Holy hell. He needs to stop. He might just mean food, but my body is twisting every word he’s saying. “I don’t have enough batteries for this.”
Leaning back, Kody asks, “What did you say?”
I fumble for a plausible explanation for my runaway mouth. “I didn’t have enough details for this.”
“Ah, got it. Don’t worry. If Shane’s reaction is anything to go by, then…” His words trail off abruptly. “What are those?” He points to the crescent roll puffs in my refrigerator.
“Oh, just a recipe I found online last year. You dredge marshmallows in cinnamon and sugar and bake them inside a crescent roll with sugar on top. Why, do you think they’re over-the-top?”
“You made them for Jed’s wake.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“Well, yes.” And Mitch bitched at me for wasting money doing it, but I don’t add that.
Kody picks up the back of my hand and rubs his lips across my knuckles. “I could barely stomach anything after the service. But Brad said I needed to eat something before I was sick. So, I thought a croissant would work.” There’s a pause. “I ate half the tray. They’re what kept me going through the worst day of my life.”
When he steps forward and presses his lips against my cheek, he whispers, “I should have known then it was you who made them. Thank you.”
When he pulls back, there’s a glimmer in his eyes that belies his next statement. “But I still want the receipt for all the food. Otherwise, I’ll just estimate what it normally costs and take it off the house.”
I can’t help but smile at his laughter when the pot holder I throw at his back lands with a thunk dead center.
“Here’s to another demo week!” Kody holds up his beer. From my spot by my patio doors, I observe the crew lift bottles of beer, cans of soda, and water to toast him back with. “Once again, we’ve found a home that needs some help—”
“Maybe more than a little help in this case, boss,” one of the guys calls out. I can’t quite tell who through the smoke from the fire pit.
“True. But it makes the work that much more satisfying. And normally we’d be arguing over where we’re going to eat. We wouldn’t be thanked with a cookout by the person signing our paychecks,” Kody jokes.
All of the men and women around the fire laugh, including myself. “It was the least I could do to repair your sense of smell,” I call out.
That sets off everyone tittering again until Kody whistles to get their attention. “Okay, everyone, settle down. You may not know, but this isn’t just a house for me; it’s a part of my past. It holds a lot of memories because I helped in its construction. I know how it can shine, so don’t be surprised if I ride you a little harder for perfection.”
“When do you not?” Shane calls out, causing Kody’s team to laugh again.
“True,” he concedes. “But your heart never truly lets go of whatever happened with your first love—good or bad. Right now, she’s infuriated she’s been treated so shamelessly.”
Kody keeps talking, but it’s all buzzing in my head. Is he trying to tell me something? Slipping inside, I put my soda on the counter and grip the edges as tightly as I can. I think about the almost platonic kiss we shared yesterday, and I can’t blame the licks of the fire’s flames for the scalding heat that floods my cheeks. “Was it pity?” I wonder aloud.
“Was what pity?” I let out an agonized groan hearing Kody’s voice behind me.
“Nothing.” If I just avoid answering him, he’ll let the question drop. At least, that’s my experience with men.
But Kody Laurence is turning out to be an exception. Coming around the counter, his hand brushes my shoulder as he comes to stand next to me. “Come on, Flower,” he cajoles. “You know you can tell me anything.”
And those words drive a stake into the missing piece of my heart I never knew was there until yesterday. Moving back a step, I ask, “Really?”
Suddenly, the tension in the kitchen thickens so much, I’m certain it could be cut with one of the knives in the sink. I spin around and give Kody my back before saying, “Just head outside. I need a few moments.”
“You need time?” he clarifies.
I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. What I need and what I want are two very different things. If I could have everything I wanted, I’d, what? Do nothing different, I realize, shoulders slumping. Except maybe I’d give Kody the gift of love.
He should have known what it felt like to have someone love him unequivocally. At least someone who was free.
His hand closes on my shoulder right before he spins me around. Kody’s infuriated. “And you don’t think seventeen years is long enough?”
What did he just say? But before I can open my mouth to get the words out, one muscled arm slides around my waist, yanking me up so our eyes are level. I brace my hands against his biceps. “Kody.” His name is a wish, a hope. And if I’m honest, a secret longing missing from my life for far too long.
“Time’s up, Flower,” he murmurs. His eyes still on mine, he cups my cheek with his other hand, holding my head steady as his head lowers.
Firm lips brush against mine once, twice. I twist my fingers in the overlong hair that curls just over the edge of his shirt collar, aligning our lips before starting to plead, “If you don’t mean it…”
The rest of the sentence disappears as Kody tips my chin and lays waste to my mouth.
God, if I had to die right now it would be okay because even in my dreams, I’ll never be able to recreate the feeling of Kody’s lips on mine. I can taste the tang from the ale he toasted with under the dark sky and the underlying passion of wasted days and nights. This is a kiss of intent, not of pity. And I’m shaken to my core.
My knees weaken under the onslaught, but Kody catches me. We break apart for air, each of us gasping. His opens his mouth—to say what, I don’t know—but I don’t give him a chance to speak, not with words. not yet.
Instead, I tip my head back and whisper, “Again.”
With a groan, he twists me until my back is pressed against the refrigerator. Smoothing his hands down my hips, he pulls me flush against his straining erection. “With pleasure.”
My lips are curved as are his. Long moments pass by where the world stops and time is only measured in his arms.
We’re interrupted by someone opening the slider. Both of our heads whip to the side.
“I was coming in for some more beer…” Shane begins.
Kody lets out a feral growl.
“But I think I’ll just come back later,” he concludes swiftly.
Even standing wrapped up in Kody’s arms, now that the kiss is over, I’m seized with terror.
What did we just do?
Kody
Overwhelming regret seizes me. Not that it happened, but that I wasn’t strong enough all those years ago to get over my frustration of not having Meadow in my life in some way and walking out of her life completely.
“You’re thinking pretty hard there.” I let go of her hip to cup her cheek.
“Regrets,” she whispers.
I rear back as if she slapped me. “About this?”
“No! About all those years ago.” She brushes her fingers over my lips. “Maybe some part of Mitch knew I was never going to be his, and so that’s why…”
I press a kiss to them before I move her hand aside. “Then he should have had the strength to have walked away before he disrespected his vows.”
At her gasp, my body surges against hers. Now that the invisible barrier’s come down between us, I’m finding it hard to fight off the urge not to give in to every fantasy I’ve ever had about her since the day we met. My head drops until my chin is tucked neatly against the curve of her shoulder.
For long moments we stand wrapped in each other’s arms, breathing in each other. Suddenly, her phone rings. When she pulls back, her vivid blue eyes are wide. “It’s the kids.”
“Do you need to go somewhere to take it?”
She nods before rushing off without another word. My eyes follow her as she dashes down the hall while answering. “Hey. Elise? Honey? What happened?”
Before I can do anything, Shane pokes his head back in. “Is it safe to get another beer?”
“No.” I haven’t moved an inch since Meadow closed the door to what I assume is her bedroom.
“Everything okay with Meadow?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Kody?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re different with her,” he observes quietly.
I turn my head to raise a brow at him.
He shrugs. “Just want to say, I wasn’t kidding if you want to open a Montana branch.” He slaps me on the shoulder before adding, “I’ll clear everyone out.”
“Thanks, Shane.” Crossing my legs at the ankles, I lean back against the counter and just wait.
It takes twenty minutes for my crew to carry the beer and wine they brought out to their vehicles, plus most of the food Meadow cooked. But when they try to take the leftover croissant marshmallow puffs, I threaten, “Not if you value your paychecks. Those are mine.”
They all laugh.
“Tell Meadow thanks. I hope everything’s okay. She’s been in there a while.” Shane’s the last one out the door.
I push away from where I’ve been monitoring her door to follow them out. “Will do. I’ll ping you in the morning to let you know what time I plan on being at the site.”
“Sounds good, boss.” Shane slaps his hand in mine, giving it a rough shake before heading out. I stand in the doorway to make certain everyone makes it out of the gate, which has a small strip of lights illuminating it at night. Seeing the two twelve-foot wrought-iron structures close together after the last car, I close Meadow’s front door before going off in search of her.
Walking up to her door, I knock softly and call her name. When there’s no answer, I try again. “Meadow?” I drop my hand down and twist the handle. Her door opens smoothly inward.
And here I’ve been worrying while she’s dead asleep in the middle of her bed. Likely exhaustion just took over after her phone call. I keep forgetting that even though she works as hard as my crew, she’s not used to this kind of labor.
I move forward to slip off her shoes and pull a throw over her when I get a better look at her face.
Her lips are parted, her brow scrunched. But what causes my heart to clench is the streaks of dried tear tracks on her cheeks. She’s curled up asleep on the bed with a box of tissues tucked closely next to her side. Wads of used ones are scattered around her spread as well as clenched tightly in her fist.
“What the hell?” I whisper, trying not to roar and wake her. What happened during that call to disturb her like this? I cover her with the soft green throw at the foot of the bed. Scooping up the used tissues, I make my way into the adjoining bathroom and toss them away.
Wishing the shadows on the walls could tell me what happened because I’m terrified the woman cradled within the bed won’t, I carefully smooth Meadow’s matted hair away from her face before forcing myself to leave her there alone.
After I bank the fire outside, I find her keys neatly lined up on a wall rack near the front door. There’s a set marked as “spare” a few hooks down from her jacket. Without a second’s hesitation, I pilfer it so I don’t leave her unprotected. It’s not like I don’t know where to find her to return it later. Locking all the exits, I stand outside in the cold March air debating whether I should make the call. Finally worry drives me to pull up a number on my favorites.
Brad picks up after two rings. “Hey.”
And that’s when I realize Brad sounds like what Meadow looked like curled up on her bed, sad and defeated. I rub a hand over my chest as I open the locks on my truck. Lifting myself in and switching to Bluetooth, I offer, “Want to talk?”
“Give me a minute.” I hear him murmur before his footfalls sound in my ear. “Where are you?”
“Leaving what was supposed to be a demo party at Meadow’s. Got interrupted by a call though. You?”
“Somewhere between exasperated and shitfaced.”
Pulling out of Meadow’s driveway, I stop for the gate and finally go for humor. “What are you waiting for? Permission?”
He barks out a laugh. “No, I was just waiting to see if Rainey was going to stop crying long enough to finish the job right.”
“When I locked up, Meadow was passed out in her bed. Doesn’t look good,” I tell him brutally.
There’s an unhealthy silence on the other end of the line. “Kody, I need to tell you something. I know it’s none of my business, but can you tell me what Meadow means to you?”
“We don’t keep secrets from each other, but don’t you think she deserves the right to find out first?” But even as those words come out, I think of the ones Jed held that rocked all out worlds. Are there any more? I wonder frantically.
“No. And not because I’m playing big brother.”
“Brad, I’m thirty-eight years old. Meadow is someone I’ve had feelings for for a long time. Are there sparks, yes. Am I interested? Without question. Am I ready to put everything into words after a few weeks?” I hesitate.
“You know the answer deep inside,” he pushes.
“It’s between her and I. This isn’t a family affair.”
“Then I can’t let you know what happened tonight. You’re going to have to find out what you want to know from Meadow.”
I slam down hard on the brakes, causing them to squeak. “Excuse me?”
“What happened tonight is between family and—”
“Let me get what you’re saying. Right here, right now, if I don’t declare how I feel about Meadow, I’m cut off. That’s it.” What he’s saying is unfathomable.
“Kody, there’s things only family can know.”
“And Jennings isn’t that? Nick?”
“No, they are, but they’re not becoming involved with someone who legally already is.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. When has this crap mattered to you, Brad?”
“Kody…”
“You have no idea what I walked into tonight.”
“I do. Rainey’s in the same condition.”
“But unless Meadow tells me why, I can’t rely on any of you to help me figure it out.” I laugh sharply.
“I’m sorry, but I have to do what I think is right to protect Meadow.”
A sick comprehension smacks me between the eyes. “And I’m not it. You don’t think I’m right for her.”
“No, Kody, that’s not it,” Brad’s quick to jump in.
“Now I understand why you never called when she was in trouble.” I fumble for the device in my console.
“No, Kody. Fuck, you’re wrong; I swear—”
I disconnect the call before he can continue. Heart pounding, hands shaking, I press the button to put my car in park before I try driving any further.
“What the hell just happened?” I ask aloud. As soon as I do, my phone starts to ring. I glance down.
Jennings.
Stomach churning, I send the call to voicemail.
“What the hell did I do to make them think I wasn’t good enough for Meadow? Especially after a guy like Mitch?”
It rings again. Nick. I debate answering, but with my heart lodged somewhere between my neck and my stomach, I just can’t. I send him to voicemail as well.
While I wait to see if any of them leave me a message, I pull up the one voice I desperately need to hear right now and can’t reach out to. Leaning my head back, I press Play and wait for my Bluetooth to blast his voice through the speakers of my car.
Hey, buddy! Greetings from warmer climes. What’s the weather like in Portland? Rainy? Dean and I took the boat out today. It’s ridiculously beautiful here, Kody. You really should come visit and bring Jennings’s sorry ass with you.
But enough about life in Florida. I want to know how you’re doing. I just got this
feeling I needed to talk to you today. So why aren’t you answering your damn phone? Where are you? Off on some job, I bet, and not taking enough time to take care of you. I mean, how much did you get a chance to do that growing up? You forget I know you, Kody. You’re always bending over backwards to make certain everyone you know is taken care of, you forget to take care of this amazing guy. Yeah, asshole. I’m talking about you.
Tears pour down my face as I hear Jed’s robust laugh, but I don’t switch off his voice. I need to hear it, hear him.
Though I don’t know how some woman hasn’t snatched you up by now, you handsome bastard. You’re one of the kindest people I know. Besides which, in a family with six sisters? Jesus, Kody. It’s like you were in training your whole life to be the best husband and father ever.
Then his voice gets really serious. It’s going to happen one day, Kody. Just like it did for me. Remember? We talked about it at Nature’s Song. Don’t let anyone tell you how to fall in love or who to fall in love with. Just love them with that enormous heart you’ve been saving all those years.
Anyway, I really just called to say hi. Miss you, Kody. Every day. Love you, brother. Always.
I hear the click.
I don’t bother to wipe the tears off my face before I tell him, “God, Jed. I miss you too. So damned much. And I’m doing exactly what I promised you I’d do the last time we were here.”
I give myself a few more moments to get under control before I put the car in drive and head back to the lodge.
Tomorrow’s a new day. And it’s yet another in a long line where the hole keeps getting larger in my own heart since now I’ve lost not just one brother but four.
Meadow
The first thing I feel in the morning is warmth when I felt so lost and alone last night after hanging up on my family. Tugging the grass-green throw closer to my chest, I roll over and stare into nothing, feeling empty.
Tears, pleading, finally Rainey shouting we’d discuss it later when everyone had cooler heads. What gave her the right to make choices for my family, when decisions were already in place? Then again, did my children consider themselves my family now? My heart felt like someone actually reached in and squeezed the blood out of it after Elise declared, Me and MJ have decided you should let Aunt Rainey and Uncle Brad adopt us. Dad doesn’t want us, and we don’t want you.
Return by Land (Glacier Adventure Series Book 2) Page 15