"My boyfriend is a preacher's son," I said. "I can relate to the whole religious significant-other thing."
"I find going to mass is peaceful," Donald said.
I nodded. "I read Devin's bible sometimes. It's not all bad, really."
"Except for that whole Cain and Abel story," Christopher piped up. "That one's pretty dreadful."
"Oh hush," Cain said, laughing. "Try having your worst moment in all your life recorded in a sacred text some time and see how you like it."
I chuckled. "I can imagine, that must suck balls."
Cain nodded. "Certainly a colorful but accurate way to describe it. The point is, I know what it's like to be judged for what I used to be before people get to know me."
"Amen," Evie said. "But we're fortunate enough that most of the people we meet don't have a clue what we are."
"It's a blessing and a curse," Donald said. "Sorry, didn't mean to use the c-word."
"It's okay," Cain said. "How is it both of those things?"
"Well," Donald said. "It's nice to not be judged by people, I suppose. But no one else knows our truth. My wife thinks I'm at bowling night."
"You still haven't told your wife?" Cain asked. "We talked about this, Donald."
Donald sighed. "I know. I should tell her. But can you imagine finding something like that out? If I tell Carol, she'll either think I'm full of crap, or she'll be horrified. Not to mention, there's the whole fact that I've hidden this from her our entire marriage."
"The longer we live a lie," Cain said. "The harder it is to come clean."
"If Carol knew what I was, the things I did when I was a full-time rougarou..."
"I feel the same way," I said. "I used to eat people on the regular. Devin knows that about me, but I'm still afraid that my past will catch up to me. That I'll end up hurting him, somehow."
"Do you love him?" Donald asked.
"I do. I mean, I haven't told him that exactly. But he knows I do."
"Then you'd never hurt him," Donald said. "Not on purpose."
"We hurt each other all the time," Evie said. "That's a part of being in a relationship. We don't seriously hurt each other. But we have fights, we say things we didn't mean."
"We just don't let the full moon rise on our anger," Christopher said. "So long as we're in a good place when we shift, our wolf selves tend to behave."
I cocked my head. "Interesting."
"I don't know your situation exactly," Christopher said. "But as animals, we operate primarily on instinct. Even so, we aren't completely absent of will. It's ultimately our wolf nature, though, defines our desires in that form."
"And the wolf tends to reflect our state of mind when we shift," Donald said. "Hence, why we do yoga to prepare. We can't allow ourselves to shift while angry, afraid, or holding onto a grudge. The wolf nature will seize those things and act."
"So you basically have to let go of any resentments you have every month or so?" I asked.
"We follow an adaptation of a twelve-step program," Evie said. "The fourth step requires we take a personal inventory of our character defects. The fifth step requires we talk about those flaws with others. When we do our ninth step, we have to make amends to anyone we wronged."
"And you go through all these steps every lunar cycle?" I asked.
"More frequently than that," Christopher said. "It's more a pattern of living. Constantly taking inventory. If we do someone wrong, or a person wrongs us, we do what we can to own our part of it and make what amends we can right away."
"That sounds exhausting," I said.
"It was at first," Donald said. "But now, it's actually freeing."
"A much better way to live," Christopher said.
"That doesn't mean our old resentments disappear completely," Cain said. "I still have issues with my brother. I'm sure, if he were here, he'd say he has bigger issues with me. Not without good reason."
"We've learned from Cain that while others might wrong us or hurt us, the only thing we control is what we decide to do about it now," Evie said.
"That's good advice," I said.
I couldn't believe how quickly time passed as we talked. I shared how I came to accept myself, in this body, by learning that I was lovable. I talked about how I came to terms with who I am, how I find a new identity as a singer, and how much I adored taking the stage. But these rougarous, they had something I didn't. They'd dealt with their guilt over what they were. They still had issues with adapting to human life, as I did. Still, they weren't closing the door on their pasts. They knew who they were and where they'd come from. They didn't pretend it was anything different than what it was. At the same time, they weren't walking back through the door of their pasts either.
Yoga was interesting. I'd never done much of it myself and, I was embarrassed to find out I sucked at it. Even though I was flexible and had balance, the whole clearing the mind thing was a different matter. The poses these rougarous were doing challenged even my physical advantages. I could hardly believe it when Donald, a hulk of man, managed to stand on one leg with the other tucked behind his neck.
The sun started to set. Not that I could see the sun-or the full moon that was on the rise-but the light that was piecing the canopy of leaves above us was waning.
"What am I supposed to do when you all change?" I asked.
Cain shrugged. "Shift with us."
I shook my head. "It doesn't work like that. Not without a hungry vampire nearby."
"The vampire is not what causes you to shift," Cain said. "It's a trigger for you. But if you want to master the trigger and overcome it, you need to be able to shift when you want to."
I snorted. "That doesn't work for you guys. You don't control when you shift."
"True, indeed," Cain said. "But our gifts are different. You can shift when you want if you'll only embrace it and allow it to happen. And once you do that, I'm reasonably certain you'll be able to control it around thirsty vampires, too."
I scratched my head. "I don't even know how to start making it happen."
"You've felt the shift come on before," Cain said. "Just focus on that. Remember the sensation when your body started to change. Your mind, not vampires, is what causes your shift, Nicky. You can do this."
No one in the pack shifted yet. But at once, all of them howled toward where the moon must've been rising on the obscured horizon.
"It's happening, isn't it?" I asked.
"I'd say you have about two minutes to figure it out," Cain said. "If you don't, well, let's just hope that everyone in the pack did their twelve-step work this week."
"And when I come upon this vampire? We're still hunting a vampire tonight, right?"
"We are," Cain said. "Shift back, stake the vampire, and head back to the boat. I can't help you back, not until morning. But Hailey will be waiting for you back in Vilokan.
"But if I'm in bat form and don't have any stakes on me..."
"You're a hunter, Nicky. An efficient slayer. And there are trees everywhere. I'm sure you'll find a stick or something you can use."
"And this vampire we're hunting is out here in the woods?" I asked.
Cain nodded. "Fly with us. I know where he's at. He's been coming out of the swamp to hunt in the city, but he has a small cottage not far from here. It's where he stays during the daytime. Since the sun just set, we'll have to act fast. We'll herd him your direction. After that, it's up to you."
Chapter twenty-three
If you need motivation in life, surrounding yourself by a pack of werewolves as they shift under a full moon is a sure-fire way to get your ass in gear.
I'm not all that afraid of vampires anymore. I was over the trauma of the time I got bit. If I have fears at all, they have to do with things like intimacy. Big bad supernatural beasts? Not so much.
At least, that's what I thought before the pack started to shift in unison around me. I'd encountered werewolves before. I knew they could be terrifying as hell. But when you add a whole pack of t
hese snarling man-beasts to the equation, well, even I couldn't help but feel the terror.
Cain told me what to do. The cause of my bat shift was in my mind-I didn't need any external triggers to make it happen. I don't know if it was what Cain said or if the pack of wolves triggered me in the same way hungry vamps did, but it worked.
The tingle started to spread across my body as claws formed on the end of my fingers, my arms flattened and spread into the shape of wings, and fur started to grow on my chest. Yuck.
One thing I appreciated about the human form I'd taken was that I wasn't especially hairy. And what hair I did have wasn't more than the occasional waxing couldn't handle. This was beyond that. Totally gross. But at least I knew it was temporary and would go away after I changed back.
The wolves shifted fast. They'd done this a few times. And, with their yoga routine in their back pocket, it was a seamless transition. As for me, well, yoga was new to me. I didn't have the same mind-body-unity experience that the wolves had. My attempt at yoga was just an exercise in frustration. It took me a little longer to shift.
Thankfully, none of the wolves tried to eat me. They were right. Cain's group therapy plan worked wonders. I couldn't talk to them. Though, they seemed to communicate with each other. Exchanging a few nods, the wolves took off across the marsh, Cain, and Donald leading the way.
The wolves moved fast-as fast as any vampire, almost as fast as I would if I was on solid ground and in a good set of heels. In the swamp, though, I was better off flying.
This was the first time I'd been in bat form and really flew with a clear purpose in mind. I was this way, at this moment in time, because I wanted to be. Not because some bloodsucker made it happen. It struck me, as I flew, how freeing it was to fly. It jogged my memory about how freeing it was to be an elemental. In the water, you can move in any direction provided you aren't on the floor of the river or lake or at the surface. You have free roam of your domain. Flying was like that. I could move up, down, side-to-side, without the limitation of the ground to prevent my maneuvers. I could fly beneath the canopy, following the wolves, or I could rise and soar above it under the light of the full moon.
A pack of wolves is anything but discreet. They may be great at hunting something down, like a vampire, but they certainly weren't going to take the bloodsucker by surprise. I suppose that wasn't the point-Cain said they would try and herd him in my direction. I wasn't sure how that was going to work so long as I was flying behind them.
In human form, since I was essentially water, I could move like water-quick and agile. I was still water. Could I fly faster than I was currently? I tried to draw on my speed-going fast when you're still figuring out how your wings work isn't ideal-but I managed to fly a little faster.
I screeched. I don't know why. I just had the urge. I was a bat, after all. When you shift forms, strangely enough, you seem to take on some of the instincts of whatever form you're taking. The longer I stayed in a form, the more pervasive those natural urges would be.
When I became a human and first came to the asylum, Cain's therapy was aided by my own natural development of new cavings proper to being a human instead of eating one. Eventually, my previous palette shifted, and new tastes emerged-pizza, tacos, ice cream (duh!), and barbecue, of course.
Now, I wasn't just screeching randomly, unsure about why, but I had a strange desire to dive down closer to the water and feast on mosquitoes.
Seriously, Nicky? You nasty!
No nastier than the vampire, I suppose. Vampires and mosquitoes were both bloodsuckers, after all. Though, the latter are easier to swat.
Another perk of being a bat, I had exceptional hearing. My sense of smell was even more acute than when I was in human form. My eyesight wasn't excellent, but at least I wasn't blind as a bat which, come to find out, wasn't a phrase rooted in the reality of a bat's experience. Bats can see-just not well or in color.
Old habits, though, die hard. At first, I relied almost entirely on my sight to track the wolves hoping I'd see the vampire somewhere in the distance, attempting to evade the pursuit of the pack.
I focused on my other senses-I could hear, in the distance, someone running fast through the woods. Whoever it was, his steps were rapid. He didn't have the long strides that the wolves took as they bound through the swamp. His steps still had a stickiness to them on account of the mud.
I focused on the sound, which changed my orientation-rather than following the wolves, I crossed over some deeper waters that the pack was navigating around from the opposite side. The vampire, I sensed, was actually running in the opposite direction that we were, just on the other side of the deeper waters. The wolves would circle around, and if I crossed to the other side I could wait for the vampire and let the wolves chase him right to me.
My sense of hearing gave me a good sense of direction. I could tell where the vampire was coming from. My sense of smell, though, helped me discern how close he was. My hearing helped with that, too. But when that distinct vamp odor swelled up, I'd know he was close.
I still needed something to stake him with. I'd have to rely on my human olfactory senses-not a problem, I was used to that. But I needed hands. I shifted back into human form. It dawned on me that I was naked, in the middle of the swamp.
No time to worry about that-though I wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of the wolves seeing me in all my glory. I supposed I could shift back to bat from again... maybe... This shifting at will thing was still new to me. But I did it once. Surely I could do it again.
I found a broken tree limb on the edge of the water. I grabbed it and, stepping on it with one of my bare feet, I pulled it up and snapped it in two.
"That'll do," I said to myself, examining the end of the stick I'd broken free. It was pointed enough, though not as sharp as my carved stakes. It would have to do. If I could make a stiletto heel, dulled on the bottom, work as a stake, I could use this stick.
This vampire was careless. He wasn't a youngling but being cursed, existing as a recluse for so long, he was a bit sloppy. I couldn't hear his steps as well now that I was in human form. Still, the sound of cracking branches as he blasted through them using his enhanced speed sounded like firecrackers. He appeared at the tree-line, glancing over his shoulder, fixated on the pack of howling wolves that was closing in on him. He didn't even bother turning to look ahead as he charged headlong in my direction...
And right into my waiting stake.
"Take that, bloodsucker!" I said, catching the vampire's body from behind as his colorless, white complexion turned a shade of desiccated beige.
Yes, that's an actual color. It's in Crayola's "Colors of Death" collection. Not one of their best sellers.
The wolves gathered around us. So much for hiding my nude frame from the group. Whatever. I looked good, in or out of clothes. It was awkward, regardless.
But all the wolves looked me in the eye—somehow, they weren't distracted by the rest of me. I looked at the largest wolf, Cain, and he nodded before turning around, and with the rest of the wolves, took off through the marsh.
I sighed. It would have been nice to have a little help hauling the vampire back to where the boat was... and where my clothes were. This time, I'd have to make the whole trip back on foot.
"Well, this is going to suck," I muttered under my breath, grabbing the staked vampire and tossing him over my shoulder as the mud of the swamp squished between my toes.
Chapter twenty-four
I'd never been so covered in mud in my life. Not since the mud facial Devin got me as a part of a spa day surprise, he'd set up for me on my birthday. Yes, I have a birthday. Sort of. Mayday. The day that Alice bit me.
My face might have been the only part of me that wasn't covered in algae and general swamp muck. I didn't even know how the hell I'd gotten it in my hair-but I did. I'd have to take a shower when we got back to the Asylum. Thankfully, I had a shower in my own room. I wasn't a fan of communal showers.
The vamp
ire was a relatively young man-probably in his late twenties. Vampires, for whatever reason, tended to feast on the young. Not because young humans tasted better than older ones. Younger folks just tend to get out more, and they frequent places more easily prayed upon. It's much easier for a vamp to blend into a bar or club scene than the local canasta club or in a retirement community.
Also, if you're going to be turned, it's best to be turned when you're young and attractive. Now that I thought about it, Debbie might have been the oldest vampire in terms of her human age I'd ever met. Older humans don't often survive the process-being drained of blood like that and magically healed is hard on the body. It was a minor miracle that Devin had managed to heal her at all, completing her change.
It's hard to evaluate what a vampire's former life might have been like. Most of them didn't give much attention to hygiene at all. They were like drunks, so addicted to their substance (blood, rather than booze) that nothing else matters. This guy looked like a lumberjack. Maybe he had been, back in the day. Not a lot of real lumberjacks these days.
I tossed Joe down on the boat. I didn't know if his name was Joe—when we were discussing it at Annabelle's office no one had mentioned the vampire's name. Still, he looked like a Joe. Like any old Joe. Nothing remarkable about his appearance. He wasn't exceptionally handsome. He wasn't ugly either. He was just a Joe.
I grabbed my clothes from the hill and found the shreds of what had been Cain's clothes, and grabbed his keys from what used to be his pants. Now that I was already a mess, I didn't need help getting up the hill. I didn't strictly require it the first time, but Donald was friendly. And I was still avoiding the yuck at the time. I quickly slipped my pants and blouse back on. The mud, drying on my skin, felt very strange beneath clothes. It almost made me feel dirtier than I was before. Like, if any of the mud cracked and fell off, it would be stuck in between my body and my clothes and ground into my skin.
I hadn't rowed a boat myself before. I never had the need. Even as a human, I just hadn't jumped at any opportunities to go rowing or canoeing. But I'd seen it done enough to know that if I grabbed each of the paddles by the handle, used the rings that they pivoted on on the edge of the boat's hull, I could row them together to go straight and one at a time to turn right or left.
Bat Shift Crazy: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 2) Page 13