“Okay sailor. I get it. And I’m here supporting you. I would die if Zee were in a pinch and we stood by doing nothing. Let me know what your investigation reveals, you old intrepid reporter.” Simon was a little bit put off by Olivia’s cavalier attitude at the sake of pushing a joke. But he reminded himself that Olivia’s happy-go-lucky attitude oftentimes masked real concern. He gave Olivia a hug, and decided to retire to his bedroom.
Simon pushed open the door, and he involuntarily found himself brooding about Ian again. Even though Simon was alone in his bedroom, he felt like it offered him no sanctuary now. The walls were tastefully decorated with scenic portraits and the odd family picture. His mother and sister’s smiling faces made him remember why he was studying to be a journalist in the first place; his mother had lost her IT business because of red tape that was manufactured by a bigger business that was competing for the same clients. Simon had wanted to expose the operations of this business, to find out how they could get away with ruining the livelihoods of smaller firms. He knew that if he became a journalist, he could expose such injustices when they happened in future. He sat on his bed, staring at a picture of him hugging his sister while his mother stood over them. He wanted to do them both proud.
His desk was neatly organized with research material and assignment notices carefully arranged in heaps with no overextended corners. A little bit warm, Simon removed his acrylic powder blue sweater. Simon carefully folded the sweater, military precision style, and opened up his cupboard. His polo shirts were carefully ironed and hanging on the railing, color-coded, his socks were neatly matched and his underwear was folded and ironed. Simon felt a little bit self-conscious about his OCD ways. He placed his sweater neatly upon the shelf which contained his other sweaters, and plopped down onto his bed. He looked sideways at his bedside cabinet, and wondered if he should... It certainly helped him to relax, and gave him a kick in the pants. Simon rolled over on his bed, and pulled out the A3 poster. Ian Peters’s copycat double stared back at him. There was nothing salacious about his outfit or about his gaze. Just the right mixture of class and sexiness. Simon smiled indulgently, and quickly pasted the poster above his desk, where his PC sat ready and waiting. He’d have to be careful to remove it once he received a visitor, but by now he had become adept at removing the poster and hiding it at the slightest hint of an interruption. Simon chuckled to himself as he thought of how Olivia just assumed that he was having, uh, ‘Simon Time’, as she put it.
Ian and Zuko both needed him. And he was determined to be there for them.
Sufficiently energized, Simon was bolstered by the idea that if he could get to the bottom of Zuko’s mysterious disappearance and the strange behavior from Zuko’s mother that Ian might develop a newfound respect for him. Simon rolled out his desk chair and decided to get to work. With his highly organized and methodical approach, Simon researched Zuko’s case, but to his disappointment, his search did not reveal much. He resolved to reach out to his contact in the student administration department as soon as he could, and see if he could wring any information out of him.
Since his investigation was not really bearing any fruit, Simon’s gaze drifted up to his poster. The model, with his smoky gaze, his hands holding the collar of his shirt defiantly, and his hips pushed forward provocatively, seemed to dare Simon to make a move and contact Ian. Simon glanced at his phone, scrolled down on his contact list to the entry of Ian Peters, and he found himself involuntarily let out a small squeak. Ian’s casual, relaxed, and somehow oddly reassuring smile made him simultaneously peaceful and breathless with excitement. Simon again fell down onto his bed, this time his attention absorbed by Ian’s image. He selected ‘send text’, and imagined what he would have said if he and Ian were already together.
Wistfully, he typed in: I miss you. I care about you. I can’t wait to see you soon. His hand tentatively hovered over the ‘send now’ icon, as it had done so many times before.
“Oh dear mother of Mary, not you again! Get out, you filthy little scoundrel!” Startled by Olivia’s high-pitched screech, Simon found his fingers clutching the phone tighter at the moment of surprise... and to his dismay, he realized that he just sent Ian that pathetic, needy message. He felt all of the blood rush out of his face, and he felt sick.
“Liv, get in here! Right! Now!” Simon let out a horrified screech of his own, and Olivia scurried over to Simon’s room, her eyes wide with fright.
“It’s that disgusting little rat, no doubt ridden with diseases, and would you believe it, I swear it gave me a stare down before it scurried away, defiant little disgusting... baby, what’s wrong?” Olivia’s eyes were filled with concern as she took in Simon’s hopeless expression. He stared down at the floor and looked like he was on the verge of tears. Wordlessly, he handed Olivia his phone.
Olivia glanced at it, and burst out in gleeful delight.
“Baby, you did it! Finally, you gave King Arthur a clue! I’m so proud of you!”
“Liv, why on earth would you be proud of me for ruining any and all chances I ever might have had with Ian? He must think I’m such a loser right now. I mean, obviously I sent it by mistake when you were hollering down the roof, but how do I explain that? I can’t even, I just …”
At that very moment, both Simon and Olivia’s eyes widened as Simon’s text notification went off.
“You do it, you read it. I can’t even bear it. I’m so nervous, Liv. Please, deliver the bad news gently.” Simon paced the room, his hand nervously rubbing the back of his head, and he took a deep breath as he prepared to be humiliated.
Olivia cleared her throat, ever the drama queen.
“Hey Simon. I was just thinking about you. Got out of hospital yesterday. Mind if I pop over in a few?”
Simon met Olivia’s eyes in confusion. “What does that mean? That sounds pretty cryptic.”
“Well hey, no doubt it’s much less dramatic than what your imagination has conjured up. I say a casual ‘sure’ should do the trick.”
“Uhm, I guess. After that embarrassing text, there really is no going back.”
Simon quickly sent Ian the message, and felt another wave of apprehension and uncertainty wash over him. Was Ian heading over to tell him off? To tell him what a loser he was? To tell him he ruined his future prospects at the Weekly? Simon’s head swirled with confusion. He decided the best course of action was to take a shower, apply a modest amount of cologne, and to simply prepare himself for the worst. He might be going down, but he was going down in style.
***
Simon sat at the edge of their couch, nervously chewing his fingers, careful not to do any real damage. For what seemed like the fifth time that afternoon, he carefully arranged the magazines and repositioned the flower pots in anticipation of Ian’s arrival. It had been an hour since he had sent that text. What was keeping him?
Simon nearly jumped up from his chair as he heard the doorbell. Olivia peeked around the corner from her bedroom, and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up, frantically motioning him to the door. She mimicked zipping up her lips, placed her index finger in front of her mouth, and with a final wink, she gently closed her bedroom door to give them some privacy. Simon smiled at the show of support and realized she gave him a little boost in confidence. Just the right amount that he needed.
Simon stood by the front door, and looked through the peephole. To Simon’s surprise, Ian was supported by crutches. But despite his compromised state, he still looked as adorable as ever. Sporting light stubble, Ian was wearing a tight-fitting pair of light blue jeans and a Ridge U t-shirt tightly hugging his broad shoulders and chiseled pecs. Simon felt his legs slightly buckle under the strong physiological reaction he was having to seeing Ian. He took a deep breath, and opened the door, wondering if he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.
“Simon! Thank you for seeing me on such short notice. I’d give you a hug, but I don’t know how you feel about getting intimate with crutches.” Simon laughed, grateful a
t Ian’s attempt to make the awkwardness a little bit lighter between the two of them. Simon felt a bit more confident.
“That’s no problem. A pat on the back will do.” Simon smiled at Ian, and helped him into the living room, where Ian, with a little bit of trouble, managed to seat himself on the living room couch.
“So hey, Simon. Listen. That text you sent me. It was kind of out of the blue, but not really unwelcome at all. I’m just curious, what brought it up? Is there anything you want to tell me?” Ian’s voice quivered ever so slightly. It would have been clearly audible to anyone else, but Simon, suddenly finding himself caught up in a whirl of self-consciousness and uncertainty, found himself doing what he thought was damage control. Nerves overcame him, and he felt himself slip back into his comfort zone to protect himself.
“Oh, that text? It’s a funny story, Ian, but I sent that to you by mistake. It was meant for somebody else, whose name also begins with ‘I’. Total slip-up. You must have been freaked out, right?” Simon found himself babbling, but paused nearing the end of his speech to see if Ian took the bait.
“No, actually. Not at all. I would not have minded if that text was meant for me.” Ian stared Simon down, challenging him to stick by his bogus story.
Simon, feeling overwhelmed, found himself copping out again.
“Was there any reason besides that text that you came over to see me?” Simon decided that he didn’t have the nerve to lie to Ian’s face twice.
Ian let out a nearly imperceptible sigh, his eyes momentarily betraying the shadow of disappointment, and then, squaring his jaw, he looked Simon straight in the eye.
“It’s been brought to my attention that Zuko recently left the uni, with no explanation. I heard some rumors that he has been experiencing some trouble with some of his roommates, and that concerns me. Ridgemont University can’t afford to let students from less advantaged communities slip through the cracks. And after I poked around a bit, it seems like things aren’t adding up. I know I’m on my way out at the paper, but Zuko was a bright, talented kid, with lots of potential, and the piece he wrote for the online edition was excellent. I want to leave a legacy behind that I’m proud of. I know you and he are close. Do you know anything? Is there any way the Weekly could help with figuring this out?”
Simon was a bit startled by Ian’s sudden turnaround, assuming his position of authority over Simon again, but he resolved not to let Ian’s businesslike attitude get to him.
“I’m glad this has been brought to your attention. Yes, Zuko did disappear from campus. And you’re right, we are close. I’m concerned as well and tried to do some research. You remember the case I tried investigating last year that sounded similar to this? I think it might be a pattern. In fact, I didn’t come up with much when researching earlier, but something did catch my eye. Why don’t I help you up and we can go to my computer in my room?”
Simon approached Ian, pulled him up by his big, commanding hand, and draped his arm around his shoulder. Ian let out a wince of pain, and Simon readjusted his hold to minimize discomfort. Simon ached to be this close to Ian at all times. Why had he been so afraid of acknowledging that he meant to send that text? Why was Ian’s confidence so overwhelming for him? He felt the heat emanating from Ian’s body, he could feel Ian’s heartbeat, and the warm comfort of Ian’s strong body resting tightly against his own. To Simon’s disappointment, they reached his bedroom door too quickly, and he reached over to turn the doorknob.
And there it was. Ian’s spitting image, adorning his wall. Only this time, Simon felt that the model’s facial expression was one of a sneering taunt. Not only did faux Ian help him send that text, now he was happily revealing himself as Simon’s object of affection.
“Well, lookie here. I guess we all need to keep our juices flowing somehow, right?” Ian let out his characteristic casual, laid-back laugh.
“Uh, yeah. What, that poster over there? Just an actor I like.” Simon let out a forced, awkward belt of laughter, and his cheeks reddened with humiliation.
“I hear you.” Ian winked at him, and Simon gratefully noted that he didn’t seem to question the glaring similarities in appearance between the model and Ian. Until…
“Hmmm. He looks ever so slightly familiar. But hey, I’m sure it’s just my imagination.” Ian nudged Simon playfully in the ribs with his elbow. Simon feigned ignorance and approached his desk, where his PC was readily awaiting his attention.
Ian was cognizant of Simon’s face-saving tactics, and decided to let him get away with it just for a little bit longer.
“So hey, let me have a look to see what you found. I want us to jump on this and make it happen. I want to go out with a bang and I want you to do this story with me.”
Simon smiled shyly, and opened up a few of the news articles that he had stored on his browser’s tabs.
“In the case last year, one gay student was harassed at a male residence, and you know we were granted an interview with him to hear his side of the story, and then a few days later he disappeared without a trace. I mean, doesn’t this sound familiar to you?” Simon looked at Ian hopefully, and found himself wishing that he wasn’t so desperate for Ian’s approval.
“Definitely. I remember how hard you worked to win his trust and to schedule the interview. And I remember you were so crushed when you didn’t hear from him and the story fell flat. Poor tiger.” Ian smiled lightly, and placed his hand carefully on Simon’s shoulder, giving it a firm, yet gentle squeeze. Tiger?
The mood suddenly became very heavy, and Ian’s voice was soft and warm as he stared at Simon intensely: “Simon, I want to ask you something. Before we continue with the story. When was the last time that you felt your heart tugging at you, pushing you to do something crazy, willing you ahead, but your mind, your rationality, holds you back? I mean, it’s so tempting, you just want to reach out, but you stop yourself, you know?” Ian was looking at Simon with an urgency, and even Simon couldn’t deny at this point that there was genuine desire and longing for... something.
And then Simon saw black.
Chapter 10
Being suddenly robbed of his vision, Simon heard a loud scream of exasperation from Oliva’s room.
Simon stumbled over Ian, and nearly tripped over his feet in the dark as he fumbled around until he eventually ended up in front of Olivia’s bedroom door.
“A scheduled power outage, I completely forgot! Ugh.”
“This is super annoying. Ian and I were just… I mean, we were just making some progress in connecting the dots with what has happened to Zee.”
“Oh, I’m sure that’s all that you two got up to, alone in your bedroom.” Olivia chuckled, made her way to the kitchen and lit some candles. She said it loud enough for Ian to hear her, and Simon was furious. She whispered her next line when she realized that she might have been embarrassing him in front of Ian.
“Go tend to your boyfriend, honey. Or have you forgotten that he is in crutches, basically begging you for your assistance?” Although the faint flickering of the candles provided only a little bit of light, Simon could still see Olivia’s playful wink.
She walked over to the kitchen counter and put the candle down. “Okay sweetheart, I’m out of here. Justin is missing me. I better skedaddle and grab some takeout on the way. Don’t be too naughty.” Olivia gave Simon one of her hearty hugs, grabbed her keys from the empty fruit bowl, and left the apartment.
Simon collected some of the unlit candles she had put on the kitchen counter, felt a rush of bravado, and carefully placed them on the living room floor. He opened up the linen closet, and spread out a blanket on the floor. Bolstered by Ian’s suggestive words earlier, he had decided to take advantage of this opportunity, especially now that Olivia had left.
Simon gingerly made his way back to his bedroom, carefully balancing a flickering candle in his hand.
Ian was seated on the bed, and in the faint light, Simon could see him flashing a winning smile.
“There
you are! I’d started to think that you’d forgotten all about me!”
Simon smiled shyly, took a deep breath, walked over to Ian, and held out his hand without a word. Ian took a hold of Simon’s hand, his eyes intrigued, but also questioning.
“Come with me to the living room.” Simon’s voice was so shaky that it was barely audible. He could feel a heavy lump in his throat and his mouth was dry. It had been a long time since he had been this bold...
Simon carefully assisted Ian in hobbling to the living room on his crutches. Simon relished the role he was playing of tending to Ian’s needs. Gingerly helping Ian to a sitting position, Simon sat down, and mustered up the courage to sit a little bit closer to Ian. Ian’s ridiculously handsome features were only enhanced by the gentle flickering of the candlelight. His skin looked smooth, his eyes a rich, warm, coffee brown, and Simon could see the candlelight reflected in them. Ian was looking at Simon expectantly, and Simon was careful not to let the weight of expectation overwhelm him.
“Ian, I know we don’t know each other that well yet. And I know, at the best of times, I’m a bumbling, awkward, neurotic mess. So I’m not always as articulate as I want to be, except when I’m writing. But I think it’s obvious from the way that I act around you, that…”
The moment felt right. Ian was leaning in closer to Simon. As much as he wanted to do it, Simon couldn’t bring himself to make a move. He started rambling again, his words hardly making sense: “I don’t want to be such a klutz all the time, and miss out on what I want. I feel like everyone is moving forward and I’m left behind. Olivia is engaged to her boyfriend Justin, and they take me out with them, but I’m left feeling like a loser. And Zuko is so brave, standing up to everyone in his res even when he was being driven away. He never stopped being himself and going after what he wants. He even danced with Jeremy, the cute Rainbow guy, at the Journo ball. I’m too scared. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to miss out on…”
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