by Deana Birch
“Sorry about that. I should have warned you.”
My heart pounded, and when I finally dared to meet his gaze, the sincerity I found blanketed me and held me safe, not unlike he’d done at the poker game. It was horrifying and beautiful. “Why are you so protective of me?”
Leo worked his jaw but never blinked.
After what seemed like forever, he asked, so soft and yet so serious, “Why did you kiss me yesterday?”
Either he wanted an answer or he was giving me one. When I didn’t offer my own, he got up and dumped the rest of his beer in the sink.
Before disappearing down a hall that must have led to his room he said, “You can stay here if you want. And, Fiona, if the only reason you kissed me was to get back at him, don’t ever fucking do it again.”
I sat frozen and staring at the dead air that Leo had occupied for a long time. He’d been right. I was playing a dangerous game—one where there were rules that made no sense, one where there was more at risk than I could understand and one I wanted to keep playing.
The remainder of my beer followed Leo’s down the drain, and I spotted a fuzzy throw blanket next to the couch and cuddled up. I probably should have checked on my sister, but I hadn’t been selfish in so long. I decided that going home just to see everybody sleeping was silly.
* * * *
I woke up the next morning to the door closing, and as I blinked to focus, I realized that I wasn’t alone. Anton stood shirtless over the stove, a blue-and-white striped kitchen towel over his shoulder and a baseball cap on backward. Drug dealers… They’re just like us.
But his casual manner couldn’t stop the fact that I was still pissed at him for manipulating me. I rose quietly and folded the blanket.
“Did you miss me?” he asked over his shoulder but without making eye contact.
“Hardly. What you did the other day was fucked up.” I sat down on a bar stool and wondered how I’d become so at home in their apartment.
“Newsflash…” Anton stirred eggs with a wooden spoon as he turned toward the island. “Everything I do is fucked up.”
“You really know how to charm a girl.”
He piled the fluffy white and yellow mix onto a plate, grabbed a fork out of a drawer then sat next to me—no offer to share his eggs in sight. After a few bites, he said, “You should know that I’m not the jealous type. Jumping on one of my crew isn’t going to piss me off. So, you can stop doing that.”
What if I don’t want to stop doing that? And, my God, Anton was going to choke on those eggs. He was piling them in at an alarming rate.
“Huh… I was sure you wouldn’t want to share your toys.” Why am I poking the beast? Why?
Anton scraped the plate and made one final pile before eating it. He wiped his mouth with the towel and said, “Call me crazy, but I like to take the new ones out of the box and play with them for a while first. But after that, I’m happy to share.”
The steam seeping out of his gaze reminded me that I had actually liked kissing him, that he’d been damn good at it and that we’d had more chemistry than I cared to admit.
I cleared my mind of his sultry confusion and said, “I want to take my little sister out to lunch. Does that require a chaperone?”
“It does—but I don’t do kids. You can ask Leo when you leave.” Anton stood and dumped his dishes into the sink without giving them a second thought. “He’s across the hall.”
Hearing an obvious invitation to leave, I went back to the couch and slipped on my heels. I grabbed my bag from the floor and repeated my walking mantra in my head. No need to fumble in front of the wall of muscle. Anton held the door open and I easily slipped under his arm. Two doors down and on the opposite side of the hall, he punched in a security code. After a small click, we were on the other side in a state-of-the-art private gym. Leo and the one they called ‘Golden Boy’ were in the center of a huge mat, shirtless, sweaty and in the middle of a fight.
Holy hot criminals, Batman.
Leo tripped Golden Boy, punched him in the chest on the way down to the mat then was on top of him faster than a flying monkey.
“Better,” Leo said. “But you’re still thinking too much.”
Anton left my side and went over to the large hanging bag in the corner. “Ricci, you’re on babysitting duty again.” He put in his wireless headphones, swiped a few times on his phone and pounded the bag to a rhythm only he could hear.
Leo got up, offered a hand to Golden Boy then came over to me. Okay, so sweaty, shiny, naked-torso Leo is a force to be reckoned with. Lisa was right. He was an instant panty-melter who fueled the best kind of dirty thoughts I’d had in a while.
“Eyes up, Fi.”
“Whatever. Put a shirt on. Listen… I wanted to take Violet to one of those pizza places where she can make her own pie. There’s one on the East side, and ass-face says I can’t go alone, which is stupid because it’s nowhere near Bradford.”
“Must we do this every time?” His level, bored stare couldn’t hide the humor in his brown eyes.
I smiled. “Can I buy you lunch while Violet has some fun?”
“Send me the address and I’ll pick you up around noon.”
Chapter Ten
Leo
The pizza restaurant was on the edge of Jefferson Manors, another rival neighborhood, but one that tended to be less violent than the bald shitheads north of us. I didn’t want to cause trouble, especially with Violet, so I ditched the black jeans for some khaki pants and pulled on a navy-blue T-shirt.
The problem was that I looked like a preppy prick. The crew was going to eat me alive. Sealing the deal were the dark loafers on my feet. I ran my fingers through my hair and the man staring back at me in the mirror was the spitting image of my former self.
Fuck it. Their safety trumped my pride. I walked down the hall, shaking my head, and when I got to the open shared space of our apartment, Anton and Rafa looked up from the laptop in front of them and busted out laughing.
“Oh, Mr. Ricci, would you like a cup of tea? Or maybe a savory Merlot with your lunch?” Rafa mocked then continued laughing as he tapped his stomach.
Anton sauntered up to me, faking interest and batting his eyes. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” He made kissy sounds that were so out of character for him that I cracked a smile.
“You can both fuck off. And Rafa”—I leveled him with my eyes and wiped the grin off my face—“every word out of your mouth is a lesson I teach you tomorrow.”
That shut him up and he went back to banging his fingers on the computer.
Anton smacked me on the back and put an arm over my shoulder as he led me to the door. “Seriously, though. It was a good idea. The BTs are enough of a headache right now. Scooter caught two lurking a little too close to home last night. I’m going with Jackson upstate for supplies and will be back tomorrow night. Bring Fiona back here after your dice game.”
One of the qualities that Anton and I shared was our competitive nature. The little sparkle in his light eyes was a dead giveaway that he had a feeling he was losing his footing with her—and the small hint was motivation.
“No problem, boss. Happy drug smuggling.” I winked at him, my sign that the game was on. We had a deal, after all. If Fiona made advances, I didn’t have to reject her. I just had to find a way to get her to want me enough to do so.
And by the wide eyes that greeted me when she opened her door, I was one step closer.
“Oh my God! You look so un-drug-dealer-y. Say something asshole-ish so I know you’re not an imposter.” Fiona opened the door and welcomed me in. “My mom went to pick up her check. Speaking of which, can we add that to our list? Why are you dressed like that, anyway? If you put on cologne and think this is a date, I’ll cut you.”
She was talking fast. Maybe she was just in shock. After she’d seen me in black jeans, tanks and work boots for weeks, I couldn’t blame her. Even I had been shocked when I’d seen my reflection earlier.
/> Violet walked over from the couch and gave me a bashful smile. I squatted down to her eye level. “Hello, gorgeous girl. You ready for some pizza?” She nodded and might have even blushed a little bit. I’d never considered myself charming, but I pondered the idea that she might.
Fiona had on cut-offs with a baggy gray T-shirt tucked into them. Her legs shimmered and she smelled like citrus fruit. There was a sad excuse for a bun on top of her head and the stray strands of her dark hair that had escaped made her somehow prettier. She picked up Violet and secured her in the stroller.
In the elevator she wasn’t shy about checking me out again. “I don’t think I can call you Leo when you look like that. You need a name like Thad or Finn.” She tapped her chin with her index finger. “No, worse… Skip. I’m totally calling you Skip today.”
“It beats Stubby. Anyway, I’m trying not to draw attention to us. The Covington uniform would work against us today.” We walked through the lobby and I held the door open as she pushed Violet across the threshold. The stares came and it was possible Scooter’s eyes bugged out of his head when we passed the crew. Christ, it’s just a pair of pants and a different color T-shirt. You’d think I was in drag.
“We’re gonna walk, right? It not unbearably hot today and I love Violet seeing bits of the city.” Fiona jabbed the button to cross the street several times.
“Are you nervous about something?”
“No.” Her answer was so quick that it made me chuckle. “You’re just…” Fiona made an expression like she’d just tasted something foul and couldn’t spit it out. “You’re very unsettling like that. Why does it suit you? Were you a socialite in a former life? Did you go to, like, parties on boats and shit?”
Hardly. “I didn’t grow up poor, if that’s what you mean.”
We crossed the street and headed east. After twenty minutes, we were at the restaurant and we parked the stroller next to a booth by the window. I hadn’t noticed any guys from Jefferson or their distinctive blue button-down work shirts. Why did all the crews have to look the same? If I thought about it, the sensation of blending in was like a warm bath. In black jeans, I was always labeled—always a marked man, which was the opposite of what I wanted.
As Fiona took Violet over to the make-your-own pizza stand, I considered the possibility of leaving Covington, maybe getting into a car, driving to the middle of the country and working at some kind of stupid job that I would hate.
Fiona slipped onto the red leather bench across from me with a smile. Damn, it lit up her face. “I told her to make one for us, too. She seemed pretty excited about the idea of getting you to eat, and I quote, ‘fuzzy fish’.”
I leaned back in the booth and crossed my arms. “No worries there. My nanna was the queen of stinky pizza. I’ve been eating anchovies since I could chew solid food.”
Fiona looked out of the window then back to me, her face more serious. “You talk about your nanna a lot. Did she raise you?”
My past was not something I liked sharing, but I decided to give Fiona a tiny slice. “Sort of. My mom left when I was two. We spent a lot of time at my nanna’s when my dad worked.”
The waitress brought over a pitcher of water and three glasses. After she set them down on the fake shiny wood table, she said, “You guys… Your daughter is adorable. She has the cutest giggle. I hope her daddy likes his pizza spicy.” She spun around and the strings of her red apron brushed the corner of the table.
“You don’t have to eat it. I just wanted her to enjoy herself and get a change of scenery. After seeing how much fun she had with you in the kitchen, I knew she’d love this. And Lord knows my best dish is a tuna sandwich.”
Violet’s infectious laugh caught our attention. Behind the counter, her hands were covered in tomato sauce and there was flour in her dark hair. The waitress said something to her and she nodded eagerly. It was safe to say that Fiona’s mission had been accomplished.
Once the pizza was cooked, Fiona settled her little sister into the highchair at the end of the booth and I proceeded to eat the spiciest, stinkiest pizza of my life. I actually broke out in a sweat, but my over-the-top reactions even had Fiona laughing. Although, a part of me wondered if she wasn’t just taking pleasure in my suffering.
Fiona insisted on paying, which was stupid, because she had way less money than I did. But I let her have her way, understanding the pride that went along with the gesture. We thanked the staff and were out of the restaurant without incident.
In the subway station, I carried the stroller down the steps and watched as the juggling of the train lulled Violet to sleep. She was pretty damn cute with her little thumb in her mouth. I lugged her back up at the stop for Fiona’s old employer and we walked a few blocks until we were in front of a chain hotel in Midtown.
“Why don’t you run in and I’ll stay here with Violet.”
“Skip, you know your alter ego Leo likes to have eyes on me at all times? Are you sure he won’t fire you for slacking on your duties?”
I couldn’t figure out why—my instincts hadn’t come with a decoder ring—but I’d felt safer with every step we’d taken away from Covington. And I had to admit, the little peek of a ‘normal’ life we’d had that day beat the shit out of selling drugs to strung-out junkies.
“Make it quick, so he doesn’t find out.” I winked. Jesus, I was turning into Skip.
Fiona glanced down to her sleeping sister and back to me as she chewed her lip.
“Go”—I shooed her away—“before Leo shows up and changes his mind.” I bugged out my eyes for a final push.
“I’ll only be a minute. I promise. Just keep moving the stroller back and forth and she won’t wake up.”
Fiona disappeared behind the circular doors of the hotel and I practically laughed at myself for doing as she suggested. Me, Leo Ricci, pushing a stroller… My brother would have died with laughter.
Across the street from the hotel was a biker bar with beautiful motorcycles lined up in a perfect row right in front. A group of bearded men came out in their bandanas and leather and saddled up. It hit me right before the sound. I was toast.
The backfire from the mufflers exploded in rapid succession and the chug of the idling bikes barely covered the wail coming from the stroller below me. I whipped around, unbuckled Violet as fast as I could, picked her up and covered her ears as I pressed her tight into my chest. Her little head was sweaty and hot and I didn’t even realize I had kissed it until my lips were moist and warm. I bobbed up and down like I’d seen Fiona do a couple of times until all the bikers had ridden off and the sounds of the city went back to car horns and random insults.
Fiona came out of the hotel holding a white envelope and stopped in her tracks. Her face fell before a devilish grin took hold. “Dude… Skip, you are killing me.” She walked over to the stroller and stored her check in her bag that hung off the handles.
A girl in ripped jeans and a flowy top came up to Fiona and said, “Girl, your baby-daddy just made my ovaries explode. Go, you.”
“You have no idea.” Fiona’s answer came with a fake smile and the stranger walked away after giving me a once-over.
Fi circled the stroller and reached out for Violet. “Don’t you dare gloat about that. My threat of cutting you remains.”
Violet squirmed away from Fiona and cuddled deeper into my chest.
“Oooh, somebody else likes Skip. Come on, beautiful.” I hoisted Violet over my shoulders and let her settle in. With her tiny feet in my hands, I walked.
Fiona shot me a fake sneer. “We need to stop and buy a sharp knife.”
I let her joke fall between us, and as we waited for the light, I asked, “Would you rather take our time and just walk home? It’s far, but we have the stroller and I’m happy to carry her for a bit.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Who are you? But yes. That sounds—God, I hate to admit this—nice.”
As we walked home, pausing to point small things out to Violet or her pointing to a toy d
uck in a window, I couldn’t help but notice that I liked being Skip. The hard edge I’d been groomed to present had always rung false to the true me. Perhaps it was part of the reason I’d exiled myself to Covington. But Anton and the crew hadn’t done anything to peel it away. In fact, they’d only sharpened it.
But what choice did I have? My skill set was…specific and my work experience non-existent. So yeah, the charade of my day could keep going as long as Fi would let it. I didn’t even care about the crew’s judgmental eyes as we crossed the courtyard at sunset with a stroller full of groceries and a tiny princess on my shoulders. I’d thought my goal was to stay in Covington, but after the taste of a different life, there was a growing chance that I wouldn’t be staying much longer.
I made a simple pasta for dinner. Fiona’s mom hadn’t come home with her check, so the meal just seemed like a natural extension of our day. Fi gave Violet a bath and put her to bed while I cleaned their small, run-down kitchen.
I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes, still struggling with past, present and future.
“You still here, Skip?” Fiona had let her hair down and it spilled on both sides of her shoulders. She had changed into little green shorts and a tank top that didn’t leave much to the imagination. “I got splashed. Stop staring at my tits. That’s a Leo move.”
I grinned. “That’s a man move.”
Fiona twisted her lips back and forth and studied me for a minute before she came and sat at the other end of the couch. “I have a problem I was hoping Skip could shed some light on.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
She pinned me with a playful, yet warm stare. “You see, I’d really like to kiss that Leo guy again, but I’m not sure if I’m some part of a game or just a passing challenge or… I don’t know.”
“I see your problem. You two have given each other a lot of mixed signals.” I didn’t fight the small smile offered with my words.
“What does Skip think?”
I loved that she’d asked, that she wanted some clarity, because quite frankly, I could have used some too. “Skip thinks you should kiss him. You know, to compare.”