by Desirée
I just wanted my first ultrasound. I was almost fourteen weeks pregnant. I had so many fucking questions. Why was I so big this early? I constantly prayed I wasn’t pregnant with more than one, because that was a definite possibility between Jahiem’s family and mine. He had triplets and twins in his family, while I had twins on my side. We always talked about that, and he said just to prepare. He was going to stock up and buy two of everything. My stomach was to the point now where people looked at it before they noticed me or my face. Why the fuck did my breasts hurt? My body was going through so many changes, and I could barely handle them with Jahiem by my side. Now that I had no one?
I looked around the station, feeling the wind whip as I kept my scarf closely wrapped. I watched a few ladies hand out flyers to women, talking to them about whatever. Oh, shit. I couldn’t stand people who do that shit while I was on the train. Don’t ask me for no money, don’t ask me about God, and don’t ask me about what the fuck am I getting into tonight. Mind yo’ fucking business.
I spotted one girl, who stopped a few feet in front of me. She smiled slowly at me. I continued to stare at her weird ass through the shades as I kept a tight grip on my belongings. She wore jeans with some riding boots with a cute gold buckle on the sides, a hoodie with a cute, long trench coat over it. She had dark skin with a pretty face, and dark brown hair straightened to perfection as it hung loosely just above the shoulders with the side swoop.
“Hi,” she greeted softly as she walked up to me, handing me a flyer.
I just stared at her; didn’t even glance at the paper. She just smiled sweetly, and without so much as a hello from me, the bitch took it as an invitation to sit down next to me.
“Whoo, Lord Jesus, it’s cold. I’ve been watching you for at least twenty minutes now, and not once have you gotten on a train. You must be waiting on someone.”
“And you must be nosy as fuck,” I retorted, scooting down on the bench.
She just smiled, shook it off as if she didn’t recognize when someone was being rude to her. “My name is Noelle,” she said with her hand out.
I continued to mind my fucking business. Fuck is this bitch’s problem? Ain’t that much Southern hospitality in Atlanta. We don’t do that here, boo.
“Anyway,” she continued, “a couple of us ladies are out here trying to get women to come out to our free clinic,” she said, showing me the paper.
The moment I saw First Primary Baptist Church on it, I cringed, quickly getting up. “I don’t fuck with nobody from that church,” I stated, trying to redo my zipper on my coat, which I realized was broken.
She glanced at my stomach before a flash of concern hit her face. “Oh, wow, how far—”
“Don’t worry about it,” I snapped. Where the fuck was Jahiem at? I didn’t want to be out here on MARTA talking to random strangers. I couldn’t do this. You got me pregnant, and you promised you would help me even after I agreed to a DNA test, but you still got me out here—
“Are you okay?” she asked, hand on my shoulder as I sniffed, wiping my wet cheek before flipping her hand off me. Everything sweet and nice about her changed instantly in that moment. “Look,” she started, voice dropping as she looked around. “I’m tired as fuck. I just woke up not too long ago, and I really don’t want to be out here longer than I have to. Okay? If you don’t need any fucking help, say that shit, but you don’t have to be rude about it.”
I cocked my head back, looking at this girl. Oh, okay, bitch. I see ya.
“I don’t fuck with your church.”
“Why not? This has nothing to do with going to a women’s clinic. Clearly you need some type of help. You’re pregnant and obviously have no place to go, unless you’re waiting on someone.”
Fuck it.
“A man who I called father molested me when I was eleven. I told my mama this, and she said I was lying. I told everyone, and they said I was lying, said I was being a fast ass. He’s not my real dad, but because he raised me as his own, I was supposed to be grateful, even though he snuck into my room and did what the fuck he did that night,” I said as her eyes widened in horror. “I decided to let that shit go, but everyone said I was trying to break up the family. My brother doesn’t fuck with me like that, because that’s his dad. Barely talks to my mom because of me, and I was the one that was put to shame when this nigga shoved his dick in me—over and over again.
“So, why I don’t fuck with that church? I don’t believe in churches making money off dumb bitches like you. I don’t believe in paying to pray for God, and that same nigga that is your pastor is the same nigga I’m supposed to call my dad,” I let out as her mouth dropped. “Now, I have no place to go. My baby daddy doesn’t want shit to do with me. My so-called family been stopped fucking with me after that, and I’m hungry, tired, and I want to check on the health of my baby, but for what when I can’t even take care of myself at this point?” I let out, hands in the air as I felt the tears coming down. All I wanted was Jahiem. I just wanted to be at home with my man, in his arms, hearing him tell me stories about his childhood. I loved it when we would lay in the bed and just talk.
“Come on,” she said, taking my things as she looked around.
“Whet?” I flipped as she started walking.
“Let’s go. I’m taking you to the doctor. I’ll pay for it,” she said.
I quickly followed her, shocked. Now, if I was lying, this bitch would have been got, but damn. There are people out there that will do things like that for a complete stranger? In Atlanta?
I followed her to the gate with her tapping her card, and me following quickly behind her. As soon as we got in her car, she cut it on to warm it up just as her phone rang.
“Hello?” she answered, putting it on speaker.
I looked around her car, seeing the wooden cross necklace hanging down her rearview mirror. Pink small pillows with her sorority letters embedded in them sat in the back seat.
Of course she’s a sorority girl. They live off this community service shit.
“Just wanted to call you and say I love you,” the man said softly as she smiled, looking at her phone. I wished a nigga would even think about doing some shit like that for me.
“I love you too, babe,” she beamed before they said their goodbyes and hung up. She let out a contented sigh before looking at me, smile dropping. “Do you know what you’re having?”
“I think it’s a boy,” I said, looking down at my stomach through my coat. “I’m not sure, but I feel like it’s a boy. That’s what I want, at least. I just pray I’m not having more than one. The father comes from a family of triplets and twins. His dad’s granddad was a twin. My real dad is a twin, grandmother was a twin, and so many cousins between the two of us that are twins.”
“Oh! That’s exciting!” she freaked.
I stared at her dully. No, bitch, that’s not exciting! I’m by myself taking care of multiple children? What the fuck? My first time having a baby and I deliver a basketball team. That’s not exciting at all.
“I can’t wait until I have kids,” she continued. “I went to the doctor’s last week to make sure everything about me was healthy and ready to have kids, so today I’m going back to see my results. While I’m there, you can find out everything you need to know.”
“How many do you want?” I asked as she pulled out of the parking lot.
She shrugged with an easy smile. “My boyfriend and I say we both want three, but he wants two girls and a boy. I want two boys and a girl. I just think boys are easier to raise,” she said as I nodded. “I can’t have another girl like me, same attitude, and nasty mouth? Ugh, drive me insane. But maybe one day, I’ll pop out triplets, since he comes from a family of them too.”
“Tell me about it,” I mumbled.
We drove in silence through the back ways of MLK, with her occasionally glancing at me.
“If I could get you a place to stay, would you be willing to leave Atlanta?” she asked.
I looked at her, ey
es wide.
“I mean, it’s not much, but I have family in Albany that will gladly take you in, in your condition. My grandmama loves babies.” She laughed.
“I don’t know what to say,” I mumbled, staring at her. “You would do that?”
“It’s no biggie,” she said, waving me off. “You’re catching me on a good day. Just had a birthday that passed. Spent it with my man in a wonderful hotel for two nights. I’m at my happiest right now.”
I didn’t even have time to be jealous. I just reached over and hugged the fuck out of her.
“You have to promise me that you will be the best mother you can be to that little one. Raise him or her, love him or her, and—”
“Never rely on a nigga for shit,” I cut in. She looked at me. “It’s just me and this baby. Fuck him, fuck him!”
“Fuck him, whoever he is,” she agreed. “You don’t need him.”
“Damn right I don’t.”
The moment we got to the doctor’s office, because it was a Saturday, she had to do some begging to squeeze me in with her appointment time, since hers was just a consultation. So, while she was doing her thing, I was in the room, laid back on the bed, with the cold gel being spread on my stomach by the technician.
“You excited?” she asked, popping on her gum as I eyed her weave. Shit was stiffer than a cold bitch. She needed to do something about that.
When she glanced at me, I smiled sweetly. “I just want to know if the baby is okay, healthy and whatnot,” I said as she looked at the screen. Shit just looked like nothing to me. I didn’t even know what the fuck I was looking at.
“Mm-hmm,” she said, nodding her head as she continued to look. “You see that right there? You see the head?” She pointed.
Got me up here squinting hard, looking at the screen. Didn’t know what the fuck I was looking at, but when I finally caught on, boy, did I catch the fuck up. More than one. My mouth dropped, along with my heart, my soul, and my life. I saw them a second before she did, and this was her fucking job.
“Ooooh, look,” she said, pointing at another one, and another one. I felt myself about to faint. “So, you’re having three babies,” she said, trying to sound excited. “This is my first live ultrasound I did on my own with triplets. You see how they’re together?”
I nodded, tears sliding down the side of my face. All I could think about was Trent. Even though Jahiem said on his mama’s, and clearly his daddy’s side there was a history of multiples, my mind just went to Trent. I knew in my heart it was Jahiem’s, but it would always be that moment of thinking they could be Trent’s kids.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, waving her hand in front of me. “I was asking if you wanted to know the sex of your babies.”
My eyes lit up as I looked at the screen.
“It’s still early, but from what I can see, I’m almost a hundred percent sure you’re having all girls.”
Bruh…
“Cut the machine off,” I mumbled. She looked at me. “Cut that shit off. I don’t want to it see anymore,” I said, moving her hand away. “Let me a get a napkin so I can wipe this shit off me.” I couldn’t even have a fucking boy. Not even one.
As soon as I walked out without so much as a thank you, I met up with Noelle, who sat in the waiting room, eyes red from crying. When she looked up at me, she smiled, quickly trying to cover it up as she stood up.
“You ready?” she asked, sniffing.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, walking out of the building to her car. She just waved me off.
“They just told me a bunch of stuff, technical terms I don’t really understand, but to put it bluntly, I won’t ever be able to have children.”
My mouth dropped as she continued walking to her car, fingers struggling to dial a number on her phone.
Damn . . . and I’m bitching about not having a boy when I was blessed with three girls. She can’t even have one.
Sitting in the car, I watched her cry as the phone continued to ring with no one answering it.
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I know we don’t know each other. Just met at a fucking train station a few hours ago.” I laughed as she looked at me. “You can be the godmother of my load,” I said, rubbing my stomach. “Three girls.”
Her mouth dropped. The title was going to go to Porscha, but this girl and her damn random act of kindness did it for me.
“Yeah,” I continued, looking at my stomach. “Don’t get all excited now. If I’m staying with your family, best believe you will be getting calls when I need a fucking babysitter. Christmas and birthdays will be an event every time, and I mean it,” I said, shaking my head with a roll of my eyes and a smack of my teeth. “Shit, you can even name one of them.”
“Are you serious?” she damn near stopped breathing as I nodded slowly. “Ahhh! Oh my God! Okay, let’s think of a name. What’s the last name?”
“Car—”
“What about—oh my God, let me think,” she said quickly.
I smiled, watching her take on this big-ass responsibility.
“I love April, but Christina is—”
“Both ugly,” I said, cutting her off, and she laughed. “Think of something else.”
She sat quietly, thinking. The car was heating up, and I got comfortable. I was starving like hell.
“Well, my name starts with a N,” she muttered as she backed out of the parking space. We rode around, grabbing a bite to eat, and in between that, she shot names out at me before disregarding them herself. She got on the phone with her parents, and they gladly accepted me in, on the condition that I finish up school down there and not cause any foolishness.
Fuck I’m gonna turn up for with three bitches in my stomach? Fuck I look like? Please. I’m looking for a job. They lucky I agreed to finish school, because my ass was already looking up places on my phone that were hiring in Albany. I needed a car, and to start preparing for these kids. There was so much I had to do, the last thing I was worried about was naming them, so she didn’t know it, but she was going to name two of the three, and one of them was taking her first name.
“Okay,” she said, sipping on her drink as we sat at Zaxbys, eating courtesy of her, once again. She told me to keep my little ten bucks.
“How about . . .” she started, moving her hair out of her face as she smiled at me. “London is my middle name, so let’s go with that.”
“I like that,” I said with a nod, but the bitch continued.
“But my mama said she wanted to name me Peyton after my grandma,” she said as I smiled. Peyton was pretty too. “Which one do you like? You’re the mama.”
“Their names are London, Noelle, and Peyton, in whichever order they come at, I guess. You want to do middle names too?” I asked as her eyes watered up.
She got up so quick, wrapping her arms tight around me as she hugged me hard. “You better call me as soon as you get in labor! I will be coming down there every chance I get to check on you. Do you hear me?” She flipped.
I looked around, seeing people looking at us. “Girl, if you don’t sit yo’ overemotional ass down.” I laughed, nearly having to pry her hands off me. “Come on. I need middle names. Think.”
Later that evening, with a Greyhound ticket in my hand at the station, we said our last, but not final, goodbyes as the bus pulled up. I tried calling Jahiem one last time before giving up. He was done with me, and you know what? I was done with him too. I didn’t have the luxury to worry about a nigga right now, chasing behind him. My priority right now was these girls and myself. Noelle Tierra Carter, London Jasmine Carter, and Peyton Makayla Carter were my main and only concern at this point. Fuck everyone else.
Jordyn
I sat across from Trent in my living room, staring at him as he looked around awkwardly at my place. Elijah had my furniture put back in, but it didn’t matter, because I was beyond upset right now. He was supposed to be there with me. I told him the moment after we landed in Atlanta from Thanksgiving with my
family that I was pregnant. We talked about it, and he agreed that it was best we abort it. He was a little upset about it and upset that I wasn’t taking it as seriously as he was when it was my fucking body in the first place.
I set up the appointment for Saturday at 11 p.m., trying to time it right against his schedule. I was supposed to have it in an hour, but he had missed his flight because why? The man overslept and had to wait. He was all the way in California right now, recording music. I told him I didn’t want to do this by myself, and now I had no choice.
I was nine weeks pregnant and decided to get the surgical abortion. I told my mom about it, and that didn’t go over too well. She wouldn’t speak to me, but my dad continued to check on me.
Looking at my phone, watching the screen light up with Elijah’s name blaring, I pressed IGNORE once more as I looked at Trent. He sat on the couch, keys in hand, waiting, dressed in his fraternity letterman’s jacket with jeans and Timberland boots, and a fresh fade with diamond studs in his ear.
He cleared his throat. “So, how you gonna get there if you don’t want me to take you?” he asked blatantly. “No bus goes out that way, Jordyn. We don’t have to talk in the car, but I’m doing this as a favor to E. I don’t—”
“Why are you talking?” I cut in, looking at him as he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
“Fuck it. I’ll be in the car waiting,” he said, pulling out his phone, no doubt to call Elijah.
Why would Elijah send him over here? I could have made other arrangements had I known Trent would be the one to take me while my car was in the shop. I watched him through the screen door on the phone with Elijah, hand thrown in the air as if he didn’t know what else to do.
I’m not the type of person to forgive easily. Well, when it comes to certain people, obviously. I am stubborn and can hold a grudge for as long as I feel like it’s necessary. Just because he was the brother of the one I was with did not mean I had to like him or get along with him.
Trent turned back around. He opened the door and stepped in, letting the cool air in. “Aye, he wants to talk to you. He said pick up yo’ phone,” Trent said in a dull voice.