by E. M. Moore
T.J. fell to his knees beside me and grasped the sides of his hair as he bent over her. An agonizing scream ricocheted through my eardrums as the Dumont Clan celebrated. Turning, I lost the contents of my stomach right there next to her body.
She’d been so sure she would win. So sure…
Hands picked me up from behind and pulled me to him. Christian’s warm body surrounded me as Nicolai bent in the spot I’d just been in. He dropped his head over Lex, his face more stricken than I’d ever seen it. In front of us, a proud, smiling figure made its way into view. Rage burst through my veins and I struggled against Christian, but it was no use. He held me like a vise.
Gregor was there in a second. He maneuvered himself in between his clan and Dumont. Not an hour ago, he’d kissed the top of Lex’s head. Not an hour ago, we’d all been so positive she’d win. He’d worn her down. She was tired, and with his size, Diesel hadn’t reacted the way anyone else would have and in an instant, she was gone.
“Next time, don’t put a woman in to do a man’s job, Gregor. Especially a human woman. It’s just…too sad, for all parties.”
I let out an inhuman roar and Christian held me closer. There was a sharp prick on my shoulder and the world went blurry, then fell away and turned dark.
18
I awoke in my bed—alone. A slight figure sat just at the edge. I blinked, adjusting to my surroundings and wondering if everything that had just rushed into my head had actually happened. When the figure turned toward me, the bed barely moved.
Isabelle.
“You’re awake,” she said, trying to smile. “Don’t be mad at Stephan. I told him it would be best for you if he gave you something to calm you.”
Something to calm me? He knocked me out! “What time is it? Where is everyone?”
She got more comfortable and stared over at me as I tried to look out the window to gauge the time or find a clock. Shifting her weight, she said, “It’s well into the night, Ariana. The princes are with Gregor and arranging the services for Lex tomorrow morning. There was…a lot to be done.” I tried to push the comforter off me, but she stayed my hand. “Please stay for a moment. I know you want to help, you always want to help, but do you mind sitting with me for a moment?”
She was too nice. Too formal. Every second was like painting a mask of calm on her face. It wasn’t just me who’d been affected by Lex’s death. She’d been their guard for many years. “I’m sorry about Lex,” I said, my throat burning. I clutched at my stomach as it flipflopped and hoped I wasn’t going to be sick again. I closed my eyes tight and then opened them again right away because when I closed them, all I saw was that last second of Lex’s life and it was a more gruesome scene than I’d ever witnessed before—even more so than the car accident when I was young.
“I’m sorry as well,” she said, her voice catching. She cleared her throat and stuck her chin in the air. “I’m not going to act as if you don’t know what I did for you at the Council meeting when they were deciding who the fighters were going to be. I never meant to keep it a secret from you. I just couldn’t find the right time to tell you why I did it.” She picked at the comforter in front of her. “Because of this,” she said softly. “Because of this very outcome, this very feeling, because of these very wretched plans and contingencies and sadness. Utter sadness. My boys are filled with sorrow, but had it been you, Ariana, they would not be able to cope. I would never have them again, not like I had them before. I couldn’t help myself but to ask Lex and Samuel for your safety.”
“But you said everything would turn out in the end. What happened to that?”
“I still think it will, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be hardships along the way. We lost our best warrior tonight and our training instructor the night before. Even if we win, we have a lot to overcome. Better that it is rebuilding our defenses and replacing people than it be about the complete loss and devastation of our family over not having you.”
“I don’t think Samuel’s family would agree with you. Or L—” I stopped. Lex had told me herself she didn’t have any family. There was no one to mourn her and that gutted me again.
“It wasn’t meant to be that your life was worth more than theirs. It was about being secure that at least I would have my family intact when all this was over. We were supposed to win all of the fights, Ariana. Gregor was so sure. That’s what happens when you’re right about something and you know it deep down within your soul, you believe that it already happened. That it’s a given. What most of us don’t realize though is that we may have to fight for it to get it. In this case, it was literally fighting to get it, and we had losses on the way.”
“The princes want to leave, you know. They talked about it before and now that Lex didn’t win, they’ll want to go now. I know it.”
She nodded. “They haven’t mentioned it to me yet, but I’m not surprised. I’d do the same thing. I did do almost the same thing, didn’t I? That is one way in which we are very much the same. None of us can stand to have our families torn apart. It’s that way with vampires because we’re with each other for so long. We have a longer future, as long as we want to make it.”
“It’s that way with humans, too. No one would choose to separate from their family if they didn’t have to. It’s just you’re given an excuse from nature that you don’t have to.” I pulled myself up and took a deep breath. “You’re the lucky ones.”
Her look turned thoughtful. “I suppose we are.”
It was silent for a few moments. My head throbbed behind my eyes. Isabelle handed me a glass of water that was on the nightstand next to the bed. I drank it eagerly and put it back down again. “What will you do if the princes want to leave?”
Her eyebrows pulled in. “What do you mean?”
“Will you try to stop them?”
“Of course not. I think you should all go. Gregor and I can meet up with you after all this is over with.”
“But what about Gregor’s fight? If we win the next fight, he’ll have to go into the arena against Dumont. And if we don’t win, the princes are worried that Dumont won’t honor his treaty. You may never see them again if that happens.”
She nodded. “I see where you’re going with this now. Sacrifice, Ariana. I would love nothing more than to be with my sons, but, as a parent, my concern is about their well-being, their future. Of course I would want them there with us, especially if my Gregor has to fight, but knowing that you are all safe and far away from here would give me greater strength than having to worry about what might happen to you all if you stayed behind with us.”
I sighed. That I could understand. “Peace of mind.”
“Exactly. That’s one reason why I asked they spare you from the fights. My sons have been able to help prepare for the fights without having to worry over you and your safety. If they would’ve had to worry about your upcoming fight, they wouldn’t have assisted half so much. There would be nothing left of them, just an all-consuming fear.”
“You talk as if you’ve felt all this before.”
A distant look crowded Isabelle’s gaze. I looked away, unable to watch her sort through her past and emotions. After a few moments, she said, “I hope you’re not upset with me that I spoke on your behalf.”
That was a loaded question, and with all the other worries happening right now, it was at the bottom of my list. “I understand why you did it,” I told her. I couldn’t muster the lie to say ‘thank you’ and telling her that I was mad at her wasn’t completely right either. It happened, and that was that. We could only react to the things that happened to us. Honestly, there was no sense in looking at the past because the past didn’t change the future. If you didn’t like the outlook of your future, you had to change it for yourself in the present. No one was going to do it for you and it obviously didn’t make any sense to lament anything that happened in the past. It was done. Over with. Unrecoverable. The future puzzle pieces were just there, waiting to be locked into place. There was w
iggle room. There were decisions to be made and mountains to climb and foundations to rock. The future was anything we wanted it to be as long as we were still breathing in air, and so far, my princes and I were all still breathing in air.
Thankfully.
19
After Isabelle left, the princes returned shortly after. For once, I was the one who had to comfort them. I hugged each one of them in turn, trying to take their grief into me. Isabelle wasn’t wrong when she decided I didn’t need to be fighting. If I died, this would be the princes, only much, much worse. Even the thought of that splintered my heart.
We all fell asleep clutched in one another’s arms. The morning was a whirlwind of drawn faces, tired eyes, and dressing in our best to go to Lex’s funeral. The princes wouldn’t talk about it, but I could only imagine what Isabelle meant when she mentioned there had been a lot to do. It wasn’t like when Samuel passed and there was just the one wound that they could put a suit over. Lex’s injury was much more…traumatic.
As we walked to the Council room, my mind began to wander. How did we end up here? We were down two fights to one now. At the beginning of all this, I imagined we might lose a fight, but not two, and definitely not the two that we did. Lex, Samuel…
A cold sweat broke out across my forehead. I swallowed and vowed to try to keep my thoughts clean.
We walked into the Council room and I pretended I was a bystander just watching along as someone else played out their miserable day. When I saw Gregor sneak out the back entrance though, I followed him, asking the princes to stay behind. I didn’t have this discussion with them yet and I certainly wasn’t going to right now. Not with all this happening.
I pushed the secret door open and walked a few steps before Gregor was in front of me. His face was white, ashen almost. “Ariana.” He tried to smile, but his grief couldn’t be covered up like an unwanted skin blemish. “How does everything look out there? Okay, I hope.”
I shrugged. To be honest, I hadn’t even looked. Too busy trying to pretend that nothing bad was happening. “Gregor, I’d like to discuss something with you.” I didn’t give him time to react. More than anything, I didn’t want to be pushed aside. I was well aware that this wasn’t a good time, but there wasn’t going to be a good time. Not with the situation we were in. “I want to fight tonight.”
Gregor’s head reeled back. “Impossible. Zeke is fighting. Samuel and Lex chose him as one of the top four.”
“I know that Isabelle asked them not to choose me. I know—”
“That doesn’t mean that you would’ve been chosen, Ariana. There were many good prospects, but Lex and Samuel chose who they thought would be right.”
My eyes widened a little. So he didn’t even know they’d wanted me. “I agree with you, except that Lex told me yesterday before her fight that she and Samuel wanted to choose me. In fact, they did choose me, but when Isabelle stood up on my behalf, they changed it to Zeke at the last moment.”
Gregor’s face fell. He closed his eyes and gathered his composure while I watched. “After all that you’ve seen—what could happen—you want to fight?” He pointed behind me toward the Council room. “What happens if it ends up being you out there tomorrow?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I can’t explain it. I know I need to do this though. It was supposed to be me the entire time. I know the risks. I understand what could happen, but now more than ever we need a win, Gregor. If we lose tonight, there’s no more Ravana Clan, at least not in the way we enjoy right now. If we lose tonight, there won’t be an opportunity for you to even fight. The princes are even talking about leaving to make sure we’re all safe. The world is crumbling and you need to have your best fighter out there. Lex and Samuel thought that was me.”
Gregor turned and leaned his back against the stone hallway. He slouched a little under an imaginary weight, though it wasn’t so imaginary. I’d put this all on him, but that’s what he signed up for when he wanted to be clan leader. He sighed. “Do you know how difficult it is to be husband and father, and leader? The thought of my sons leaving with you brings me relief, but also shocks me to the point that I want to tell them no. When everyone notices they’re gone, all hope will be lost. Your leaving will be taken as if the Ravanas don’t even believe we can win, so people might as well disperse now. Hope means everything. Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. I believe you know that feeling, too.”
“It’s the same with your situation, Ariana,” he said. “My leader mind tells me to put you in that arena tomorrow. I had no idea that what Isabelle said swayed them so, though I suppose I should’ve guessed it. Who would go against Isabelle’s wishes? She’s the most darling creature,” he said, wistfully. “On the other hand, the thought of sending my sons’ future spouse in there makes me sick to my stomach. Not only for my personal feelings for you, but I suppose for the same reasons why Isabelle spoke up for you the other day in the Council chamber. They may never forgive me if you go in, and something happens to you.”
“Something might not happen to me though.”
“Might,” he said, the corner of his mouth twisting. “Parents don’t like the word might, especially when it concerns one of their children’s well-being.” He shook his head. “I am sorry, Ariana, but I cannot authorize you to fight tomorrow. I believe we should leave it as everyone else knows. Lex and Samuel chose Zeke and T.J., as well as themselves, to fight. Now that we’re so near the end, I have to choose my immediate family over my clan family. If you and the princes feel you need to leave, please conceal it as long as possible.”
My mouth dropped at his words. “Gregor. We could lose.”
“Why do you think I’m saying all this?” He stood to his full height and grabbed my hands. “Get out. Go with them. If we’re going to lose, I’d rather see you all far away from here.”
“But what about the clan? There’s still a chance. I feel it in my heart. We could still win this. We just need a win tonight, and then you’re going to go into that arena tomorrow and take Dumont out. I know it. I just know it.”
He stepped back. “Lex was confident too, Ariana. She had not a doubt in her heart. I’d had many conversations with her leading up to yesterday. You remind me of her. That same spunk, that same determination. It did not serve her yesterday, and I will not help you with this in anyway. I would’ve saved Samuel and Lex if I could, too.” My mouth dropped to speak, but he barged on. “Arguing with me will not yield different results. You are not fighting tomorrow, and that’s the end of it. I’ve made my decision. It very well may be the last decision I make as head of the Ravana Clan, but it is done.”
He turned on his heel and spun away, drifting down the stone walkway. His footsteps echoed behind him. I leaned my forehead against the cool surface of the rock and tried to breathe. If Lex and Samuel couldn’t beat their opponents, I had a hard time believing Zeke could. That didn’t mean that I could either, but I felt I had a better chance. I don’t know where the feeling came from. It wasn’t because I thought I was that much better than Zeke, that I overshadowed him in training or any other grandiose claims about my ability, it just came with a certain confidence in myself. A certain calmness that settled in my stomach when I thought about fighting for the family I loved dearly, for a clan leader who wouldn’t even sacrifice me because of his sons, for a mother who unprecedentedly spoke up and asked that they not send me in knowing that she was overstepping her bounds as a member of the Council, for the four men who I’d inexplicably been thrown into the path of where my life changed for the better. So much the better. My life was filled with love and smiles. Sure, I still had trials to overcome, but hadn’t I also found my calling?
I was brought into this world to do the very thing I’d been chosen to do. There was no other way to think than to know that Zeke was going out in my place tomorrow. It was wrong.
Lex was right. I had a lot to live for, but I also had multiple reasons to fight, to work harder, to put my all into the passion of
the fight to make sure I came out the victor. There was a desperate need inside of me to live out my life with the princes and not some life in Australia where we would constantly be looking behind us and worried Dumont might show his ugly face again, but a life that was promised to me the moment I set foot in this world. I wanted the bedroom with my princes lying next to me. I wanted the arguments and the makeups. I wanted the laughter and the kisses, and God dammit, I wanted to be their princess.
I had a heartier heart than I ever would’ve imagined. It had enough room for not one man, but four of them, along with Gregor and Isabelle, and the entire Ravana Clan. I didn’t want to just be a part of this world, I wanted to help mold it and nurture it until it turned into the thriving community it was meant to be. I wanted to topple over stereotypes and work for the little guys. I wanted…a say. A voice, an opinion. Living in Calcutta, I hadn’t known I wanted all those things, but I did. And I wanted to do it all with my princes by my side. A real life. Not the one from the secondhand store. Not the one that we had to deal with because the first option didn’t work out. For once in my life, I wanted my number one choice.
And I was going to get it too. One way or the other.
20
Still in my black funeral outfit, I made my way into the training room. The same sounds of the fight met my ears on the way there, quickening my steps. The thuds against the pad, the solid smack of skin against tightly wrapped foam. I’d never realized before, but more and more, those sounds calmed me. It was like coming home after a hard day’s work, or drinking that first sip of water after working in the sun all day. It eased me right down to the bone, only reinforcing that I’d found my calling. That I was exactly where I needed to be, crazy choice and all.