How had they come so far from the loving, flirtatious couple they used to be? Before, when they were literally living from paycheck to paycheck, there had been laughter, love, flirtation and hand holding. He told her every day how much he loved her and was so glad she had married him.
Every now and then she would catch a glimpse of the man she married. He would sweep her up in his arms and kiss her like he used to or he would dance her around the kitchen. It was those glimpses of their love that kept her there. If it had all been miserable, she would have left the minute that Kate had graduated. She wasn’t dumb, after all, but she hoped that once the kids had left and financially things would ease up that he could take more of his vacation, that they could re-connect on a more intimate level.
It hadn’t happened that way though. Kate was in and out of relationships which meant she was in and out of the house. Her grades in school had been dismal so there had been no scholarships handed to her and she didn’t want to take out student loans. She hadn’t been able to keep a job long enough to keep an apartment. She seemed lost in her life. There was no excitement for a career, stability or a family. She searched for the next party and the next guy.
The clouds parted for a moment and the moon shimmered brightly across the snow. It caused an ethereal glow all around her and a glint caught her eye. She saw the old town wishing well and the moonlight glinting off of the old pail appeared to radiate a light from within. She remembered the old wives’ tale of the well and couldn’t help but chuckle. Standing up, she walked over to the well and looked inside the pail. There was nothing glowing inside and she laughed again but tears slipped down her cheeks. She felt so hopeless that she had wanted to believe in the magic of the well, that when a wish was made at midnight the well would grant that wish.
Digging in her coat pocket she felt the change that lay within. Picking out a quarter, she kissed it and rubbed it between her gloved fingers.
“If you can hear me, whoever is in charge of the wishes of the well, please, please change my life. I want to remember who I am. The strong, articulate woman who was going to be known in this world. To matter to others, to have value and worth. I want to be more than just a mother, just a wife. I want to be someone.”
She tossed the coin into the well and waited for the resounding plop of the metal hitting the water below but it didn’t. She dropped her chin onto her chest and shook her head again. Hell, she couldn’t even toss in a coin right.
Turning away, she decided to cross the pond before heading home. Crossing the pond where she had felt free, was filled with hopes and dreams might just give her a moment of those delicious feelings again. It was too good to pass up. She tentatively stepped out onto the ice but it didn’t give and it didn’t crack. She shuffled out into the middle and stood with her face to the sky, snowflakes tickling her eyelashes. She focused on her memories and was able to conjure up the feelings of being that twelve-year-old girl who knew she could be anyone or do anything. It felt exhilarating and she began to twirl in a circle. Faster and faster she spun, just like she had back then. Her mind pictured her being a world-renowned best-selling romance author. Movies, premiers, walks on the red carpet filled her imagination. She felt pride as she imagined her and Bryant walking into the Dolby Theatre for the premier of her first book-to-film experience.
She started laughing, happiness filling her body and soul and she spun faster. She could do this forever. Her foot caught on a lifted section of ice and she felt her balance shift. She put her arms out to catch herself but she wasn’t fast enough. As her head hit the ice, she wondered what death would feel like.
“Ma’am. Ma’am, can you hear me?”
Emmalyn forced her eyes open, bracing herself against the pounding at her temples. She stared up into concerned blue eyes that looked vaguely familiar. She attempted to sit up but dizziness threatened her stomach.
“Oh, don’t try to get up quite yet. You’ve got a big goose egg on your noggin and the doc hasn’t shown up yet. He should be here soon.”
The young woman, probably about Kate’s age, placed a cold cloth on her forehead. She had an accent that Emmalyn couldn’t place but it was as soothing as the cloth. “Where am I?”
“You are at Casey’s Mercantile in Hopeful, Colorado.” The young woman glanced over at an older woman standing behind her then focused back on Emmalyn. “You aren’t from around here. What is your name, Ma’am?”
Emmalyn tried to sit up again and was successful, albeit it was slowly. “I’ve lived in Hopeful all of my life. My family homesteaded here.” She rubbed the side of her head, feeling the lump that was there. “My name is Emmalyn Goudier.”
She saw the older woman behind her frown and the owl eyes of the younger woman in front of her. The younger woman looked over at her friend. “She must’ve hit her head harder than we thought. She’s delusional.”
The older woman scowled. “Or trying to con us.” She moved towards Emmalyn, tightening her grip on the broom she was holding. “Just what are you trying to pull here, Missy? Corrine and her family are the Goudiers and they’ve been here for the past twenty years. What deceit are you trying to pull?”
Emmalyn threw up her hands to ward off the angry woman. “I swear, my name is Emmalyn Goudier, well, my maiden name at least. I …” she cut off her words as she looked over the women’s shoulders. She recognized this store. She had been in this store a thousand times but it was newer looking now. Things were rearranged but the log walls and mortar were newer and not stained with years of use. She stared at the women’s clothing, realizing they were wearing the long, wool dresses and high-collared long-sleeved blouses that were common in the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. She knew because she had done extensive research for her books, wanting to be precise for her readers.
She reached up and placed her hand over the lump that she had received when she fell on the ice. It was still swollen and tender. Maybe she was just hallucinating. She had been working double hours so that she could have the holidays free for the family. Or what if she was in a coma? Would Bryant wait for her to come back? Would he pull the plug? How long would he wait?
She sucked in her breath and felt the tears well in her eyes. Would they even miss her? Her youngest daughter might but she didn’t think anyone else would.
Gathering herself together somewhat, she frantically tried to think of a good excuse. “I’m so sorry. I am confused and my head is hurting so very badly. My married name is Smythe but I come from Hopeful, Arkansas. I came here to visit since my husband has passed away and I’m considering relocating.”
“See Beatrice? It’s probably that combination of being out in the cold for so long and that big bump on her head. She’s just a little confused.” The younger woman looked back at Emmalyn and smiled. “We get quite a few strangers around here with the gold rush and trapping. Hasn’t been a lot of gold found just yet but everyone is hopeful.” She giggled at her joke. “Do you have a place to stay?”
Emmalyn shook her head, unsure of what she was going to do. Should she just go along with the delusion? How long would it be before she woke up? “I don’t. I had hoped to find a hotel or bed and breakfast.”
Beatrice eyed her suspiciously but her face had softened. “No proper lady stays at the hotel without her husband or an escort. The bed and breakfast is nice but it’s pretty pricey. She charges a single greenback per night.”
Emmalyn felt her face blanch. She didn’t have any currency for that era. All of the money and change in her coat pocket was created later, she was sure of it. “I…uh…well, I don’t have any money. I was hoping to work in exchange for a place to stay.”
“And what exactly is it that you have to barter?”
Emmalyn blushed and the older woman’s insinuation. “Nothing like that. I’m a…” she hesitated, her mind racing to think of what occupation she could have done back in the 1800’s. “I’m a school teacher. I teach.”
Corrine clapped her hands. “We have a school house ri
ght near the falls, just outside of the middle of downtown here. I bet Mrs. Hucksby would love some help.”
Emmalyn let out a breath and nodded. “I won’t be here long, though. I really need to get back home.”
Corrine raised her hands. “I have a wonderful idea. You should stay with us. Mom and Pa would love to meet you and it would save you some money. I don’t think teachers make very much money.”
The older woman huffed and went back to sweeping the floor. Corrine leaned closer. “Don’t mind her. Beatrice has been working off and on here at Casey’s Mercantile since forever. Sometimes she leaves and heads back east where her family is from. She don’t talk much about it but I think they might have some money. Then she comes back but she won’t say what she did or who she met. I’ve never seen her have a beau and she doesn’t wear a ring. She gets cranky though when new women come into town. I think she’s missing a man.”
The younger woman’s giggle reminded Emmalyn of Kate and she couldn’t help but feel affection for her. She started snickering too but both quickly stopped when Beatrice threw them a glare.
“C’mon. I’ll take you over to the house. Mom will be thrilled to have the help with her biscuits. She’s making her famous fried chicken and biscuits for supper and she can never make enough biscuits.” Corrine helped Emmalyn to stand. “We didn’t find any luggage with you when Fred Tinker first found you on the ice.
“Who’s Fred Tinker?”
“He’s the old man who delivers the ice in town. It’s mostly at the Royal Hotel and here. He was in such a panic I thought he was going to drop over from a heart attack. Beatrice got him some coffee and calmed him down after we got you inside.”
“I’ll have to thank him. I could have frozen to death.” Emmalyn muttered, wondering if she was already dead and this was an odd version of heaven.
“Let’s get you back to the ranch.” She turned and called over her shoulder. “Beatrice, I’m going to take Miss Emmalyn home. I’ll be back as soon as I get her settled in with Mom.”
“Don’t you be dawdling. I can’t run this place all by myself and Serena won’t be back for a few days yet.”
They walked through town back towards her home and Emmalyn couldn’t stop her rubbernecking. The entire town, while familiar underneath, was new and bustling with activity. The roads were dirt and most of the houses along the road that she passed when she came into town last night were gone. There were no sidewalks, or street lamps for that matter once you passed the Royal Hotel. Everything felt so surreal.
As they passed the pastures that led to the Goudier Ranch, Emmalyn tried holding back the tears as she saw the beloved cattle that had been the basis of their ranch. She had cried the day her and her mother had sold them all at auction. It was bitter-sweet to see the foundation Highland cattle that had started it all for their family.
“Miss Emmalyn, are you alright? Maybe we shouldn’t have walked so far.”
She swiped at her tears and gave Corrine a smile. “I’m fine. Just this place reminds me of home a bit. I guess I’m more homesick than I had imagined.”
“I can only imagine. I’ve never been away from home but I will be leaving soon. My beau, Grant Handleson, has asked me to marry him so I will be moving to his ranch after the wedding. It’s not that far, just across the valley, but it’ll be the first time I’ve been away from Ma and Pa.”
Emmalyn jerked. “Did you say Grant Handleson?” Her mind was whirling as she started going over her family history in her mind. Her great-great-great-great grandmother’s name was Corrine. She had married a Grant but he died in an accident. Corrine had taken back her maiden name after he had passed and named their child’s surname Goudier too. Emmalyn recalled it had been a big scandal back in those times.
“Do you know him? He’s a tall, strapping lad. We should be very happy together. Ma and Pa like him very much and he’s learning the cattle with Pa. He’s even buying some calves come this spring to start building up a herd of our own.”
“That sounds exciting.”
“It is. When my parents brought over the Highland cattle to Hopeful, they got a lot of laughter and nasty comments from other ranchers in the area. They called them all sorts of names because they didn’t look like the regular bald-faced cattle you normally see. But we had a really bad winter that year. It was negative forty-degrees and ranchers were losing their cattle left and right. Not our Highlanders though. Their long, shaggy coats helped protect them from the winds and the cold. Come that spring we had plenty of calves drop. After that not one other person made fun of our cattle.”
“They are strong stock, indeed.”
Corrine turned to her. “You are familiar with them, then?”
Emmalyn nodded. “Yes, my own parents raised them for many years. After my dad died though, we had to sell off the cattle to pay for the ranch. It was very hard.”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your Pa. I like to think mine will live forever but I know they don’t.” She opened the screen door. “Well let’s get inside. I have to get back to the store before Beatrice has her own heart attack.”
Emmalyn tried to stop staring at her fifth great-grandmother but she couldn’t help it. Esther was exactly how she had imagined her from the stories passed down from generation to generation. She was a tall and buxom woman and very proud of her family and the ranch.
After introductions had been made, Corrine had scampered back to the store. Esther made tea for them both and she filled Emmalyn in on all of Hopeful’s goings on. She barely stopped for a breath and Emmalyn felt a twinge of familiarity. How many times during the day would she have given her right arm to have someone to talk to? Raising a family while the husband worked outside of the home was very lonely at times.
“How do you deal with the loneliness, Mrs. Goudier?”
The woman turned to her and wiped her hands on her towel. “I don’t get lonely too often. There are enough people popping in and out for breakfast, lunch and dinner that I barely have time to be lonely. Every now and then it gets to me but then I realize it is my time to quiet my mind and refocus on what’s important to me.”
“And that is…”
“My family, this ranch. Keeping everything going harmoniously. That’s what is truly important.”
“But what about your dreams? Don’t you ever wish that what you had dreamt about being or becoming came true?”
Esther shook her head. “No because I did make my dream come true. This ranch,” she spread her arms wide and gestured the entire place. “This was all my dream, not my husbands. I wanted the cattle and the family to go along with it. George wanted to follow the railroad. Said there was money in it and we could travel the land but I wanted the cows and stability. I never had any desires to travel.”
“You wanted the cattle?” Emmalyn’s mind raced. “I always thought it was Grandpa George,” she mumbled to herself.
“Absolutely. My own father raised them back in Germany and I wanted to bring something along that he loved.”
“But doesn’t George ever give you a hard time about it? I mean, if he didn’t want the cattle in the first place?”
“Of course he does. He doesn’t like to appear to be weak-willed. So he will bluster every now and then and make a little scene but when we are alone, he admits that he enjoys raising the cattle as much as I do. He loves seeing our children run through the fields and learn how to take care of the animals,” she smiled softly for a moment then shook her head. “Once in a blue moon he’ll have a drink or two and that makes him a little soft in the head. He’ll try and bully me into making me feel bad.”
Emmalyn nodded her head. “Exactly. And how do you deal with that?”
“I wait until he’s sobered up and I remind him that our marriage is a partnership. That I have just as many rights as he does and if he doesn’t like something, he can either come and talk to me so we can work on a compromise or he can leave.”
“That would be nice.”
“What is t
hat, honey?”
“To talk about things and compromise.”
“Did you not have conversations with your late husband? It’s always good to keep the air clean between the patriarch and matriarch of the family.”
“We used to,” Emmalyn smiled softly. “I remember when we would stay up until two o’clock in the morning talking. There were never enough hours in the day. Then life got in the way. Kids needed to get to practices, school activities, meals needed cooked and Bryant started working longer hours to make ends meet. Somehow we lost each other.”
“Tis a very sad thing indeed. I’m sorry that you can’t find your way back to being best friends again.”
Emmalyn wiped away a stray tear and smiled at Esther. “It’s okay. A hard lesson learned a little too late.”
“Oh, but that be where you are wrong. It’s never too late as long as the good Lord fills your lungs with air. You are still young enough to find another beau. Your kids are grown, I assume, so you can just enjoy the companionship of another man.”
“Wow, I’ve never thought of ever being with another man.” She clenched her fists tightly then released them. “Honestly I don’t think I would ever want another man. I should’ve worked harder to show Bryant how much I loved him and cherished him. It’s truly a two-way street and I expected him to make the move, to woo me but I don’t think I ever did that in return.”
“Aye. A woman needs to flirt with her man as much as she wants to be flirted with. It makes them feel wanted for something other than a paycheck.”
A stone fell to the bottom of Emmalyn’s stomach. She had never thanked Bryant for working so hard so she could stay at home with the kids or showed him how much he was appreciated. As soon as he got home, she would sneak off to her office to work, leaving him to deal with the kids, never even thinking that he might want to talk about his day or need some time to decompress before handling the kids. She had quiet time when they were at school but when did he ever have any quiet time? She was feeling guilty and remorse when the front door burst open.
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