by E. M. Moore
My chest ached. I didn’t even understand fully why I cared so much. I had never wanted children. How could I have children? I couldn’t offer them a good life. I had nothing, barely enough for myself. I wouldn’t have brought a child into this world like that.
“When we’re old enough,” Connor said, “we’re going to bring a lot of change to The Council. They have no idea.”
“But this woman?” I said, bringing up the paper in my shaky hands. “She’s getting an abortion?”
Connor rubbed my leg, his touch still soothing despite the panic in my chest. It wasn’t them, I reminded myself. I knew it wasn’t because if it was, I wouldn’t even be able to stand Connor’s touch. “We’ll explain everything,” he promised.
With Nic still clasping my hand and Connor rubbing my leg, Stephan touched my knee and Christian leaned over to place his hand on my thigh. “There are things you don’t know.”
Already I was feeling calmer. I took a deep breath. “Let’s start small. What does +20 mean?”
“That one’s easy,” Stephan said. “Vampires who are turned before the age of thirty-five grow until they turn that age. Once they hit thirty-five, they never age further than that. Their body, their skin, everything, will never be older than thirty-five. +20 is everything after thirty-five.”
“So, the vampire who got the human guard pregnant is fifty-five?” I asked, doing the math in my head.
“In human years, yes.”
“Okay,” I said, relaxing even more. “I understand that part now. This guard and the vampire worked together?” I asked.
Nic nodded. “Yes, she was brought in to guard him when they were both young. The vampire-guard relationship is already a special one. I believe…” He looked at the other guys. “…neither one of them expected anything to happen.”
“A one-night stand?”
“Not technically,” Stephan said. He drew my attention and my heart almost broke in two. We’d kissed. I couldn’t imagine not kissing him again. Just from the briefest touch of his lips, I knew I’d never be the same. It would be that way with all the Ravanas. He seemed to sense what I was going through, and his hand squeezed my knee tighter. “It’s just that they never intended to have the baby. I think they do love one another.”
“Sincerely,” Christian broke in. His soft touch on my thigh brought my attention to him. “It’s not illegal to have sex with a guard, per se.”
“Just having feelings with sex?” I asked, scoffing. “How can you police that?”
“Which is exactly why The Council was formed,” Connor said. “Some on The Council could care less if vampires and guards got together. Others? Not so much. That’s why we have the governing body like we do.”
“So, they’re going to kill the baby? This governing body decided that the best thing to do would be to kill an innocent child?”
Nic squeezed my hand while nodding. His face was furious. “I think even the couple is okay with that decision. At least, that’s what they’re telling The Council. Who knows what they’re really plotting.”
“And you guys didn’t vote?” I asked. I knew it in my heart, I just needed them to say it again and keep saying it until this whole thing was untrue.
“No,” was the resounding answer.
* * *
A little while later, I was almost back to normal. The guys had moved the conversation to me and wanted to look at the bruises on my neck and back. They weren’t happy but held back their anger as best they could considering the circumstances. I didn’t know if I could deal with anymore drama today. I felt horrible for that woman guard. I could see myself in that woman’s place and it made me nauseous.
None of them let me be silent for longer than a few minutes. They kept me busy by asking what I’d been doing while they were gone. In turn, I made them tell me stories about their parents and what they did when they were at home. Once, when Connor was keeping me occupied, I heard Christian say to Nicolai, “Sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing by bringing her here.” He shifted his gaze to me and I pretended to be listening to Connor. “I wonder if we’ll ruin her.”
My gut clenched. I couldn’t bear to have them think that. Before I could say anything, Nic said, “We might all be the ruin of each other, but damnit…” This time I looked up and held his gaze. “It’ll be worth every terrifying second.”
I swallowed, slowly nodding at him. The tension in the room shifted and all of us stared at one another in turn. No matter what happened, no matter The Council or Zeke or any other future craziness that might seep into our lives, I would never give the Ravanas up. And they would never give me up either.
We were everything to one another.
17
I awoke the next morning in a large bedroom with the comfiest mattress I’d ever slept on. I could go spread eagle on this bed, make snow angels in the sheets, and still not even come close to touching the sides. It was like heaven. In fact, I was doing just that when a soft knock came on the door. It opened slowly, and I pulled myself up to a sitting position when Stephan entered. “Good news. I just heard from Nicolai. They’ll be able to come back tonight.”
“That’s great,” I said, and meant it. I’d expected awkwardness after seeing Stephan for the first time after our kiss, but it was as easy as it ever was. “Did I sleep here last night?” I asked, spreading my arms out wide on the mattress.
He nodded.
“Did you sleep here last night with me?” I asked, almost hopeful.
He shook his head. “You fell asleep in my arms. I knew you’d be sore today, and I wanted to make sure you had some place comfortable. This is my room. I slept in Connor’s.”
I looked around his space. There was really nothing around to catch a glimpse of his caring side. It was sparse as far as decorations went, and what was there looked as if it had been picked from a designer furniture store catalog and haphazardly thrown around. It didn’t scream Stephan at all. Not to me.
“There’s breakfast downstairs.”
“You can cook?”
He smirked. “No. It’s just cereal, actually.” His cheeks turned red as if I’d caught him in a lie.
“Do you mind if I take a shower first? I’d love to wash the forest floor out of my hair.”
He searched around my head for any blatant evidence that what I said was true. “I’m pretty sure I got all of it last night,” he teased. “But there’s a shower right there.” He pointed to one of two other doors in the room. “I share it with Connor and we’re pretty good at picking up after ourselves.” He gave me a slow look as I pulled the soft sheets off me and lowered my feet to the floor. “I’ll see if I can’t get you something to wear. Would a t-shirt and shorts be okay? I can look at my mom’s stuff, but—”
“That’s okay,” I said, cutting him off. “I’d rather not use anything of your mother’s. If you have something old you can let me borrow, that’s all I need.”
He went to work searching through the dresser and closet for something for me to wear while I went straight for the hot shower. I barely noticed the pain this morning from my back. Stephan’s salve really was a miracle cure. After fifteen minutes of playing with the different streams of water their showerhead had, I was satisfied everything from yesterday was now spiraling down the drain. I pulled a towel around myself and searched through Connor and Stephan’s things to make myself as presentable as possible. There was toothpaste, and I had my trusty finger to work with that. A hairbrush I used to comb my hair out with, and then searched the enormous bed for the hair tie he’d given me last night in case my hair decided to dry funny.
He left me a pair of old sweats and a t-shirt. I put them on and tried as best as I could to make it seem as if I wasn’t swimming in them and then went downstairs. Stephan already sat across from an empty place setting. There were several different kinds of cereals on the table to choose from.
I chose one and dug in. I didn’t know how late it was, but there was a lot of light streaming in from
the windows. It was a good thing all this happened on a Friday night. We got Saturday mornings off at The Fort and all of Sundays. I looked around the room for a clock. Stephan must have realized what I was doing because he said, “You still got time. Not a lot, but I’ll make sure to get you back in time.” He hesitated, swirling the last few cereal pieces in his bowl. “Not that I want to take you back. In fact, I really don’t want to. We can’t always be around you when you’re there. You saw what happened when I dropped you off that one night. Now everyone thinks you’re a vamp whore. And don’t get me started on yesterday or the marks on your neck.”
I pushed my cereal aside and reached out. “I don’t think everyone thinks that about me. Just the ones who are jealous.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It was clearly for my benefit only. “It’s not just that,” he admitted. “What you asked me about last night? How being with you is against the rules?”
I nodded, suddenly wishing I hadn’t eaten anything that morning. What little I did was flopping around in my stomach.
“If one of us displays any outright…affection…for you, it won’t be good.”
I nodded, completely understanding the predicament we were in. “Which also means taking out anyone who even threatens me is a no-no. I get it, Stephan. You guys don’t need to do that. I can take care of myself. I’ve been taking care of myself for a while.”
“We know that,” he said. “One of the things we wanted to do by bringing you here was to show you that it didn’t have to be just you. Now all this stuff has happened and you’re right back at it. It’s like it’s you versus the world again. It’s not supposed to be like that.”
I understood the helpless feeling completely. I stood, made my way around the table, and sat in his lap. “I know I’m not alone. See this?” I asked, lacing my fingers through his. “This lets me know it’s not just me. The cell phone? All those fun texts and voicemails? I know you guys are with me too even if you’re not physically with me.”
He didn’t seem one-hundred percent convinced, but there was a small tinge of relief in his gaze. Happy that he was at least settled for now, I went back to my seat and ate the rest of my breakfast. Afterward, Stephan handed me my cell phone and grabbed his car keys.
“It’s time?” I asked.
He nodded. “Don’t make any plans for dinner. If the guys get back in time, I’m sure they’re going to want to see you right away.”
My heart skipped a beat at the prospect. I couldn’t wait to see them all. “Okay, but let’s not go to that pizza place.”
His face dropped. “Really? You didn’t like it?”
“It’s not that,” I promised. “You guys were about to give that waitress a heart attack. Not that I blame her. That’s a lot of Ravana to take in one sitting.”
Stephan rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand. “Come on. I better take you back now before you act too cute. Then, there’s no way I’m giving up the extra time with you.”
* * *
Easy Saturdays as Samuel called it were only easy because there was no morning run or lawn calisthenics. There was still training in the gym and our usual obstacle course runs. Today, though, Samuel didn’t pair me up with Zeke. I almost wished he had because he was looking a little sore today, slower than he usually was. A smirk pulled at my lips. I hoped I had something to do with that even though I was sure it was probably Stephan who inflicted the pain, if anyone.
Shannon caught up with me after the last race. “Hey, how you doing today?”
I shrugged. “Fine.”
“Someone told us last night that you were going home with a hot guy…” she said, her voice trailing off, obviously wanting details.
I wanted to roll my eyes and tell her it was just Stephan Ravana, but the truth died on my tongue. Would people start asking questions if they knew Stephan took me home? I didn’t want to get him in trouble, nor me. I couldn’t very well lie though. Someone had to have seen him there. I went with the next best thing—a half truth. “I wasn’t feeling too well. Stephan happened to text me and say that he was coming back from The Council meeting early, so I asked him to come pick me up.”
Shannon looked genuinely concerned. “I’m sure Evan would’ve driven you home.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t want to bother you guys. Everyone was having such a great time. I didn’t want to ruin it because of me.”
She smiled, untied the hair tie from around her hair, and put it back up in a bun. “You know, I wanted to talk to you about that. I had a fun time hanging out with you. So did Liv. We should do it again.”
I searched her face. She seemed nothing but genuine. I needed to remind myself that just because Zeke was a jerk, that didn’t mean that all the guards here were. “Yeah,” I said. “Cool.”
We were almost to the guardian building now when she said, “I almost forgot. Did you see the paper this morning? There’s a whole big article about The Council meeting and what it was about. The rumors are true, but it’s far worse than we thought.”
With all the drama last night, I’d completely forgotten to ask Stephan what the meeting was about. Why was it such a secret? “So, a vampire did fall in love with a guard?” I hedged.
She nodded, and my heart twisted. Might as well get it over now. What kind of fate did I and the Ravanas have? She blew out a breath. “It’s sick. I almost can’t even say it. The worst thing they did was actually try and have a relationship, and now they’re facing the ultimate punishment.”
“What?” I asked, not grasping her meaning. “What happened?”
“They got pregnant,” she said simply, but sadness still laced her voice. “The Council voted for a forced abortion.”
My mouth dropped as all the twisted realities of the situation sank into my toes, making them feel like dead weights. I stopped walking.
“Allegedly,” she tacked on. “No one can say really. They’re usually hush-hush about things that happen. I wouldn’t put it past them to do this though.” She stopped alongside me and shook her head. When she looked up, concern etched her features. “Ariana? You okay?”
I shook my head. “That’s just…wrong. So wrong. Why can’t the baby be brought up as a vampire? Feed the baby blood like they do in regular pregnancies? Why kill it?” Even as I was asking all these questions, my mind simply revolted at the idea. There was no way the guys had voted for this. Not my princes. They weren’t heartless.
Shannon shrugged. “No one can say for sure, but there’s speculation that this kind of incident would provoke the laws to be tested and perhaps amended. The old vamps don’t want that. They want everything just as it is. There are vampires, and there are guards. There are not half vamps-half guards. They’re acting as if it would be some kind of abomination.”
I couldn’t hear any more of this. She must have had her story wrong. I told her I had to go and then ran to the guardian building. Last time I’d seen a newspaper, it was in the common room. Sure enough, there was one there. I grabbed it and ran to my room. Some of what was said didn’t make any sense to me. They made mention that the vampire who fell in love with the guard was rumored to be +20 years old. What did that even mean? He was twenty?
My phone buzzed, and I ignored it, searching through the paper for any type of falsehood I could pick out. Did it definitely say that the Ravana princes were there? No. No, it didn’t. It just said that The Council had rumored to make an unprecedented decision based on the facts of the case. They would not let a law such as that be broken.
What kind of messed up world was I brought into?
18
That night, I had nightmares. It was the same old thing. The crunch of the metal, the glass shattering into thousands of tinkling shards, and the scrape of the car frame against pavement. I blinked again and again. Total black. My mom hanging upside down. Total black. Blood-red rivulets dripping from the wound in her head. Black. Red. Black. Red.
I sat straight up in bed, my heart pounding against my chest.
My eyes searched the shadows, but it was just me in my small room at The Fort.
My princes had left a couple hours ago. They didn’t want to leave me, but what could we do? Staying at The Fort was my only option. Anything else would be too conspicuous, especially with what was happening in the vampire world right now. The last thing we wanted to do was bring attention to ourselves.
I tore the covers off and set my feet down on the floor. Every time I thought about that poor mother, I wanted to vomit. I understood that she and her vampire lover had broken the law, but that rule was outdated, and just plain wrong. The princes needed to get on that Council and kick some of the older ones out. Change, that was what this world needed, and a healthy dose of it too.
My hand shook at my side, my nerves stretched thin. Tonight had been one of the most difficult in this world yet. The worst was when I actually thought the Ravanas had something to do with The Council’s decision. Sure, it’d only been a split second, but in that tiny fraction of time, my world shook at its core. I wiped a hand over my brow, a cold sweat dotting the clammy skin there. I knew what I needed. It was Sunday and I wouldn’t be getting a run in later. Sunday was the only day we got off at The Fort.
I wrenched my drab, Fort-issued pajamas off and grabbed the same outfit I’d come here in. It was practically the only thing I owned from the other world. It felt good to wear it if only because it was something so unrelated to the vampires. Other than the Ravanas, I was disgusted with this world right now and their ridiculous superiority.
Seething, I grabbed my keys off the dresser, locked the door behind me, and started toward The Fort grounds. Once I was out of the building, the fresh air helped a little. The night was still young. The moon hung high in the sky with a small breeze teasing at my chilled skin. I stretched for a few moments while looking up past the mesh sun-savior that helped the vampires walk around during the day in full blown sunlight. The stars twinkled, some of them almost winking at me from space. I supposed I could’ve calmed down by calling one of the Ravanas, but it felt good to go for a run again like I used to, keeping me grounded to who I was at my core. Whether I knew about the vampire world or not, I was still me.