by Liahona West
All eyes moved to Bannack. He squared his shoulders, trying to cover up the shaking, but couldn’t stop the quivering of his lip or the rising fear in his gut.
“I’ve known Bannack Owusu for years and he has proven himself to be worthy of my friendship.”
“Don’t hurt him!” A girl burst through the crowd and straight into Bannack. He grunted as he tried to stay on his feet.
“Nora!”
The last thing he expected was to see Nora and, at first, he kept his hands off her, but when she looked up at him, teary-eyed, he caved and hugged her tight.
Nora glared at Cassius. “He saved my life!”
Hushed whispers spread through the crowd. Cassius took a stumbling half-step back as he scanned the villagers then looked at Nora.
“He’s a bad man.”
“No, he’s not!” Nora shoved Cassius. “He’s my friend!”
She was crying now, angry tears trickling down her cheeks. Her round, brown eyes glared at Cassius and then looked at the crowd.
“Why are you being like this?” Nora asked. She walked back to Bannack, who was on his knees and stunned into paralysis, and stood protectively in front of him. “You’re the bad people if you’re going to hurt him. I know he feels sorry, so you should all just leave him alone!”
He shouldn’t be worth the protection of Nora or Eloise or Kendal, not with what he did to the villagers, but they believed he was worth saving and that was enough to encourage Bannack to do more.
Standing to his full height, his hand around Nora’s shoulder, Bannack called out to the entire village. “I have allowed others to speak for me, to defend me. While I am grateful for their love and loyalty, I must speak.” He smiled down at Nora, took a deep breath, and spoke. “What I did to you is unforgivable. I do not expect you to forgive me but recently Kendal has helped me to realize something important. There are few times in a person’s life where we are defined by our actions. What we do in that moment shapes our future. I did not quite understand what she meant until now.” Bannack turned around. “Joy is a scourge on this land. She has destroyed countless lives and lied over and over again. If you want the scientist to be stopped, you must let us go.”
More whispers spread through the crowd, and Bannack scanned each of their faces. He watched the anger and hatred calm on most, while some still stood with clenched fists. The tension in the air was claustrophobic.
Someone panted in the crowd. Bannack turned around and his eyes went straight to Cassius who sneered, his nostrils flaring, while his breathing made his chest rise and expand dramatically.
“No!” Cassius screamed. “Don’t you want revenge for all the damage he’s done? Just look at yourselves! Lepers in a world of people who want nothing to do with us.”
The group stepped away from Cassius, mumbling. Bannack stood statue still. His feet wouldn’t move as he looked through the crowd of villagers, many deformed in their faces and extremities. They limped, held their arms at odd angles, and when they spoke, half their face didn’t react as if some had suffered a stroke. They all avoided looking Bannack in the eyes.
Cassius huffed like a wounded animal, trying to convince the others to join him again. But no one listened. People dissipated.
Eloise walked over and stood beside Bannack, then smiled. “Looks like the serum never got to their morals. You’ve lost, Cassius.”
The enraged gleam in his eye put Bannack on edge. Cassius reached behind his back and pulled a gun from the waist of his jeans. Nora rushed to her parents who pulled her away. Eloise squeaked and backed up. Bannack outstretched his hand in a placating gesture. His vision blurred at the edges, leg muscles tightened, and he blanched.
“Please,” Bannack said with a gasp. “Stop this.”
“Cassius.” Kendal slunk toward him. “Put my gun down.”
“No!” Cassius screamed and pointed the barrel straight at Bannack’s head. “He killed my sister. I want him to suffer.”
Bannack’s insides coiled tight. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jerome sneak through the forest’s edge in a wide circle.
His attention flicked back to Cassius.
I cannot jump him. He is too far away, and I cannot tell if he is even a good shot. If he is not, he could accidentally shoot someone else. Eloise or Kendal or Nora. Bannack’s heart raced. My best bet is to distract him and hope Jerome can sneak up on Cassius enough to subdue him.
Step by step, Bannack crept closer to Cassius, talking in low tones. The gun remained in his hands. Sweat beads appeared on Cassius’ forehead and then his eyes locked on Eloise.
“Or maybe I’ll just kill her.”
The gun lifted.
Bannack lunged at Eloise, his body connecting with her midsection at the same time a loud pop hurt his ear. They hit the ground and he scrambled to his knees, searching Eloise’s body for blood. He only heard his heartbeat.
Please. Please, please.
Cursing made Bannack turn. Cassius’s face made friends with the dirt, a brown cloud surrounding him while Jerome lashed his hands then wrenched him to his feet.
“You’re all gutless!” Cassius fought Jerome. “You won’t do what has to be done!”
Bannack looked back at Eloise as she sat up and said, “I’m okay.” She wiped his face and showed him her wet fingertips. “Tears.”
He felt his face and sure enough tears were on his cheek. When did I…?
Kendal, gun in her hand, sighed. “We’ll keep him detained. I apologize for this.”
On the ground, Bannack panted. His vision swirled and tilted.
Get it together. Feeling will get you killed.
The emotions came anyway. Tremors ran through him as he curled into a ball, shivering.
She almost died. Shot and killed. Because of me.
Because of me.
He couldn’t stop the tremors as he pressed his forehead to the ground. Images of the gun, Eloise’s face filled with terror, and the revelation of his past flashed through his mind. The memories crumpled his body like a piece of paper discarded in the waste bin.
Bannack shuddered.
I did not want her to find out yet. Not like this. Not forced out of me.
Pain in his back made him tense. He opened his mouth, nothing coming from it, and reached around to his shoulder.
More pain.
Only then did he remember he still needed stitches. The past hour he had been so full of adrenaline and anxiety, his body had masked the pain. Now it came full force, nearly doubling him over again.
A hand touched his back. “Once again, Blue Eyes, you are bleeding on my doorstep with your stray.” She held out her hand for him. He slowly stood. “Let’s fix you up, yeah?”
***
Kendal finished her sutures within half an hour. She sighed and put the needle and horsehair thread in the bowl. “Please take care of yourself. I do not want to start sewing scars back together because you have no more space left to fill.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She walked away, grumbling.
Eloise sat at the foot of the bed and he ignored her as he dressed. The stitches stung.
“Can we talk about the mall?”
“There’s nothing to say.”
Eloise released an exasperated sigh. “Yes, there is, and you know it. I’m not going to tiptoe around you like you seem to expect me to do. It’s infuriating sometimes. And Bannack…” She touched his knee, which made him shiver. He turned to her as she continued. “You killed a man in cold blood. You’re lucky he wasn’t connected to the village.”
“That is what you’re worried about?” He laughed and pushed her hand away. “I told you I was one of Joy’s agents and you’re more concerned with a dead man?”
No emotion touched her face as she looked at him. “I’m surprised you aren’t.”
“Look,” he sighed and rubbed his face. “I was trained to kill, to force my emotions out of my mind, and do what
needed to be done to get my reward. It was selfish of me and cruel of the man who trained me. Joy let the abuse happen. She wanted it to happen. I did not have the luxury of safety. Kill or be killed. That is it.” A slight growl rolled off his tongue. “So, forgive me if I don’t behave the way you want.”
“It’s not about what I want.” Eloise glared at him. “It’s about who you can become. You are terrifying and it’s taking all of my willpower to sit here and not be afraid of you. I still do, because I believe you are capable of great kindness.”
He looked at his hands. His jaw worked, and he sniffed.
She’s right. I can’t expect her fear of me to drive her away, but how can I not expect it when I have known nothing else?
Eloise continued. “Pull yourself together. We aren’t given this life to destroy ourselves out of self-pity or hatred.” She stood in front of him. When he refused to look at Eloise, she kept on talking. “This life is to better who we are, to take our mistakes of the past and move past them, not let them fester in an open wound. If you keep talking like the way you are, she’s won. You are giving her power over you still. Don’t give her the satisfaction. You say you didn’t honor your family in death and maybe that’s true…years ago but honor them now. Honor them by picking yourself up and loving yourself enough to do better. Be better! Start now. It—it can be a new beginning. You’re not the only one to have experienced trauma.”
Eloise’s last words brought his gaze to her face. She watched him, calm. He chewed on her words for a moment, blinking through the angry and frustrated tears that blurred his vision. Then he dropped his head.
“I know,” Bannack whispered.
“Then allow me in. Let me help you. If you do, maybe I can help you realize you are worthy of love.”
How can that be possible?
He bore the weight of lost souls, maimed innocents. He couldn’t atone for what he had done, despite what Alma and Tamra had said.
And yet, he desperately wanted to be loved again. To be accepted and appreciated was as lost to him as Atlantis was to modern civilization, but he wanted it. His mind screamed for it.
He eyed Eloise for a long while, chewing on his lip as salted tears leaked into his mouth. She held her soft gaze and in it sat acceptance and respect, given to him not because he earned it—he knew perfectly well he hadn’t—but because she was Eloise and through her hard exterior was still the little girl who had shared her cookie with him when no one else wanted to be near him. The one who offered to punch a kid making fun of his name. The one who lectured him when he made fun of his sister. She always believed in him. And now? He didn’t deserve any of her belief, but still, she gave it. Without hesitation. Without question. It was as if he had been floundering in a bottomless lake and Eloise had just thrown him a lifeline.
I need to be strong. For her. For me.
“Hey, Elle,” Bannack said as he rubbed his hands together to get them to stop shaking. She glanced at him. “Lately, I have been an idiot. You are supportive and strong and here I am being a weak ass—” he paused, glanced sideways at Eloise, then cleared his throat. “Sorry. What I am trying to say is I have to change. Be and do better. Earn that respect, you know?”
“Good.” Eloise punched him lightly. She winked. “Cause I’m getting tired of making you feel good about yourself.”
Then she left him alone. A few minutes later, the door opened and Eloise walked in with two steaming bowls. “Hungry?”
She put his on the bedside table, and he peered into it. Carrots, some kind of reddish meat, white beans, and celery in a clear, glistening broth.
“What is it?”
“Ham and bean soup, I think. Doesn’t matter,” Eloise licked the corner of her mouth and made a noise. “Mmm. Because it’s really good.”
He took a bite with the hand-carved spoon. The briny broth was hot, smooth like velvet, and warmed him as it traveled to his stomach. The meat’s robust, smoky flavor melted in his mouth with each bite. He sighed. Lost in his enjoyment of the food, Bannack jumped when Eloise sighed loudly.
“It seems we argue any moment we are together,” Bannack said.
She watched him with the same intense gaze he had come to enjoy. It showed a fire, a passion, hidden underneath the calm. “Seems so.”
“Then we have a problem. I do not wish to argue. It makes me…angry.” He scratched the back of his head. “That is an emotion I must keep in check.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because,” he put his bowl on the side table, “I intend to change that. Perhaps a truce? We no longer argue. I can keep my anger in check. And you will have a friend you do not need to be afraid of.”
Her eyes narrowed a bit, but she nodded. “That’s fair.”
Eloise stacked Bannack’s bowl onto hers. He got out of bed, his back stinging, then grabbed her arm to stop her. “Are you upset about my past?”
She said nothing for a bit, most likely only a few seconds but for Bannack it lasted hours. Silence while waiting with a rushing in his ears turned the nervous beating of his heart torturous.
Bannack shrank. He tensed, preparing.
“No,” she finally said.
Eyes wide, Bannack stumbled back and slumped onto his bed. He shook. “No? Why?”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Eloise
“Why were you in the facility?” She shot back, answering his shock with her own question.
Do I really want to know?
Eloise’s head pounded with her heartbeat. She looked at Bannack. His head hung and shoulders slumped.
That can’t be the face of a man who doesn’t regret what he did. No way.
“Okay.” Bannack held up his hands. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they glistened. His voice was barely a whisper as he said, “After my father died, my sister, mom, and I traveled back over The Narrows and ran into Kendal. We were exhausted. She gave us a place to stay in her village. While there, I heard terrified whispers about a woman—Joy—who could wipe memories. When Maame and Malikah were killed, I remembered the whispers and searched for her. When I found her, I begged her to wipe my memories. She agreed. In return, I would give her six years of service.”
The temperature dropped ten degrees. Eloise stumbled into a standing position, grabbing onto the bedpost to hold herself steady.
“I will forever be ashamed of what I did. She sent me to collect people for her…” Bannack swallowed “…experiments. After five years, she asked me to kidnap Nora. She was twelve.”
No…
Sweat rose into her neck and around her armpits and the world spun. Her body pulsed, thumping and pounding her insides with a meat tenderizer.
“I could not do it,” Bannack said. He wrung his hands and wouldn’t remove his eyes from his feet. “One more year until Joy would wipe my memories and I chose instead to save Nora. I helped her family escape to Canada.”
“And now you’re back. Why?”
He scrubbed his arm. “I wanted a blank slate. Us being in the same facility at the same time was mere coincidence.
“I know what I did. I can never atone for it, and I will walk away right now if you ask me to.”
Emotions swirled in her head faster than she could focus on them. Anger over his past with Joy, concern he would let his shame overwhelm him, and despondence the war had changed them so much. Everything bunched together in a muddy mess. Eloise fought with her composure, shaking if she stood or sat, and unable to look at Bannack. The small glances she managed were of a man tormented. He wrung his hands, shrunk into the bed he was sitting on, giving the illusion he was suddenly small, then covered his face.
Eloise paused, eyeing Bannack.
He’s tormented by this.
She had to admit she felt sorry for him. His past was dark, and she understood the fear and nightmares too well.
He remained small.
If I had the chance to for
get Ada, I don’t think I would take it. So why did he?
“Why did you want to forget your family?”
When Bannack spoke, it was through hitching breath. “It is not that I want to forget them, but how they died. My inaction is the reason they are dead.”
How awful.
A thought sparked in Eloise’s head. “What were you going to do once Joy wiped your memories? You would be ignorant of everything important and knowing Joy, she could have taken advantage.”
Bannack furrowed his eyebrows, and his shoulders drooped. “I…I did not think of that.”
Sounds like the old Bannack. That version never thought things through completely, either.
She approached Bannack and put out her hand. “Your past is dark and you’re going to have to continue facing it head on to see some real change, but I do believe you regret what you did. I also understand you did it because of trauma and, like me, you are working every day to overcome it. What do you say we leave the past here and start with a new beginning?”
“Thank you,” Bannack said, his voice tiny and shaking. “Your words mean a lot.”
Kendal walked in followed by Mal, Abe, and Finch. Mal was the first to embrace Eloise. “We can’t leave you alone ever, can we? Thank goodness you’re alright. Mason would have my hide if you weren’t.”
Eloise laughed. “How’d you guys find this place?”
“Jerome found ‘em,” Kendal said. “They were poking around the village wall looking for you so he brought them here.”
Finch, sporting a black eye, sat on a nearby chair, leaned back, and put her ankle over her knee. “Clocked me upside the head. What’s the deal with all the scary stuff?”
Kendal answered, “I created the rumor that we are brutal and will attack on sight to protect the people here. They don’t need trouble. Most of the time,” Kendal looked pointedly at Abe, Nails, and Finch, “it works.”
Eloise stifled a snort. Those three, no matter where they went, found trouble, and recent events proved their tendency was rubbing off on her, or maybe—she glanced at Bannack—it was someone else’s. Either way, Mason placed her with the three Sentinels to keep them in line. Not join in on their trouble making. She rolled her eyes and sat down.