Death

by C. M. Radcliff

  “Mr. Matthews,” he started and squinted his eyes at me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to get my schedule,” I admitted with my voice cracking.

  He glanced at Miss Darlene who simply shrugged and shook her head. Dr. Thompson nodded at her before looking back at me.

  “Curtis, let’s go have a chat in my office,” he said as he stepped out of the way, waving me in. I walked through the door and followed him down the hall to his office. I stood by his desk as he pulled the door shut behind him and walked over to his large chair.

  “Take a seat,” he commanded lightly, pointing at the chair beside me. Hesitantly, I sat down and waited as the sweat dripped down my back, slowly soaking through my shirt.

  The last thing I needed was a sweaty shirt on my first day back to school.

  Dr. Thompson cut right to the chase. “So, Miss Darlene told me that you hadn’t received anything in the mail from the school.”

  I nodded, still unsure of where this was going.

  “Curtis, I hate to have to give you this news, but you were expelled last year.”

  I felt like he had slapped me across the face. Betrayal consumed me, but the confusion was just as thick.

  “What are you talking about?” I demanded, leaning forward in my seat. Aggression wasn’t usually where I went, but nothing was the same anymore.

  Life had changed. I changed.

  “Last year, after the fight you were in, we sent a letter home to your parents after we were unable to reach them by any other means. The board decided that after the severity of the fight and prior trouble that you were in that it was in everyone’s best interest to expel you.” He speaks quietly, with indifference, but his eyes are full of regret. “Your parents were given the opportunity to appeal it, but no one ever showed up on your behalf. We were left with no other option then.”

  “I didn’t even start that fight,” I reminded him in a rushed voice. “I was trying to defend myself.”

  He nodded slowly. “I understand that, but that wasn’t what was presented to us and we went off what we had.”

  I quickly stood up, astonished and enraged. I had been kicked out of school for something I wasn’t even guilty of. They kicked me out without giving me a chance to explain myself. They relied on my parents to come and speak for me.

  I never had a voice, no matter the circumstances.

  I had no words for him, and I turned away to leave before I did something irrational.

  “Curtis, wait,” he said, following after me. I turned around just as he handed a packet of papers to me. “We had you enrolled in the night school program that starts tomorrow night, just in case.”

  I looked down at the papers and clutched them tightly in my hands. School was over for me, but this was the ticket that I needed.

  Dr. Thompson smiled as he handed me the first piece that would help mold my plan.

  He had failed me and would soon fail everyone else.

  chapter twenty-three

  PAST

  As if regular school wasn’t already bad enough, I got thrown into night school with all of the bad kids. I was nervous to start something new without knowing what to expect, but it was exactly where I had belonged.

  Everyone kept to themselves for the most part, except for the obnoxious few that had to cause trouble, but it was never with any of the students. These kids had issues with authority, so they targeted the teachers.

  The teachers didn’t give a shit what we did as long as our work was done. And if it wasn’t done and you got kicked out, tough shit, that was on you.

  I always had my shit done and mainly kept to myself for the short month that I was in there. I wasn’t there to make friends, but I ended up acquiring one along the way.

  Joe was an outcast like me that didn’t fit in anywhere he went. He started night school his freshman year after being expelled for terroristic threats. He did time in juvie for it, even though he was harmless, and it was all in defense from the kids who were bullying him.

  We weren’t much different except for one thing—he wanted to turn his life around and I was ready to run mine into the ground.

  On my first day, no one approached me, no one even seemed to notice me, but anytime I looked over, Joe was studying me.

  He approached me the very next day.

  We had just finished our math lesson and were left to complete our worksheets, either alone or with a partner. Naturally I stayed in my seat and started my work with my head down, until Joe slid into the seat beside me.

  “What’s your deal?” he asked as he stared at me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and continued to work on my math paper. “You’re new here, but you seem normal, so what gives?”

  I ignored him for a few minutes, but when he didn’t leave, I took the bait.

  “It was a misunderstanding and they kicked me out for it.”

  “So, you got into a fight,” he assumed as I had piqued his curiosity.

  I shook my head and then shrugged. “I got jumped and somehow they decided it was my fault.”

  “Damn,” he sighed, shaking his head. “That’s fucked up. This whole goddamn world is fucked up.”

  I looked away and cast my eyes down toward the ground. “What the fuck are we even here for?” I mumbled to myself underneath my breath.

  Joe slapped the desk and leaned forward with his eyes wide. “That’s what I’m fuckin’ sayin’.”

  I stared at him, dressed in all black with his hair the same shade. He hid it well, but you could see the pain within his eyes.

  We were both damaged goods, broken, and useless.

  “What’s your name?”

  He looked at me and smiled. “Joe,” he said, holding out his hand.

  It took me a moment, but finally, I grabbed his hand and gave it a firm shake. “I’m Curtis.”

  He withdrew his hand, nodding. “Cool. You done with your shit? I got a joint in my backpack.”

  I looked down at my paper that I had just barely started. There was no way he had finished his already either.

  Fuck it, it’s not due until tomorrow anyway.

  “Let’s bounce,” I told him, shoving my shit into my backpack as he went over to get his stuff. We left together without anyone acknowledging our departure and sat out on the bleachers and got high.

  And that’s exactly how we became friends.

  The end of summer quickly turned to fall as the leaves changed colors and the air grew chilled. It was nearing toward the end of September and everyone was starting to get ready for homecoming—something that I knew I would never get to experience.

  I easily fell into a routine between school and home. I avoided home except to sleep. The abuse continued, but with night school, I wasn’t around as much when everyone else was.

  It was all normal life to me, but the summer changed me. Losing my grandma completely altered my life and my mindset. I thought I was alone before, but I didn’t know what that was until she was gone.

  I didn’t give a shit about anything. I kept up with my school work because I needed that out. Everything else was null and void. I was a shell, but inside, there was a boiling rage, just ready to explode.

  I was a ticking time bomb and time was running out.

  Since starting night school, Carson was left alone most evenings after I walked him home from school. One afternoon, just before leaving for my classes, our mother showed up trying to be mother of the year.

  I couldn’t miss class and I had no choice but to leave Carson with her.

  It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

  Time moved in slow motion that night at school. I couldn’t focus and I was already uneasy knowing Carson was home alone with our mom. In the pit of my stomach, I knew something wasn’t right.

  The minute we finished class, I already had one foot out the door and rushed home without uttering a word to anyone. Walking briskly down the street, I fought the urge to stare at my grandma’s old house and lo
oked the other way instead.

  Tiffany’s house.

  The wooden porch groaned under the weight of someone’s feet. I paused for a moment and squinted in the dark as Tiffany’s face came into the light.

  “Hey Curtis,” she smiled sweetly as she leaned against the railing. I stared at her, confused and irritated. The most that I got from her anymore were stares, whispered rumors and sinister smiles.

  Her grin widened as she studied my expression and my lack of words.

  “You better hurry home,” she chuckled and turned around, walking to her front door. “I’m sure Carson needs you.”

  Without another word, she slipped inside, leaving me in the silence to mull over her words. The unease I was feeling quickly turned into a full-on panic. The adrenaline kicked in and I took off sprinting down the street with her voice lingering in the back of my mind.

  I burst through the front door and found my mother on the couch alone. In typical fashion, she was passed out with a bottle of vodka and reruns of Charmed playing. Carson was nowhere to be found.

  I sprinted up the stairs and found Carson’s door shut. Without knocking, I pushed the door opened and found him tucked in bed, with the covers pulled up to his chin. He glanced up at me with bloodshot eyes and a lopsided grin.

  He was drunk.

  Walking over, I crouched down beside his mattress on the floor and immediately smelled the alcohol.

  “Did mom give you some of her alcohol?” I questioned him as I tried to conceal my anger.

  Still with the goofy smile, he shook his head. He was nonverbal so he couldn’t tell me who and I had no idea who it could have been.

  Marching back downstairs, I went straight to Candy and shook the shit out of her until she was somewhat coherent.

  “Did you get Carson drunk?” I demanded.

  Shaking my hand from her arm, she glared at me with her eyes barely open. “Fuck off, Curtis. Carson wasn’t even here.”

  “Where the fuck was he?”

  My mom shrugged and rolled over to face the back of the couch. “Fuck if I know… with some girl he’s friends with.”

  “Carson doesn’t have any friends,” I retorted angrily. “Are you making this shit up right now?”

  She let out a curt laugh into the couch cushion. “Yeah, sure,” she yawned. “Little shit probably drank some of mine.”

  Leaving her on the couch, I went back upstairs and found Carson passed out. I didn’t bother changing my clothes or anything and curled up on the floor beside his bed for the rest of the night.

  “Yo man,” Joe called out as I walked up to the school the next day. “We need to talk.”

  Slowing down, I stopped as he came up next to me, holding his phone out. “What’s up?” I asked him, warily.

  Joe swallowed hard and his hand was shaking as he unlocked the screen on his phone.

  “Fuck,” he muttered, his tone laced with regret. “I don’t wanna show you this shit, but everyone’s seen it. You deserve to see it before this shit storm takes over.”

  He opens his text messages and clicks on an unknown number and a video pops up.

  “I’m sorry man,” he says in a hushed voice as he presses play and hands it to me.

  The picture is blurry at first, when my little brother’s face comes into view. His eyes are bloodshot, just as they were the night before and he sways back and forth with that lopsided grin. Wherever he is, it’s dark and upbeat music plays quietly in the background.

  A barely dressed girl comes into the frame. It’s too dark at first to tell who it is or where they are, but she was so familiar, with the shape of her body and the color of her hair.

  The sound of her voice instantly gave her identity away. My stomach churned as my blood ran cold through my veins.

  My ears felt like they were bleeding as I listened to her talk like the fucking slut she was, seducing my little brother.

  My eyes burned as I watched her drop down to her knees and take advantage of him.

  She sucked his dick ‘til he came, as she smiled and giggled at the camera and whoever was holding it.

  “Such a good boy,” she cooed, as she tucked his dick back into his pants. “Your mommy would be proud.”

  The camera cut off and the video abruptly ended. I shoved the phone back into Joe’s hand and marched away from him as the rage boiled over.

  I was a grenade and Tiffany pulled the fucking pin.

  She would pay for this… they all would.

  chapter twenty-four

  PAST

  Pretending that everything was okay was natural for me. I accepted Joe’s friendship, I embraced it, yet I kept him at arm’s length. We never spoke about the video after he showed it to me. It was best for both of us if we didn’t. I ruined everyone around me, and I didn’t want to take him down with me.

  Joe was headed in a different direction than me in life. He was in night school, but he was still trying hard to get into college. I found out after meeting him that he had a girlfriend, one who attended regular school. He was getting his shit together and was following her to college.

  I saw her one time, but I never met her. The way they looked together, it was like watching a love story.

  It was what I had imagined love was supposed to look like. It was something I would never experience in life.

  I had two days left.

  Two days until they would all pay for what they did.

  “What’s that?” Joe asked, pointing down to the sheet of paper in front of me.

  I looked down at the drawing and followed the lines with my eyes. “It’s for a video game,” I lied.

  “That map looks familiar as fuck,” he said and scratched his head in confusion.

  It was familiar because he was standing right where my pencil was resting.

  “What game is it for?”

  The game of death.

  I spouted off the name of a video game I knew he had never heard of, one that he wouldn’t ask questions about.

  He wasn’t supposed to be involved in my plan.

  “Cool,” he said and went back to his seat as I finished working on my drawing.

  Our friendship was short-lived, but he was the only real friend that I ever had, and I destroyed it.

  I destroyed him.

  chapter twenty-five

  PRESENT

  Christine’s expression is unreadable as I focus in on her face. She purses her lips as she sets her pen down beside her notepad.

  “So, you did have someone else who was there for you?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I mean it was probably more superficial than anything, but it was a friendship.”

  “I’m sure after losing your grandma and with what happened with Carson it really helped to have a friend,” she smiles. Leaning forward, she reaches out to grab my hand and I watch, eyes wide, as her hand nears mine. The instant we touch, I can feel the rush spread through my body. My eyes flash to hers as I hear the sharp intake of her breath and she stares back at me, shocked.

  She gives me a small squeeze before quickly withdrawing her hand as she blushes. I adjust in my seat, feeling my erection pressing against my leg and clear my throat.

  What the fuck was that?

  Whatever it was, I know she felt it too.

  “Um,” she squeaks. “I’m sorry, that was extremely unprofessional of me.”

  “That’s okay,” I say, giving her a small smile. “I didn’t mind it.”

  I never felt such a gentle touch, one that spread warmth throughout my entire body. It was genuine. It was pure. It was foreign.

  I want more.

  We always want what we can’t have.

  Christine smooths her hair, tucking it back behind her ears and lightly clears her throat. “So, has Joe come to visit you at all?” she questions, regaining composure and folds her hands on top of her notepad.

  Slowly, I drop my head, shaking it. “No.”

  A few moments of silence pass before I look up, staring directly into h
er eyes.

  “Joe is dead.”

  Chapter twenty-six

  PAST

  “Shit,” my dad said as he slammed a stack of papers down onto the table. “This bitch is finally going to pay off.”

  I stared down at my bowl of Ramen noodles and quickly finished it as he sat down in the seat across from me.

  “Come on, you little shit,” he sneered. “You know you wanna know.”

  He was in a strange mood. Drunk, but still off. It was always hard to gauge how he was going to be when he was like this, so it was usually better to avoid him. I stood up and fumbled with my bowl and spoon and shuffled into the kitchen to the sink.

  “No fuckin’ way,” he muttered from the other room and clapped. “Fuck, yeah!”

  I inched my way along the countertop and stood by the doorway where I could see him sitting with his back to me.

  “Hey, Curtis,” he mocked, slightly slurring his words. “You know how your grandma loved you so much? Guess what she gave me and not you?”

  I continued to stare at him, feeling the rage building deep within the pit of my stomach. Adrenaline began to flow steadily through my veins.

  “Your precious grandma left me everything, including her life insurance. What’d she leave for your ass?”

  My body shook at the sound of his voice and not from fear.

  “Not a goddamn thing.” He laughed loudly to himself. “She never cared about you. You were the same piece of shit to her as you are to us.”

  My eyes were melting holes in the back of his head as his shit talking turned from me to her. Every vile word he spoke of her hit me square in the chest.

  I was done.

  Slowly walking out of the kitchen, I quickly grabbed a large steak knife and rushed up behind him. I moved fast enough that he didn’t even have a chance to move. Grabbing ahold of his head, I drove the knife into the side of his neck as he let out a howl. I pulled it out hastily as the blood began to flow and stuck it back in.