Olivia’s warm smile greets us as we enter her room. “Daddy, Nana, I got bit.”
Mom lets out a relieved laugh. “Oh, honey. You have to show me.”
Olivia twists her leg, revealing a bandage wrapped around her tiny ankle.
“See. The nurse covered it, but it’s there. I promise.”
Tears fill Mom’s eyes. I slide next to Olivia.
“It doesn’t hurt, Nana.” Olivia scrunches her nose. “But I don’t like this.” She lifts her arm, showing us the I.V.
“Yeah, but that’s going to make sure you stay healthy.”
“Is Miller going to die?”
I look into her deep chocolate eyes filling with tears and tell her the truth. There have been enough lies told over the years. “I don’t know, but I sure hope not.”
A couple of hours tick by and Mom leaves to let Dad come back. They’ve been alternating their turns, but I haven’t left Olivia’s side. I keep checking my phone for an update on Miller, but none have come. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.
“There’s a pretty but very confused blonde waiting for you in the waiting room,” Dad says as he enters.
“Any word on Miller?”
“Why don’t you go ask yourself?”
I push to my feet and try to ignore the roll in my stomach. Leaning down and planting a kiss on Olivia’s forehead, I say, “Daddy will be back in a few minutes, okay?”
“Okay, I’m not going anywhere.”
My dad chuckles in the background as I smile at her. “Love you lots.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
My feet feel one hundred pounds heavier as I walk to the waiting room. When I step through the doors, I pause as I spot Lexie talking to Mom, her loose curls cascading over one shoulder. The desire to reach out and run my fingers through her silky strands slams into me. She grins at whatever Mom says, and the ease of her expression relaxes me. She’s so damn beautiful I can barely breathe. I have to rein in my emotions as I watch her converse with Mom as if they’ve known each other for years. The scene is both natural and exquisite. I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with her. But how would that be possible when I don’t know how to get rid of this guilt? This burden I’ve carried for years.
I step toward them, the shuffling of my feet drawing their attention. Lexie stands the moment she spots me. Her gaze connects with mine as unspoken truths pass between us. I love you so goddamn much. I just wish I knew how to allow it.
“How’s Miller?” I ask instead when I reach her.
“He’s good. They were able to administer the Antivenin in time. They gave him some medicine for shock treatment and administered fluids. They want to keep him for a couple of days.”
I let out a relieved breath. “The vet thinks he’ll be okay then?”
“Yeah. The snake bit him on his neck, so they’ll access the skin damage. He’s pretty swollen right now, but they expect him to live.”
I huff out a breath, feeling like the weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders. “Thank God.”
“Your mom told me Olivia’s doing okay.”
“Yeah. The doctor thinks she had a dry bite. I think the snake saved the venom for Miller.”
“He did get to her quickly.”
“He saved her life.” A beat passes between us as my pulse quickens. We need to talk. I can’t wait any longer. Running a sweaty palm through my hair, I say, “Let’s take a walk.”
She nods, and we step into the hallway.
Once we’re alone, I say, “So, I have a daughter.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She doesn’t sound surprised, just hurt.
“That’s a very long, very complicated story. I have so much to explain, but I can’t do it here. Can you meet me tomorrow? I can pick you up around two.”
“That will work.”
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry for having lied to you.”
Those honey-stained eyes, filled with understanding, bore into mine. I don’t know how I got so lucky having Lexie in my life.
“I’ll hold off on judgment and wait for your explanation before hating you.” Her hint of a smile tells me she’s joking. But I hate hurting her. And that’s the only thing I seem to be good at.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Garret
Current Day
Letting go to move forward is easier said than done.
I walk into the room I’ve visited almost every weekend since I’ve graduated high school. The only weekends I’ve missed were when we had away games. Nothing has changed except the physical appearance of who was supposed to be my forever girl.
Her dark chocolate eyes that held so much warmth now stare through me. They’re hollow and cold as if the old Liv is nowhere to be seen. I fucking hate it. Her beautiful, active body has deteriorated down to skin on top of bones. Her dad rode her all the time about her weight, but I doubt even he had this in mind when he wanted her to be skinny. I’m afraid to hug her in fear of cracking a rib.
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t bring Olivia today.” I grab the chair and scoot it by her bed like I do every other time I visit. “I failed again. I bet you’re not even surprised. I promised you two things the night I finally got to see you. Do you remember? I promised to always be faithful and to protect our daughter. I fucking failed at both.”
Liv stares straight ahead, unblinking. The pang in my heart squeezes tighter.
“I never thought I’d cheat on you. I never thought I could fall in love with anyone else, but that’s precisely what I did.” I stop talking, realizing what I admitted to Livia. I just professed my love for another girl. But it’s true. I am so in love with Lexie. I’m not sure when that happened, or when she went from being my best friend and someone I care deeply about to being someone I love. The sharp pain is back in my chest. I’ve screwed so much stuff up.
“God, Liv. I don’t know what to do.” I grab her hand, but she doesn’t acknowledge the hold. “You have no idea how badly I wish you could tell me what to do.”
I sit there for a while waiting for some sort of sign, but none come. None ever do. Eventually, Liv’s eyelids close, and her breaths fall into an even pattern. I stand and lean over her, kissing her on the forehead. “I love you, Liv. That will never change.”
The slap of hard sole shoes against tile comes from behind. I straighten and turn toward the sound.
“Mr. Fernandez,” I say startled. In all the years I’ve been coming here, not once have I ever seen Livia’s parents. “I was just leaving. I’m sure you want to spend time with your daughter.”
The man sighs heavily. “Stay for a minute.”
“Sir?”
“For years, I blamed you for her condition. If you hadn’t gotten her pregnant to begin with, none of this would’ve happened.”
Yet another careless act on my end. “You don’t know how badly I’d like to change the past, but I will never apologize for my making my daughter.” She’s the only thing I’ve gotten right.
He waves his hand dismissively. “I know. And I don’t mean that, not anymore. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. The way I tried raising my daughter was one of them. Maybe if I had been a better dad, she could’ve been more open to me.”
I remain quiet, unsure where this is going.
“The night she broke up with you, I gave her an ultimatum—either break up or I press charges. I knew what she’d choose. She was in love with you. But I told her you were nothing but a selfish prick who’d dump her the first chance you got.”
The more he confirmed what I had suspected, the more I wanted to hit him. But that would prove nothing, and the man looks like he’s trying to apologize. His stoic face makes it hard to tell.
“That’s why I paid some girl to come on to you. It wasn’t by accident that your infidelity ended up on her phone. And for that, I will always be regretful.”
The entire world stops spinning as I process what he said. He paid Jillian to sleep with me? “
You set me up?”
“I merely paved the way. Yes, I threw in the incentive, but you alone chose to sleep with that girl.”
Because I was in a dark place due to Liv breaking up with me. The tic to my jaw returns as I see red. I fell right into his trap.
“I spent the last few years basking in the knowledge I was right. You hadn’t loved my daughter. You only loved yourself.”
“That isn’t true. I loved Livia.”
“I know, boy. I now see how wrong I was. I’ve seen you here. I know you come every weekend, and Olivia brings fresh flowers. Tell me this, did you turn down the draft because of my girl?”
I don’t answer. Livia is only one reason why I turned down the draft. Other factors play into it as well. Ones I’m sure he’s aware of, considering he set the stipulations.
Mr. Fernandez sighs again. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
My head jerks back in surprise. “Doing what?”
“Pushing opportunities away.” He straightens. “Look, I can admit when I’m wrong. You’re not at all the selfish man I thought you were. You’re young and attending college. Instead of partying like other guys in their twenties, you go home every weekend to spend time with your daughter. And to spend time with my daughter.”
He turns to look at Liv, who is still sleeping. The nurse will be in shortly to turn her.
“You’re here more than her parents,” he says softly. He turns back to me. “Turning down the scholarship was probably the most unselfish thing you’ve done.”
“It wasn’t meant for me. Why did you even give it to me? You knew Lexie was more qualified.”
“Money brings out people’s true colors.” His eyes narrow. “I wanted to see what your character was made from.”
That rotten son of a bitch. He manipulates situations and toys with people’s lives. He’s the true snake. I would’ve thought turning down his check years ago would’ve been enough to show my character.
“Enough about the past, let’s move on to the future. You have real talent. Why aren’t you going pro?”
“I have a responsibility to Olivia. I have to take care of her and can’t leave her with my parents forever.” I need to make sure she doesn’t end up with you.
“Nothing in this life is a guarantee. You need to live for the little girl. You’re not leaving Livia behind. You’re living. I suspect you’re feeling guilty because you’ve found someone.”
How the hell does this man know so much about my life? I knew he had me tailed, but Christ. Did they record my inner thoughts?
“Yeah, I pretty much messed that up.”
“I realize how much you loved my daughter, but you need to let her go so you can live.”
“I want Olivia to know her mother.”
He nods. “And I appreciate that. I’m not saying never come around, but you can’t turn down opportunities that help you and your daughter’s future. You can keep Livia’s memory alive, but not living doesn’t pay her tribute. Besides, you’ll want to start a family eventually. You can’t keep this routine up forever.”
I swallow past the knot forming in my throat and blink back the moisture in my eyes. My words come out garbled when I speak. “I don’t know how to let go.”
“You start by forgiving yourself. What happened was an accident. Tragic, yes. But if anyone is to blame, it’d be me.”
I feel gutted, not knowing what to say.
“Look, talk to Lexie and explain what happened. I suspect you’d be surprised by her reaction.”
“Are you giving me permission to tell the story?” I find it hard-pressed that his cold, dead heart decided to beat a warm rhythm.
“As I said, I’ve made plenty of mistakes.” He looks back at this daughter and sighs. As I study him, I get a real glimpse of the man. The years have aged him. Gray peppers his once jet-black hair, and worry lines encase his eyes. He returns his gaze. His expression remains hard, but there’s a shift in the atmosphere. His demeanor is somewhat softer. “Cutting out the only granddaughter I’ll ever have from our lives is one of them. I’m not blind. She thrives living with you. I’d never disrupt that.”
Tension in my shoulders dissolves, and I breathe what feels like the first real breath I’ve taken since graduation. Liv always said he had a kindness buried inside. I’ve never believed or witnessed it until now.
“Thank you, sir.”
“I know it will take some time, but I would like for the wife and I to meet our granddaughter.”
“I think Olivia would love that.” As long as the threats hold no weight.
My head is in a daze as I leave the facility to pick up Lexie. I don’t know if I can repair the damage I’ve done with our relationship, but I sure as hell will try. She doesn’t want kids, a fact she has repeated countless times, but this time, I’ll let her make her own decisions.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lexie
Current Day
Garret: Fun Fact. Today I’ll try and answer all your questions. Full disclosure, it won’t be easy.
I open my door not knowing what to expect, but there’s something different about the look in Garret’s eye. I can’t quite pinpoint the difference, but he seems lighter, almost relieved. There’s a slight hint of anticipation in there, but it’s different.
“Hey. Just give me a second, and I’ll be right out.”
He nods. I tell my brothers to behave. Mom is planting some flowers out in the backyard. I don’t want them to destroy the house while I’m gone.
“How’s Olivia doing today?” I ask when I rejoin him.
“She’s fine. No traces of venom. Just one scared father.”
“And Miller?”
His eyes soften. “He’s doing okay. It’ll take a while for the swelling to go down, but he’s not as lethargic today. The surrounding tissue around the bite looks bad. It’s going to be a long healing process. Thanks for getting him to the vet. I couldn’t take care of them at the same time.”
“It’s the least I can do since it was my fault.”
“No,” he says vehemently. “Don’t think like that. Believe me, unwarranted guilt is a burden you don’t need. It was an unfortunate accident. We’ve had a dry winter. She plays outside a lot, so it could’ve happened any day. Believe me, she won’t be out there without a thorough grounds check.”
“I’m glad she’s doing good.” There are so many questions I want to ask, but I wait for him to speak. It’s his story to tell. He’ll have to go at his pace.
He pulls into Greenwood Cemetery, and I frown. I don’t ask why he brought me here. My common sense tells me it can’t be good, and I have a feeling this is going to be hard on him.
He parks the car and stares out the windshield. “It’d be easier for me to show you while I explain, I think.”
We walk the narrow path to a small grave marker with a boy angel etched in the upper right-hand corner. In block-styled font, the name Baby Cartel along with a single date is scrolled in the middle. My gaze darts to Garret. Time hiccups as his tall frame stands ramrod straight. I want to hug him and make the demons haunting him disappear.
“Olivia had a twin brother.” He glances to the cloudless sky and inhales a shaky breath. Then, he squats beside the marker and stretches his long legs in front of him as I join his side.
“What I’m about to tell you, I haven’t told anyone. Not even my friends from high school know this story. You may have to bear with me.”
I nod, not wanting to interrupt.
“I’ve alienated myself from all my high school friends because I couldn’t tell the truth.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Where do I begin?” The question is barely audible as he scrubs his hands over his face. I’ve wanted answers but not at the expense of conjuring painful memories. Before I could tell him to stop, he starts talking.
“I need to start with telling you about Livia, my high school girlfriend. We started dating our junior year. Her father hated me. I wa
sn’t allowed in their house. He banned her from seeing me, but we were in love. Nothing or no one was stopping us from seeing each other.”
My chest squeezes, and I tamp down my jealousy. He is using past tense. But damn it’s hard to hear.
“In the fall of senior year, she found out she was pregnant. We knew her dad would never allow her to carry the baby to full term, so we waited until she was six months pregnant before telling him. He was livid. He pulled her out of school and made her finish the remaining classes online. He didn’t want anyone knowing, so we couldn’t tell anyone. The only sonogram I could afford to pay for told us we were having a boy, but we couldn’t tell a soul.”
I place a reassuring hand on his leg. “She wasn’t showing at six months?”
“A little. She wore loose shirts. Liv was a heavier girl, so she was able to hide her pouch well. Still, anyone with half a brain would be able to tell. Her dad concocted a story about her being ill, but he was always an ass. He was constantly on her about her weight. She was fine. Sure, she was a little heavier, but who cares. He’s such an asshole.”
My mouth falls open, but I quickly close it. I don’t want to disrupt his flow, but his words hit close to home. No wonder he’d get so angry with my dad.
“The night of graduation, I went to a party. Liv insisted I go, but I wasn’t having fun. Not without her there. We had plans to meet up later.”
His hands start to shake, and I’m not sure I want him to continue. But this conversation is more therapeutic for him than anything.
“When I met her, it was evident she wasn’t going anywhere with me. She wasn’t acting like herself. She was cold and hateful. A replica of her father. She told me I had ruined her life. She showed me her acceptance letter to Harvard. Fucking Harvard. She never even told me she applied. We had a plan. She would go to whatever Division One school I would get a scholarship to. Not once did she ever tell me she applied to Harvard.”
Full Count (Cessna U Wildcats Book 3) Page 18