I didn’t go back home that night.
I hid in Mrs. McConnell’s house making her swear to me she wouldn’t tell him I was there.
And for the next three days I gave my all to avoid him.
Chapter Five
DYLAN
“Daddy, can I get this one?” Zara asked in her usual shriek holding up a glowing, glass ornament. It was a rare moment when Dylan was grateful she got her normal volume back.
The last three days were brutal.
For him and his girl.
Thankfully the vomiting stopped the second day, just as Sophie said it would. The fever gave a good fight, but he managed to break it when he started doing as Sophie instructed.
Lots of fluids, showers and light clothes.
None of that sweating it out nonsense.
It was times like this that he resented his wife deciding she didn't want a husband and daughter after all and left.
Usually, he didn't dwell on her actions too much. He knew she would one day come to regret her decision. But, then it would be Zara's choice if she'll have her in her life.
He would never take her back.
But watching his baby girl struggle and in need of help, he was torn. And was almost at the door to hunt her down and bring her back, just so Zara would feel her mother’s arms around her in those weak times.
It was only the fact that Zara not once asked about her Mom that stopped him.
All she wanted was to cuddle with her Daddy and once she had enough strength, talk Mrs. McConnell's ear off over the phone.
He did call the woman and ask her to come and spend Christmas with their girl.
Dylan wanted everything to be perfect for his baby girl, especially since he was in a bad mood lately.
She said she was too busy and wouldn't be able to make it.
He was enraged, but only told her she needed to rethink her choice.
Unfortunately, he bumped into Sophie right then and couldn't swallow the bitterness of his choices in woman, especially when one of them was standing right in front of him, and let loose.
It wasn't pretty.
It was downright ugly.
Still, he had to suck it up and pretend everything was great for his girl.
“Yeah, baby girl,” he muttered trying really hard to teach Zara not to be so loud by example. To his utter despair, she still hadn't picked up on his hints. She just gave him a toothy smile that was one tooth less than usual since they had their first visit from the Tooth Fairy a month ago.
“Thank you, Daddy,” she shrieked, right as his phone started ringing. Pulling it out from his jeans pocket he gave it a look and saw it was Olivia calling.
He touched the screen, put his phone to his ear, paid for the ornament and said into his phone, “Please tell me, you're not calling to cancel on me.“
“Not on your life. You know I'm dying to see your hometown during Christmas time,” Olivia said through her throaty chuckle.
In another life he could totally see himself going for the woman like Olivia.
Not only was she insanely beautiful, she had a deep, throaty, hot voice, the kind every man wanted to hear first thing in the morning or deep into the night when she used that voice to moan in his ear. She was also wickedly smart and scarily brave.
Unfortunately, he lived this life and Olivia was only his former team member from when he left the town and joined the Denver force and did his stint in Denver's S.W.A.T.
He stayed in touch with most of his former team, but the bond he formed with Olivia meant she was standing next to him while he married his ex-wife and was a godmother to his daughter.
It was funny, when things fell apart with Sophie, all he wanted was to leave Hopeful and never come back. But once he settled in Denver, all he dreamed about was coming back home.
“I take it that means you're still coming tomorrow?” He asked just to be sure. Life when you were a member of S.W.A.T. could be unpredictable, and people did most of the stupid stuff during the holidays.
“Yep, I just wanted to know if my goddaughter needed me to bring her something from civilization,” she teased.
“Shut up,” he muttered through a chuckle watching Zara bounce from vendor to vendor.
“I'll see you tomorrow then.”
“Bright an early,” he could actually hear her smile.
This was going to be a good Christmas, he decided as he slowly trailed his daughter to the well.
His friend was coming over, his daughter got over her virus and was back at her usual happy self and he had Mrs. McConnell. The woman drove him nuts but was the best mother and grandmother to his baby girl, even though they were not blood related.
The only thing that plagued him during the night were Sophie's words she said on the street. And the look on her face.
Christ, whenever he gave in and remembered the devastation that marred her stunning face, it ripped him apart.
He wanted to know if any of the things she said were true.
Deep down, he knew they were.
She was right, the reason behind his mother's suicide wasn't wrapped in cloak and dagger. Why he spilled all that nonsense in Sophie's face he still couldn't understand.
But her confession caught him by surprise.
And he couldn't stand the thought of her feeling that way even for a second.
Let alone years.
He needed to do something about it.
He also needed her to leave this town and him, so he would have a semblance of a normal life.
He knew if he gave her even an inkling of hope she would suck him in and after she had her fill of him, she would spit him back out and leave.
He couldn't do that to his daughter.
He also knew he wouldn't just stand there and not get the answers he needed.
“Fuck,” he muttered when he looked up to the tree vendor and saw Zara talking to Sophie.
Chapter Six
SOPHIE
“Hey, it's that doctor lady,” I heard the cheerful shriek but ignored it.
It was the evening of decorating the well ceremony, an event the whole town came to and participated in and the tourists came from all over to experience the magnificence of it.
Before it started I decided to reserve a tree to lug home after and spend the night decorating it. I was late with that anyway. The tree should have been up days ago and if my grandmother was still here, it would have been. So, naturally, picking just the right one took all my attention and I wasn't willing to let any distractions invade me.
“Hey, you're the doctor lady,” came from right next to me.
I looked that way and down.
The sight that greeted me was an arrow right through my heart.
Because, there stood a little girl with brown eyes I knew so well.
And still, after all this time, loved.
When I last saw her, she was asleep so how she knew that I was a doctor I had no idea. Then again, Hopeful was a small town and everyone knew everyone and their business so it wasn't a mystery.
Dylan was written all over her. Even if I didn't know for a fact that she was his, she looked like him so much, her hair, her cheekbones and her smile, I would have picked him as her father. And I knew, while she was sleeping in my office, if she opened her eyes they would be his.
And I was right.
Right down to that dark blue line on their outer edges.
“Yes,” I whispered lost in those brown eyes on the little girls face. And somewhere deep I wept for the fact that those eyes and that little girl didn't belong to me.
“I'm all better now,” Zara said through a bright smile, puffing her little chest out and spreading her little arms out.
“I can see,” I muttered through my own smile. It was impossible not to smile when I was near her no matter how much it hurt.
“What're you doing?”
“Picking out a Christmas tree,” I indicated the trees with the tilt of my head.
She looked fro
m the trees to me and back, a frown pulling at her mouth. She was so adorable in her obvious disapproval that I had a hard time holding in the laughter that started bubbling inside.
“You should tell my Daddy to cut you one when we go and get one for us,” she exclaimed like it was the best idea in the world. “He always picks the best one. Everyone says so.”
She had no idea the punch in the gut her idea gave me. I bet it was the best one. If he chose one and cut it for me, I would think it was the most beautiful looking tree in the world, too.
“Zara, quit bugging the doctor,” Dylan's rough voice came from behind us. Zara looked behind me and up.
“I'm not bugging her,” I had no choice but to smile and do it wide at the outrage on her face.
“She really is not,” I said softly turning back and finding Dylan standing close.
So close I could feel the hot wave rolling from me and seep deep into my bones.
His eyes roamed my face, stopped on my mouth and his frown melted away and a gentle expression leaked in.
“Than what're you doing,” he asked his girl, his eyes were still glued to my mouth. I had a sudden urge to take his head in my hands, pull his face to mine so I could kiss him.
It was so strong, I could feel my smile dripping away. I closed my eyes, gulped and looked back down to Zara. A new smile, a fake one in place.
“I was telling her she should come with us so you can cut the tree for her. The bestest one,” she exclaimed.
“That's...“
“Sounds good,” Dylan said over me. I whipped my head back to look if somebody else was standing in his place since I was positive he would never utter those words. But nope, he was still there, extending his hand to his daughter, he carried on like nothing was weird in his statement, “We're going in two days. I'll come and get you in the morning. Now, baby girl, we have to go to the well so you can put up your drawing.”
“See you in two days, doctor lady,” Zara shrieked over her shoulder, her father tugging her gently to get a move on.
“Sophie, honey,” I yelled.
“What,” she stopped and tilted her head.
“My name's Sophie. You can call me that.” And with one last broad smile that warmed my entire existence, she nodded and ran to her dad.
“It’s time, Sophie,” Mrs. McConnell said thrusting the Christmas flower or Christmas star in my hands. She looked up to the cloudless dark sky. “It's the right moon. And it's your time. Do what you need to do.”
I looked to the well. She was right. It was time.
The decorations were all set. There were white Christmas lights going up from the first stone on the ground, all around and up the wooden posts, then up again right along the edges of two slates that formed a little roof. There were also a bunch of them falling out of the steel bucket, giving the illusion of water flowing down and into the well's darkness. And all along those lights little ornaments were hanging. Each and every citizen of Hopeful came and hung the ornament of their choosing.
Each and every one, except me.
I didn't feel like I had a right to do it. I didn't live in Hopeful for seventeen years. So I stayed behind with tourists and watched as they decorated it.
And now was the time to put the flower in the bucket.
“Are you sure?” Usually the town council chose who would put the flower into the bucket. Somehow that single thing became the most important of all, and to give it meant you had respect of the whole town.
For the last twenty five years that someone was my grandmother.
But she wasn't here with us anymore.
“Yes,” Mrs. McConnell pushed me gently to go and do what I was told.
I wasn't far from the well. But with each step a new tear formed in my eye and with each new one it fell down my face.
I came to it and had to step on to the wooden step that was brought out every year so it would be easier to get to the bucket. There were someone’s hands on my waist, but I could barely feel them. As I came close to it, the warmth spread through me, a sense of lightness swallowed my body. And what seemed to be impossible happened.
I heard my grandmother whisper in my ear.
It's time, my Sophie. Do it. Speak from your heart.
I had no idea what she meant. But as I put the pot in the nest of lights, I raised my head and my eyes landed on Dylan.
The soft Christmas music that played, faded into the night. All the smiling faces disappeared. I could only see him as he stood, his legs spread a little, his arms crossed on his chest over his vest, his eyes gentle. And he was watching me right back.
Say it, Sophie.
My grandmother's voice urged in my mind.
A movement caught my eyes and I looked from Dylan's eyes to his legs.
And there she was.
His precious girl.
Zara.
She was dancing around her Dad's legs, laughing and having fun.
Now, Sophie.
She was losing her patience. My grandmother was.
I dragged my eyes back to Dylan's and I had to cling to the posts or I would fall down into the well's depths after witnessing the smile he was giving me.
God, how I wanted that smile and that look back.
Do it!
If it wasn't so surreal, the experience of my grandmother almost barking her words in my head, I would have laughed. As it was and the longing had me in its grip, all I could do was let the tears fall and whisper my wish.
“I wish he was mine again. I wish I belonged,” I licked my suddenly dry lips and unable to stop myself, never once looking away from Dylan and Zara, I finished. “I wish they belonged to me.”
As the last word sailed from my lips, those hands that had a death grip on my waist, pulled me back down on the ground, turned me and enveloped me into a tight hug.
“You did good, girl,” Mrs. McConnell patted my back. She kissed my hair as I wept into her neck. “You did good.”
Chapter Seven
SOPHIE
Banging bowls around my kitchen, I swiped hard across my face.
How could I be so stupid and believe I had a chance with Dylan again?
Just because he was nice to me the last two days, I stupidly convinced myself my wish would come true and he would once again be mine. Or that we could at last live in the same town without any ill feelings between us.
My delusions began when I came out of Mrs. McConnell's fierce hug during which she kept kissing and petting my hair just like my grandmother used to do when I was little. I hadn't known how much I missed it. It seemed that on every step in this town I was slapped in the face with one memory after another and the fact that I've been closed off and basically on auto-pilot for seventeen years. It was heart wrenching, it was devastating. But it was also freeing and like I was slowly coming back to my old self.
In her arms I wept for losing the most important person in my life. I wept for losing myself. For losing Dylan. For losing the future I was supposed to have. All the grief I kept a close grip on leaked out of me. But I also wept in gratitude that almost every single person in this small town in Colorado welcomed me with open arms. And I was finally home. I just had to find a way to grant Dylan's wishes and leave but not lose it again.
“Thank you,” I whispered in her neck, inhaling deep and savoring her flowery smell mixed with a hint of menthol.
She took me by the arms, pushed me back a little, cupped my face with her wrinkly, soft hand and looked into my eyes. “Any time, my dear girl. Now go and talk to that man of yours. He hasn't stopped looking at you since you stepped up to the well.”
I hadn’t asked of whom she was talking about. And I haven't corrected her in her disbelief that Dylan was my man. The truth was, I wanted him to be. But, I also knew it wasn't possible. I just simply nodded, kissed her cheek and turned.
Zara came running my way, “You looked like a princess up there,” she shrieked.
“What, honey?” I was confused how could someone dressed
in jeans and a grey coat look like a princess.
“When you looked at my Daddy and were murmuring something, all the lights started to glow brighter and it looked like your hair sparkled.”
“Oh,” I didn't know what to say so I just kept looking at her as she danced her way through the crowd to her Dad. And I followed her every step of the way.
“You okay?” Dylan's question came as soon as I was in hearing distance.
“Yeah,” I nodded my head more than I actually spoke the words. I was drained and more than ready to find out if there were any trees left and lug it home then go to bed. I decided to leave decorating it for another day.
He took a step closer to me, squishing Zara between us and automatically my hand went to the top of her head, sliding gently into her brown strands. He tracked my movements and when I got his eyes back they were glowing with gentleness. “You cried a long time, Sophie, are you sure?”
“Yes,” I hesitated. “It's just that it was somehow strange up there.”
““Strange how?” his question came quick, not giving me a chance to think about what I was saying.
“There were just all those strange feelings that rushed all at once when I got close to it, but the one that was most prominent was loneliness and the fact I didn't now belong to anyone and had no one who belonged to me was the one that crushed me.”
“You don't have anyone?” the small voice asked. I looked down and saw the tears dancing in Zara's eyes.
“My grandmother died recently,” I said just as softly.
She looked up at Dylan then back to me. “But...”
I didn't want her to feel sad or any concern for me, so I leaned down and whispered, “Don't worry, honey. I have friends. And I have Mrs. McConnell,” I couldn't help it. I knew it wasn't my place, but I still did it. I leaned deeper and kissed her forehead. “And now I have you as my friend,” I finished still whispering.
As I stood back up she threw me a dazzling smile that was missing one tooth.
I looked around and hurriedly looked at Dylan. It was getting weird and I really wanted to go home. Tucking the long blonde strands of hair that kept getting into my face, behind my ear, I threw him one last cautious look. “I'll see you around.”
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