He pulled away first and rested his brow against mine.
“I’ve wanted to do that since you removed that hideous hood from your head.”
I laughed loudly, causing my lungs to lose layers of dust from the foreign motion.
“I’ll send for you,” he repeated like a promise.
“Okay.”
It took another minute for him to move away. Neither of us seemed in a rush to let the other go. When he finally retreated down the hall, I slipped quickly into my new room so I wouldn’t have to watch him go. I let my head fall back against the door, and finally began to process all that had just occurred.
Chapter Eight
The entire room smelled of him.
I peeled my eyes open and turned around. The first thing I saw on the center of his massive bed was the shawl he couldn’t stop calling ugly.
I walked over to it, dragging my fingers alone his smooth, black comforter. This room suit him. I wasn’t surprised he’d moved me in here.
I didn’t mind either.
Sleeping beside him would prove interesting. Not that I really wanted to sleep.
I’d found many ways to get myself off over the years, not having the courage to seek out companionship from another because of my scars. I didn’t worry about that with Julian. I didn’t feel the need to hide myself from him like I did the rest of the world. I liked the idea of being seen by him.
I guess you could say that’s how I knew he was something special to me. I may not have remembered him in every detail, but I knew whatever this feeling was he was returning to me, I didn’t want to lose it.
Circling around the room, I passed his dressed and the fireplace affixed to one wall. Peeking inside the closet I saw his clothes on one side and a woman’s on the other. None of them were in style anymore and all were covered in clear plastic.
Noticing a mar on one I lifted its cover to get a better look, dropping it as soon as I realized the blouse was singed. My throat became clogged with emotion. I backed out and shut the door, causing a bang to echo inside the room. I wasn’t so naïve to question who they belonged to. I knew they were mine.
The fire. Babs told me the Dahlia had once been on fire. She’d conveniently left out I was around for this event. Or had I been the one to cause it?
Moving around the room, I searched for any other sign of myself. The on suite had a hairbrush and my toiletries but they were the things I’d brought with me. At least until I opened the cabinet below the sink. Bodywash, vanilla scented. Lotion, the same kind. I popped the cap and inhaled its scent.
I knew it.
Just like I knew Julian’s.
I put it back and returned to his room, running my hands through my hair, tugging on the roots. That glow-y feeling he’d left me with was rapidly being replaced by crushing guilt and sadness.
Turning in a circle, I studied the pictures sitting in medal frames on the fireplace mantle. I went to them, snatching the first one up like it was a lifeline.
It was me. The old me. Younger and staring down at a small bundle with a smile on my face, propped up in a hospital bed. The photo had seen better days. One corner was gone entirely, the other had a name: Mason. Beneath it was a partial date.
Blinking away tears, I sat the picture down and studied the others. They were all of him. A few had his father, and their family in them too. A couple were of him and another little boy with silver eyes.
I was in none of them except the one. I wondered if he knew who I was. I couldn’t imagine he didn’t.
He hadn’t looked at me with anything other than kindness last night, and that I couldn’t understand. I’d abandoned him. His father too. I left him all alone and he never had a mother. My baby boy, the one I saw in fragments, he was a grown now and I’d never been there for him.
I wanted to shake the old me and demand she tell me why the fuck I did this. I wanted to scream at Nester for keeping me away from my family. Bitterness flooded my mouth as I thought of all I’d lost. It didn’t matter I was here now I would never get that time back. I would never be a mother again.
The hurt I felt as that realization settled in my core. It was worse than the kind I’d felt in Julian’s study. This was all my old pain rushing back to the surface, colliding with the new.
And regret.
Fuck, there was so much damn regret. These emotions clawed at my chest like a ravaged wolf, desperate to tear into my heart and devour it whole.
I tried to remember what happened. I thought so hard that the back of my skull began to throb. The blockage barring my memories was an unmovable mass. I couldn’t do anything but breakdown and cry, muffling my sobs in the silence of that room.
I needed fresh air.
I’d cried all through a shower and did my best to fix my face before leaving Julian’s room.
He’d called it ours, but I felt like an outsider now. I wasn’t sure how he even managed to be around me. All I knew was that I envied his ability to keep his emotions in check and respected him more than words could express for raising Mason.
I searched for Nester and when I couldn’t find him I finally wandered to the outdoors. I walked the property, sinking into a different kind of melancholy. It was as if none that morning had happened. No people locked away in cages, no getting caught up in the man from my past.
I stayed out there for at least an hour or so, never going too far. I wasn’t so far gone in my head that I’d wander off and get myself lost. Thinking I’d heard a dog bark, I paused. I looked around but didn’t see any four-legged creatures lopping around. I went a few more steps and then I’d heard it again, followed by the call of a crow.
I glanced behind me, spotting two perched on some far away trees. When I turned back around, I saw a streak of gold coming towards me. I instantly crouched down, so I didn’t get bowled over. Pink tongue lolling out the side of its mouth, I stroked the Golden Retrievers head with a smile as it wiggled back and forth like a worm.
“Where’d you come from?”
Looking from left to right, I squinted against the setting sun when I saw a small form growing steadily closer. The shimmery hair gave her away. She stopped a few feet away and just stared at me with her round blue eyes.
Something was off with this girl. I was the last person who would judge someone, and I didn’t necessarily think this w
“Hello,” she greeted me just like she’d done at dinner.
“Hi. Helena, right?” I rose slowly back to my feet.
“Hannibal.”
My brows furrowed in confusion until I realized she was talking to the dog. He yipped and went right to her side. Now I noticed her outfit. She was wearing a cute sweater and a pair of jeans. Those and her shoes were covered in dirt like she’d been off playing in the woods. A tote bag was looped over her shoulder, not a speck of grime on it.
“Are you okay?”
“You’re the girl from the wall.”
“Yes, yes I am.” I was years beyond being a girl, but I wasn’t going to correct her.
She nodded once and then started walking again. “I’m glad for him. He missed you.”
I knew who she was referring to. I pushed down another rush of emotion, silently telling myself to get a damn grip.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I called after her. She may have replied with a simple yes, but her voice was too soft for me to know for sure. I watched her and the dog grow small again as they headed down the path that went to Declan’s home.
I ran a hand over my face sort-of feeling like I’d stepped into an alternate universe. When I heard a familiar voice call my name, I let my eyes follow the sound to where Nester stood waiting by the fountain. I beelined for him, ignoring the burning sensation in my hip.
“Where’ve you been?” I demanded to know as soon as I was within better hearing distance.
“I had a few loose ends to tie up,” he replied, sliding his weathered hands into the pockets of his khakis.
“I’m not going back with
you.”
His brows shot up in surprise. “You spend half a day with the man and suddenly you’re besotted all over again?”
“I spent half a day with the husband you kept me from and another chunk staring at pictures of the child I lost because of you!”
He rocked back on his heels as if I’d struck him. I’d never raised my voice before. I would have been surprised myself if I wasn’t so damn angry and hurt.
“You should remember that you were the catalyst for the path your life took.”
“I didn’t know this life existed because‑‑.”
“You would have if‑‑.”
“Don’t you dare talk over me. Don’t try and spin this with some professional padded bullshit. You’re a doctor at a small-town clinic, not a shrink.”
His jaw set, a muscle ticking.
“And you’re not a young girl anymore. I brought you here to help. You think Julian Andreou is a good man? You tried to escape him and plan for your son to have a better life. Look at cha now. Look at him. He’s just like his father.”
His words only stoked my fire. “Him being like his father has nothing to do with him being my son. That would have never stopped me from being his mother.” I practically spit the words at him, hugging my middle to stop my hands from shaking.
I felt the truth behind those words deep down in my core, resonating with both parts of me. I would have loved that boy no matter what. I didn’t even know him, and I still did.
He heaved a sigh and his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I was told to send for you. I don’t wish to hurt you anymore than I already have. I think once you see this next part you’ll understand.”
I gave a sharp jerk of my head, silently telling him to lead the way. Only because of Julian did I walk with him.
I wasn’t ungrateful for him saving my life, but god did I despise him from stealing it from me. I was angry at myself too, for a plethora of reasons.
We went back through the Dahlia and up the stairs, taking two lefts to reach the double doors. Luca was there, a big grin on his face. Babs too, directing a scowl at Nester.
“Pissing off the ladies, Thomas?” Luca whistled and entered the code so that we could enter.
I remained silent, relieved when Babs inserted herself between Nester and me. The four of us went all the way to the end of a corridor and through another door. The room wasn’t anything like what I was expecting. It resembled a small cinema, completed with a mini bar.
“Babs, you’ve got this from here?” Luca asked.
“Of course, you go.” She shooed him off.
“Enjoy the show,” he said to me, adding a wink before he vanished back into the hall.
“We’re watching a movie?” I asked Babs.
Nester shuffled past me and went to sit in one of the theater styled chairs.
“Come sit,” Babs instructed.
I did as she asked and took a seat, sinking down onto the plush burgundy cushioning. She smiled sweetly at me and then went to the mini bar. Babs was closer to Nesters age and working at a place like the Dahlia. I wondered what her background was. Julian obviously trusted her with his dirty secrets.
We sat in that room for so long with nothing happening, I was tempted to go and grab my shawl, but just as the idea popped in my head Babs approached me with a drink and the lights dimmed.
I looked to her for explanation and she nodded towards the front of the room.
The previously blacked out screen flickered to life, and a room bathed in a red glow appeared.
.
Chapter Nine
Her stench was nauseating, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Someone pissing themselves sure as shit beat the mess I had going on a few doors down.
I finished strapping her right arm down while Luca finished her feet.
"How are you this evening, beautiful?" he mocked when he was finished, giving her a bright smile.
She mumbled behind her gag, more than likely another pathetic plea.
"She's filthy," Luca frowned, looking her over in disgust.
“You missed that when you called her beautiful? She’s been sitting in her own piss all day and she vomited up her lunch.”
“So that’s what that orange chunky stuff is in her hair.”
I ignored him and roll back the sleeves of my dress shirt, grabbing an apron in case things got messier than they had during my last show.
“You know who’s really beautiful? Morgana. That woman has aged stupendously well.” Luca pulled his own gear on, a smile still on his face.
If he wasn’t my goddamn brother. I knew exactly how well she’d aged I didn’t need his input. I’d been hard half the day just being by her side.
“How’d she react to the holding room?” he asked, his tone going serious.
“Nothing like I thought she would, but not all the way unexpected.” I had indeed planned for her to lose her shit. Her doing the opposite only proved that the woman I adored was still there. Looking into her eyes I saw it too. Oh, and that kiss.
I wanted her so fucking badly but I knew driving my cock into her while I pinned her to the door might have been a bit much right now. I felt like a school-boy, jerking off until I came in a wad of tissue. I hadn’t done that in years. I hadn’t felt half the shit I was feeling even longer.
Shoving it all into a tidy box to be sorted later, I sent a quick text to Babs and then looked over my shoulder to where my brother was standing.
“Are you ready?”
“Good to go.” He patted the woman’s cheek and then adjusted the exam chair.
She began screaming incoherently behind her gag, tears pooling her eyes.
So dramatic.
I pulled on a pair of black leather gloves, and then hit a few switches. One was to dim the lights and put my playroom in session mode, the other to connect to one of the showing rooms.
I grabbed my first tool from my equipment tray, and then went over to the chair. "Let's start on that side,” I suggested, pointing with the eye speculum I’d just retrieved.
Contrary to what some people believed or what was shown on television. Removing an eye was not a simple one, two, three processes. You couldn't just stick something in the socket and dig it out. You'd have to deal with infection and the optic nerve. So, to ‘scoop’ out this woman’s eye, I used an evisceration spoon and a few other tools.
To be frank, I had never done this before. If I fucked up, then I just fucked up. It was only an eye after all. With Luca’s help, I removed the cornea and all intraocular contents.
The woman screamed like a wild animal, pinned down and unable to defend herself. She choked on her gag, tugging furiously on the buckles around her wrist. It was one of the most aggravating things to listen to. I thought she would've passed out some time ago or at least gone into shock.
She was ruining it.
Not even her blood squirting out was making this worthwhile.
"I can't deal with anymore of her hysterics. Get me the syringe," I used my forearm to wipe my brow and looked down at the hole I needed to close. If the man who sent her didn’t ask for two separated viewings, I’d had slit this cunts throat and been done with it.
"I got it." Luca grabbed the low dose of anesthetic and quickly stabbed the woman in the upper arm. She would still be able to feel what we were doing, but now she would be relaxed and peaceful while we did it. See? We weren’t such bad guys.
With one eye down and dropped into a brown goodie bag, I worked quickly to close off the empty socket, using seventy proof alcohols to kill off any microorganisms.
"Fuck I'm hungry," Luca grumbled five minutes into the second eye removal.
"How can you think about food right now?"
"I skipped lunch," he shrugged. "We need to make sure her eyes get to the vacation villa her husband is staying at. It was in the request.”
"Then let's pull the damn thing out," I replied.
It took us nearly two hours to remove both eyes, clean the empty sockets, a
nd then wrap them in gauze afterward. Our little starlet remained docile the entire time thanks to some good drugs. She would surely feel this when they wore off, though.
Poor thing.
Whoever she’d pissed off had paid good money for her to wind up this, so I didn’t feel too bad. Sure, I had more of that than I could ever spend but there was nothing wrong with starting nest eggs for my heirs and grandchildren.
“You can go to your wife. I’ll chain this beauty up somewhere.”
“Chaining better be all you do. No sticking your dick in her until we’re all the way done.”
“Yes, sir,” he saluted as I walked past.
I removed my gloves and tossed them in the hazard bin, impatient to get to Morgana.
Chapter Ten
I stared at the screen even after it faded back to black and the lights came on. My hands were curled around the arm of the chair, fingernails digging into the fabric so severely I knew they’d leave an imprint when I finally moved them.
“This is what you trying to escape.”
I startled at the sound of his voice, blinking back into myself. Slowly, I turned my head and looked at him.
Babs had slipped out during the show, leaving the two of us alone after she brought me a mixed drink.
“You knew about this.” It was a robotically stated accusation. One he couldn’t deny because the proof had just played out cinema style and neither of us seemed too surprised.
Him, because he’d been aware of this place for who know how’s long.
Me, because this is where I’d come from and the more I saw, with every passing minute that I was here, the stronger my connection to it grew.
I was picking up on so much and after watching that woman get her eyes taken out, I could only come to one conclusion about myself. I was no better than the man who committed the act.
My body reacted to what he was doing in the sickest imaginable way, turned on by the depravity that played out before me.
Malevolence (Dahlia Saga Book 4) Page 6