by Lola StVil
“What happened?” I ask.
“Oh I’ll tell you what happened. My dear brother here thought it was okay to hire a shape-shifter to follow me,” Remy says.
She glares at Regal but at least she stopped attacking him.
“Look I’m sorry, but I had to know if it was true, and I couldn’t keep up with you,” Regal says.
“Had to know if what was true?” Remy snaps.
“That you were visiting a pain dealer,” Regal says quietly.
“Of course that’s not true,” Remy shouts. “Do you think I’m crazy? Who told you that?”
Regal ignores her question.
“It is true, Remy. You have an addiction. You have to find a way to stop.”
“I don’t have an addiction,” Remy says.
She can see by the set of Regal’s jaw that he doesn’t believe her, so she backpedals a little.
“Look, I did visit a pain dealer a couple of times, but I’m not an addict. It was just nice to have a little bit of relief from the pain. That’s all.”
Regal shakes his head.
“It doesn’t work that way and you know it. You have to find a way to get past your grief about our parents. Stop suppressing it. Let us help you.”
Remy shakes her head, angry again.
“I wasn’t suppressing it, I was taking it away. It was only a few times, and it helped me. You don’t get it, Regal. It’s easy for you to let go because you were on good terms with them. How can you help me when you don’t even understand how I feel?”
“I can help you,” I blurt out.
Remy shifts her focus to me.
“I had a bad relationship with my father too, and I got through the grief. I can help you to do the same.”
“No, you can’t,” Remy says sadly. “It was different for you. I don’t mean to be rude, but your father was a dick. He deserved your contempt. My parents only ever did their best for me and I threw it back in their faces.”
She pauses for a moment to get herself under control as emotion threatens to overtake her.
“Do you want to know the last thing I said to them?”
I nod my head.
Remy continues, “‘You don’t understand me.’ And then I told them to go to Hell. Nice huh?”
I wince. I try not to, but I can’t help it.
“Yeah, exactly,” Remy says.
She turns back to Regal.
“So, come on. Tell me, Regal. How is my perfect brother going to fix this? How do you think you can help me? Can you turn the clock back? No. Can you take the pain away? No. You can’t do anything.”
“Remy, I—”
She cuts him off. “So just mind your own business and let me deal with this my own way,” she snaps.
I try to speak up and calm Remy down, but I can’t get a word in. Regal has stopped trying to be gentle with Remy, and they’re locked in an all-out screaming match. The few customers in the store make a run for the door, not wanting any part of what’s unfolding.
I’m hoping that getting all of the anger out will help Remy.
I jump when a hand clasps my shoulder.
“Atlas, you have to come with me,” a voice says.
I spin around, my palms raised, ready to attack. I manage to stop myself at the last second before I blast the figure to nothingness.
“Pest! Don’t sneak up on me like that,” I say.
He takes a step back and gives a shaky laugh.
“Sorry,” he mutters.
“Look, I’m kind of in the middle of something here,” I say.
I nod towards the twins, who are still screaming at each other. Remy’s hands fly all over, punctuating her words.
“What do you need?” I ask.
“You have to come with me now, Atlas. Or Kane will die.”
Pest’s words split me in two. Part of me wants to rejoice that he will no longer be a problem for me. I want to dance on his grave after the way he betrayed me. But part of me wants to curl up into a ball and sob at the thought of a world without Kane.
“He killed your father,” a voice says in my head.
“But he saved you from Talon,” another voice counters.
The first voice snorts. “Talon was only ever here because of him.”
I get a grip on myself. How can I be so conflicted over him? He told me he loved me, but actions speak louder than words, and he killed my father.
“I don’t care what happens to Kane,” I say to Pest.
With more of an effort than I like, I force myself to turn away from Pest. I go to the nearest pile of books, pick it up, and begin stuffing the books on shelves. I have no idea if they’re in the right places or not.
I keep seeing Kane’s face in front of my eyes, begging me to help him. It hurts to know he’s in trouble, but I can’t go to him. I can’t. Not after everything that’s happened between us. It would be like telling him everything he’s done is okay, and it’s not okay. It’s far from okay.
Pest hurries along behind me.
“Look, I get it,” he says. “But this isn’t about you. Or Kane. Not really. It’s about human nature, Atlas. And you can’t fight that. Kane didn’t want to hurt you. He just gave in to his nature. He tried to fight it, but sometimes we just slip back to what society expects from us.”
Pest is babbling and most of what he says doesn’t sink in, but one part does. Kane gave in to his nature. It’s his nature to cause hurt and destruction. Death. It only serves to tighten my resolve.
“Look, Pest, I get that Kane is your friend and you want to help him. I admire that. But he’s beyond saving. If you want my advice, distance yourself from him before you get hurt.”
“I can’t do that, Atlas,” he says.
“Well I can. You’re always welcome here, Pest, but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t bring Kane’s name with you.”
“But… ”
“No buts. I’m done with him, Pest,” I say.
Pest looks at me a moment longer, debating whether or not there’s any point to trying to persuade me. He looks away.
“I had to try,” he says sadly.
He turns and walks away. As he reaches the door, it takes every bit of willpower I have to not run to him and tell him I do care, and I’ll do anything to save Kane.
Pest leaves and I take a deep breath. I try to tell myself I did the right thing.
Slowly, the silence registers with me, and I turn to see Regal and Remy watching me, their fight forgotten.
“Are you okay?” Remy asks me gently.
I nod and force myself to smile.
“I’m fine. I’m the leader of this team, and all I want to do is focus on finding Dax. Kane isn’t my problem anymore, and I don’t care one way or the other what happens to him.”
“Is that true?” Regal asks me.
His voice sounds… I don’t know… tender? The kiss between us was just a stupid mistake. Wasn’t it? Does he think it was more than that?
I don’t know, and right now I don’t care. I have to do what I just said—be the team’s leader and focus on finding Dax. Kane, Regal—I don’t have time for this teenage drama. Love has no place in a quest, and I can’t afford to let myself get distracted.
“It’s true,” I confirm. “We need to find Dax. I can’t sit around any longer waiting for Millicent’s magic to work, if it even can. If we can’t find Dax, then we need to make him come to us. Get the team together and research Dax. Find out everything there is to know about him. We need to find a way to lure him out.”
Now that the twins are convinced that I’m okay, they seem to remember their fight. Glaring at each other, they leave me alone in the bookstore as they go back to the loft to relay my instructions.
The moment the door closes behind them, all of my resolve leaves me. I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands.
“Why do you have to be so complicated, Kane?” I whisper.
Pest’s words echo through my brain.
If you don’t come
with me now, Kane will die.
I flash back to the moment I knelt beside my father, soaked in his blood as he died because of Kane. I can feel the anger and hurt I felt at the time like it’s happening again.
But then I think of the night Kane and I made love. I can almost feel his warm hands caressing me, teasing feelings out of places I didn’t know existed.
A part of me wants Kane to be okay. No, needs him to be okay. I can suddenly feel that need in every fiber of my body.
“Fuck my life,” I snarl angrily as I get to my feet and go to the door.
I storm out and lock it behind me.
I march angrily down the street, and as soon as I turn the corner, Pest smiles at me. He casually stands there.
“Pest, what the hell?” I say.
He steps away from the wall and shrugs.
“I took a chance,” he says.
I roll my eyes. Am I that predictable?
“Where is he? And what’s the danger?” I ask.
“He’s back at my house in New Orleans,” Pest says gravely. “And he is the danger.”
When we arrive at Pest’s lab, I go to him. Kane lies on a table, his shoulder, chest, and arms bare. A folded blanket covers him from the waist down. He looks like a body in the morgue, and I shudder at the thought of him being dead.
His face is pale; beads of sweat cover his skin. His brow furrows in pain, and a low moan escapes his lips. His whole body is trembling.
“What’s going on? What happened to him?” I ask.
“Do you know what the Break is? And Waves?” Pest asks.
“Sort of,” I say. “Kane mentioned them. So the Break is the event that led to him becoming a demon, and the Wave is like a flashback of it, right?”
Pest nods.
“Basically, yeah. Most demons feel euphoria when they get the Wave, but Kane is different. His Wave is so painful that it causes him physical distress. And if he gets stuck in one, it can kill him. I devised a potion called Exit that pulls him out of his Waves. But this one is different. It’s too strong for the potion. You’re his last hope.”
“Me? What can I do? I don’t even know how to make a mixture,” I say.
Pest shakes his head.
“It’s gone beyond any mixture helping him. You have to go in.”
I’m getting more confused by the second.
“Go in where? Pest, what are you talking about?”
“You have to go into Kane’s head and pull him out of the Wave.”
“Pest, this is crazy. I can’t just...” I say breathlessly.
“Atlas, you have to help him.” He pleads softly. “His Waves are different. He’s never been this deep under before. His past is eating him alive. He’s being pulled in.”
“Pulled into what? Where is his memory taking him?”
“To the Market. Do you know what that is?”
I nod. I feel a wave of genuine sympathy for Kane as I think back to his story about the Market. It was the house where he grew up after his mother sold him to a pedophile ring. I can only imagine the horrors he’s witnessing in there.
Pest points to a table placed beside the one Kane lies on.
“Lie down,” he says.
I’ve never known Pest to be so straight to the point and urgent in his speech. Normally he launches into a twenty-minute lecture to ask the time, and now he’s being so precise, it’s scaring me.
He turns away from us as I lie down. He turns back and places a machine at the head of the table I’m lying on. He pulls two wires from the machine, each with a sticky pad attached. He sticks one on Kane’s temple and one on mine.
He gives me a vial filled with a pale-yellow liquid.
“You have to drink this. It’s called Merge, and it will connect the two of you so you can get in Kane’s head. You must find him and pull him out of the Wave before all of the lights go out. Do you understand?”
Before I can respond, Kane’s body tenses and a low moan escapes his lips. His head thrashes from side to side and his back lifts from the table as it arches up.
“Atlas, we don’t have much time. Drink,” Pest says.
It isn’t a request. It’s a command.
I can see the pain in Kane’s face and the taut muscles of his body and I don’t think about what I’m about to do. I lift my head up and drink the mixture, scrunching my face up at its bitter taste. I lay my head back down.
I reach across the gap between Kane and me and slip my hand into his. I close my eyes.
As my consciousness starts to drain away, I hear Pest’s voice again as though from far away.
“You have to get him out before the lights go out. If you don’t, you’ll both be stuck in there forever.”
My consciousness comes back, and I jump to my feet and look around. The first thing I notice is a row of dim lights above my head. One blinks out as I watch them. They must be the lights Pest was talking about. I have to get a move on, and find Kane.
I’m in a corridor. It’s so long that it seems to stretch out before me infinitely. It’s dark and shadowy, and the floor feels unstable beneath my feet. The few lights that hang from the ceiling are bare bulbs that flicker ominously.
The air smells of unwashed bodies and urine and bleach. It makes me want to bend over and vomit. It’s so strong I feel as though I can taste it, like it’s permeating every pore of my body and I’ll never feel clean again.
I can hear children screaming, crying, begging to go home. Men taunt and laugh at them. Somewhere I hear a man grunting, and I don’t want to even think about what he’s doing.
I take a cautious step forward, afraid that the floor will give out beneath my feet. It rolls, making me sway as I walk, but it holds.
Doors line the corridor on either side of me. Some are open, some are closed, others are cracked open, as to invite anyone in. A man appears from one of the open doors in front of me. He holds a small boy by the hand. The boy’s face is pale and tears course down his cheeks.
“Please let me go home,” the boy begs in a small voice.
The man ignores him, dragging him forward hard enough that his feet lift off the floor.
“Hey, stop,” I say, stepping forward and reaching out for the man’s arm.
Neither the man nor the boy reacts to my words, and my hand goes straight through the man. I’m in a memory. I can’t affect anything here because it’s already happened. I have to force myself to switch off my emotions and just power through and find Kane.
Another dim light flicks off above my head as if to reinforce my thought. Only thirteen lights remain, and I have no idea how much time each one represents or how long it will take me to find Kane in this maze of torture.
One of the closed doors in front of me opens as I approach it, and a man steps out. He looks clean and respectable, but the predatory smile on his face gives him away. In his hand he holds a fat red balloon on a string.
He crosses the corridor and stands in the doorway of another room. I peer in and see a small boy cowering in the corner.
“Daddy’s home,” the man says, holding out the balloon.
The boy stands and takes the balloon. His eyes are glazed over, like he’s not really there.
The man closes the door before I can see what happens next.
I pass another closed door. A boy cries inside.
“Dirty boy. Look what you made me do,” a man’s voice shouts.
I hear a clapping noise and the boy whimpers.
Silent tears pour down my cheeks as I make my way further along the corridor.
A door slams open further down the corridor. A boy darts out, holding up his open jeans with both hands. His face wears an expression of terror so pure it causes me to falter and almost miss my step on the undulating floor.
My heart stops as I register the boy’s terrified face. It’s Kane. He can’t be older than nine, but he’s unmistakable.
A man emerges behind him, a leather belt in his hand doubled over. He swings the belt at Kane, w
ho darts away from him. His terrified screams pierce my soul and I want to sink to the floor, close my eyes, and cover my ears.
Another light goes out above me, reminding me that I can’t do that.
The man roars in anger.
“Kane,” I shout. “Kane. I can help you.”
Kane’s terrified eyes dart between me and the man, and he bolts, but not towards me. He runs in the opposite direction.
The man goes after him, not running just walking. Slowly. Deliberately. He holds the belt in front of him, snapping the leather deliberately.
I start to run. I go through the predator.
“Fucking scumbag,” I hiss as I pass him.
I know he can’t hear me, but I can’t help it. Just like I can’t help but notice the bulge in his pants.
I feel my stomach turn and I gag but I keep running.
I call Kane’s name again, but his blind terror keeps him plowing forward. I know he can hear me. I don’t know how I know that, but I do.
“Kane. It’s me. Atlas. Please stop,” I shout.
We’ve left the man from the room far behind us now, but danger lurks at every corner. Doors slam open and hands extend towards Kane, trying to pull him into the rooms. He zigs and zags, avoiding the groping hands with their dirty fingernails and dirtier intentions.
The lights above me are going out quicker now. Ping. Ping. Ping. They go out one after the other. There aren’t many left. I don’t know if I can reach him in time.
A horrible thought seizes me. Pest was in such a hurry to get me in here that he didn’t tell me how to get back out. I’ll just have to trust my instincts.
More hands grope towards Kane as he runs, and shadowy figures seem to spring to life from out of nowhere.
I feel like I’m in a nightmare too. The faster I try to run, the slower I seem to go. I feel like I’m running on sponge, my feet sinking deep into the floor with each step. I force myself onwards, fighting for each step.
I’m gaining on Kane. I can hear his ragged breathing as he tries to push himself on. He is slowing now, the adrenaline flooding through his body not enough to maintain his pace.
I close the gap, closer, closer.
I glance up. Six lights left.
Kane veers to the left to avoid one of the shadow men, and he hits the wall, bringing him to a stop. He spins around in a whirl of panic as the shadow man steps towards him, baring his teeth in a smile that turns my stomach.