During the drive down, he’d accepted the fact that he overreacted by disappearing in the middle of the night. He’d been upset, he wouldn’t deny it. At least not to himself.
The fact that Sierra and Luke were both so immersed in themselves had him feeling a little lonely. Not that he’d made the situation any better by leaving, but he knew if he didn’t walk out the door, he’d only miss his daughter that much more and hearing that Sierra didn’t want to come with him and bring the baby had been a knife wound to his heart that still throbbed.
He understood. At least he tried to.
They didn’t need to be traipsing across the state with a two month old baby, but Cole hadn’t had a choice in coming to Austin. He might’ve told Alex that he was done, but he couldn’t leave the man hanging. It wasn’t in his nature. He would handle this last assignment and then he’d figure out what to do next.
He knew what he wanted to do. Now he just had to wonder whether the offer was still on the table.
~~*~~
Luke hated the drive from Dallas to Austin. He hated the traffic, hated the long expanse of two lane highway that felt endless at times.
As he pulled into the hotel parking lot three hours later in the small town of Coyote Ridge, he let out a brief sigh of relief. Cole’s truck was there which meant at least he wouldn’t have to go looking for him. He was too fucking tired to chase the man down.
Grabbing his phone, he sent Cole a text, asking what his room number was. He didn’t expect to get an answer quite so quickly, and he was surprised that Cole didn’t question him when he sent the text back. Without responding, Luke walked into the hotel and headed right for the elevator, not bothering to make eye contact with the woman sitting at the desk.
Once he made it to the third floor, he glanced up and down the long corridor, trying to figure out which end Cole’s room was on. Finally noticing the sign with the numbers, Luke went to the left. Before knocking, he took a deep breath, acknowledging the fact that his temper wasn’t going to fix this situation. No matter what happened next, he knew he couldn’t blow up at Cole the way he was known to.
No matter what Cole’s reason for leaving, Luke fully intended to figure out what was going on with him. Sierra might’ve made the suggestion for him to come down to Austin to find Cole, but Luke had been thinking about it already. Before he walked out the door that morning, he and Sierra had a long conversation, one that involved him telling her this wasn’t a temporary thing for him, and he wasn’t about to allow Cole to walk away. Luke was pretty sure Sierra needed that assurance and it pained him to realize that they still hadn’t managed to cement their relationship to the point that the three of them weren’t still wondering what might happen.
Luke was tired of the what might be’s. He wanted a fucking guarantee. He wanted to know that Cole loved him as much as he loved Cole. He wanted to know this was forever. Now he just had to figure out how they were going to seal this deal once and for all.
Lifting his hand, Luke stared at the ugly almond door before rapping his knuckles firmly. He thought he heard movement on the other side of the door, but he began to question himself as long seconds passed. Just when he was about to knock again, the door opened. He had to take a step inside to keep it from slamming in his face as Cole immediately turned and walked the other direction.
Remembering he had to handle this with at least a little bit of patience, Luke swallowed hard and moved inside the room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
The tension radiating from Cole was nearly enough to keep Luke a safe distance away. The only problem with that would be that Luke didn’t want to be a safe distance away. He wanted to be right up in Cole’s face, forcing him to understand how he felt. God only knew it was time. Based on what he understood from Sierra that morning, they both still had some insecurities, although she’d learned to listen to her heart, knowing that, in the end, it would all work out the way it was supposed to.
God he loved that woman. He had vowed right then and there as they sat side by side on his couch that he would make sure she knew just how much. Each and every day.
“Why’d you come? Don’t you have a club to run?” Cole’s words were laced with venom, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize what part of his problem was.
“You’re more important to me than my club,” Luke told him, keeping his voice low and steady.
“Am I?”
Luke wanted to retaliate, to snap at Cole the way he was snapping at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew what he’d put Cole through for the longest time. He didn’t need to be told that he wasn’t the easiest man to get close to. He knew that about himself. Except when it came to Cole and Sierra, but even that hadn’t been an easy point to get to for him. Only now, Luke wanted them to be as close as he could get them.
“Yes, you are,” he responded, taking a few steps closer to where Cole was now staring out the window at the little bowl of water that the hotel proclaimed to be a pool.
When he was standing less than an inch away, he reached around Cole and closed the curtains on the window, the blackout panels sending the room into darkness, with the exception of the pale yellow glow from a lamp on the desk.
His body suddenly realized that the two of them were alone. They were alone, and there wasn’t anything that could interrupt them. This was an opportunity they’d never had before, and it was his chance to show Cole exactly what he meant to him.
They would hash out their differences verbally, but Luke knew that before it was over, he would have Cole naked beneath him.
Chapter Twenty
Cole didn’t react when Luke closed the curtains, obscuring his ability to escape the reason he was here. Little did Luke know, but the fact that he came after him meant more than any words they might say between them in the next few minutes.
As much as he wanted to tell Luke to leave him alone, Cole didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to handle this like men, to discuss whatever the issues were between them, even if he had only conjured them up in his head. There were things he needed to say, things Luke needed to hear. And he knew there were things Luke had to say as well. He just wasn’t sure the man was going to be able to say them.
Cole dropped his head, staring down at the floor as he tried to figure out what the best way to handle Luke was going to be. His own anger was set on rapid boil, but that’s because he’d let all of his emotions fester for far too long, and it was time he finally got some things off of his chest. He just didn’t know how to start.
When Luke’s hands gripped his shoulders, Cole tensed. He was prepared to stand his ground, not willing to give in to his desire until they’d reached some sort of understanding because for the two of them, it was so easy to give in, so easy to let all of the issues, all of the concerns get brushed away because they’d become so apt at resolving their emotional disputes with sex.
To his surprise, Luke didn’t try to move him, he merely kneaded his shoulders firmly, moving to stand even closer until the warmth of Luke’s large frame was at his back. Another breath escaped him as he tried to let the magic of Luke’s fingers ease the strain from his muscles.
“I told you why I came, now I want to know why you ran,” Luke whispered, his breath warm against Cole’s ear.
Cole instinctively shrugged his shoulders, signifying he didn’t have an answer. He immediately felt Luke’s grip tighten briefly before releasing, letting him know without words that he wasn’t satisfied with that answer.
“I know this has nothing to do with Hannah or Sierra, so I can only assume it’s between you and me. Am I right?”
Cole pulled away, managing to ease from between Luke’s body and the wall in front of him before pacing to the other side of the room.
“I’m not sure it is about you, Luke. Maybe it’s about me,” Cole said, not looking directly at him, but feeling the other man’s eyes tracking him.
“What does that mean?”
“It means th
at you and Sierra aren’t the only two in this relationship, but maybe I’m wondering why that is.” Before Cole could begin his next sentence, he found himself slammed up against the wall, Luke’s hard, ungiving form restraining him, his hand flat against his throat, his thumb and forefinger cupping his jaw, forcing him to look at him. Luke wasn’t hurting him, but Cole instantly went on the defensive, fighting back the urge to retaliate.
“Don’t say it.” Luke’s voice broke, although he tried to hide the emotion.
Cole felt the answering emotion well up inside of him, and he immediately had to blink several times to keep the tears at bay. He felt so lost, so confused, but as he looked into Luke’s bright eyes, he wondered if he had imagined it all.
“You’re in this because we love you. And yes, before you say otherwise, I do love you,” Luke said, his voice still gruff. “I don’t want you wondering why.”
“How can I not?” Cole questioned him. “I feel like the fucking third wheel, dammit.”
Luke let him go, stepping back and staring at him as though he’d just spouted a third eyeball. “What the fuck? What have we ever done to make you feel like that?”
Cole watched Luke’s face, his incredulity clearly reflected on his stern, yet concerned face. “Let’s see,” Cole barked. “Could it be that neither one of you can make time for me? It’s like I’m a second thought, something else always seems to be more important. Did you ever notice how you will drop everything when Sierra wants to see you? You don’t do it for me, Luke. Something always gets in the way, whether it’s the club or Trent or now Xander. It’s as though the rest of the world can’t survive without you, but I’m supposed to sit back and wait until everyone else is through with you to get my turn.”
“I –” Luke’s mouth abruptly closed.
“You what? You don’t find some way to keep yourself busy, unable to give me your undivided attention unless you’re ready? Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s exactly what happens. I’m the third wheel in this, Luke. I’m sick and fucking tired of coming last. I’m tired of being the fall guy, coming to everyone else’s rescue all the damn time and still waiting for someone to rescue me.” The last word damn near escaped on a sob as a lump formed in Cole’s throat. He hadn’t meant to say quite so much, but it was exactly how he felt.
Cole waited patiently for Luke’s denial, for him to come up with an example which would make him realize this was all a figment of his imagination. A minute passed. Another. Luke didn’t say a word, he just stared at Cole, his lips a hard line, his dark brows slanted downward as though he were lost in thought.
“I was hoping I’d imagined it all. I wanted to be the selfish asshole who was looking for more than he was getting, but I’m not, am I, Luke? I’m no one’s priority.”
“Bullshit,” Luke barked, the word choppy and broken as he took one step closer. Then another. “You’re my priority. Always my priority.”
“Yeah?” Cole didn’t back down as Luke slowly moved forward. He could see the emotion finally taking Luke the same as it had him the more he thought about it. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”
“Ever wonder how I feel?” Luke asked, and Cole couldn’t hide his own surprise.
“Did it ever cross your mind that I’m the one everyone seems to come to when they have a problem? I’m the one everyone expects to take charge and make things right. Did it?”
Cole couldn’t answer. Luke was right. Most people did go to him when they needed something. As much as he tried to handle things on the home front when Sierra needed something, or Hannah, Cole knew that wasn’t the case with most people. Luke was the one who had to make the final decision on the club, taking the weight of it with him and dealing directly with the aftermath ever since.
Luke’s gaze locked with his and he waited.
“Have you ever thought that, at some point, I want to give up control? That I’d prefer to have someone else take care of me for a change?”
Cole wasn’t sure what Luke was getting at. He heard the words, but he didn’t understand. It wasn’t like Cole could step in and handle the club. Luke wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t like…
Cole’s breath caught in his chest.
“That’s right,” Luke said as he moved closer, obviously noticing the second Cole understood what he was saying.
When their bodies aligned once again, Cole didn’t try to move, he didn’t put up his defenses either. He stood his ground, but allowed Luke to get as close as he wanted. Aside from their chests touching, nothing else on their bodies did.
“You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it, Cole. Thought about handing all control over to you. And I’m not just referring to the club, although you’re the only person in the world I would trust to handle it. I’m tired of handling it all. Tired of making the decisions, being in control. I want someone to lean on. I want to lean on you.” Luke’s voice trailed off before he penetrated Cole with his eyes once more. “I want to let you take what you want from me. Except that’s not what you want, is it? You need me to be in control, just like everyone else does, but you need it differently.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Cole whispered.
“Am I?” Luke leaned in closer, his mouth just a breath away. “Is it my imagination that you love to feel the connection between us when I’m inside you? Did I just dream up that you need me to force you because it’s your opportunity to leave the decision making to someone else? To know that you don’t have to figure out how to fix something?”
Cole couldn’t answer because Luke was right. Everything he said was the absolute truth. Except there was more, more than Luke was willing to admit.
“We’ve come to a stalemate,” Luke stated, not moving away. “From what it sounds like, we’re both looking for something that we aren’t getting. And this time, it’s between the two of us, only we haven’t owned up to it.”
The pain that lanced through Cole’s chest at the thought of what Luke was saying nearly brought him to his knees. He did need more, but he needed more from Luke. He needed to feel like he wasn’t second fiddle, needed Sierra to trust him as much as she trusted Luke to handle the difficult things. Most importantly, he needed this man to let him in, let him take care of him for once.
“Running doesn’t solve that problem, Cole.”
He wasn’t about to disagree. “Where does that leave us?” Cole asked through the painful lump in his throat, the one threatening to choke him.
~~*~~
“It leaves us here to figure this out,” Luke said, his heart pounding painfully against his ribs. “I want more, Cole. But I don’t want anyone else. You and Sierra are all I need. I’ve always known that. Maybe I don’t know how to express it.” Taking one step back, Luke put some distance between them before he did what he wanted and slammed his mouth down on Cole’s and got lost in what his body had to offer rather than talking about this.
Talking wasn’t his thing. Neither was it Cole’s and look where it had gotten them.
“Do you know how hard it was for me the day Hannah was born?” he asked, turning away so Cole couldn’t see the emotion he couldn’t seem to get a grip on. He wasn’t going to cry.
“I thought about it,” Cole admitted.
“She’s your daughter, Cole. You and Sierra created that child, and I love her with every single fiber in my body just like she were mine. That doesn’t make it so. That doesn’t mean she can’t be taken away from me if the three of us don’t…” He couldn’t finish the statement. Luke didn’t even want to consider life without Sierra and Cole in it.
This wasn’t temporary, it wasn’t part time, and it wasn’t just because. This was a forever love. One Luke wasn’t willing to walk away from. This was just a small hill they had to get over, heaven knew there’d be more, but they had to make it over this one. Luke didn’t expect this to be easy, but he expected it to last.
When the silence began to get to him, Luke turned to face Cole, noticing the man w
as just staring at him.
“I love you, Cole.” He had to swallow before he continued. “I’ll never stop loving you. You and I both know it’s not easy for me, but you stuck it out with me once. Don’t give up on me now,” Luke begged, his tone reflecting every insecurity he’d ever felt, his eyes blurry as he tried to hold in what he feared would eventually overwhelm him.
The next thing he knew, Cole’s mouth was pressed firmly against his, his arms wrapped around him, his brawny hands holding him in place as he explored the kiss. Luke let himself get lost in Cole, just like he always did. Although they may both be challenged when it came to expressing themselves with words, it wasn’t the case when they gave in to the desire that still pulled them together.
Cole pulled away, lightly brushing his firm lips against his and Luke didn’t want to move, didn’t want to let go of what they both needed right then and there.
“I love you,” Cole whispered and Luke answered with a growl, quickly lifting Cole’s shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the cheap motel carpet.
“I want you naked,” Luke demanded, moving back slightly, more so than he even wanted to so they could get rid of the clothes that were hindering their ability to feel one another.
Within seconds, probably a personal best for both of them, they were naked and on the bed, Luke coming down on top of Cole. They were a tangle of arms and legs and mouths, neither of them able to get close enough, but still trying desperately as they devoured one another.
“I need to be inside of you,” Luke said when he broke the kiss, lifting up so he could stare down at Cole. He saw the sudden flash in his eyes, something akin to sadness and Luke realized exactly what Cole was looking for.
Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe Cole wasn’t always looking for Luke to be the one in control. “Right now, I need this,” Luke whispered, pressing his lips against Cole’s gently. “I know what you need, and I fully intend to give it to you, but right now, I need this.” Luke realized he was probably being selfish, but he couldn’t explain his need to feel Cole surrounding him completely.
Devotion (Club Destiny #7) Page 16