“Hey Bossaroo, it’s Kelpie,” she said in a chirpy tone.
Fab shook her head.
The long silence on the phone annoyed me. “Are you waiting for me to ask what’s up?”
“It’s not all bad. It might seem like it at first…” she said, not sounding as confident as when I answered.
I cleared my throat in an attempt to say, Get to the point, without having to use the words.
“Don’t get all excited. Once you hear the entire story, you’ll see the potential for a happy ending.”
“What already?” Fab roared.
“You could’ve told me there was an eavesdropper on the line.” Her tone had turned sulky.
“If you don’t get to the point in the next ten seconds…”
“We had a fight. Okay? But it was in the parking lot.” She was definitely disappointed. “One of those girl-on-girl deals. One got the snot beaten out of her. Apparently, they’re both engaged to the same guy, and it came out during the slugfest that he hasn’t divorced his wife yet. And…” she said in a ta-da fashion, “it was over quickly.”
Why my bar? “Is Snot Girl okay?”
Fab covered her mouth and laughed, much to her disgust, I was certain.
“Did I mention there were three girls? Two were sisters, and they left Snot Girl unconscious.” Kelpie snorted a laugh. “That’s a good one. Where was I? Oh yeah.”
Fab rolled her eyes.
“Pretty certain it was the kick to the face that did SG in. It was good they didn’t drag her out into the middle of the driveway; she might’ve gotten run over by a car, the way people drive.” Kelpie sighed. “My tips would go through the roof if that happened. If she was to get smooshed, that is.”
Fab turned her head and made a stupid noise. Rendered a bit speechless, I squeezed my eyes shut.
“They left her by the planter. Are you ready for the happy ending?” Not waiting for a response, she said, “By the time the ambulance got here, SG was coming around.”
“Is this where you tell me, ‘The End’?”
“How can you get better than SG alive and refusing a ride to the hospital?” Then Kelpie lowered her voice and added, “This next part isn’t happy and the reason for my call. The cops are still here, and if you make an appearance, it might speed them along. A few of the customers went on the run when they heard the sirens—sneaking out the back; one even jumped over the side of the deck. The cops hanging around is bad for the bottom line.”
“That’s the price you pay when you go out in public with a warrant hanging over your head,” I said unsympathetically.
“Almost forgot. Not really, just saved it for last. I left off where the happy ending took a detour.” Kelpie sniffed. “SG rode off on her bicycle but didn’t get far—she ran into the side of a truck. More good news: she knew the driver. He pitched her and her bike in the truck bed and off they went.”
I groaned at that image and hoped that wherever SG ended up, it was in one piece. “I’m on my way,” I said and hung up. I peeked over at Fab. “You can drop me off, and Creole can come get me.”
“Is it going to take all night?”
“Let’s hope not.”
“Then we’ll put in a to-go order for a Mexican sampler platter and take it with us.”
I licked my lips. “That was yum the last time we did that. We can also get whatever liquor we want, and that saves another stop.”
Fab flew into the parking lot of the short block I owned. Junker’s, an old gas station turned antique store, sat on one side, Fab’s lighthouse on the other. I’d tried several times to get the straight story from her about how it had appeared out of nowhere and got zip. It had been there a while and never gotten towed off, and I took that as a good sign. And the current tenant, who leased it as office space, had yet to attract the cops. Also good. A pink-and-lime roach coach, Twinkie Princesses, was parked parallel to the curb. I ignored the fact that it sat there like a colorful eyesore, never opening, and just cashed the rent checks. Two cop cars partially blocked the front door of Jake’s, but otherwise, there wasn’t another person in sight. To those who suggested I sell, I politely pointed out that under my ownership, Jake’s had been named one of the best dive bars in the Keys…several times.
Fab zipped around the back and parked next to the kitchen door. We both jumped out. On the way in, I waved to Cook, who sat in his office, haggling with a vendor. One of his sons was at the grill. We made our way down the hallway and stopped at the end of the bar.
“Margarita, rocks.” I pounded my hand on the countertop. “Make it a pitcher. I’m not driving.”
“Triple martini, don’t slack on the olives,” Fab ordered. “I’ll go talk to Doodad about the liquor. You deal with Kevin.”
Kelpie twirled around. I blinked a double-take, waiting for her two large friends to pop out of the too-small hot-pink tankini bathing suit top she’d paired with a very short full skirt and glittering tights she’d cut off mid-thigh.
Kelpie stared over my shoulder.
I turned. “Hello, officer,” I said with so much sweetness that Kevin’s eyebrows went up.
“I take it you know what went down here and that’s why you’re here?”
“I got the happy-ending version.”
He frowned, clearly trying to think what that might be.
“You’re not going to blame Jake’s, are you? We can’t control what happens in the parking lot.”
“You could hire a guard,” Kevin snapped.
“Please…” I rolled my eyes, which annoyed him and delighted me. “Okay…said guard jumps into the middle of a chick fight and what do you get? Two in the hospital. Besides, we don’t have enough fights, inside or out, to justify scaring the you-know out of our select clientele by having someone patrol the lot all gunned up.”
“See what happens when I try to be helpful? Just wait until the injured party sues.”
“Bring it on,” I snapped back at him. “Snot Girl started the fight.” He appeared confused, and I didn’t bother to enlighten him. “Besides, that’s what Sparky’s for, and before you ask, he’s my insurance agent. Once he gets ahold of it, I’m certain that’s the last I’ll hear of any claim.”
“You’re hilarious.” His tone conveyed clearly not.
“Boss,” Kelpie called, setting down a margarita.
I picked it up and sucked down about half, motioning for a refill. “Coke?” I asked Kevin. “Send your partner over for a cold something. On the house.”
“Bribing me?”
“To do what? I’ll think about it if you come up with a good suggestion.” I ignored Kevin while he tried to think of a way to arrest me for being annoying.
I finished off the rest of my margarita and picked up the pitcher. “We’ll be out on the deck,” I told Kelpie. “We’re not to be disturbed unless it’s another emergency, and a fight doesn’t qualify. I have a one-a-day limit.”
“Got it.” Kelpie air-boxed.
Before anyone could ask anything else, I headed out to the deck, not waiting for Fab, who’d stopped to talk to Cook when he came out of his domain for some special concoction he ordered from Kelpie. I removed the Keep Out sign we kept hung on the back of the door, placed it on the front, and closed the door. I was done dealing with people and wanted the deck to myself.
A few minutes later, the door opened and Fab slipped through. She eyed me stretched out on the bench, back to the wall, and set her martini on the table so she could push two chairs together.
“It’s your fault we need a ride home,” Fab grouched. “My martini had been sitting there a while, and I couldn’t have it go stale, so I downed it and ordered another. Now that I’m here and somewhat comfortable, I say we tie one on and toast to a bad day.”
“With just a little bit of restraint, we could have been jumping on that beautiful bed you bought. The one the size of a football field.”
“And…” Fab rolled her hand in a circle.
“We call the guys or a cab
. I vote for walking home via the beach.”
“Hey, that wasn’t on the list. Besties and all, so I’m not going to tick off all the reasons your idea sucks.”
I picked up the pitcher, toasted her with it, and drank from the side.
“Doodad is here, holed up in that hole of an office. We’ll bribe him to take us home.” Fab fished out her phone and called inside, ordering another drink.
“Let’s go shopping.”
“No, thanks. I’ve been drunk-shopping with you before, and you’re obnoxious.”
Turning my head, I gave her a full-on pouty face.
The door blew open and Kelpie skipped in, delivering Fab’s drink. “Food, anyone?”
“Got that covered,” Fab told her and winked at me.
“It’s all quiet inside. The cops blew the joint. Now I’m waiting on my regular crowd to return.”
I gave Kelpie a thumbs up.
Fab held up her glass. “To not getting arrested.”
I held up the pitcher.
“You have a glass, you know.”
I closed my eyes and ignored her suggestion.
The door opened. “The sign says Keep Out,” I said without opening my eyes.
“Yeah!” Fab giggled.
“Look what we found,” Creole said to Didier. “Looks like the party started without us, and we didn’t even get an invite!”
“What’s going on, cherie?” Didier asked.
I glanced up and said to Fab, “He means you.”
“I’m with her.” Fab giggled.
Didier growled.
“How was your day?” Creole asked. He moved my feet and sat down, putting them in his lap.
“Arrested. Handcuffed. Fights. Hospital.” I slurped from the side of the pitcher. “Probably missing something.”
“What she said,” Fab said.
“How did you find us?” I asked.
“When I got home and found neither you nor dinner, I called to place an order with Cook,” Didier said. “I texted you, but apparently you didn’t read it.”
Creole took up the story. “Cook said, ‘Girls here, out on deck with door closed. That spells trouble. You better get over here pronto. If you don’t, you remember Cook warned you.’” Creole tried to ease the pitcher out of my hands and I jerked it back, upending the rest in my lap.
“Ohhh…” I watched as the liquid soaked into my skirt.
“Hand me that napkin holder,” Creole said to Didier.
“No.” I brushed his hand away. “I’m going to wear my margarita like a badge of honor.”
“You’re going home,” Creole said sternly.
“Noo,” I whined.
“I’m staying,” Fab whined along with me, her lips curling in amusement.
“Oh no, you’re not.”
Fab grinned at Didier in response.
Creole scooped me into his arms and carried me out of the bar. I craned my head around his shoulder and saw that Didier had Fab slung over his shoulder.
Chapter Ten
Fab opened the console and tossed me the aspirin bottle as she sped down the Overseas Highway, wanting to arrive at the jail before Lucas Mark.
I groaned, pressing my forehead against the window. “Hangovers are the worst. Instead of going home and doing some research, I convinced myself to have one more drink.” I guzzled the last of my coffee, taking off the lid to make sure I got it all.
“Are you licking the inside of the cup?” Fab asked in disgust. “Stop that. You can have what’s left of mine.”
I made a strangled noise. “I don’t like the vegan bean, soy, no-sugar whipped cream that they dare to call coffee.”
“How long is this meeting going to take?” Fab careened off onto the exit ramp.
“You don’t have to move from behind the wheel.” I wanted to stomp my foot to annoy her, but that would take too much energy. “We need a lawyer, a star lawyer, for death penalty and life-in-jail cases. We had that kind of lawyer until his grandmother did the diddly dance with Crum. But even Cruz balked at representing my tenants. He only did it once, and it cost me sixteen favors. I’m over doing favors; I’d rather pay.”
“Maybe Emerson will take your ‘spitting on the sidewalk’ cases and such.” Fab laughed to herself.
“My brother would kill me if I asked. She did offer to refer me to an attorney if I needed one. The problem is that my tenants don’t show well, and even a public defender would be put off by their abrasive attitudes.”
Fab rubbed her forehead. “I feel a premonition coming on.”
“Now that’s the kind of stupidity I would pull. Sorry for the interruption,” I said in response to her glare. “I’m going to hang on every word. I’m ready.”
“If you get me Butthead’s address like I asked, Joseph won’t need a lawyer. Problem taken care of.”
“You’re on.” I beamed at her.
“And in the meantime, you need to get some new contacts on your speed dial.” Fab pulled into the parking lot of the visitation center and, once again, parked in the hinterlands.
I threw my hand out, running my finger in a circle and clearing my throat. Now it hurt, and I had to restrain myself from rubbing it. “All those empty spaces, and we have to park back here. Again.”
Fab made a shooing motion. “Hurry up or the deputy is going to lock the door.”
I got out and followed Fab across the lot. Once again, we brought up the end of the line. This time, after clearing security, we were directed to a middle row.
“Try not to get us thrown out of here and our privileges revoked.” I knew that Fab would at least check out the rest of the row, now that she’d given Dr. A a brief wave.
I scooted around the chairs and people standing in the aisle and dragged the only chair left over next to Lucas.
“I see you two have met,” I said into the phone. “Just know you’re not stuck with legal eagle here. If you want, you can just use him to get you out of here. I didn’t make any promises.”
“Hold on.” Lucas put a hand up. “Give me the courtesy of listening to my pitch as to why I’m the best lawyer to see this case through from beginning to end. You’d be my first client here in the Keys, but I come with a long list of impeccable references. And not a single client on death row.”
“That’s comforting.” I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, doing my best not to roll my eyes. “Keep it concise; we’ve got limited socialization time here.”
Dr. A laughed.
As it turned out, Lucas Mark had graduated from Yale, summa cum laude, moved to New York, and earned a position in a prestigious law firm. “You may remember this case…” He’d gotten an acquittal for a politician accused of offing his wife. Another for a doctor accused of killing his girlfriend. One of his clients, he got off with an insanity defense, which he noted that juries were loath to go along with. “I have a ninety-five percent win record, and those that I lost didn’t get the death penalty.”
“You’re hired,” Dr. A said.
“Your lawyer of record will need to sign off on your case, and the sooner the better. Is that going to be a problem?”
“Since Samuel and my godfather are friends, there won’t be a problem. I’m fairly certain that he’ll be relieved.”
I moved closer to the phone. “If you need me to set up a meeting to get the hand-off dealt with, I can make that happen today at Jake’s. I’ll entice the men with food and liquor.”
“You’re the best.” Dr. A smiled and waved as his focus centered on something behind me.
Fab had shown up.
I scooted over to share my chair with her. “I’m a tad annoyed that this guy,” I cast a glance at Lucas, “couldn’t highlight his credentials sooner, but it’s worked out, and that’s one less worry.”
“I’ll get Beaton’s signature today,” Lucas told his client. “And talk to the Prosecuting Attorney to see if we can get another bond hearing scheduled. On my way out, I’ll reserve the conference room for tomorrow
so we can meet and go over your case.”
“Here’s a down payment to get things started.” I reached in my pocket, pulled out a twenty, and handed it to Lucas.
Lucas teasingly held it up to the light for inspection, then shoved it in his shirt pocket.
“I requested a background check on Nicolette,” I said. “And the police report was delivered this morning.” Dr. A showed no reaction, which surprised me, since I hadn’t forewarned him I was planning to do that. “I’ll make sure Lucas gets a copy today.” I hurried to answer what was sure to be asked: “I haven’t read it.”
Fab nudged the receiver out of Lucas’s hand. “You mind if we toss your place? We don’t need a key.”
Dr. A’s eyebrows went up; I couldn’t see around Fab for Lucas’s reaction. “Don’t make a mess.”
“If I find anything interesting, do I get to keep it?” Fab and Dr. A engaged in a staredown.
He nodded. “Help yourself.”
I was a little annoyed that they had some kind of secret code going that I had no clue how to decipher.
“You’ll never know I went through your drawers.” Fab winked. “We’ll also be checking out any previous addresses for Nicolette.” She glanced at me, and I nodded. She handed the phone back to Lucas.
“Anything you need, let us know.” Fab unleashed creepy-girl smile on Lucas, who did a double take.
The two-minute warning light blinked.
“Anything you need, call,” I said to Dr. A, then stood, wanting to give him time with his lawyer.
On the way out, I said to Fab, “Meet anyone interesting today?”
“Everyone’s visitor showed up.”
“Let’s hang around. I have a few questions for Lucas Mark.” I went on to give her a rundown of the conversation she’d missed.
Fab scoped out the parking lot. “We can sit in the car, since I’m willing to bet that the Mercedes parked a couple down from us belongs to Lucas.” She pointed. “People with nice cars leave space around them unless there’s VIP parking.”
It didn’t take long for Lucas to come strolling across the parking lot, a scowl on his face. I suspected it was because we were leaning against the hood of his car. “Waiting for me, ladies?” He’d gotten over his irritation quickly and exuded charm.
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