by K J
“Oh. Oh God.” She squashed her hands against her chest, tucking her elbows into her side, as her lungs expelled air in great gasps. “Oh, those bastards. Those bastards. They killed Louise. Oh my God.” Tears rose in her eyes, falling over the edge.
Lin’s face was a picture of pain and sympathy. “I know, hon. Unfortunately, they won’t be charged with murder or anything of that magnitude. You know that. Louise’s body simply couldn’t handle that particular cocktail. Hey, listen.” Sophia lifted her head to hold Lin’s gaze. “I’m sorry for taking you through it step by step like that. But I went through those same mental steps just this morning. I couldn’t very well march in here with a box of Kung Pao Chicken and a big allegation, like a superhero in a crap movie. You wouldn’t have believed me, just like I didn’t at first.” She growled, really more a drawn out groan, and shook her head. “What they did was evil, Soph.” They looked at each other for a long minute, their faces horror-struck.
“Tal knows all this, doesn’t she?” Sophia whispered.
Lin snarled. “Oh, yes. She absolutely knows. And those bastards are in for it.” She pointed forcefully at Sophia. “This is why I knew I should tell you. You needed to know what I’d found out. But I also needed to tell you, so you don’t feel obliged to protect Louise’s integrity anymore. Tal is onto that. You don’t have to protect Louise now, sweetie. What you can do is honour her.”
Sophia hiccuped, and blew out a shaky breath. “Okay.” She shot a glance at Lin. “I won’t share what you told me.”
Lin tipped her head. “Good. I can’t imagine Tal would be hugely impressed if you did.”
Sophia unwound her legs and stood. “Thank you for telling me. Do you want to stay?”
Lin climbed out of her chair. “Nope. Just came to see that you’re eating. But walk me home. The way I’m feeling right now, I’m likely to rid South Melbourne of any criminals that we encounter. They’ll need the protection.” She tucked her arm under Sophia’s elbow. “Go to Louise’s service tomorrow, Soph, and honour her memory. Yes, she left.” She squeezed Sophia’s arm as she opened the door. “So hold on to those who are still here. We’re not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twenty
“Hi Mum and Dad. Just thought I’d pop by. I’m sorry I haven’t been for a while.” Sophia, knees splayed, leaned forward to flick a dead leaf from the memorial plaque under the rose bush in the pretty garden at the cemetery. Her parents’ ashes were interred in the curved wall behind the garden edge, but Ben and Sophia had chosen the Paradise Rose bush as the site for the plaque. There weren’t any roses yet, being nearly winter, but come spring the flowers would burst from their little rose hips into an extravagance of mauve with ruby-red edges, and cast out a truly astonishing scent, like those spritzed at customers by perfume ninjas at the entrances to department stores. She brushed another leaf aside.
“I feel bad that the only reason I’m here is for someone else. Well,” she bobbed her head side to side, “that’s not right. I’m here to say hi to you, and bye to someone else. Kinda sucks, actually.”
“It does.”
Sophia straightened and lifted her head, as Ben rubbed her shoulder blade.
“Got room for a buddy on that really cold concrete bench?”
Sophia smiled, and shifted over, careful not to snag her black woollen pants on the slightly rough surface. She pulled her coat closer. “What are you doing here?”
Ben settled his body onto the bench, and mimicked Sophia’s posture. “I thought I’d visit Mum and Dad.”
“Mm. On the same day as Louise’s funeral.”
“Huh. Is it?” Ben shot Sophia a glance, and she caught it, holding his gaze, then a soft smile lifted her lips.
“Thank you.”
Ben gently bumped her shoulder. “I love you, kiddo.” Sophia rolled her eyes, and held up two fingers.
“Two minutes older,” she mouthed and Ben chuckled.
“Yeah, whatever. How are they today?” He lifted his chin at the memorial plaque.
Sophia gave him a look. “They’re…here. But we’re having a chat. I was about to tell them about the grand final next Saturday.”
Ben gave a couple of nods. “Cool. Have you spoken to Cam since Wednesday?”
A large sigh filled, then emptied her lungs. “No.” She rolled her head around on her shoulders.
“You’re avoiding her.”
“So?”
“Mature.”
“Ben…” Sophia paused. “I’m scared.”
“Of?”
“I’m scared that I’ve got nothing tangible anymore.” Sophia grunted. “See? That’s it. This.” Her vague gesture encompassed the sky. “All this. The football season. Louise. Cam. Me. I think I’ve lost my way.”
Ben plucked a leaf from the ground and began to methodically shred it. “Where were you going?”
“What?”
He flipped the leaf over. “You can’t lose your way if you don’t know where you were going.” Sophia stared at her black boots, noticing the slight smudge of dirt on the toe. The tiny sounds of a leaf being torn into pieces filled the silence.
“I don’t know where I’m going, Ben. Not like you. You know exactly where you’re going.”
Ben tossed away the leaf carcass and scooped up another sacrifice. “I’m already there, Soph.”
Sophia leaned into his shoulder. “How?” she said, suddenly tired.
Ben stilled his hands, letting them fall between his knees. “A beautiful, amazing woman loves me, she’s carrying our child, I love what I do at the store, and I get to have you as my sister.” He rolled his shoulder against hers. “I’m already there.”
It was only a small gap to fill, so Sophia tipped her head onto his shoulder, relaxing her body against his solid form.
“Soph, you are a great human.” Ben’s voice rumbled from his chest into her body. “You just need to see what everyone else sees. The great human bit. I can see it. Lin sees it. Anyone who knows you sees it. Like Cam. She sees you.” He paused. “You’re not lost. You’ve simply let other stuff erase your road. All the dark stuff that’s happened this season can’t be allowed to smother the light. Push back at it. Make the good things so shiny and bright that any darkness instantly recoils. Shiny bright things like Lin and our baby. Like me because I’m awesome.” Sophia smiled into the sleeve of his coat. “Like the Hart Road girls who think you’re a freaking superhero. Like football. Like you.”
Sophia rubbed Ben’s arm, then stretched, turning her body to look at him properly. “When did you get so wise, little brother?”
Ben squared his shoulders, lifted his chin and looked into the distance. “It’s the beard. I’ll start smoking a pipe soon.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Maybe wear a pointy hat and add words like ‘the wise’ to the end of my name.”
Sophia laughed, and tapped her fist against his upper arm. “You’re a goof, and I love you.” Ben grinned, then waved his hand at the plaque.
“I’ll leave you to your conversation. I’ll be at Louise’s burial if you need a person, or I can wait for my Uber near Flo.” He stood, and Sophia grabbed his hand.
“I’ll need a person.”
***
The manicured lawn that drifted away from the burial plot was putting-green smooth. Sophia stood at the back, with Craig and the players from the South Melbourne team, each of them accessorising their black clothing with a team scarf draped around their necks. The breeze lifted Sophia’s hair, fluttering it over the knitted material, and she hunched her shoulders against the cold. Those closest to Louise in life were also closest to her in death, as her family occupied the seats near the grave. Sophia tuned into Louise’s dad’s concluding words.
“Our Louise was a light that came with a dimmer switch, and yes, it dimmed when she was grumpy, and moody, or she didn’t get her way. Mostly from ages fourteen to sixteen.” He smiled weakly. “But oh wow, when she set her light to full, it was a supernova. It lit up the world.”
He lifted his chin and looked over at the team. “I’d like to thank you all for coming today. I know our service was closed this morning, but the fact that you’re here for this would mean everything to her.” His voice cracked, and Sophia could see his jaw muscles bunching. “She loved football.”
That did it. Sophia’s resolve shattered, her eyes filled, and she shoved her hands into her pockets. His remaining words, and then those of the minister as she completed her commendation and farewell blurred in her ears, and her fingers searched for the little piece of string that she’d slid into her pocket that morning. Tears fell down her cheeks. Why do poems always say that tears are hot? Because they weren’t. Tears were cold. So cold that they burned. Sophia let go of the string, swiped her hand across the skin under her eyes, and blinked up at the grey sky. She dropped her hand, and breathed tightly through her teeth, her lips closing with every quiet sob.
Soft skin, warm and unexpected, smoothed a path along her palm, and fingers entwined with her own. Sophia didn’t jump, or even twitch in fright. She simply closed her eyes, her lashes disturbing the tears so that another shower cascaded down her cheeks. She swallowed the boulder in her throat, and squeezed her fingers. Thank you. Oh, God. “Thank you,” she breathed. A gentle squeeze in return told her that Cam had heard.
They stood together, hands joined, for the remainder of the service, then everyone quietly dispersed. Sophia nodded to those that made eye contact, then stared at the grass. Finally, she raised her head and met Cam’s unshakeable gaze.
“Hi,” Sophia said softly, and collected Cam’s other hand in her own. Cam drew their joined hands behind her back, bringing their bodies together.
“Hi there,” she murmured into Sophia’s chest. They stood like that for a moment, then Cam released Sophia’s hands, and withdrew. “You okay?”
Sophia gave a deep sigh. “I think so. I’m so sad about Louise, and I’m so disappointed that the rookies have had their dream season shattered. That we’ve all had our season shattered. I…I just want to walk away, Cam.” She shook her head and grimaced as the frustration and anger burned inside. Then she bared her teeth, and her gaze bored into Cam’s. “Write it.” Sophia sent the words through her teeth. “Please write the story. All of it. Blow the whole damn lot up.” She brought Cam’s hands to her lips, and kissed the knuckles.
“Are you sure? What happened to protecting—”
“Nope. Tell it all, Cam. Barry’s trying to make it better next year, but it’s not enough. The AFL need to have a giant spotlight shone on them, and that’s you. You’re the bright shiny light.” She wrapped Cam’s arms around her, holding her close, her hands behind her back, then let Cam’s hands go so she could hold her against her chest, one hand tucked into the curls at Cam’s neck. “God, you’re a bright shiny light.” They stayed in the embrace long after others had left, their bodies pressed tightly together. Then Ben engulfed them with gentle arms.
“I’m grabbing an Uber. I’ll see you soon. Hi Cam,” he said quietly into the space between the tops of their heads. Sophia and Cam pulled away slightly, without letting go. Ben delivered a small smile.
“Hi Ben,” Cam said. “I didn’t realise Sophia had you here. I probably didn’t need to attend as well.”
Sophia went to respond, but Ben got in first. “Oh, I’m glad you are. We’re both here to bring comfort. Well, your comfort is different from mine,” he said innocently, then looked horrified. “Oh! No, that’s…I meant, you know, comfort in the normal—” He blinked. “I’m going to stop talking now. Yes. Stopping.”
Their quiet laughter felt alien in the sombre environment. Then it wasn’t, as the sound kicked away the dark.
Sophia, after they’d said goodbye to Ben and walked across the lawns to the rose garden, indicated with a raised finger to Cam that she’d be a minute. She sat quietly on the bench.
“Hi Mum and Dad. I’m back. So I said bye to a team mate today. She died because someone thought she was dispensable. It’s something that I don’t think I’ll ever get over.” The rose bush drifted in and out of focus as she blinked tears. “I’m a bit disillusioned with footy, Dad. Too many people—men—want to dismiss our league, and I don’t think we’re strong enough to fight them. But we’ll try. I know someone who’s going to make some fierce waves that the AFL will have to deal with, and maybe those waves will wash away all the fucking shit—sorry Mum. Maybe those waves will wash away most of the issues and give the league a fresh start. I hope so.”
Another leaf had fallen onto the plaque since she’d visited in the morning, so she picked it up and started to shred it like Ben had done. “I think it will. Her name’s Cam. She’s going places, Mum and Dad. She’s smart and sassy…and beautiful, and does this thing with her hair where she curls it around her finger when she’s thinking.” When the wide smile stretched Sophia’s lips, the tiny muscles around her mouth felt unused, like they’d just started back at the gym after a very long absence. “She’s astonishing. You need to meet her. I know I’ve never done this, and it’s a bit strange. But I’d like to introduce her to you. She’s special and I haven’t told her this yet, but I think I might have found my person. She really gets me.” Sophia blew out a breath, and watched it mist briefly in the air. Then she stood, turning to look for Cam, who was reading the plaques at the other end of the path. Sophia strode towards her, slipping her hand into Cam’s. They smiled into each other’s eyes, and Sophia couldn’t help herself. She pressed her lips to Cam’s mouth, sinking into the kiss. Cam shifted her body so she was flush against Sophia. But when Sophia’s tongue touched Cam’s lips, Cam jerked away, poking her glasses back onto her nose.
“Um. Hmm. We’re in a cemetery. I feel like we’ve got a really amazing, but highly captive audience saying ‘go you’ and that’s weird.” She wrinkled her brow.
Sophia chuckled, and wrapped her arms about Cam’s shoulders, drawing her in. “You are hilarious. But yeah, it is weird.” She pulled away. “Come on. I have two people I’d like you to meet.”
Sophia patted the space next to her on the bench, and Cam slowly sat. They looked at the plaque for a moment.
“Mum and Dad, this is Cam. She’s my awesome friend, but there is a very strong chance that she’ll be more than just a friend.” Sophia glanced at Cam, spotted the bottom lip bite, and smiled. Cam lifted her eyebrows.
“Is it my turn now?” she asked softly.
Sophia nodded, and Cam clasped her hands together between her knees.
“Hi Philip and…” Cam peered at the plaque. “Angela. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I, um…as Sophia said, I’m her friend, and yes, there is every chance of me being more.” She reached for Sophia’s hand. “I know a question most parents ask is how we met. So I met Sophia at a team meeting when she became all righteous and uptight about some stories I was writing. Turns out she was correct about that.”
“What?” Sophia said, turning her body.
Cam kissed her knuckles. “I’ll tell you later. Now shush. Don’t interrupt. I’m having a conversation with your parents.” She turned back to the roses. “Then we didn’t quite get on, although your daughter kept asking me out, which was embarrassing for her.” She tossed a quick grin at a thoroughly amused Sophia. “She insisted I learn how to kick a football—you’d be proud, Philip. And I insisted she go on a hike where I made her hug a tree. Then I brought her cupcakes and that was an interesting evening.” Cam caught Sophia’s soft blush. “You’re probably wondering what happened then? Well, your daughter is complicated and makes it difficult for potential more-than-friends to get to know her. But that’s okay. I happen to think she’s wonderful and worth the effort.” Sophia squeezed Cam’s hand. “You did an amazing job raising Sophia in the time given to each of you. She’s loyal and focused and thoughtful. And she understands me as well, which is pretty handy because I’m a bit complicated too. I like your daughter a whole lot.” She lifted her shoulders in a slow-motion shrug, blew out a breath, then turned to Sophia.
; “I…you’re amazing,” Sophia said incredulously.
“Mm. Sure. I’ll wear that.” Cam grinned.
Sophia gave her head a slight shake. “I don’t deserve you.”
Cam used their joined hands to jab at Sophia’s thigh. “Yes, you do.” She waited until Sophia looked up. “You deserve what everyone deserves. Companionship. Affection. Support. Friendship. And love, if it comes to it. You deserve the very best, Soph and that’s me.” She grinned. “Besides, I still have your shirt.”
Sophia scooted closer and wrapped her arm around Cam. “I have yours too. And speaking of that—well, not speaking of the shirt, more like the day. I wanted to apologise for telling you that you make me itch. You don’t at all. I just…” she trailed off.
Cam snuggled into Sophia’s coat. “I know. Looks like you’ve found some allergy medication, though.” Sophia squeezed her.
“Yeah. Cam kisses.”
Cam giggled. “Later. Not in front of your parents.”
Sophia smiled. “Where are your parents?”
“Somewhere in Queensland.” Cam’s voice was distant.
“That’s a really big state.”
“Mmhmm. It is.”
Sophia stared, then nodded slowly, wrapping her other arm around Cam. “Okay, then.” She kissed the curls on Cam’s head. “Hey, how did you get here?”
Cam straightened. “Taxi.”
Sophia smiled. “I brought a spare helmet in case one of the team needed a lift. Want to be my spare?”
Cam beamed. “Love to. Flo and I need to catch up.” Sophia laughed.
“You make it sound like Flo’s a person the way you anthropomorphise her.”
Cam raised an eyebrow. “Says the woman who named her moped Flo and used the word ‘her’ just now at the end of a sentence.”