“Funny.” As usual, Mary Kate left on her sports bra underneath her long-sleeved top, but this time she put her fleece top back on. “I’ve been changing my underwear every day, though. So if I’m in an accident, please let my mother know that.”
Addison quickly tugged on her long johns as well, and then added her convertibles on top. “At least if I have to get up in the night to pee—what am I saying? When I have to get up in the night to pee, I’ll be fully dressed.”
“If you get up, wake me and I’ll go with you.”
Addison scooted deep inside her bag and worked the zipper from the inside. Luke was right about the camp being inhospitable, with its rocky ledge and stiff wind. But she was too tired to let that keep her from much-needed sleep.
Chapter Fourteen
“Ow!” Mary Kate was jarred from her sleep by a weight that fell across her hips.
“Shit! Goddamn it!” It was Brad.
“I knew that was going to happen,” Addison muttered.
They unzipped their bags and crawled out of their collapsed tent to repair the damage from where he had tripped over one of the ties. Several others awakened at the commotion, and Drew and Jim hurried out to help reset their stakes. Mary Kate and Addison then ventured across the rocky terrain to the latrine before resettling in their tent.
“I don’t feel sleepy anymore,” Addison said.
“Me neither. But it’s four thirty, so we got about ten hours of sleep. I don’t think I moved all night.”
Even though they were now wide awake, there was nowhere else to be but zipped up inside their sleeping bags, given the cold, howling wind.
“I slept like a baby, except for the nightmare about your friend beating me up.”
“You mean Deb?” Mary Kate smiled as she envisioned Addison meeting her friends in Mooresville, something she had said she might actually do. “She’s been my best friend since we were in second grade. One day on the playground, she beat the shit out of some boy who was picking on me.”
Addison laughed. “I get the impression she likes to fight.”
“Not really. She’s a sweetheart, but she doesn’t take anybody’s shit.”
“So what’s it like for her being a lesbian in a place like Mooresville? Does she have a girlfriend?”
“Oh, no. Mooresville isn’t ready for something like that. Hardly anybody knows for sure about Deb, but they all gossip about her like they do.”
“Why would they gossip?”
“They don’t have anything better to do. Some of them probably still gossip about me too, because that’s what started everything back in high school. We used to do everything together. We stayed over at each other’s houses. We shot hoops together after school.”
“They thought you two were lovers?”
“Yeah, a couple of the girls on our team thought we spent too much time together, and they started that rumor. It got all over school, and since my mom taught there, she heard it one day in the teacher’s lounge. She told all the teachers it wasn’t true, but then she came home and gave me this big lecture about how the other girls my age were dating, and that people wouldn’t be saying stuff like that if I went out with boys. So I eventually got a boyfriend, and—”
“A real boyfriend or one just for show?”
“As real as it gets when you’re sixteen, I guess. There isn’t much to do in Mooresville, so dating means going to parties or football games together. Nothing serious.” Someone from Miami would probably go insane in Mooresville, she thought. “Anyway, Deb and I quit staying over at each other’s houses. The funny part was that we were sneaking around anyway to see each other like we really were lovers.”
“That’s cool you stayed friends, though. I came out to one of my friends in college and you would have thought I had leprosy.”
“That’s ridiculous. Being gay doesn’t make you a different person.”
“It does to some people.”
Mary Kate reluctantly acknowledged to herself that most people in her hometown would think so. “I don’t see what the big deal is, or why it’s anybody’s business what people do in the privacy of their homes.”
“People shouldn’t have to be private, though. If I want to walk down the street holding my girlfriend’s hand, I should be able to do that without worrying that people are going to treat me differently. The rules ought to be the same for everybody.”
Addison’s sudden mention of a girlfriend jolted her. “You have a girlfriend?”
“Not right now, but I used to date a woman who did the news on one of the local TV stations, and she wouldn’t go anywhere in public with me, not even as a friend, because she was paranoid about what people would think.”
“I bet you have the most interesting friends.” Now she felt totally silly for telling her boring stories of Mooresville.
Addison snorted. “I didn’t say we were friends. Things didn’t end very well, if you know what I mean.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Not really, if you look at the big picture. Pilar was a lot older than I was, almost forty. That probably stressed her out more than being a closet lesbian. But I got tired of sneaking around to go see her.”
“I don’t blame you. But still, it must have been exciting to have a famous girlfriend.”
“It kind of takes the shine off it if you can’t tell anybody. Finish your story about Deb.”
Mary Kate groaned. “There isn’t much more. She finally told me one day that she’d had this big crush on me for years. Of course, I didn’t feel that way about her, and I know it hurt her feelings. But we both got over it and stayed friends.”
“Did you ever think about…? Never mind. That’s probably too personal.”
“I actually did wonder…if that’s what you’re asking.” Feeling her face flush, she was glad it was still dark. She had never told anyone about making out with Becky Dugan, but the idea of telling Addison gave her an inexplicable thrill. “I messed around a little with one of the girls on my basketball team in college. We just made out, but I…I guess it wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t feel anything.”
She bit her lip as she waited for Addison to answer.
“I never told anybody that story before, so when you come visit me, please don’t blurt it out in front of my sister. She’d probably faint.”
Addison chuckled softly. “I wouldn’t tell anything you’ve shared with me in confidence, Mary Kate.”
Mary Kate was touched by the sincerity in her voice. “I know. I already feel like I can trust you.”
“You can.” Addison squirmed in her bag in order to roll over on her side. Her head was only inches from Mary Kate’s. “How did you feel about the other girl?”
“I…well…” she stammered, searching for the right words to describe an experiment without coming off as totally naïve. “She was just a friend, really. I liked her, but…”
“You weren’t attracted to her.”
“No.”
“But you made out with her.”
“Yeah, I guess I was curious about how it would feel.”
“Have you ever been attracted to another woman? A woman you really wanted to kiss?”
Mary Kate tugged on the zipper to let a little air inside her bag. It excited her to finally have a chance to talk about these things with someone who wouldn’t jump to conclusions. “I’ve had crushes on a couple of girls—friends of mine that I thought were really nice.”
“But you never acted on either of those.”
“No, they weren’t like that.”
“How do you know?”
“I just knew. One of them was this girl from high school who had a different boyfriend every week. That was just a little crush, though. The big one was my college roommate. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.”
“Why was she the big one?”
Mary Kate was amazed to hear herself talking about these things with someone she had known only three days. “Jessica, I don’t know, she fascinated me. I alway
s felt so lucky that we were friends. Then she met Chuck. They got married during spring break our senior year, and I was really happy for her, but kind of sick about it at the same time.”
“You were grieving.”
“Yeah, it felt like that.”
“Did you feel the same way about your boyfriend? The fascination, I mean.”
Mary Kate felt a wave of uneasiness, not so much at the question, but at having to admit the answer was no. “No, that’s why I knew the thing with Jessica was just a silly crush. It’s like it just comes out of nowhere, and it’s a bunch of feelings that don’t have any rhyme or reason. You just want to be with somebody all the time.”
“I always thought that was love.”
“Love’s different. Love is something you have to work at so that it grows. You feel confident about planning your future together because you want the same things.”
“No, what you’re talking about is a relationship. We have to work at those, but nobody should have to work at being in love. And I wouldn’t dream of having a relationship with someone I didn’t find fascinating.”
There was no doubt that fascination was missing from what she felt about Bobby, and that if she had even a hint of it, she could go forward with the life he and her whole family wanted. The problem was that she had been fascinated exactly twice in her life—once with Jessica, and ironically, once with the woman sharing her tent.
Chapter Fifteen
“Sorry, guys,” Courtney said with a moan. “I hate that I’m holding everybody up.”
Addison zipped up her parka and shoved her hands in the pockets to stave off the chilling wind. They were stuck in camp until a ranger arrived to escort the Penn State trio off the mountain. Courtney had thrown up several times through the night and had a relentless headache. They had decided this morning to descend and spend a few days on a wildlife safari before starting their internships.
“I see a truck,” Neal said as he peered through his binoculars across the plain. Luke had said the ranger could drive within two kilometers, but would have to hike from there.
Addison gauged the wind direction and stepped down from the ledge to seek shelter between two boulders.
Mary Kate followed. “Got room for me down there?”
“Sure.” She sat on the ground with her back against a rock and motioned for Mary Kate to sit across from her. After their long talk in the wee hours of the morning, she saw Mary Kate in a whole new light, one that—for better or worse—fanned her interest.
“I feel bad for those guys having to turn back, but I’m just glad it’s them and not me.”
“I know what you mean,” Addison said. “Getting this far and not making it to the summit would seriously suck. But we’re better prepared than Courtney.”
“Yeah, but nobody knows how the altitude’s going to affect them. We’re still going up, and we have four more nights before we summit. Anything can happen between now and then.”
“Are you worried?”
Mary Kate shrugged. “Nervous is probably a better word. I think I’d be sick if I didn’t make it to the top.”
Addison squeezed her knee and smiled. “I have a feeling you’re going to run off and leave us all….unless we all freeze to death here.”
“I wish they hadn’t taken our tents. I’d be waiting this out in my sleeping bag.”
“I heard Luke tell Neal and Mei that the porters were leaving early to get the best campsite at Barranco. There’s another trail that crosses there on the way up the Western Breach, so the camp will be crowded.”
“The Umbwe Route. I read about it. It’s for the more experienced climbers.”
“We’ll have the Barranco Wall tomorrow, you know.”
Mary Kate shook her head. “I can’t even think about that. I’m freezing my ass off here, and it’s what? About forty-five degrees?”
“The wind makes it colder.” Addison nodded in the direction of the mountain. “We’re headed onto the mountain today. Once we get off this plateau, we should be out of the wind.”
“I hope you’re right.” Mary Kate’s teeth were chattering.
They huddled until the ranger arrived, and then they joined the others in saying goodbye to Courtney, Rachel and Kirby.
As they gathered their packs to start the day’s hike, Luke drew them into a circle. “Does anyone else feel doubts about going to Barranco?”
“I just scored Kirby’s balaclava and gloves, so you’re not getting rid of me,” Drew said.
“Looks like you’re stuck with all of us,” Neal added.
Addison studied the faces of her fellow hikers. Only Brad seemed disinterested, but she suspected that had more to do with his father than with the challenge before them. She fell in between Jim and Mary Kate as they got underway. “So what brings you and your doting son to Kilimanjaro?”
He grinned at her exaggerated cheerfulness. “It’s his high school graduation present. It was supposed to be a bonding trip, but that isn’t happening yet. I may have waited too late.”
“Teenagers are funny animals,” Mary Kate said.
“Especially when they grow up hearing only one parent’s side of things.”
Addison related to that. “Are you and his mom divorced?”
“Ten years ago. He’s been living with her in Austin. Now that he’s eighteen, the visitation rules don’t apply anymore. I practically had to drag him here.”
Given the circumstances, it was hard for Addison to see why Brad would appreciate being dragged somewhere he didn’t want to go, especially since this was supposed to be his graduation gift. “Did you guys train together for the hike?”
“We both play a lot of tennis, so we’re in pretty good shape. Brad was ranked ninth in Texas as a junior, but he couldn’t hold it when he moved up last year.” He flashed his T-shirt, which was emblazoned with an SMU logo. “He’s going to play at my alma mater this fall though. I won the conference tournament two years in a row when I was there thirty years ago.”
“What kind of work do you do?” Mary Kate asked.
“I used to be a software developer, but I sold my company last year. Now I’m donating my time to build better systems for several of the non-profits in the Dallas area.”
Addison couldn’t help but see a bit of her overbearing father in Jim, except for the part about giving back to his community after his success. That didn’t sound like Reginald Falk at all. Brad was lucky to have a good role model, even if their relationship left much to be desired.
An hour into their hike, they left the plateau, and nearly all of the significant vegetation. The new terrain was like desert, with only an occasional shrub to decorate the mountainside. Even though they were walking slowly, the uphill climb in the brilliant sunshine had Addison sweating. When Luke called the break, she and Mary Kate went behind a boulder to undress so they could take off their long johns.
“Good thing about these rocks, because it doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing any more bushes,” Mary Kate said.
“Who knows how long we’ll have boulders to hide behind? From here, it looks pretty barren up toward the summit.” She sat on the ground to put her boots back on. “I’d give just about anything for another bath.”
“I was thinking the same thing. I thought I’d ask Gilbert to fix me a pan of water when we got to Barranco. Then I could sit in the tent and do a sponge bath.”
“That’s a great idea,” Addison said. “What’s that old saying? You wash my back and I’ll wash yours.”
“I think that’s scratch, not wash.”
“Same difference.”
“Yeah, right. Would you have said that to Drew?”
“Not a chance.” Addison grinned broadly and shook her head. She was glad to see the mock scowl on Mary Kate’s face, and took it as a sign she wasn’t offended by such an obviously flirtatious remark.
They stuffed their clothes down inside their backpacks and returned to the trail. Mei and Neal had also changed, and the others had stow
ed their jackets. When they started up again, everyone spread out in the line, each seemingly lost in solitary thought. The scenery was the most majestic yet, as they picked their way over three steep crests, then down into broad valleys. In the third valley, Addison’s mouth watered the instant she saw the dining tent erected. Gilbert waited with hot cream soup.
The lunch break was shorter than usual, since they were two hours behind schedule for the day. After only forty minutes, they were climbing again.
Addison lagged behind to talk to Mary Kate, who seemed subdued this afternoon. “You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden. Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, I’m just thinking about stuff.”
“Did it bother you that I asked so many questions this morning?”
“No, I like talking things out with you. You make me put what I’m thinking into words, and that helps me get clear on what I have to do.”
“You mean like breaking up with your boyfriend?”
She nodded grimly. “I just dread what everyone is going to say.”
“It’s not about what they want.” She didn’t want to add pressure to what Mary Kate already felt, but it sounded as though she needed a bit more encouragement to follow through with what she wanted to do. “I know it’s hard to go against people. I talk a big story, but I’m headed to London to work for my father, even though that isn’t what I really want. It’s just easier to follow the plan.”
“Right, but they’re going to look at me like I was from another planet if I say something like I can’t marry Bobby because I don’t find him fascinating.”
“No one’s entitled to an explanation, Mary Kate. You shouldn’t have to justify a decision like that.”
“I know.” She sighed.
“But you hate to disappoint people.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you having second thoughts about it?” Addison hoped not. People deserved to be outrageously happy when it came to love, not to feel as if they were being led to the gallows.
“No, I’m just letting it all get to me. I promised myself I wasn’t going to think about this while I was here.”
“That sounds like a great plan. Just put it out of your head.” She looked around at the breathtaking landscape, a mountain to one side and a sprawling rainforest to the other. “When will you ever see something like this again?”
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