“No, it is not. How can you live here, pretend to be human, when you are so much more?”
“I’m not sure about ‘more,’” Levi said slowly. “Different, yes. Or rather, at first I was acutely aware of my differences, that I was only a spirit summoned to this world and then given shape and form, rather than born of a mortal mother, but eventually I realized something.”
“What was that?” Loc drank some of his water, then placed the glass on one of the wooden coasters on the table before him. He might have come from another plane of existence, but he’d learned of the importance of coasters over the past eight months.
“No one else cared. Or rather, the McAllister clan accepted me as one of their own, and so I understood that it didn’t matter where I had come from. What mattered was what I did with my life here. Even though I was not born to this clan, they made me one of their elders, were glad when I married Hayley.” Levi retrieved his own tumbler of water and sipped from it, his bright blue eyes keen as they gazed at Loc from over the rim of the glass. “But why do you ask, Loc? Do you fear you will never find your way back to your own world, and so ask for advice on how to survive here?”
“That is part of it,” he replied, “but not all.”
For a moment, Levi was silent. Surprise flickered in his expression, and he said, “You have found someone you care for?”
It seemed that Levi’s years as a McAllister clan elder had made him a little too discerning. “Is it that obvious?”
“I couldn’t really think of another reason why you would be here, asking for my help.”
Was that what he was doing…asking for help? Loc didn’t much like the idea, because he wanted to believe that he was entirely self-sufficient, had no need of anyone’s counsel. But he was out of his depth with Catalina Castillo, and Levi was the only person who had experienced anything remotely like the situation Loc was in now. Levi, who had stayed in this world, and married, and had two children. That must have been them in the photographs on the mantel, a boy and a girl as bright and blond and attractive as their parents.
What would his and Cat’s children look like? They would be as dark as Levi’s children were fair, but surely they would inherit her beauty, as well as the beauty of this body he had taken for his own.
“Her name is Catalina Castillo,” he said, the words feeling strange on his lips, as though now the entire world must know the weakness of his heart, since he had said her name out loud. “She is the daughter of the former Castillo prima, and Miranda’s sister-in-law.”
“I’ve heard her name,” Levi responded. “I believe Angela and Connor mentioned her after they went to Santa Fe for Miranda and Rafael’s wedding.”
“She is…very beautiful, and alone,” Loc said. He extended one hand, fingers outstretched, and for a moment, Cat’s image wavered there — her image as she’d looked the night they’d gone out to dinner, with the emeralds at her neck and her dark hair falling loose around her shoulders.
“Yes, she is quite beautiful,” Levi agreed. “Does she know who you are?”
Loc nodded. “I assisted their clan in defeating Simon Escobar, who had done me the grave disservice of summoning me this plane, although he never succeeded in making me his slave. There was…something…about Cat’s mind that made it easy for me to reach out to her, communicate with her. I passed on what information I could, and stepped in at the end when it appeared that the battle might not be going their way.”
After absorbing this information, Levi leaned forward on the couch, gaze still intent. “Has she ever seen you as you truly are?”
“Yes.”
“And she doesn’t care?”
How could Loc begin to answer that question? She’d certainly kissed him willingly enough, knowing who and what he was, but then, it was easy enough to ignore such truths when the reality that confronted you was so very different. “I don’t know. It does seem that her problem is not what I am or where I came from, but rather my wish to return there.”
“Can you blame her? I haven’t met many women who would be happy bestowing their affections on someone, only to have them disappear out of their lives.”
Once again, Loc shook his head. He had thought that Cat was asking a great deal from him, but then again, he was asking for a great deal from her as well. His enormously long life hadn’t given him any context for the sorts of emotions that had raged through him the past few days, and even so, he thought he might begin to grasp the sort of hurt she would suffer if she allowed herself to care for him and then lost him as soon as he was able to leave this world.
Apparently noting Loc’s reluctance to reply, Levi went on, “My situation is somewhat different from yours, simply because I was only spirit when I was called here. This body is something that Zoe Sandoval, the prima of the de la Paz clan, conjured for me. I had to make a life for myself in this world, but I had no life to speak of in the void where I had been drifting for millennia. You, on the other hand, have been lord and master of innumerable worlds. You have something you would be forced to leave behind.”
“I am glad you understand that, for I fear Catalina does not.”
Now Levi smiled. “I think she probably does. Women are very perceptive creatures.”
“And you do not mind…being mortal?”
Levi’s gaze traveled to the portraits of his children where they sat in pale wood frames on the mantel. “No, because I know some part of me will still be here when I am gone. You and I both know we have no need to fear death, because the only thing that waits for us on the other side of the veil is a continuation of our existence, albeit one different from the life we might have lived here on Earth.”
No, death was not something Loc had ever particularly feared, mainly because it was not anything he’d thought he would have to experience. “Perhaps not death,” he said slowly. “But growing older, having this body succumb to the various weaknesses and ailments of old age.”
Rather than look troubled, Levi only smiled. “I don’t think that’s anything you need to fear,” he replied. “I have lived in this world for more than twenty years and have never been ill once. Oh, I have aged a bit — the man who looks back at me from the mirror is certainly not a man in his twenties any longer — but I think our otherworldly origins give us some advantages when it comes to aging. Of course, your case is different from mine, but I still believe you will have very little to fear.”
Those were hopeful words, but Loc was not sure whether he entirely trusted them. Then again, Levi had no reason to lie, was only telling the truth as he had so far experienced it.
“Only you can know for sure whether this world, the love of this woman, are worth giving up what you have,” Levi continued. One corner of his mouth lifted in a lopsided smile. “Although, knowing something of your world, I think I can safely say that there is far more to entice you here.”
Cat had brought up much the same argument, although of course she had no experience of her own upon which to base that judgment, only her own conclusions drawn from what Loc had told her of his kingdom. He had already been gone for months and months. Had his world spun out of control, or continued serenely on without him, proving that it mattered very little whether he was there or not?
And oh, Cat was so very enticing….
“You may be right in that,” he said heavily. “And I want to believe that living a mortal life is what you say, and that there will be very little of darkness and pain in it. But I still have to weigh whether a few short years lived in the light are worth giving up so much.”
“I can assure you that they will be worth it,” Levi said, and once again his gaze strayed to the family portraits showcased on the mantel. “But in the end, you’re the only one who can decide whether to take that particular leap of faith.”
A leap of faith. Unfortunately, Loc had had very little need for faith in his life. He had known his world, and his place in it, but here, everything was different. There was no basis of experience for him to use to weigh such decisi
ons.
But he did know what it had been like to hold Cat in his arms, to taste her sweet mouth. Nothing in his previous existence had prepared him for those wonderful sensations. And he also knew what it was like to sit across from her at the dinner table and see the emeralds he had given her gleaming around her slender neck, and nearly be struck dumb by her beauty.
And to sit in the sunlight and see it awaken warm flickers of red and umber in her near-black hair, and to bring a flush to her cheeks and a golden warmth to her skin. To hear her low-pitched laugh and look at the beautiful tapestries she’d created, and to know they had come from her talent and her hands, her mind and her fierce, stubborn creativity.
Suddenly, she seemed more precious to him than anyone or anything he’d ever encountered in his long, long life, and Loc realized he could not give up any of those things. If he returned to his world, he knew he would always be haunted by her absence.
“I think I understand,” he said at last. “Thank you, Levi.”
“I’m glad I could help,” Levi replied. His expression was serious enough, but again there was that small lift at the corners of his mouth, as if he’d known all along that this was the conclusion Loc would eventually reach.
“You did.”
He would have to go to Cat, speak with her.
But there was one test she would need to pass first….
14
One thing about being abandoned by the man you thought you might just have fallen in love with — it definitely gave you plenty of time to work. Cat had thought she’d be working nearly all the way up to the day her pieces were due for the art show, and yet here she was, early on Tuesday evening, and that last pesky bit of satin stitch with alternating metal threads in silver and copper was now done. Both tapestries finished, and she still had until Thursday at five to turn in her work. She wouldn’t leave it that long, though; she’d go in tomorrow sometime, hand both tapestries over, and then go on a shopping binge to reward herself for all her hard work.
And maybe have a drink and do her best to put Loc out of her mind.
She paused to take one last look at the tapestries where they hung in all their glory in the studio, and gave a weary nod. Her back ached and the tips of her fingers felt rough from working with the metal thread, but there was definitely something to be said for sitting down and putting in the work.
After turning out the lights in the studio, Cat touched her finger to the deadbolt to lock the door and began to make her way up the path toward the house. She hadn’t gotten more than four or five paces before a tall, menacing shape materialized on the path before her, wings outstretched, blocking the setting sun.
Her heart was nearly in her throat before she realized what — rather, who — it was.
“Damn it, Loc,” she snapped. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“I hope not literally,” he rumbled. His voice was much deeper in this form, but Cat guessed that was because it emerged from a larger throat.
“No,” she said. Crossing her arms, she made herself gaze up at him. Although she’d seen Loc in his true guise as the Lord of Chaos before this, she hadn’t stood so close, hadn’t given herself a crick in the neck from staring up at a being nearly two and a half feet taller than she was. His wings beat gently, stirring the warm air. Although she halfway wanted to pretend that his appearance in this shape was entirely normal, she couldn’t help asking, “Did you get tired of hiding who you were?”
“‘Tired’ isn’t precisely the right word.” His wings slowed, then went still before folding, bat-like, flat against his enormous back. “It is more that I needed to be sure of something.”
“What’s that?” she asked, although her heart rate sped up slightly, as though it knew something her brain wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge.
“You said that you wanted me to stay, that it was the only way we could become any closer.” His eyes narrowed, nearly hiding their crimson glare…but not quite. “But I need you to be quite sure of who you’re becoming close with. This is who I am, Catalina. I can hide it behind a human body, but that will never change my true self.”
“I know,” she said. To her own surprise, she moved closer to him, then took one of his clawed hands in hers. His night-dark skin was covered in scales so tiny, she hadn’t even realized they were there at all. The flesh beneath her fingertips was warm, almost uncomfortably so, as if he burned with a fever that would never abate. A nervous laugh escaped her lips, and then she said, “The crazy thing is, Loc, that I knew you looked like this, and yet I still kept thinking of you, kept wondering what you were doing, whether you were all right. I doubt I would have been thinking those things if I really cared what you looked like.”
His fingers tightened on hers, but gently, as if he knew he could break her bones with one careless touch. “Then look at me, Cat. Be sure, before we go any further.”
She pulled in a breath and gazed up into his face, at the red, lash-less eyes, the bony ridges above those eyes, the lips so thin they were barely there at all. Pointed ears under the mane of heavy black hair, and harshly carved cheekbones and a sharp beak of a nose. All those things, and yet in them she saw a certain wild beauty, the kind that made her want to get out her charcoals and notebook and sketch him, even though she mainly worked in fabric these days and very rarely did any traditional drawing.
“I’m sure,” she said at last. “Oh, Loc, I’m so very sure. I know who you are, and this doesn’t matter.”
In the next second, his arms had gone around her, and he held her in his embrace, lifting her from the ground as if she weighed nothing at all. And then he was kissing her, yes, kissing her in his true form, and she really didn’t care, only wanted to experience the clean taste of his mouth, the strength of the arms that held her, the way his coarse, thick hair brushed against her cheek, how the faintest scent of wood smoke seemed to cling to that heavy hair. She was aware of how much he aroused her, how much she wanted him, and how crazy was that, when any rational observer would have taken one look at his grotesque appearance and run away.
When he pulled away from her, his eyes glowed with red fire, brilliant as the forge her cousin the metal-worker used in the workshop behind his house. “Catalina, you amaze me,” he said in his deep rumble of a voice. “And I want to love you — make love to you. But I cannot do it in this form, for I would only hurt you.”
Cat felt a little pang then, although she really couldn’t be sure whether it was from relief or disappointment. Still, what did it matter one way or another, as long as they could be together? “Does this mean you want to stay?” she asked, wishing her voice didn’t sound so tremulous.
“For as long as you will have me, my brave, brilliant Cat.”
Forever, she thought, but didn’t say the word out loud. She didn’t know where he’d been or where he’d gone, but it seemed as though he’d made peace with the idea of staying here…staying with her. Even so, she thought it might be better to leave aside the talk of forever for just a while longer.
“We’d better go inside,” she said, then gave a shaky laugh. “Roberto and Miguel went home a couple of hours ago, but I’d hate for them to come back and — ”
“And see me like this,” Loc finished for her. “I understand.”
Before she could say anything else, he’d transformed, and although he still held her, they now both stood on the flagstone path, rather than having her dangle her feet a good eighteen inches above the ground. The change happened so quickly that she couldn’t help letting out a little gasp of a breath.
“That’s some trick,” she said shakily.
“Only one of many. Shall we go inside?”
She nodded, and he took her hand. Now his touch was entirely human, but it was enough to send a delicious little shiver through her. Because that was still Loc, no matter what he looked like, and he wanted her, wanted to stay here with her rather than reign in hell. She vowed never to take his sacrifice for granted, to always show him how much she appr
eciated the choice he’d made, which couldn’t have been easy.
The house had been dark and quiet when she left it this morning, all the drapes still pulled shut. Now they were open, letting in the last burnt-umber shades of sunset. The warm light was echoed in the flicker of dozens of votive candles burning along the mantel in the living room, the side tables, the dining room table, the sideboard…everywhere Cat looked, she saw more candles.
“Your doing?” she asked.
“Yes,” Loc replied.
Of course it was. She might be part of a family of witches and warlocks, but she knew none of her relatives had the power to pull off something like this. Maybe someday she’d ask Loc if even he knew the extent of his own peculiar talents. For now, though, she was content to have him hold her hand as he led her into the living room. Sitting on the coffee table, amongst the candles, was a bottle of wine and a pair of glasses. They hadn’t been there when she’d left to go to the studio earlier in the day, but she figured she’d better roll with it.
He’s here, she thought in some wonderment, watching as Loc poured wine for the both of them and then handed her one of the glasses. He’s here next to me, and he wants to stay.
Her head was spinning, and she hadn’t even drunk any wine yet. Maybe that was simply the after-effects of the kiss they’d shared. She’d kissed a demon, right there in the middle of her yard, and it had been damn good.
The words of an old, old song floated through her mind, altered for the occasion. I kissed a demon and I liked it….
Cat wanted to laugh but kept herself from doing so, mostly because she didn’t want Loc to think she was laughing at him. She held up her glass as he raised his.
“To being together,” he said softly.
“‘To being together,’” she repeated.
The wine was good — a Syrah from this very vineyard, albeit a vintage from some five years back. As far as she knew, Cat didn’t have anything that old in the stores she’d been given as part of the purchase of the property, but she realized that didn’t matter so much. Loc could have gotten them a hundred-year-old Bordeaux if he’d so pleased.
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