Sassy laid back and closed her eyes while Doug sat watching her. There weren't any words he could find to say, and Sassy didn't seem to need him to.
“I followed you up there that day to talk to you,” she continued. “I saw Adam grab Mara and I saw him slap her when she called to Steve. She called him Brad, though…I don't know why she called him Brad…”
Sassy furrowed her brow as if she were struggling to remember a missing bit of information.
“…but Steve pushed Ellie away just in time before Adam could shoot her. I saw Adam shoot Thor, too, and I knew that he would hurt you—then he shot Steve, and I just raised my gun and did what had to be done.”
Sassy closed her eyes again and Doug sat beside her, still without speaking. After a couple of minutes, she started talking again.
“I couldn't handle it though …you know…killing my own brother. I decided that with Steve dead and you gone and Adam gone, that I might as well be gone, too, and that is when I shot myself. I don't know why I didn't die, Dougy. I should have died, too.”
Doug reached under the bed rail and took Sassy's hand in his own.
“Sassy, what you did must have been so hard, but you saved two lives. Thor is okay, too. Adam's bullet only grazed him.”
Stopping for a moment to measure his words, Doug continued, “Steve Bitten was not who you thought he was.”
Sassy looked surprised.
“His real name was Brad Edwards, married to Mara,” Doug told her. “Mara thought he was dead and he didn't know she was in Alaska anymore than she knew he was still alive. It was just a coincidence that they ran into each other the day of the shootings, and an even weirder coincidence that they were both involved with people who all knew each other.”
Doug scratched his chin.
“I mean, geez, Sassy, if I even tried to make something like this up I wouldn't be able to.”
Doug went on to explain the story of Brad, his parents, the IPA, Adam, and how it had all come down over the last four years. He could see the disbelief in her eyes, as she could no longer hold back the welling tears.
“Wasn't there anything in my life that was real?” she asked him.
“The thing is, Sassy, you didn't know any of this any more than I did or any more than Mara did, or Ellie or anyone else.”
“But, I killed Adam,” Sassy sobbed. “I shot my own brother. What kind of person would do something like that? Could do something like that?”
“Someone who was trying to do the right thing, Sassy.”
Doug stroked her brow for a few moments until she settled down.
“I need to go now and I'm not sure if or when I'll be back, but I wanted you to know the truth. I wanted you to know that I don't think you are a bad person, and I wanted to help you start to believe it. I want you to forgive yourself, Sassy, and I want you to live and have a happy life.”
Walking to the door, Doug stopped before leaving to add, “You start fresh and be good to yourself.”
With that, Doug Williams walked out of room 209, never hearing Sassy whisper,
“Bye Dougy. I love you.”
Doug skipped the elevator and took the stairs, jumped into his truck and drove north on the Glenn Highway to Ellie's place. He felt unburdened for the first time he could remember.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Inner peace
THOR GREETED DOUG AS HE PULLED INTO DAN'S DRIVEWAY. THE DOG WAS nearly healed already, and liked to be outdoors much of the time, although he avoided going near the side of Ellie's house where he had been shot. He also seemed to stick much closer to Doug's side now. Ellie and Anna pulled in right behind him.
“Uncle Dougy! Thor!” Anna squealed as she ran and threw her arms around Doug's knees and let Thor lick her face.
“Mommy said there's a funeral tomorrow for Mara's dead husband. I don't want Mara to have a dead husband. I don't want her to be sad. Thor and I will make her laugh so she won't be sad.”
Anna and Thor ran around the yard a couple of times before Anna came back to Doug and told him quite seriously, “Hey I know, maybe Mara's husband can visit my Daddy in Heaven. That's it! I'm going to go tell her right now. I think that will make her really happy!”
Doug and Ellie exchanged glances as they watched Anna run to the house.
“I can't explain it, Doug. Anna took to Mara immediately and so did Thor. I've never seen anything like it.”
Once back inside, the two were greeted by Mara and Sarah.
“I think we've got all the arrangements ready now, don't we?” Sarah said to her best friend.
“I think Brad would like what we have planned,” Mara answered.
As dawn broke the next morning, Doug, Sarah, Mara, Anna, Thor, and Ken Tandry all drove down the mountain to the same creek bed where they had scattered Dan William's ashes just a few months ago. Joining them were Nathan Strongdale, Karen Steele, Craig Pilson, and a contingent of IPA, FBI, CIA and local law enforcement representatives.
Standing along each side of the creek, all bowed their heads as Reverend Armstrong, the police chaplain, said a prayer. Mara was presented with, on behalf of Brad Edwards, an award for heroism and a Meritorious Service Award for his role in bringing Adam Carlson to justice.
About halfway through the ceremony, a cab pulled up and out of it stepped Amanda Carlson, who, with the assistance of a nurse, walked to join the others. Mara reached out her hand to help her and put her arm around Sassy's waist as the ceremony continued, ending with some of Brad's ashes being scattered in the flowing water of the creek.
It was right that a part of him should remain near the place where those whose lives he had touched resided. The rest of his remains would be flown to Boston tomorrow, accompanied by a police escort, and interred along with his parents in their hometown. Sarah knew a place in New York that would design the final brass plate on which would be inscribed:
Your present is the future of your past.
All who come here seek the future of their past.
Enameled in color onto the brass plate would be Mara and Brad's wedding picture, beneath which would read in smaller script, Brad and Mara Edwards, Till death do us part.
“Thanks for coming, Sassy,” Mara whispered to Amanda Carlson as she helped Craig Pilson escort her back to the cab.
“I hope you won't mind if I stop by to visit you next summer when you are better and back to taking care of your horses.”
“I'd like that, Mara,” Sassy told her.
As Mara walked back to the house from her vehicle, Anna ran up to her and slipped her small hand into the larger one of the woman whom she had started calling Aunt Mara.
“Thor says that everything will be okay, Aunt Mara,” the girl said. “He told me that this morning.”
“Thor is a very wise dog,” Mara answered.
“What does wise mean?” Anna asked her.
“Wise means he knows everything that's important,” Mara said.
“Yup. I think so, too.” Anna said with child-like assurance.
“You run up to the house now,” Mara told her. “I need to go for a walk for a minute, okay? Tell everyone not to worry.”
“Okay, but you don't be long now,” Anna said, putting both hands on her hips and mimicking the look of indignation that Mara had sometimes seen Ellie use when correcting her daughter. Stifling a smile, she watched as Anna ran over to the others who were walking toward the house.
On a rock near the creek bed, she sat soaking up the warmth of the sun. Strange, she thought, how things had turned out. It had only taken three months to erase four years of trying to come to terms with Brad's death, yet somehow she felt real closure.
Maybe it was because of everything she had heard about him in the last few days, the putting together of the empty pieces to the puzzle that had surrounded his death. Perhaps it had been seeing him again and now knowing with certainty that he was really gone. Karen Steele had told Mara that Brad loved her more than she ever knew. Karen had even showed her the
picture they had found hidden away in Brad's wallet. Was it true that he was planning to leave the IPA and take her away? How different, she thought, her life might have been had that happened.
But, would it have been? She was no longer the same person as the woman he married. She was stronger now, wiser. The image of the innocence of their early love had been shattered by the knowledge that Brad had lead a secret life. No—their world together had been her illusion. She had loved Brad with her whole heart and soul, and part of her always would, but the Brad she loved had been only a small portion of the man he really was, and that man was a stranger to her, even now.
Fingering the St. Christopher medals around her neck, she was reminded of the purity of their early love. She would keep them forever as a treasured memento of the man she married—locked away somewhere private and safe—somewhere where she could visit them when she wanted to remember the innocence of their life together.
She took them from around her neck and pressed them to her lips before putting them carefully into a deep pocket of her skirt to keep them safe until she could find a special box to hold them. They would no longer hang around her neck as a constant reminder of what might have been. Mara Benson Edwards was now truly about to embark on a new beginning.
Startled by the sound of rustling behind her, she turned to see Thor bound out of the brush, followed by Ken Tandry and Doug Williams. “There you are,” Doug said, “Anna said Thor knew where you were.” “You had us worried, Mara,” Tandry said. “Don't you know better than to sit unarmed near a salmon stream alone in bear country?”
He instantly felt sorry for scolding her.
“I'm really sorry. I apologize for making you worry. I'm fine. I'm really, really fine,” she said, grabbing onto Ken's outstretched hand to pull herself up from the rock. “I think we'd better get you back to Ellie's,” Doug said.
After leaning down to give Thor a hug, Mara hung onto one arm of each of the two men on either side of her and walked with them back to the house. For the first time, in a very long time, she felt truly at peace.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
New Beginnigs
THE GOODBYES HAD BEEN BITTERSWEET AND THE TEARS FREE-FLOWING AS Mara left for Homer the next day. Doug Williams had decided to follow her down to check on his boat. It wasn't until they stopped for lunch at Cooper Landing and a small slip of paper fell out of his wallet that he remembered the two men at the hospital, and told her about the map to the beach where Joe Michael's funeral would be held.
“When did they say it would be?” She asked him. Monday,” he answered.
Sitting without speaking for a moment, they turned and looked at each other as the idea dawned on them simultaneously.
“We could take my boat,” Doug said.
“Do you think we could make it on time?” she answered.
“We can sure as shootin’ try,” he said.
“We've got four days; I've done it in three.”
Shoveling down the last bite of food, the two hurried to their vehicles and pushed the limits to get to Homer, luckily not running into any cops or errant moose along the way.
Once they reached Mara's house, Doug helped her unload her things and waited while she threw together a small bag before jumping into his truck for the ride to the harbor.
“I hope you won't be too disappointed in my boat,” Doug said. “I haven't tended to her in a couple of months now, and if you're not used to the seafaring life… “
Doug's voice trailed off. He put the truck in gear and headed for the harbor.
The Fire Ring Roamer was bigger than Mara had imagined, as it stood proudly, sideways along the docks. “She's beautiful,” Mara said, and she meant it.
The boat was blue with the name written in deep gray letters on the bow. On the back, the words, Homer, Alaska, were printed underneath the boat's name. Curled on the back were piles of neatly stacked nets; above was a hoist—some kind of giant winch that Mara didn't know the name of—that was most likely used to pull the nets up out of the water. On the floor of the rear deck was a big square hole that opened into the hold below and where the fish were dumped. Covering the hole was a hinged door that was currently latched in place and partly covered by the nets.
After jumping down onto the deck, Doug extended a hand to Mara who followed closely behind. She had already changed into her work clothes, which included knee-high rubber boots and a warm, wool hat. Doug was dressed in a similar manner. Thor followed the two and happily roamed around the deck. Doug showed Mara where she could stash her things and gave her a brief tour of the boat, including instructions on what to do in case of disaster.
Hanging on hooks in the wheelhouse were three survival suits and a life-jacket, which Doug explained was to use for Thor if they should get into heavy seas. He also showed her the radio and taught her how to operate it, as well as the location of the dinghy, which she helped him lower into the water and secure with a towrope behind the boat.
“I'm going to fire up the engine and move over to the fuel dock to fill up,” Doug told her. “Why don't you take my truck and run up to the store and get enough food for about two weeks?”
Mara did as suggested, climbing up onto the edge of the seiner and pulling herself onto the dock. Thor stayed behind with Doug. When she returned forty-five minutes later, she met Doug at the fuel dock and unloaded the goods. As they started out of the harbor, she stocked the cupboards and refrigerator tightly, and stashed thirty, one-gallon jugs of fresh water in a special box that Doug had built in the cabin for that purpose.
By early evening, they were in the harbor at Nanwalek, where they docked for the night. Both slept soundly as the boat rocked in place in its temporary port; she curled up in the bunk area with Thor, and Doug stretched out on the seat that lined the side of the wheelhouse.
Over the next two days, they moved peacefully across the northern edge of the Gulf of Alaska in waters that could only be described as glass-like. Twice, they saw humpback whales breaching near the boat, and for most of the journey, schools of Dall Porpoise traveled in their wake.
By the time they reached Hoonah and re-fueled, and then traveled to the island outlined on the map, Mara knew that life at sea would become a welcome adventure in her already adventurous life. She told Doug one evening as they stood on the deck watching the northern lights. He kissed her then, and somehow with words unspoken, she knew they would always be together. Standing on the beach the next morning, they exchanged their vows in a ceremony officiated at by one of the two men who were friend's of Joe's. They would formalize their marriage at the courthouse in Sitka before heading back.
The burial of Joe Michael was marked by traditional native ceremonies that lasted most of the day. About fifty people dressed in traditional native clothing attended. Although neither Doug nor Mara understood everything that was happening in the ceremony, they did their best to join in when asked, and otherwise kept a respectful distance.
Near evening, a large totem was erected at the brush line of the beach. More ceremonies followed, after which everyone gathered around a huge fire and ate. The tide was low and the fire crackled in the cool air. Doug and Mara walked to the totem and studied the carving, which had been done by a young man and his uncle in Hoonah.
It was interesting the way they could discern pieces of Joe's life from the work—the fire, his life on land, on the ferry, his healing abilities. Looking at the totem more closely, Mara could see that a carved hand formed the base. In the hand was carved a feather much like the one given to her by Joe. The feather stretched from the hand that formed the base of the carving to the top of the totem. On the feather were painted several red dots, all placed along the edge of the carved feather in ascending order. The red dots stopped about a third of the way down from the top.
Pulling the feather Joe had given her from her pocket, Mara could almost feel Joe's presence. It was dark now, as only the flickering of the fire, and the northern lights that were emerging in the sky, illumina
ted the feather and the totem, as well as the people gathered on the beach.
On her feather, she could make out the red dot in the place it had always been, about one third of the way, down from the top. Now that Joe had died—and judging from the other red dots on the feather on the totem— hers obviously was the last in what had apparently been a succession of times that Joe had protected someone from harm.
In a spectacular display, the northern lights were now completely encasing the sky. With a startling boom, then crackle, a sudden gust of wind snatched the feather from her hand. She watched it fly in the wind before fluttering to the base of the totem. Just as quickly as it had begun, the wind was gone. When Mara reached down to pick up her feather, the red dot was no longer there. Instead, another red dot had appeared at the top of the carved feather— the final tribute to the goodness of Joe.
Everyone present fell silent as, just as mysteriously, the aurora subsided and calm filled the beach. The people all stood there in the stillness until morning, each in their own quiet tribute to the man they called Joe Michael.
At sunrise, the people left. Doug and Mara got in the skiff and returned to Doug's boat. Except for the incoming tide lapping at the feet of Joe's totem, the beach appeared unchanged. Gone were the footsteps of those whose life had been touched by Joe; footsteps now freed to begin their own life's journey under the watchful spirit of the man born somewhere near Hoonah, sometime early in the twentieth century, on an unnamed beach in Southeast Alaska.
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