That’s when he’d decided to walk.
He’d wiped the SD card clean then smashed it— pulverizing his employment status along with that memory card. Ending his tumultuous relationship with Adalric had quickly followed.
“We done, Coach Kam?”
Chuck inhaled deeply, Ashton’s voice snapping him back to the present. He stepped back from the bag and scrolled through the training sessions he’d documented today. The kids questioned their own value every day, but this memory card, and the handful of others he’d filled in the last three months, showcased their worth. He’d never consider destroying these images.
“We’re done,” Kam responded to Ashton. “Have Miguel help you with your gloves then hit the showers. Good work today.”
“I’ll show you some of the pictures tomorrow if you want,” Chuck added.
Ashton’s infectious smile broke through. “Thanks, Mr. Dunn. Coach Kam.”
“I'm going to shower too,” Kam said as he wiped down the bag. “Will you make sure the hooligans in my office haven’t set fire to something out of sheer boredom?”
Chuck laughed and dumped his camera off at his gear bag. He tracked back to Kam’s office where a few of the other Kensington boys had struck up an impromptu poker game before they all headed over to Danny’s.
Over the last few weeks, the Kensington boys had remained an ever-present presence in their lives—league games, nights at McLoughlin’s, and here at the club where one of the boys always seemed to show up. But he and Jesse were friends, and friends only, by silent agreement anytime the boys were around.
It didn’t sit well with Chuck; it couldn’t after so many years hiding his relationship with Adalric. But unlike Adalric, Jesse didn’t have an issue with them being in the same room together when other people were around. Chuck just couldn’t kiss him whenever he wanted to, which he definitely wanted to do when Jesse tugged at his full lips with his teeth like he was doing right now.
Chuck leaned on the door jamb and glanced at the pile of cash in front of Jesse. “Someone’s got an impressive stack.”
Jesse’s head snapped up and a slow grin spread across his face. “I don’t know why they try anymore. I’ve always been a grower, not a show-er.”
“I swear he’s counting cards,” Matt grumbled.
“Whatever you gotta tell yourself, Matty.”
“I’d say let’s pick this back up at Danny’s so I can win back some of my cash, but that leprechaun always finds his way to the pot of gold.”
“Speaking of,” Jesse said, glancing at his vibrating cell. He tapped on the screen and set it on the table. “Hey, Danny. What’s up?”
“Where the hell are you guys?” boomed out of the speakerphone.
“Sollie’s robbing us blind,” Ryan answered.
“Well pack it up and bring the game over here. Never too early to teach my kids how to count cards.”
“I told you!” Matt yelled.
Jesse smirked and leaned back in his chair.
“Is my replacement coming?” Danny called out.
“Yep. And I’m bringing beer,” Chuck answered.
“I like you already, Chuck. Hey, Sol? Lila has the guestroom set up for you. She hasn’t seen you in weeks and she won’t be home until late. Grab Precious and crash over here. No arguments.”
Jesse glanced at him. They’d been planning on spending the night together, but there was no way Jesse would say that out loud.
Chuck shrugged even as his heart thudded against his chest. How else was he supposed to react?
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll head back to my place first then come on over.”
“Cool,” Danny continued. “Now get your asses on the road. The twins are asleep and I have the grill heating up.”
Jesse clicked off the call as the other guys started grabbing their coats.
“Mind if I ride with you, Chuck?” Matt asked. “You can drop me off on the way back to your place tonight.”
“Sure thing.”
The boys piled out of the room, but Chuck lingered, hoping to get a second with Jesse before they were surrounded by everyone again. He’d been looking forward to a night with Jesse all week, but he didn’t know how to say that without making Jesse feel guilty, yet still letting Jesse know he would be missed. Before he could formulate the right response, he caught a sly smile tipping Jesse’s lips up.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I haven’t seen any of the boys welcome anybody into the group so fast.”
“Yeah? I’m charming.”
Jesse grinned as he stuffed his poker winnings into his pocket, then stepped up to Chuck. He leaned forward and brushed his fingertips over Chuck’s stubble, holding his gaze. “I’ll see you over there in a bit.”
Chuck didn’t move. He couldn’t.
If this was what bringing passion back into his life felt like—like one simple touch could liquefy him—he didn’t know if he’d survive.
But existing in this moment, and every moment like this, was worth the risk for now.
Chuck swallowed roughly. “I’ll see you there.”
Jesse slid his hand down Chuck’s neck and over his chest as he walked away.
Chuck swore he would feel the echoes of that touch for the rest of the night.
Jesse trudged up the steps in Danny and Lila’s garage, adjusting the duffel bag looped over his shoulder. Precious trotted next to him, tongue hanging out and breath billowing in the frosty air as she mounted the steps like this was her house. Over the last five years, Precious and he had spent enough nights here that it almost was.
This definitely wasn’t where he’d planned on spending the night, but Danny was right. He'd been spending less and less time with his closest friends and more time with Chuck. He didn't regret one second spent with Chuck, but he needed to find a better way to balance his time if he didn't want the boys to catch on. At least he'd get to spend the evening with Chuck before Chuck headed home and Jesse headed upstairs for a night of spooning with a pillow and hoping his earplugs didn’t fall out.
He pushed through the front door, dropped his bag in the hallway and slipped his shoes off. The sounds of a football game emanated from the great room, along with bursts of laughter and voices clamoring to be heard. Precious had already disappeared into the house, so Jesse followed, saying a cursory hello to the boys focused on the game.
“Hey, old man,” Jesse greeted Danny’s dad, who was stationed in his favorite chair.
“Hey, yourself. Beer’s in the fridge.”
Jesse clapped him on the shoulder and headed into the kitchen, looking for Chuck.
He found Precious slumped up against Chuck’s side, with Chuck’s hand petting through her hair as he talked to Kam. Jesse’s heart fluttered. Of course, both his dog and he had sought out Chuck first.
“Hey, Sollie,” Danny called out and passed him a beer.
“Kids still asleep?”
“Yep. They're not sleeping through the night yet, but I just fed them. So, we'll be good until about three a.m.”
“I’ll be good all night. Brought my earplugs.”
“Face it, you’ll probably be up until three anyway. Now….” Danny rubbed his hands together. “Drink up. You have some catching up to do.”
Jesse groaned as Danny lifted a bottle of Fireball whiskey out of the cupboard. “Fuck no. Anything but that.”
“Definitely not that,” Matt said. “We’re not having a repeat of the Cooperton night.”
“We’re in my house, not a bar.”
“And there aren’t any women here,” Matt pointed out. “But still….”
Chuck’s gaze snapped to them at that.
“What happened in Cooperton?” Chuck asked.
Jesse stuffed one of his hands in the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt and took a long pull from his beer. Chuck didn’t need to hear this story, or any of the other instances of him being a drunk jackoff, but this was one of the tamest. “I got shuttled off to the drunk tank o
n St. Patrick’s Day in a podunk town where we rented a cabin.”
“He got into a fight with a girl over the last bottle of Fireball whiskey,” Danny explained.
Jesse huffed. That was oversimplifying things.
Sort of.
“In Jesse’s defense, she was literally asking him to fight her,” Kam added.
“Thank you,” Jesse said. “And more importantly, her boyfriend did jump me.”
At least that’s what he’d been told had happened. He was still foggy on the details. His memory picked up sometime around when the boys had finally convinced the sheriff that he wasn’t at fault and sprung him from the rickety county headquarters.
“It’s not the worst of his rampages,” Matt noted. “But the sheriff recommended that we find another place to vacation next time.”
Chuck’s keen gaze raked over him. “I’ve heard stories like that a few times but haven’t seen anything like it.”
“Either Sollie’s losing this touch or he’s been on his best behavior lately.”
He knew why he wasn’t drinking to the point of oblivion lately, and it had everything to do with the man leaned against Danny’s counter with a smirk on his face that Jesse wanted to kiss off.
“Maybe I’m trying to get back into shape,” Jesse deflected. “We’re not getting any younger.”
“We could do that running challenge again,” Kam said.
“My knee could use a few less pounds to carry around.”
Matt groaned. “You’ll make us follow a healthy diet and quit drinking.”
“Well, we’re not starting tonight,” Danny said. “Now. Who’s sacrificing their balls to grill us up some steaks? I vote for the newbie.”
Chuck shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m not worried. My balls are big enough to handle the cold.”
Matt cackled and slapped Danny on the back. “Damn. I think we finally found someone who can serve up verbal daggers as fast as you.”
“Chuck and I elevate the collective IQ of the group. You’re welcome.”
Chuck grinned. “Hand the steaks over. I’ll get them started.”
Jesse stepped away from the counter to let them work and Kam sidled up to him.
“I think Precious needs to go out.”
As soon as that word crossed Kam’s lips, Precious spun in a circle, her tail slapping against the tile. Even if she hadn’t been excited, Jesse would’ve still let her out. Now he could have a few minutes alone with Chuck.
“Hand me your beer, Chuck. I’ll let Precious out to run for a bit too.”
With Chuck’s hands occupied with the heaping platter of steaks, Jesse settled his beer bottle and Chuck’s in the crook of his arm and slid the patio door open. Precious took off without a look back, heading for the trees at the back of Danny’s fenced-in yard.
Jesse breathed in the cold air and set Chuck’s beer on the railing. “I’m sorry about tonight.”
“Don’t be. Your friends want to spend time with you too. Believe me, I understand the appeal.”
“They’re all drunk assholes.”
Chuck opened the grill and started placing the steaks. “I noticed that Kam never drinks as much as you guys, though.”
Jesse sighed.
“He lost his brother in a drunk driving accident twelve years ago.” For all of the boys it had been a blow, but for Kam it had sent his family spiraling into grief they’d never fully recover from. “He’d rather be a sober ride home most nights.”
“Jesus.” Chuck shut the top of the grill and grabbed his beer, leaning up against the railing next to Jesse. “You’ve been through a lot together.”
Jesse resisted the urge to move farther away. Chuck had kept to a socially-acceptable distance, and yet not nearly close enough either.
He took a swig from his beer and changed the subject. “So, what did I miss when I was picking up Precious?”
“Not much. I was surprised to see Danny’s dad here. He said that Kam and Matt’s dads were heading over too.”
Jesse caught on to what Chuck was asking, even though it hadn’t been framed as a question. “But not my dad.”
“I gotta ask if that’s because of me.”
“Not at all. He just never hangs out with us.”
“You and your dad aren't close?”
“Not like Danny, Kam, and Matt are with their dads. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. We just don't seem to have much to say to each other.”
“Silent, stern type?”
“Silent, yes. Stern, no.”
“A teddy bear then, like you.”
Jesse shook his head. “An actual teddy bear. My mom and I really don't talk about anything of importance either.”
Chuck arched an eyebrow in silent question.
“They're both really good people and good parents. They don't need to hear about the stupid shit I’ve done in my life.” And the more he said to them, the greater the possibility he’d let something slip. Jesse shrugged that off. “What about your parents?”
“We haven't spoken in roughly fifteen years.”
Jesse studied Chuck. Chuck’s stiff posture told him a hell of a lot more than what Chuck was saying. “Because you're gay.”
“Yep. That about sums it up.”
“I get the feeling it doesn't at all.”
“Charles and Fiona Dunnbradley aren't good parents, let alone good people.”
Jesse held Chuck’s gaze, wishing that they weren’t having this conversation on Danny’s patio of all places. He was starting to get peeks at the full canvas that was Chuck and he wanted to see more. So much more. “We’re both dancing around stuff here.”
“No shit.”
Jesse glanced through the door at the boys seated around the table in the kitchen. The conditions weren’t optimal, but when it was just the two of them they spent most of their time naked. With a thick-paned door visually hemming them in, yet audibly blocking them out, maybe this was the perfect place for them to actually talk. “So, ask me. Anything.”
“All right.” Chuck flipped the steaks then took up his spot next to Jesse again. “What about Emily? How’s her relationship with your mom?”
Fuck.
That wasn’t the type of question he’d expected.
“Em has always talked to me more than our mom,” he hedged. “I’m their middle-man in a way. I see the pain and regret on both their sides.”
“Heavy.”
Jesse downed more of his beer to clear his throat. “That’s one way to put it.”
It was crushing.
“You know…. I always wanted a brother or a sister but also didn't want anyone else to be trapped under my parents’ thumbs like I was. You’re lucky to have each other.”
“My first thought is to say that she knows more about me than anyone else in the world. But maybe that’s starting to not be as true anymore.”
“Jesus, Jesse. When you say stuff like that I want to kiss you.”
His heartbeat kicked up with his friends all seated just feet away. “I want you to, but….”
“Tomorrow. When we’re back at your place again.” Chuck picked up his beer and called for Precious. “Come on. Let’s go inside while these finish up.”
Jesse sucked in a breath as Chuck and Precious stepped into the house.
Maybe a night away from each other would be good.
When Chuck was this close, it was becoming harder for him to remember that there were lines he couldn’t cross.
6
December
“Hell yeah, I want them!” Chuck yelled into the phone.
Next to him, Jesse lifted his head from the arm of the couch with a protested “dude” then covered his face with the throw pillow and lay back down, thumping one of his thick legs over Chuck’s lap.
“Cool,” Jordie answered, on the other end of the call. Jordie was a friend from his pro sports days—one of the only people he’d let into his life in New York. Obviously, Jordie considered them good friends too since he’d just
offered Chuck two front row, fifty-yard line tickets to a James Bay Cougars’ game. “I’m just bummed I can’t use them. You know how much I love Wellings Field. The tailgating there is almost better than the game.”
“It is, man. I’ll Paypal you the cash if that works.”
“Sure. You want both, right?”
Chuck slapped Jesse’s thigh with a sound smack that had Jesse tossing the pillow off his head and glaring at Chuck. But Chuck grinned as he looked at Jesse. “I know exactly who I’m going to bring.”
“What’s going on?” Jesse mumbled quietly, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
“Just glad someone I like can use them,” Jordie said. “Take some pics. Or not. It’d probably be nice to go to a game and not have to carry a camera for once.”
“It’s been a while,” Chuck admitted.
Jesse’s eyes narrowed as he appeared to be trying to figure out just what was being said on the other side of the conversation. Chuck gave a teasing shrug of his shoulders.
“Thanks again for thinking of me.”
“We all miss you. Too many assholes at these after-parties.”
“Speaking of, anything happening while I’ll be there?”
Jordie’s voice faded as he moved the cell away from his mouth, then came back. “I’ll text you if I hear. Gotta go. Tickets’ll be at will-call. I’ll text you when I hear more about the documentary too.”
“Sounds good, J.” Chuck clicked off the call and tossed his cell on the table. Jesse shifted on the couch to his back, slinging his other leg over Chuck’s lap and hooking him around the thighs, drawing him closer.
“You gonna tell me where you’re taking me?” Jesse said with a sleep-worn grumble.
Chuck ran his palms up the inside of Jesse’s legs, eliciting the tensing and relaxing of the taut muscles. “Ever been to a game where you sat in the first row at the fifty-yard line?”
“Unless you count pee-wee, high school, or college, then no. What stadium are we talking about?”
“What would you say if I told you we need to road trip it? It’s a drive, but I hear the hot dogs at Wellings are worth it.”
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