“Spaghetti sounds great.”
The one-bedroom apartment was small, but she kept it clean and tidy. He wondered if her older furniture had belonged to Helen and decided not to go there yet.
When Ella was ready, she’d tell him.
But his heart broke as he froze in the living room, staring at a picture sitting on an old entertainment center.
Ella and Helen, both of them smiling and dressed in 50s-style poodle skirts and sweaters. Ella looked several years younger in that picture, her hair different, longer than it was now.
Ella followed his gaze. “That was taken a few months before she died. Her boss at her day job threw a big family Halloween party for all his employees and kids. I’d just seen Grease for the first time and wanted us to dress like that. Mom went through every thrift store in the area to find the sweaters and stuff to make our costumes. She bought old prom dresses and crinolines to cut apart and make the skirts. Checked out a sewing machine from the library to sew them and everything.”
She held her arms crossed over her chest and wiped at her eyes with one hand. “She was a great mom. She always tried to make do with what we had and told me to never feel ashamed for not having new stuff.”
The ache once again bloomed inside him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s really not your fault.” She forced a smile. “Like I said, I had myself psyched up that you were going to be a jerk, or at least a raging tool. Blow me off. Mom might have been wrong thinking one day she’d get a happily-ever-after with you, but she wasn’t wrong about loving you because of how nice you are.”
He pulled her in for another hug. “Move to Florida. I’ll pay for it.”
Well, there went his plan to try to work his way into it gradually.
“What?”
“I’m serious. Move to Florida.”
She gently smiled and put her hands against his chest, not to shove him away but as if comforting him. “You might hate me by the time you fly home.”
“You’re my daughter. I want to have a relationship with you, and it’s kind of hard to do on opposite ends of the country.”
“I can’t afford to move. Plus I’d have to get my certifications and stuff before I could work as a nurse.”
“You don’t…” He sighed. “I’m in Florida. Me and Caleb. We’ll be your family. We are your family.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is. Give me one reason why you can’t move to Florida if I’m helping you pay for it and letting you live with us as long as you need to get your feet under you?”
Tears filled her eyes again. “Because I can’t be without a job or health insurance right now. I just found out yesterday I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Five
Boyd guided Ella over to the sofa. “Pregnant?”
“Yeah.” Her laugh lacked any hint of mirth. “Barely six weeks. Only guy I’ve slept with in over a year, and it was just the one time, so I know the date exactly. Fucker’s an asshole, too. He was a bad mistake to start with, and I damn sure hadn’t planned on having a baby with him.”
“What happened?”
“Series of really bad decisions.” She tipped her head back, staring at the ceiling. “I…I was really angry before I finally told you the truth that night. I mean, a lot of anger. I’d built it up in my head exactly how I was going to respond to anything you said when I told you.” She looked at him. “I knew every comeback I’d use, had everything ready.”
He smiled. “And I screwed it all up because I was a nice guy?”
“A really damn nice guy.” Her gaze dropped to her hands. “And as stupid as it sounds, that’s the one possibility I hadn’t prepared for. That you’d immediately own it—own me—and want to be a part of my life.”
She sniffled. “I didn’t handle that sudden pressure relief well, as you saw. I flew home the next morning, got drunk that afternoon, called Dr. McDoucherag, and…” She shrugged. “Here we are. I’ve been ignoring my symptoms, thinking it had to be stress or something else, and finally took a pregnancy test.”
“You didn’t even know about that when you’d reached out to me, did you?”
“Nope.”
That actually relieved him, because for a moment he worried maybe that was why she’d contacted him.
“What changed? Why did you reach out?” He’d hesitated to ask before now.
“I went to go see Mom.” Another tearful laugh. “Sorry. I go out to her grave and I sit and talk to her. I was hating myself for sleeping with the jerk, and telling her about you and how you’d reacted, and it finally hit me that all the self-loathing I was feeling since that booty call was tied directly to choosing to wallow in the past, instead of embracing what a great thing this was. All because I’d spent the years since Mom died hating you because of what and who I thought you’d be.”
She looked up into his face again, meeting his gaze, those blue eyes the same shade as his. “She thought you were a great guy. We never had money for her to try to find you. She didn’t have a computer, couldn’t afford one. She was too busy working to try to go to the library and use their computers. I mean, she literally worked all day. I never really wanted to look for you, because after seeing what friends went through with their parents divorcing, I assumed she was only trying to make me feel good. I never pushed her to do it. I thought we didn’t need you anyway. I didn’t want her getting her heart broken when you turned out to be an ass. It was better to just…leave it alone.”
When she leaned against him, it felt…it felt right to be able to hug her, hold her.
“The offer still stands,” he said. “You can stay with me, or you can take over Caleb’s apartment for now. I know a lot of people in Sarasota. We can arrange you excellent child care, the schools are pretty good—heck, you were meeting people locally, weren’t you? There’s another side to all of them, a vanilla set of Suncoast Society parties, family-friendly events. Please think about it.”
“I promised Mom I’d never leave her.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “When we buried her that day, I swore I’d never leave her. Everyone in her life left her, and I swore I wouldn’t.”
“I don’t think, given the circumstances, that she’d be upset. She’d want me to do what I can for you. We’ve got a nursing shortage in Sarasota.”
“No one is going to want to hire a pregnant nurse.”
“If you won’t move now, think about moving right before the baby’s born. Then you can have our help, find a new job, a new start.”
She stared into his eyes for a long moment. “You mean it, don’t you?”
“I don’t say things I don’t mean.”
“What about Caleb? What will he say?”
“He’s on-board. He’s…not close to his family. I don’t even know the full story yet. It’s his story to tell when he’s ready.”
Her stomach rumbled, making them both laugh. “I still need to get a shower,” she said. “Sorry I didn’t plan this better.”
“You’re fine, seriously. Can I help? Let me cook while you take your shower.”
“That would actually be great, thank you.” She pointed out where stuff was in the kitchen and then left him alone so she could shower and change.
He was tempted to call Caleb back to talk to him while he cooked, but he didn’t want a moment of his attention distracted from Ella if it didn’t need to be.
I’m really sorry, Helen. I never meant for you to deal with this alone. I swear I’m here for her now. I won’t abandon her.
* * * *
“This is really good. What’d you put in it?”
“I found some brown sugar in your cabinet, and added some seasonings.”
They sat at her small kitchen table to eat. She’d donned a Seahawks T-shirt and shorts, and had pulled her damp blonde hair back with a ponytail holder.
Exhaustion painted hollows under her eyes, and now without her makeup he could clearly see it even more than before.
“I brought a
bunch of pictures with me. For us to go over. I’ll give you copies of the files. Caleb helped me scan them in.”
“Thanks. I guess we have a lot of catching up to do.”
He reached over and covered her hand with his. “I really want to. I know it doesn’t make up for the time we’ve lost together. I’m sorry.”
A sad smile creased her face. “You can stop apologizing…Dad. It’s not your fault.”
He couldn’t help but smile. “How long did it take you to work yourself up to saying that?”
A genuine laugh. “A long time. I couldn’t decide.”
“I’m fine with it. You call me what you want to call me. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m just happy to be here.”
By the time they went to bed, him stretched out on her less-than-comfortable pull-out sofa, it was after midnight local time and he felt exhausted. They’d gone through his family pictures, some of them, because that’s where she wanted to start. She wanted to hear about his childhood, his parents—even his time in Germany, brief though it was.
If it hadn’t been so late in Florida he would have texted Caleb, but he didn’t want to wake him up. All these feelings he wanted to share, the…melancholy joy of connecting with her.
A daughter.
His.
For the rest of the evening she’d stayed away from the subject of her pregnancy, and he hadn’t wanted to push her on it.
He wasn’t sure if she planned on keeping it or not, and he hadn’t felt he had the right to pry, either, much less offer his opinion on what to do.
I’m going to be a grandfather.
I hope.
Holy cow, talk about a massive shift in his life in a short amount of time. From melancholy single guy, to happily taken—to eager father and grandfather-to-be.
Despite his exhaustion he stared up at the ceiling. The couch was okay, he’d slept on worse. Totally worth it to be there with her, under the same roof.
What made tonight hard to stomach was not having Caleb’s comforting warmth and presence tightly snuggled against him.
* * * *
Caleb lay in bed and tried to sleep, failing miserably, his mind spinning, thoughts rattling around in his brain and refusing to allow him to drift off.
Not just because of the earlier calls from his parents.
It wasn’t the same without Boyd next to him. In some ways, the man was like a natural mental relaxant for Caleb. Boyd had no problems shutting Caleb’s brain down for him, forcing him to let go—or focus only where Boyd wanted his boy’s mind focused.
Including at night to go to sleep.
Finally, he pulled Boyd’s pillow over his face, closed his eyes, and fisted his cock. Slowly stroking, he replayed their very first night together, the night when he didn’t know it’d been Boyd, but the mystery Dom had rocked his world hard.
Little had he known the man he’d already been in lust with—his fucking boss—was the sexy-ass Dom who’d been the first to literally claim his ass. The man he’d hoped to actually forget by having the weekend interlude at Kent’s.
The first man to break his heart, but also the man who, only days later, healed him, claimed him.
Owned him.
Caleb hadn’t known Boyd had also been lusting after him for as long as Caleb had worked for him.
With Boyd’s scent faintly filling his lungs, he pretended it was Boyd’s hand stroking his cock while lying in his arms, snuggled against the taller man’s body as Boyd whispered sweet and dirty things in Caleb’s ear.
In his mind, it was his Master’s hand slowing around the head, squeezing, his thumb gliding over the pre-cum flowing from his slit and smearing it down his shaft again. Over and over, until he reached down with his other hand and lightly tugged on his balls, slowing his building release. Wanting it to last.
Knowing Boyd would want a full recounting once they were together again, and maybe even a demonstration.
He felt his cheeks heat as he remembered the first time Boyd ordered him to masturbate for him. Something he’d never done for someone else before that night.
The way Boyd had held him in his arms, whispering in Caleb’s ear what a good boy he was, how sexy he looked.
How he’d buried his face against Boyd’s neck, eyes closed, exposing himself to the other man in a way he’d never exposed himself to anyone before. Even the day at Kent’s hadn’t made him feel so…bare.
“My good boy,” Boyd whispered. “So fucking sexy.”
The man’s warm breath against his flesh, the need in his voice, all of it had filled Caleb with a kind of wonder and had driven him hard into subspace even without any pain. Something that, at the time, had filled him with awe, but results Boyd had been able to replicate with him time and again.
Because he trusted Boyd, because they had a connection that was unlike anything either of them had ever felt before, and because they were perfect together.
With these memories and more swirling through Caleb’s brain, he felt himself spin over the edge, hot cum suddenly slicking his hand as he stroked faster, harder, the tension draining from his body even as his balls emptied.
I miss You, Sir.
As he caught his breath under the pillow, his pulse slowing, he breathed in Boyd’s scent and longing filled him.
This is only temporary. They’d be together again soon.
In some ways, it scared him how quickly they’d come together. How his fantasies had lined up with and been quickly exceeded by reality.
When in his life had things ever worked out so well for him?
Never.
Was that it? He’d finally run through his fill of bad luck so it was time for good luck to smack him around for a change?
He didn’t know, and he felt so damned tired now that he’d busted his nut and could actually shut down his brain.
After cleaning up in the bathroom, he returned to bed and curled around Boyd’s pillow in an attempt to go to sleep.
At least the doubts and fears swirling in the recesses of his mind were a little quieter now.
Chapter Six
It took Boyd a moment to orient himself the next morning after a few hours of restless sleep. He wasn’t on his couch, and he wasn’t next to Caleb.
Ella.
And his body was still on Florida time, so it was only four a.m. locally.
Shit.
Knowing he was wide awake, he sat up and retrieved his phone from where it was charging on the end table by his head. No calls, no texts.
If he texted Caleb right now, it’d probably wake him up and he didn’t want to do that to his boy on a Saturday morning.
I’m going to be a grandfather.
He took his work phone into the bathroom to go over his e-mails while taking care of business. Nothing needing his immediate attention, no texts to reply to, either.
All the while, pulsing in his brain, the steady reminder of his new life.
He didn’t want to think about Ella maybe not keeping the baby, although he’d certainly understand, under the circumstances, if she didn’t want to. Except with all the new knowledge he held, that possibility made him more than a little sad.
After finishing in the bathroom he knew he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep. Quietly, he rummaged around in the kitchen until he found the coffee and filters and started a pot brewing. Then he dug out his iPad and earbuds to watch Netflix.
I hope Caleb was able to sleep last night.
He and Caleb were overdue for a long and detailed talk about Caleb’s family. The past several weeks since they’d broken through their barrier and become a secret “official” item had been spent working on them as a couple, talking, negotiating.
Fucking each other’s brains out.
It was nearly six o’clock when Boyd was startled by the sound of the bedroom door being thrown open and Ella bolting for the bathroom. He yanked his earbuds out and followed her, flipping the light on as the sound of her retching hit him. He knelt next to her and held
her hair back for her as she puked into the toilet.
He knew nothing he said would be right, so he opted to keep his mouth shut and just be there for her.
She started crying, leaning against him even as she spit again, dry heaves now hitting her.
“I hate that fucker,” she moaned. “Goddamn that asshole.”
“Want me to go beat him up for you?”
He was only half-kidding, but she managed a weak chuckle. Then she flushed and sat back, the hollows under her eyes deeper and darker than they’d been last night. “Sorry, I should have warned you the smell of coffee is a massive trigger for me right now.”
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. I—”
“It’s okay, Dad. You didn’t know. It especially sucks since I love coffee, usually drink four or five cups a day, so I’ve been in caffeine withdrawals on top of morning sickness.”
He helped her to her feet and she cleaned up in the sink. “I’ll go shut it off and dump it,” he said.
“Thanks.” Her gaze met his in the bathroom mirror, and for the first time he really saw how much they looked alike. She had his eyes, his blonde hair, his fair complexion. Maybe a little of Helen’s nose and chin, but there was no doubt in his mind Ella was his daughter.
“I was thinking about what you said last night,” she started.
“Yeah?”
“About working until nearly time for me to have the baby and then moving.”
He nodded, not wanting to get his hopes up. “Caleb and I will help you move. That’s not an issue.”
“I don’t want to be alone anymore. After I lost Mom, I went through a period where I was so fucking angry over how she had to raise me alone. That she didn’t try to date or find someone to love. And it meant I was alone when I lost her. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to raise my baby alone, but I damn sure won’t have its father in my life.”
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