by K. J. Ramsey
There is little, if any, place for suffering within the theology of many American Christians. Yet everywhere around us, people are suffering. We are suffering. This Too Shall Last examines—with moving honesty, sharp insight, and deep faith—what it means to suffer, how to suffer, and why an understanding and acceptance of suffering is essential to Christian belief and the Christian life.
—KAREN SWALLOW PRIOR, author, On Reading Well: Finding the Good Life through Great Books
Suffering is one of those experiences that tethers us to our humanity. However, most of us aren’t honest about the unexpected gifts hidden away in our painful hardships. Suffering is also one of those experiences that remind us of the divine imprint on each of our souls, because suffering is as spiritual as anything. There’s no doubt the heartfelt reflections that fill these pages are bathed in prayers and rinsed in tears, as K. J. Ramsey’s clearly done the difficult work of integrating these lessons deep into her soul. May you find the courage to sit with these words and be held by a book that will remind you of what hope really is.
—CHRISTOPHER L. HEUERTZ, author, The Sacred Enneagram and The Enneagram of Belonging
In a world where dark nights of the soul are inescapable, we need help seeing that it is not our circumstances that reveal to us the truth about God, but the truth of God that reveals to us the meaning in our circumstances. As Paul said of his own thorn in the flesh, it is in our weakness that the power of God is most at work, transforming our thorns into crowns. Loved and kept by a strong, steady God who works all things together for good, hope and meaning wait for us in the shadows. K.J. does a very good job opening our eyes to this reality.
—SCOTT SAULS, pastor, Christ Presbyterian Church; author, A Gentle Answer
The truest words in this book are “this book is not a before and after story.” K.J. looks without caveat into the reality of suffering, her own and others, and doesn’t flinch from the truths to be mined there. Neither does she paint a picture of suffering as glorious or easy. She tells the truth, the gritty, mired truth about suffering, and instead of merely offering a path forward, she stands beside her reader for the journey.
—LORE FERGUSON WILBERT, author, Handle with Care: How Jesus Redeems the Power of Touch in Life and Ministry
When I first saw the cover of this book and read the title, I knew I needed to get my hands on it. Turns out, you really can judge a book by its cover. For anyone who is hurting, for anyone whose life isn’t turning out like they had hoped, this is an extraordinary invitation, from a credible voice, to be held by God in the middle of suffering. Don’t miss this book.
—JENNIFER DUKES LEE, author, It’s All under Control
K.J.’s exquisite offering comes from the depths of suffering and from a whole heart. She’s a woman whose vulnerability makes it easy for you to relax into the wild and wondrous story of God, and to see how God’s design of human brains and bodies invites participation in the life of the suffering servant. A wondrously healing book.
—CHUCK DEGROAT, writer; therapist; Professor of Pastoral Care and Christian Spirituality, Western Theological Seminary
In a market so often dominated by easy answers and spiritual platitudes, K.J. has crafted a work of masterful complexity and depth. She seamlessly weaves pieces of memoir with universally applicable truths, tearfully soaked in a wisdom birthed from her intimate understanding of pain. With prose that often feels more like poetry than instruction, K.J. empathetically guides readers through a nuanced reflection on suffering, faith, community, and embodiment. In the end, we’re left in the perfect tension between comforted and challenged, with a newfound ability to see the beauty in that sacred dissonance.
—STEPHANIE TAIT, author, The View from Rock Bottom: Discovering God’s Embrace in Our Pain
Of all people, those who follow Jesus should have a framework to relate to suffering and loss. However, we often find ourselves lacking the internal and external resources to navigate the harsh realities of life. K.J. offers us a powerful way forward to help us find God in the midst of suffering that has no end date in sight. I highly recommend it!
—RICH VILLODAS, lead pastor, New Life Fellowship
What do you do when your trial isn’t merely a matter of making it through to the other side? You’re not going to get better or your situation will never get resolved. And how do you reconcile such things with your faith and those seemingly unanswered prayers? I am so grateful for the deep and compassionate treatment of these challenging questions in this new book. K.J. is a beautiful writer with a strong and thoughtful response to the heartache of suffering. You will find no pat answers here, but I daresay you will find unexpected hope.
—LISA JACOBSON, Club31Women.com
The kingdom of God is both “now” and “not yet,” but what are we supposed to do when it seems like it’s mostly “not yet”? Drawing on her experiences of God’s grace in the midst of chronic suffering, K.J. delivers penetrating insights about the present age that most of us never see but that we all so desperately need. There is better news than the American Dream, and this is it.
—BRIAN FIKKERT, coauthor, When Helping Hurts and Becoming Whole: Why the Opposite of Poverty Isn’t the American Dream
I opened the pages of this book and found grace. You won’t find pat answers or quick fixes here. Instead, you’ll find the healing balm of honesty, vulnerability, and shared experience. K. J. Ramsey is a gift.
—ALISON COOK, therapist; author, Boundaries for Your Soul
This book is not for everyone: it’s for the weary. K.J. is a modern-day prophet. The job of a prophet is to speak truths, particularly those truths that expose the illusions of the dominant culture. In this book, K.J. exposes illusions that bind us, but she doesn’t stop there. Her goal is to invite you into your story. Your story matters more than you think, particularly your story of suffering. Why? Because, as K.J. unfolds in the following pages, it is in your story of suffering that you mysteriously come to know the One who gets down on the floor with you, and sits in the fire of your ache. All you who are weary, welcome.
—ADAM YOUNG, therapist; host, The Place We Find Ourselves podcast
K.J. works from her own turbulent experience to weave empathy, therapeutic wisdom, and rich theology into an artful gift. All who suffer will find deep-running currents of grace in her work. Rarely do I find such a work that models so powerfully the therapeutic properties of good theology, from the Trinity to ecclesiology.
—DON J. PAYNE, Associate Professor of Theology, Denver Seminary
A must-read for patients and anyone with constant pain or suffering. K.J. will change your relationship with pain forever as she shares her journey, knowledge, spirituality, and strategies to find peace and grace during lasting suffering.
—JOSE NATIVI-NICOLAU, transplant cardiologist
I serve a church that recently lost its beloved founding pastor to brain cancer. What do we do when it is life that withers and suffering that blossoms? When pain simply doesn’t pass? K.J.’s words pulse with gospel truth and grace for those who live in the middle of a still-painful storyline.
—JORDAN KOLOGE, rector/pastor, Church of the Advent
Just when I needed it most, this book was given to me. Within these pages I found language for all that I’ve felt and hope for all that I need. Through her vulnerability and beautiful writing, K.J. shows us how we can find grace in suffering that lingers and strength in God’s presence that lasts. The invitation your heart longs for in the middle of your brokenness is waiting for you here.
—RENEE SWOPE, author, A Confident Heart; former executive director and radio cohost, Proverbs 31 Ministries
K.J. is real in the deepest and best sense of the word. Her suffering is tragically real. But mo
re important, her God—revealed in Jesus and in her pain—is real. Instead of an escape from suffering, this book gracefully, eloquently, and truthfully invites us into real life with Jesus in the midst of real suffering.
—HOWARD BAKER, Assistant Professor of Christian Formation, Denver Seminary
In this compelling book, K.J. brings together the keen insight of a therapist, the poignant testimony of a person suffering from chronic illness, and the resounding hope of a follower of Jesus. Theologically articulate and bracingly honest, K.J. points the church to its deepest identity as children of the wondrous triune God. I am grateful for this book!
—J. TODD BILLINGS, Girod Professor of Reformed Theology, Western Theological Seminary
ZONDERVAN REFLECTIVE
This Too Shall Last
Copyright © 2020 by Katie Jo Ramsey
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546
ePub Edition © March 2020: ISBN 978-0-310-10726-2
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible®, and CSB®, are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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Published in association with the literary agency of Wolgemuth and Associates, Inc.
Cover design: Christopher Tobias / Tobias Design
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For Ryan,
who sows in tears with me.
Your love is grace.
CONTENTS
Foreword
Invitation
1. DISSONANCE:
The Clash of Suffering in a Crescendo Culture
2. WARRING STORYLINES:
Hijacked by Shame, Healed by Solidarity
3. TRIUNE LOVE:
You Were Made for Relationship
4. EMOTION:
Present to Pain, Receptive to Grace
5. THE CLOUD:
Suffering Is Transformational Space
6. FULLY HUMAN:
Jesus Joined Us on the Floor
7. BEAUTIFUL UNION:
Christ’s Life Becomes Our Own
8. PERSONAL PRESENCE:
The Sacrament of Bearing Witness
9. THE COMMUNION OF SAINTS:
Bearing Witness in Our Worship
10. REPENTANCE:
All of Life Is an Opportunity for Communion
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy.
—PSALM 126:5
FOREWORD
Where is God to be found when everything hurts and the words that others intend as encouragement fall flat like dead cliches? It may surprise some people that I believe the hardest theological question is captured by three simple words: is God good? Whether we confront injustice, troubled relationships, or physical pain, the same question can taunt each of us: is God good? We wonder where he is and what he thinks about our suffering. Does he know? Does he care? Why is he so quiet?
For most of us, the best help with such questions may be found not so much in philosophical arguments as in real life stories. Stories matter. Experience matters. Our hurts and hopes matter. But what we believe also greatly matters, so how are we to make sense of life when we find ourselves in the midst of such troubles and confusion? We need a witness.
“There is no way to Christ without martyrs, without witnesses,”1 concludes historian Robert Louis Wilken, writing about the first centuries of the church. Martyr in Greek means “witness.” This calling was not merely for those who were killed for their faith but for all believers. Wilken’s point is that people normally discover Christ not by listening to dispassionate reports about a past resurrection but by listening to people who experience the risen Lord in his continuing work in their lives. Sometimes these witnesses were called to die for their faith because of persecution, but more often the witnesses were believers who lived in faith amid the usual trials and troubles in a broken, sinful, and hurting world. Being a witness is less often about a romanticized public event and more often about the quiet, ordinary, difficult lives of believers.
As Wilken comments, “Martyrs always speak in the first person.”2 These witnesses spoke about a historical Jesus who walked the roads of Galilee, but even more, they spoke about the risen Lord’s present mercies and divine power working in and among them. This power—contrary to expectations—was not so much associated with wealth, political authority, or increased health. Instead, this gospel power was busy with the transforming love of the Father, the life-giving grace of the Son, and the comforting presence of the Spirit.
Given this workaday, anything-but-dramatic picture, how might we serve as faithful witnesses to one another?
One of the things I have learned and valued from the history of the black church in America is the importance they place on the function of witness or “testimony.”3 Whether in response to a preacher or during a small gathering of believers listening to one another, it is not uncommon for saints in the pew to respond to the speaker in the pulpit with phrases like “testify” and “I need a witness.” Here the witness normally performs two functions.
First, it affirms the difficulties, trials, or suffering a person is experiencing as real and not imagined. It gives people space to share what they have experienced and to give voice to their frustrations, fears, and hurts. “This is what is happening and it is so hard.”
Second, it affirms God’s presence and grace as real and not imagined. It gives those same people courage to speak of the mysterious ways they have seen God show up, bringing comfort, presence, and hope in the hardships. Remarkably, this divine tenderness appears not simply in the absence of the difficulties but even more in their devastating presence. This is the twofold dynamic of serving as a witness.
Whether speaking of a difficult marriage, an unjust landlord, or a debilitating disease, this kind of witness enables listeners to encourage a sister that she is not alone, reassuring her that others see and affirm her difficulties and frustrations. When we are going through tough times like this, we can wonder whether we are crazy, whether we are just imagining that things are so hard. But fellow-pilgrims can help us by listening to our stories and then affirming, “Wow, that is really hard,” “I can’t believe you are having to face that,” or, “You’re right, what you are talking about is heartbreaking and I have no solutions.”
In this way, without discounting the pain and discouragements, these listeners acknowledge the peculiar ways the believer has experienced God’s mercies. Mysterious and sometimes individually personal stories of God’s kindness, comfort, and tenderness are welcomed rather than discounted by the faithful. “Yes, that really does sound like God m
et you in that moment.” “Wow, it is amazing how God has provided for you even amid the ongoing challenges.”
This tradition that maintains the twofold dynamic of witness has been important throughout the history of the church, from the early Christian martyrs to saints in the black church experience in America.
Such wisdom, however, was not easily gained but usually grew through the fires of pain and suffering. The more affluent side of the American church, not having gone through the same fires, often feels that the unflinching honesty of such witness about the confusion and hurts of life is awkward and alien. We fill our churches with upbeat songs but rarely if ever learn to sing songs of lament. We know how to praise God when things turn out as we wanted, but finding comfort in his presence when our lives turn downward bewilders us, and we often have little guidance or companionship in it. Any view or practice, however, that cannot accept an honest assessment of our pain alongside our hopeful confession of God’s goodness and presence goes contrary to the teaching and history of the church. Both can be true. Both are true! But will we listen, or do we sometimes make people choose between them?
Many Christian circles frame the narrative of faith in a way that can lead people to believe that the faithful will escape or overcome every serious difficulty they face. Even if we don’t explicitly say such things, our triumphalism becomes obvious in our frustration and impatience, both with ourselves and with others, when life doesn’t go as smoothly as we expect. Whether Christians deal with the frustrations of being single despite wanting to be married, or with underemployment in an area that faces chronic job scarcity, when events don’t meet our expectations we may start to realize how much we have fused the good news of the gospel with expectations of health, affluence, and consistent success over all difficulties.
But what happens when dire circumstances don’t change? What happens when life doesn’t turn out as we had hoped? To be honest, what often happens in subtle but almost sinister ways is that we start to blame people. “They are single because they . . .” “They face financial difficulties because they just don’t try hard enough.” Yet, such conclusions often come from those who don’t know the whole story and have not faced the same situation as the person they are belittling.