As I reminded Isler, Mitchell Borneman’s fault as a father was because he was a failure with what he was doing to his children. The question I was asked in return was, how can I demonstrate it?
As a result, I’m emotionally drained even before seeing the kids.
Rainey immediately starts to run in my direction. She halts when I hold up a hand. “I’d like to speak to Elise and Mitchell privately for a few moments. You’re, of course, welcome to supervise.”
Rainey’s eyes—the exact same shade as mine—go wide. “Josh, Sophie, why don’t you two go with Dad into the backyard.”
“Aw” and “Come on” come from two kids, who are currently kicking butt on a video game. But my two children are staring at me as I’m a stranger.
And I might as well be. I’m sure as hell not the same woman who left over a month ago. I realized that last night.
Yesterday evening, I called Aunt Alice in Connecticut for the first time in forever to ask her advice about the situation. After being lambasted for not asking for help sooner, I took copious notes on my laptop and bookmarked websites she recommended.
After, I spent some time in Maris’s sunroom writing letters to both of my children. After speaking with my aunt, I prepared myself for the fact they may not listen to what I wanted them to hear. So, I wrote both Elise and MJ long letters.
Now, I’m cataloguing every change in each of my children’s features without saying a word. Elise’s hair is growing longer, just like mine. MJ is getting leaner, losing that little-boy chubbiness. I missed this because I didn’t want to push them into accepting the divorce. I straighten my shoulders. I won’t miss anything else.
Rainey is practically quivering, her eyes darting over to me. I frown. Her head ducks, and she lets out a shuddering breath. God, I want to hug my sister so hard, but I can’t. Alice prepared me last night: “Elise and MJ see her as someone they absolutely trust, Meadow. You can’t show her any preference or that could set them into a tailspin.” Fortunately, I did warn Brad in text just before I walked in.
Brad, who’s standing behind everyone, gives me an understanding nod before dragging his kids outside, closing the door firmly behind him.
Once he does, I begin to speak calmly. “Since we’ve had some time to digest our last phone discussion, I felt it prudent to have a family sit-down about it.”
Elise immediately snaps, “What’s there to discuss? Why are you even here? Me and MJ want to—”
I slide my bag off my shoulder and pull out several manila envelopes. “Elise, please. If you could refrain from your dramatics right now? I’ve had about enough of them over the last year. It hasn’t exactly been the easiest time for me either.”
My daughter’s jaw drops. Her eyes fly over to Rainey to determine how she’s supposed to react.
Rainey’s face is impassive except for the tiny wink she manages to get at me from her right eye.
Bingo. Here we go.
“I suggest the dining room table for this conversation?” With the three files in my hand, I take the head of the table. Rainey takes the foot, deliberately I’m sure in order to force Elise and MJ to sit in the middle as we discuss their lives.
Last night, my aunt reminded me that yes, I lost my marriage, but I sure as hell didn’t lose the pride-filled titles of mother, college graduate, and businesswoman. “And, young lady, I want to know where all that courage went to that made you fight every single day that you dedicated for each of those?” she snapped.
That’s when Maris whispered loud enough for Aunt Alice to hear, “Dear God, the stories about her are true. I’m going to get some chocolate.”
And all three of us laughed then, but I’m not laughing now as I reach for the first file inside the first manila envelope. “Rainey, here’s a copy of my divorce decree and my attorney’s information. You’ll need this information if you plan on seeking custody of the children.” I slide the folder the length of the table.
My sister nods. “Everything is in order?” She knows it is, but so easily, she’s picked up my game.
“Of course. It cites the reasons for the divorce as well as all of the information about the custody agreement between me and Mitch.” I bite my lip. “It also identifies the codicil about the move to Montana, the mandatory distance until they’re eighteen, and his pension. How is that going to work for Brad if…”
“Well, we haven’t discussed that part yet. We’re hoping Mitch will be reasonable,” Rainey says with a completely straight face that I know must cost her.
I snort. “Good luck with that. It cost me thousands of dollars just to get him to agree to college payments. Don’t you remember? And I was married to him for sixteen years.”
“God, that’s right. Well, we’ll figure it…”
“What are you talking about?” Elise screeches.
I barely spare my daughter a glance. “Your aunt and I are discussing the battle I went through to ensure you and your brother would be financially secure after your father and I ended our marriage. The problem is, there are certain rules in place. For example, certain aspects about my life have to be maintained since he fought over the custody agreement—such as the distance to where your father plans on living with his new job in Idaho. However, things like contributing to your college funds?” I shake my head. “That’s determined based on income. And your aunt and uncle make more than your father and I did at the time we signed the documents. So, I suspect they’ll have to absorb that cost.”
“But…Dad said he was solely paying for college.” Elise’s voice trembles. “No matter what.”
Rainey and I exchange a long look. “When was that, darling?”
“A few weeks before Mom left. He took us out to eat and said Mom was putting money aside for a secret, but he had one of his own.” Her face is much paler than normal. I want to reach out and reassure her, but I pretend indifference.
“Everything I’ve told you is a court-ordered mandate. You do know what that means, correct, Elise? You’ve heard your father say that at the dinner table enough.”
“It means the court is making someone do something,” she whispers.
“That’s right. So, Rainey, back to Montana. I don’t see why you have to move to Bigfork, but anywhere within ninety minutes of Bonners Ferry should work.”
“Is there ocean access?” she asks, knowing damn well there isn’t.
I shake my head. “No. Lakes are aplenty, but no ocean.”
“Oh. But I don’t see that as a major problem as Mitch has been here. Maybe we can sit down with him to discuss it.”
Now it’s my turn to act shocked. “He has? He was supposed to start training for his new job. That’s why we all agreed to let the kids finish out the school year with you and Brad.”
MJ speaks up. “Dad came up for a few weeks. Said he had the dates wrong, Mom.”
“Well, that must have been good for you all to see him. Did you speak with him about your desire for Aunt Rainey and Uncle Brad to…”
“No. We, uh, didn’t think that the timing was right.” MJ’s frantically trying to catch his sister’s eye, but hers are locked on the stack of papers Rainey’s holding.
“Sorry, Rainey. He’ll have to sign away his rights in order to—” I begin, but Elise shoves back her chair.
“What are you doing? Don’t you want us anymore?” she yells.
This was what I was looking for. “I have wanted you from the very moment I knew I was carrying you, Elise. And everything I do in this life is to make certain you are happy and healthy. Even if that means”—my voice breaks—“walking away. I will let you and your brother hate me if that’s what you need right now to get through this. But if you’re going to hate me, you will do so knowing the truth.”
“I don’t have to listen to this,” Elise declares. MJ starts to rise.
Rainey corrects her, “Yes, you do. Now, sit down. Both of you.”
Elise and MJ quickly listen. Their heads avert when I start speaking. “I will apo
logize for a few things. That first is I didn’t do a good enough job reassuring you that this wasn’t your fault. That somewhere deep inside you may think you were the cause of this divorce. Neither of you were.”
I push away from the table and begin to pace back and forth. “Your father did something that broke the foundation of trust to our marriage.” Elise opens her mouth, but I shake my head. “You may have heard rumors or people talking about it. I’m sorry I didn’t discuss those reasons with you, but it goes back to the first one. What good does it do to tarnish your father’s image to his children? Did he break his vows to you? No, he did that to me. Me.” I slam my hand against my chest.
“It was my decision not to drag the two of you into it, to not make it ugly. I tried to preserve that love you each had for him. I encouraged you to go out with him to dinner, to spend as much time with him as you could. So, maybe this is all my fault. Maybe all of this confusion and pain does lie with me.
“I tried to hide my initial anger and sadness that my marriage, that the family dynamic we lived for so many years, was ending. I was dying inside, but I didn’t want to burden you with it. You’re my children, and it’s my job to protect you from that and from messy discussions like the one your aunt Rainey and I just had. Thank God for her is all I can say.” My eyes are brimming with tears as they meet my sister’s. Hers are overflowing. “I don’t know how I would have survived those first few months when I did try to piece together our family before I decided that my—our—future had a higher value than what was being offered.”
“What does that mean?” Elise asks.
I shake my head. “One day when you’re old enough, I’ll explain. But right now, you need to experience your feelings and your emotions in your own timetable. Just know that it has to do with the adult part of your father’s and my relationship. Okay?”
Elise quickly nods. I slide the rest of the first folder in Rainey’s direction. Rainey looks up in surprise. “What’s this?”
“I had a long talk with Aunt Alice last night. She said for you to read all of that and to call her. There’s some good information in there. And when they’re ready—” I slide the two envelopes with photos and letters for each of my children across the table. “—well, you’ll know what to do with those.”
“What? What are those?” Elise queries. Her voice is less antagonistic than when I came in.
“Yeah, what are those, Mom?” MJ asks.
I hold my sister’s eyes. I can’t walk out without telling her, “I love you.”
“I love you. And I’m sor…”
“Don’t be. There’s no one to blame.”
Rainey’s lip is trembling, but she doesn’t say anything more. She just slides the folders aside.
With a sigh, I know I’ll never make it to the door without possibly outdoing some of my children’s healing. But at least things will be better between you and Rainey and they’ll know that, I tell myself. And besides, I need to hug my sister before I leave Juneau.
“I’m just a phone call or a text away if you have any questions. And, God, I hope both of you know, I love you more than anything in this world, in this life. I’d give up anything so you both will be happy.” With that, I begin to make my way around the table and through the dining room.
I feel my heart squish under my boots when I hear MJ ask Elise in confusion, “Wait? Where’s Mom going? She’s not staying?”
“I… Don’t ask me that now!” his sister snaps at him.
My hand is on the door before I’m whirled around. I can’t see her face, but I know it in the place in my heart where the sun always shines and the grass always grows. There’s always a piece of rain there.
That’s my Rainey.
Her arms squeeze me so hard, I can’t breathe. “I love you, Meadow. I hoped you understood what was happening. Then you wouldn’t answer. So, I had to…”
“Shh. It’s okay.”
“I’m seeing you for all of twenty minutes and I know you’re doing better. Tell me you’re better.”
Over Rainey’s shoulder, I catch a glimpse of Brad coming inside with the kids. In my sister’s ear, I whisper, “Ask Brad,” knowing that will drive her nuts. Squeezing her hard because I know it will have to last for a long time, I turn and make my way out the door where Maris is waiting to take me back to the airport.
I figure I can break apart just as easily on the plane waiting to take me back.
Kody
Jennings and Kara stay overnight, which is a welcome distraction. I show them around the property and explain all the repairs the team is making to the main house. Jennings is surprised at how far we’ve come in just a few short weeks.
I snort. “Don’t ever underestimate Meadow. She could give Greta a run for her money.”
Jennings’s brows raise to his hairline. “She’s that good?”
“Better. She’s ridiculously talented as a negotiator, and she doesn’t shy away from getting down and dirty. By the time I’d first walked in the door, she had this place cleared out in order to get rid of some of the ‘ridiculous upcharges.’’’ Jennings snorts remembering his comment about the crown molding. I go on. “I always knew she was strong, but I never knew she was this determined. There’s an inner strength inside her I’ve seen in only a few people.”
Jennings opens his mouth to reply, but Kara elbows him in the ribs. “I don’t think I’m breaking any confidences by reminding you she’s also full of so much insecurity still, Kody,” she says.
Yanking off my hard hat in frustration, I run a hand through my hair in frustration. “After everything she’s been through, I think I understand why.”
“No, I’m not sure you do,” Kara corrects me gently.
I frown at her.
Jennings and Kara exchange a complicated look. “Sometimes, it isn’t because they don’t want to share, Kody,” Jennings begins. “Sometimes it’s because there’s deeper burdens the person you care for isn’t quite ready to unload.”
Kara curves her body closer to his in silent agreement.
“I hope Meadow is beginning to understand I’m here for anything she needs to share.” Hasn’t a part of me been lying dormant for almost two decades for the chance? A tiny bit of bitterness fills my mouth at the thought, but I shove it aside.
“In one sense, you’re better equipped than most,” Jennings starts.
Mocking him, I arch a brow and throw an arm out to the side where the team’s left large saws neatly aside to rip drywall down in the morning. “I’d say my equipment is pretty impressive.”
We all laugh, but Jennings continues. “You understand women.”
“Should I be here for this?” Kara asks impudently.
“Because of his family, Owl. Kody might have some latent estrogen floating in his aura and not know it.”
I roll my eyes. “Cute, Jennings. Can we get back to what we were discussing?”
Kara takes pity on me. Stepping forward, she reaches for my hands. “All I’m going to ask you to think about is this: Would it have worked out all those years ago? Are you both the same people now that you were then?”
I open my mouth immediately to say yes, but my voice gets stuck.
“For years, she’s had a life. So have you. And now, you’re at a crossroads. It’s so familiar it’s like I—we—” Her head tips back to look at Jennings, before she continues. “—are living it with you. It hurts us because while we don’t know, we know.”
Understanding slams into my heart stronger than any punch Nick could ever throw. “Brad…”
“Is trying to figure out how to protect everyone from getting hurt. It’s just not possible,” Jennings confirms. Devastation crosses his face. “When he realized what he said, how badly he screwed up, he called me and said, ‘I feel worse than the night we lost Jed.’”
I turn away and brace my hands against the cabinet frame. Too many thoughts and emotions are tangling together. “Do you know what she’s doing?” I finally ask.
; “No, but she’ll be back by tomorrow night.” I spin around, shocked. Jennings is holding Kara clasped to his side. “I got a call from Lou”—Jennings’s partner in Northern Star Flights—“to send Jasper to pick her back up in Juneau tomorrow afternoon. So, whatever is going down is happening quickly.”
I’m absorbing that information when Kara suggests, “Let’s head back to town and get something to eat. Then we can plan on heading out early ourselves? I want Kevin to sleep at home instead of at Brooks’s tomorrow. He has a physics test the next day and doesn’t need to be blowing up things all night. What? You Jennings men don’t think I don’t understand you?” She rolls her eyes up at her husband.
Jennings taps her nose, and for just a moment, I’m riddled with envy over the ease of their relationship—not that it wasn’t a hell of a ride to get to where they are now. “Those are manly secrets. Besides, he’s studying while playing.”
“Really?” Kara’s tone is dry.
“Well, that’s how he explained it to me.”
Leaving them to bicker it out, I move through Nature’s Song to close off lights until we’re all back in the truck.
After dinner that night and having given each of them long hugs goodbye since I won’t see them in the morning, I’m standing at the balcony rail, thinking of the questions Kara asked me.
Would we have worked out all those years ago?
Pulling out my phone, I decide to call someone whose honest opinion I can always rely on.
My mom answers immediately. “Kody? Is something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Ah.” And that’s all she says until, “What’s going on with Meadow?”
Dragging a chair next to the deck rail, I prop my booted feet onto it. “Is it a sixth sense, or do you have a wire on me?”
“Sweetheart, you’re a grown man—one your father and I are proud of every single day. But for you to call at almost eleven o’clock at night means you have something on your mind. Since I very much doubt it has to do with the job since I don’t know how to put those thingies on the back of a picture frame—”
Return by Land (Glacier Adventure Series Book 2) Page 22