by Nicci Harris
Christ, she’s magnificent.
I quickly adjust the water temperature, clearing my throat as I say, “Duch, you—”
She cuts me off as she steps into the shower, “Shhhh, I want to.”
“How much have you had to drink, baby?” I ask guardedly, taking a few small steps backwards so my hands can’t grab her and pull her into me. I feel not unlike a crazed animal being backed into a corner.
“A few glasses of wine, Konnor. Stop being such a gentleman. I know you aren’t with other girls.”
My eyes scroll her body as the water that is now splashing over my shoulders makes contact with her chest, leaving beads trickling down her skin.
“Well, you aren’t like other girls,” I state.
She leans in and kisses me, sliding her tongue into my mouth and humming against my lips. I’m naked and she’s in my arms, naked. My arms wrap around her tiny waist and pull her into me, and my skin ignites when I feel hers rubbing slickly against mine. She goes limp against me, allowing me complete control to manoeuvre her around the shower. My cock is twitching, pressed between our bodies. I want to go slow. I want to savour this, revel in it, but goddamn it if my hands don’t want to be everywhere all at once.
I need more fucking hands.
I feed my fingers through Blesk’s hair, forcing her lips into mine harder.
I love you.
My lips trail their way desperately down her chin, down to my favourite part of her neck where her pulse throbs frantically, and all over the delicate skin around her chest.
I love you.
My hands trace that perfect curve in her back, caressing her spine from the nape of her neck to her bum.
I love you.
I grip her spectacular arse cheek, sinking my fingers into her flesh and grinding her into my pelvis.
I love you.
I’m so ready. I’m painfully hard. My erection is jerking around between us, contracting with want. She feels so fucking good.
She leans into my ear and purrs, “Is this what you want?”
God, yes.
“Only if you want it, Duch,” I say against her skin, breathless already, like a damn rookie. I glide my hand forward from her arse to stroke her supple stomach until I am cupping her breast, squeezing it and groaning as I use my palm to stimulate her nipple. My pelvis rocks against her thigh, strumming with the need to sink inside her. Then I lose it, impatiently pushing her against the wall of the shower, grabbing her leg and wrapping it around my back. She gasps. The water from the shower makes our bodies slide together, effortlessly and warm. Rubbing myself against her, I kiss her more deeply, mashing our mouths. My hand feeds through the middle of our bodies, and I position the tip of my erection between her legs.
“Oh God, Duch, thank you, baby. Thank you for wanting me like this,” I moan, feeling her wetness rub along the crown of my cock.
Her lips suddenly cease moving, and I hear a small whimper escape them.
A good whimper, I think. I pull away to look into her eyes.
Where did all the air go? My heart stops.
She’s… crying.
Fucking crying.
I frown. “What’s going on?”
Her bottom lip trembles, and her eyes look everywhere except where they should—at me.
I think my heart just broke.
My hands drop from her, and I take a wary step away. “What’s going on, Blesk?” She blinks through the water, beads getting stuck in her lashes and running down her cheeks.
Silence.
“Dammit, what’s going on?” She stares at the white tiles below her feet, seemingly concentrating on breathing. “Duchess?” I beg again, my voice crackling, panicked.
I don’t think I can breathe.
I grab her chin and try to make her look at me, but she purposely deflects my gaze.
“What have I done? Tell me, and I will never do it again?”
After several painfully long seconds, she finally stares straight at me through empty, shallow pools. I blink and tilt my head, trying to analyse the void in front of me. All that love she showed me today is lost from her gaze.
She murmurs, in a half-voice I barely recognise, “Don’t ever thank me again.”
“What?”
She strangles a sob. “Isn’t this what you want? Isn’t this how you treat women?”
“What?” I shake my head, lost in her words.
“How many of these other girls am I not like?” she whispers so damn sadly my insides contort.
“What?” I try to look confused because I am, but I’m also not.
“Last week,” she mumbles. “The week before that, how many girls am I not like?”
My stomach sinks. Memories of her broken little voice, right now, at this moment, our most intimate moment to date, will forever haunt me.
“Baby,” I say, my tone edging on desperation. “We weren’t together.”
Her lip stiffens. “That isn’t what I asked.”
“Don’t do this, Duch. Plea—”
“Just answer the question, Konnor!”
“Where are you hearing this from?”
“Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me that the girl I met downstairs was lying to me. Tell me that Cassidy’s friend Faith who just dropped by, was lying to me. That you didn’t sleep with her and her friend Maggie last week—”
I grip the tiles to my side tightly, trying to keep balance while my head spins.
Fucking Faith and her big mouth.
Her tears escape now, so hard I can practically taste them, feel them inside me, stinging.
“Tell me that you didn’t sleep with them and then make them to leave the very next morning. Tell me you didn’t treat them like whores. Tell me she’s lying.”
I stare at the water rushing through the drain, because I don’t know what else to do. “It isn’t a lie.”
She winces.
All the weight of every emotion is smashing down on top of me, fracturing little pieces of my heart everywhere. I couldn’t breathe without her last week. I couldn’t think. That wasn’t me, she must know that. That look in her eyes right now, I want it to stop, because it is cutting me up.
“So?” she cries and splutters, barely choking the words out between whimpers. “Answer the question.”
“We weren’t together,” I say again, my eyes deep with regret.
“So if I slept with lots of guys last week, that would be okay with you?”
No, it would destroy me.
Dammit
My eyes shut as I try to wipe the memory of her face right now from my mind, hoping that when I open them she isn’t still looking at me like that. They stay shut until I hear her moving, then they fly open, and I grab her wrist. I’m desperate. She tugs away from me with a small whimper, steps out of the shower, wraps a towel around her, and leaves me standing there, motionless and completely wrecked. Those girls meant nothing to me, less than nothing. Yet, my sweet-hearted Duchess seems to find that the worst part. I’ve never felt self-loathing like I do right now.
Both my palms meet the tiles on either side of the faucet, and I dip my head between them, focusing on breathing out my frustration. How am I going to fix this? There is no question, I have to. It has to be fixable. I turn the hot water tap all the way to the right. I consider turning the cold off instead just so I can make the pain from my insides match my outsides. I only consider it for a moment. The cold water is definitely more necessary right now. She hasn’t left my room, so that’s a good sign. I would have heard her leave if she had.
Then it hits me: Faith may still be downstairs. I jump out of the shower and quickly dry myself off, wrapping the towel around my waist. I cautiously enter the bedroom. Blesk is lying in the bed, under the covers, with her back to me. Even though we are fighting, even though she hates me right now, her beautiful body cocooned in my blankets, in my childhood bedroom, is a lovely sight. I am going to fix this. Within seconds I have a pair of grey tracky-pants and a black tee-shirt o
n and am heading downstairs. They’ll be drinking in the games room.
When I enter, Elise, Faith, and Cassidy are all laughing together around the pool table. Faith is leaning over to take a shot to a far pocket. Her tits are pushed up tight in her white camisole and her hair is draping down her cheeks. She’s a good-looking chick, ashy blonde hair, pretty petite features, but she doesn’t hold a torch to Blesk. Knowing she caused Blesk unnecessary pain makes me wish she were a guy. A scowl contorts my face, my eyes narrow as I focus on her, and my fingers dig into my palms. Cassidy grins at me, but then her face crumbles when she sees my expression.
“What’s up with you, big brother?’” she asks suspiciously.
I pace towards Faith, who takes quick steps backwards. “What did you say?” I growl.
“Konnor! What are you doing?” Cassidy grabs my arm before I get too close to Faith.
“I didn’t say anything!” she yells at me.
Waving Cassidy off I lean towards Faith. “Don’t lie to me. Why are you talking shit?”
“I’m not,” she says. “I didn’t lie about anything.”
“What are you two talking about?” Cassidy cries, her voice sounding pained.
I back Faith into a corner. “You knew the score. You knew what it was. I told you I was in love with Blesk. You knew exactly how it was and wanted to hook up anyway.”
“I know,” she admits.
“So why are you acting like a woman scorned and talking shit to Duch?”
She smirks, her brow lifting. “Duch?”
I shake my head warningly. “Don’t start.”
“Konnor, slow down,” Elise pleads from behind me.
I freeze in my tracks, flashing a quick apologetic look to Elise and Cassidy, and then turning back to Faith.
Calm down.
Taking a big breath, I intentionally soften my gaze. “Sorry, I’ve been drinking for the past five hours. I’m sorry if I upset you last week.” I shrug questioningly. “I must have, right? For you to go running your mouth.”
Faith snickers. “Konnor, you’re such an arsehole. You act all sweet and innocent but you use people.”
“You used me that night just as much as I used you,” I growl, my jaw working uncomfortably beneath my skin.
“Okay, that’s enough!” Cassidy states, stepping between me and Faith. “Faith, you should leave.”
“Cassidy?” she whines, insulted.
“No!” she snaps. “That’s my brother, and he was in a really bad place when we went to visit him. What did you do?”
“Riiiight… so I seduced him. Did Maggie also seduce him?” she hisses, folding her arms defensively across her chest and leaning back on her heels.
“No, I didn’t say that,” Cassidy states adamantly. “I know what my brother is like, I’m not naïve. But if you actually did say something to Blesk tonight then that fricking sucks, Faith! Because we listened to him crying his eyes out about how much he loves her, so whatever happened between you two when I left is not all his fault. Don’t make him the bad guy. You knew where his head was at.”
Elise scowls at Faith before saying, “If he were a girl and you were a guy, that would be taking advantage of the situation, you would be in the wrong.”
And I feel like Charlie with my own team of angels.
Faith rolls her eyes. “Whatever, that’s fucking stupid.”
“No, it isn’t,” Cassidy says.
Faith sneers. “What if he forced me, hey? He was drunk?”
“Are you fucking serious?” I yell and move towards her more aggressively. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
Elise grabs my shoulders and halts me. I let her.
I wish Faith were a guy…
“Let me handle this, Konnor,” Cassidy states. “Faith, get out!” She points towards the door. “I know Konnor wouldn’t do that, so just get out, because you are upsetting him and that’s upsetting me. I barely ever get to see him, so please just go.”
“Just gang up on me, then.”
“Konnor.” I hear Duch’s voice come from behind me.
We all turn and peer up at Blesk standing in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. She fidgets with her hands and scoots her feet. She is wrapped in my robe and I can't help but wonder what is underneath.
My pulse starts to thunder. I inhale a big breath and jog over to her, taking her hand in mine and kissing her knuckles. As my lips touch her skin, I peer up at her, pleading with my eyes for forgiveness. For her to be okay, for us to be okay, for everything to go back to the way it was two hours ago.
She forces a smile. “Please just come to bed.”
They are the best five words in the world to me right now. “Okay,” I say, definitively. “Elise, you know where your room is, right?”
Elise nods. “Yep, Wally do you need me?”
Blesk shakes her head a few times. “No, no. I’m okay. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
I place my hand on the small of her back, steering her up the stairway and into my bedroom. When I close the door behind us and lean my back against it, she turns to stare straight at me.
“I’m sorry,” she mutters, wiping her sleepy eyes. “I had one too many glasses of wine, and—”
“Stop,” I interject. “Don’t. Don’t apologise to me. You’re right. You were right. I acted like an arsehole while we were apart.”
I move towards her and place my hands on her hips, sinking down into a squat to look her straight in the eyes. “But, baby, I’m monogamous. When you left that day, it destroyed me. I’d lost you once and I just couldn’t cope with losing you again. Really, it broke me. I acted like an idiot. I treated people like crap. I slept with a few girls, baby, and I did treat them badly. I’m so, so sorry. But I am monogamous now, I swear. I’m yours. I was yours before I knew you, Duch.”
She starts to cry, and I dart my head to try to maintain eye contact. “There is only you. There was only ever you, and if you ever realise you are too good for me, which you are, then there will still only ever be you.”
Her robe slides open as my hands gently rub her hips. Now, peeking out from between it is a little silk black nightgown that ends halfway up her thighs, her wavy blonde hair streams down over her breasts, and her bare knees buckle while she shuffles nervously in place.
Fuck me she’s stunning.
She swallows hard. “I got jealous.”
My chest aches.
I exhale a long deep breath. “You never ever have to be jealous.”
“But I don’t get jealous,” she whispers. “I never have.”
A sad chuckle escapes me. “Yeah, it sucks, hey?”
She blinks at me, seemingly contemplating something. “How many girls?”
Ashamed by my lack of an actual number, I stare at the ground. “A few.”
“Did you . . .” she sniffles and shuffles her feet. “Did you care about any of them?”
“If I say yes, you’ll hate me. If I say no, you’ll hate me.”
She grimaces. “Just say the truth.”
I groan and rub my face roughly with my palms. “No. But you agree, we weren’t together, right? We weren’t together so I didn’t cheat on you, right?”
She gives me a sad little nod. “I know that in your head you weren’t cheating on me. I know that.”
“I would never, ever cheat on you. I want one girl, just one. You,” I state.
Her tears begin to fall harder down her cheeks. “She said she made love with you last week. She said the words made love. I just couldn’t breathe when she said that.”
I chuckle and shake my head slowly. “Duch, I don’t know if I’ve ever ‘made love’.”
“I wasn’t even really mad. I told you it was over so you didn’t owe me anything. But it still hurts so much. I couldn’t imagine a worse feeling. It’s sickening. I’m scared of this feeling. I’m so scared of wanting you this much.” Panic fills her voice. “Or you wanting someone else. I can’t even imagine you with anyone else. God, plea
se, Konnor, if you don’t want me, just—”
I grip her tighter and stare her dead in the eye. “Duch, I have only ever loved you. I will only ever love you.”
The slightest glimpse of relief flashes through her expression. “Yes… but do you want just me?"
I wipe a tear from her cheek with my thumb. “Even when I was with them, I only thought of you. I only want you.”
She sinks into my grip and releases a strained laugh. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“Hey, join the club,” I laugh. “You can be the deputy if you want, but I already got dibs on president.”
She offers me a soft smile. “Konnor, I’m soooo crazy.” She pauses to makes sure I hear the next set of words. “I love you. I am so crazy in love with you.”
I hear those words, and the air gets thick. My eyes start to water. My knees no longer can hold me straight, and my heart flips. She loves me. I’ve waited a long time to hear her say that.
My hands cup her cheeks. “Christ, Blesk,” I say, barely holding myself together. “I love you. I love you so fucking much!”
I kiss her. I kiss her knowing I love her, and I kiss her knowing she loves me. I slide the robe off her shoulders, and it drops to fall at our feet. As our lips crush together, I walk her backwards towards my bed, shielding her head when she hits the mattress, then crawling on top of her. My arm tucks under her back as I position her on the bed so her hair is fanned across my pillow. Her mouth moves lovingly on mine and her slender fingers gently hold my back as small sighs of contentment escape her. Then I shuffle my hand out from under her, pull my lips reluctantly from hers, and position myself on my elbows, aligning our sight. The feeling of that silky dress under me is driving me out of my mind. I press my hand to her cheek, combing strands of her hair from her face as I gaze at her red lips and heavy-lidded eyes. God, I love her.