some of the strongest family isn’t just through blood. It’s through friendship. And it’s more binding than the vows I exchanged as I stood in front of a judge seventeen years ago.
Lifting my shot glass, which Maris surreptitiously refilled, I announce, “I know what we’re celebrating.”
My sister and friends wait with bated breath before I continue. “To our family. To those here who are deeply loved every day and to those who are gone. We hope you know you will always be cherished.”
And with that, we drink, giving our thanks as always to the foresight of Maris’s brother for loving the brothers of his heart beyond the grave so much he inadvertently reunited the women connected to them.
“Mom,” my daughter snaps the minute I step through the door two hours later, “Dad’s called like a million times to talk to you.”
Unperturbed by her proclamation, I hold up my cell phone. “He didn’t call my cell.”
She scoffs.
I chuck it in her general direction. “Have at it, kid. You know the password. Don’t believe me? Call Aunt Rainey. I was with her.” I drop my oversized purse on the foyer floor before surveying the mess I have thirty days to resolve.
And not just the packing.
For just a moment, Elise appears remorseful. “I’m sorry, Mom. It’s just Dad—”
“What, Lise? Tried to…” I snap my mouth shut before I say something I shouldn’t that would irreparably damage my children’s relationship with their father.
“Anyway, he asked for you to call,” my daughter finishes awkwardly.
“Later.” Mitch lost all rights to demand anything unless it pertains to the health and well-being of our children the minute I found out he was regularly sinking his cock inside his partner on the force. A wash of bitterness and shame wash over me as I make my way past my daughter. How much did I teach her to look for a man just like her daddy? I despair. Frantically, I think back to what my mother taught me and Rainey. “Look for a man who will put his family above everything and anyone,” her words echo in my ear as if she said them yesterday instead of my teens.
I passed that along to Elise. Now, look at where we are? My foot hits the top of the landing, and I survey the boxes packed. Like it or not, we’re poised to take steps into an uncertain future in a brand-new place.
“Mom?” Elise comes up behind me holding—thank God—just the white envelope containing my degree. “What’s this? I didn’t think I was old enough to be looking at schools yet.” Her confusion is evident.
“You aren’t.” Elise really needs to enjoy her childhood despite the last year maturing her emotionally well past her precarious age of twelve. Thirteen, in just a few short months.
God, what a year it’s been.
“Then why do you have…”
“It’s mine.” Taking a deep breath, I announce, “Surprise. Your mom’s a college graduate.”
“What?” Confusion mars her brow.
“Between the downtime I had working at Uncle Brad’s and after you and MJ would head to bed at night, that’s what I was working on. After consulting with the professors about my professional and past work school experience, I only had a few classes left. Last semester was it. I finally did it. I earned my degree, baby.” I wait for her reaction.
And my heart shatters when she stomps up to me, shoves the now crumpled envelope in my hand, and hisses, “Dad was right. You do keep secrets,” before storming off in the direction of her room.
Deflated, I fall to my knees right where I stand. I smooth out the wrinkles to my degree I’d finally worked my way around to feeling proud of earlier. I whisper, “I wish I could hate you, but I can’t. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have Elise and MJ. But damn you, Mitch. You don’t get to do what you did and leave me to put their hearts back together without consequences.”
Staggering to my feet, I walk over to the boxes marked with green tape. Those will come with me on the flight Jennings arranged. Slipping my degree inside, I head into the kitchen to begin making dinner.
Later, I’ll deal with my now ex-husband.
Kody
“You’re starting to become as hard to get a hold of as Nick,” my best friend, John Jennings, complains good-naturedly.
“Well, hello to you too,” I grumble, scrubbing my hands over my face. “Do I want to know what time it is?”
“Noon.”
“Whose time zone?”
Damn bastard laughs in my ear. “Does it really matter? Normally you’re up and about on a Saturday, Kody. What happened? Did I interrupt something?” Like Nick the other night, he sounds surprised.
“Not hardly. I’ve been putting in a ridiculous amount of overtime on the latest phase of the builds because we had two contractors screw up on their delivery for parts of the homes.”
“Jesus, man. No wonder you sound exhausted.”
I yawn in his ear, punctuating his point. “Uh-huh.”
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