“Possession of whom? Are you talking about me?” I turned to face the doctor. “Look, I think you have a wrong idea about us. We're writing partners—that's all.”
Doctor Locke turned to look at me at last. “Is that really what you think?”
I felt my mouth go dry. Ben was looking at me too, and there was an intensity in his mild brown eyes I had never seen before. It scared me.
“Do you really believe one who is chosen of the Goddess to show both her faces, the light and the dark, could need so deeply and not leave a mark of mating—of possession?”
“The Goddess?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Look, I was under the impression that you were doing some kind of scientific research here. Not New Age mumbo-jumbo.”
“And so I am. My research is paramount, but all in the service of the Goddess. The time is drawing near when she will demand her due.”
“What?” I shook my head, feeling like I'd stumbled into some strange dream. I looked up at Ben to see what he made of all this, but he was still just standing there, staring at me with that weird light in his eyes. I was getting a serious case of the creeps here.
“Look,” I said, attempting to bring the conversation back to some semblance of normalcy. “I'm not interested in the Goddess or anything like that.” I pulled the folded picture out of my pocket, still sealed in the clear plastic baggie. “Have you ever seen this girl?” I asked.
Doctor Locke's dark gray eyes flickered, and he licked his lips nervously. “No,” he said, after studying the picture briefly. “No, I haven't seen her.”
Something told me he was lying, but there was nothing I could do about it. “Fine,” I said, frustrated. “Well, what about this?” I opened the baggie and unfolded the picture, showing him the long swirl of coarse, gray-brown hair. I had cleaned off the bubblegum as well as I could, and only a few pink flecks remained. “You work with animals,” I said, showing him the lock of hair/fur. “Do you think this could belong to some kind of wolf?”
Ben came suddenly to life. “Where did you get that?” he demanded, striding forward to look over my shoulder at the hair.
“It was stuck inside the picture,” I said, giving him my best back off look. “So what?”
Ben shrugged uneasily, not saying anything.
Doctor Locke studied the fur with much more interest than he had shown the picture of whatever-her-name-was McKinsey. He looked up at Ben sharply. “This is yours?” he asked, gesturing at the fur.
Ben scowled. “Of course not.”
“His hair is black,” I added. It seemed a shame to point out the obvious, but really, what would make Doctor Locke think that weird colored hair could have come off Ben?
The doctor nodded and handed me back the fur. “Yes, he would have black fur, during a change.”
“A change?” I looked at him, frowning. “A change into what?”
The doctor looked startled for the first time. He looked at Ben. “She does not know?”
“Know what?” I demanded. Both of them ignored me.
“No,” Ben said to the doctor, shaking his head.
“Goddammit, will you both please stop acting like I'm not in the room and tell me what the hell is going on?” I shouted, finally losing my patience. “Well?” I looked at Ben, but he only shook his head again.
“Doctor Locke?” I said, looking at him. “I came here for some answers.”
He frowned. “I am sorry, Ms. Linden, but this is not my secret to tell. And as it is getting very late, I must ask you both to leave. Sasha does not like company so late at night.” At the sound of her name, the white wolf that had been sulking in the corner came forward growling, her hackles raised.
“Fine, just fine.” I shoved the picture back into the pocket of my jeans and turned for the door. Ben followed me out into the moonlit night without saying a word.
Doctor Locke stood in the doorway, silhouetted by the light from inside the warehouse, and watched us leave, the growling wolf at his side. “Ware the moon,” he called as we walked down the long, empty street. “And don't bother looking for McKinsey Cullen, Ms. Linden—you'll find nothing but grief down that road.”
“What?” I turned in my tracks. “Hey, you said you'd never—” The door banged shut, and Ben's hand was suddenly on my arm, pulling me away from the lab.
“Leave it.” His voice was deep, almost a growl. I tried to look into his eyes, but the moon was behind him and his face was hidden in shadows.
“But he said he'd never seen her and then—”
“Leave it,” he repeated. He walked forward rapidly, dragging me with him until I jerked my arm out of his hand.
“No, I will not leave it. I want to know what was going on back there. What were you and Doctor Locke talking about? It was like some weird kind of code only the two of you knew.”
“Believe me, we're not the only two who know it,” Ben said cryptically. He was still walking in the direction of the truck, and I had to trot to keep up with his long strides.
“Ben, what are you talking about? What's going on with you lately?”
“Nothing I can tell you about.” His voice was so surly that I was momentarily put off. Ben never yelled at me or told me to mind my own business when I asked him questions. His life was an open book to me, or so I had believed.
“Ben.” I ran to catch up with him and put my hand on his arm, just as he was unlocking the truck. “Ben,” I said. “I'm sorry. But I can see you're hurting. Something's bothering you, and it has to do with all that craziness Doctor Locke was talking about. Please tell me what it is. Please let me help you.”
He reached down to cup my cheek in his warm palm and tilted my chin so that our eyes met. In the moonlight I saw that his eyes were suspiciously bright. “Dani,” he said in a voice so broken it twisted my heart. “Please believe me, if I could tell you what's going on with me right now, I would. But I can't. All I can do is ask you to be patient with me. In a few more days this is all going to pass, and I'll be back to normal—we'll be back to normal. Just two best friends chasing down the next big, breaking story, and that's all.” The bitterness in his tone was so palpable I could taste it on the back of my tongue.
“Ben,” I started, but he shook his head.
“Just be patient with me, please. Now, let's go home. Okay?”
I had a million questions, but they all died before I could open my mouth. Ben looked so sad, so distressed, that I didn't have the heart to ask them. He drove me back to my condo in absolute silence, which was completely unlike us. He was squinting a lot, as though he was driving in glaring sunlight instead of the silvery moonlight, but I didn't dare to ask him what was wrong. The tension I had sensed in him earlier was back in spades—every muscle in his big body was flexed to some kind of breaking point—I could feel it in the nervous jittering of my own muscles. There was something in the air between us—something huge that neither of us was talking about.
“Well,” I said when he dropped me off. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow.”
Ben nodded. Without saying a word, he put the truck in reverse and pulled out. I was left looking after him, wondering what the hell was happening to my partner, and what I could do about it to help him.
Chapter Six
Ben
“You want my advice? Tell her.” My grandfather thumped the table pointedly with his fist. The dish containing half of his congealing Denver omelet jumped at his gesture. We were having a late dinner together at his favorite greasy spoon diner, The Three Coins, on West Broad Street, and he was giving me plenty of advice as usual. In this case, advice I couldn't use.
“Grandpa, I can't just tell her,” I objected. The waitress passed by with a fresh pot of coffee, and we waved her off.
“Why not?” he demanded, thumping the table again.
“You don't understand.” I took another sip of cold coffee, wishing I would have let the waitress top it off. “It's taken me five years to earn Dani's trust. The last relationship she was in was, we
ll, very abusive.”
Grandpa raised a silvery eyebrow at me. “Abusive how?”
“She won't talk about it much, but I'm pretty sure he hit her,” I said flatly. “Among other things. I think he was verbally abusive too. Anyway, the point is it's taken Dani a long time to be able to trust a man again—to trust me. I can't destroy that trust by letting her know I'm…”
“A were?” Grandpa finished for me, not bothering to lower his voice. “Look, sonny boy, I know what you're thinking, that the old man doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. But let me tell you, I've been where you are, and it's a damn sight better to tell than to try and keep it under wraps.”
“What do you mean?” I frowned. “I thought Grandma knew.”
He took a sip of coffee. “She did, but not for the first year of our marriage. I tried to hide it—I was ashamed, ya see. Ashamed of what I was and afraid she'd leave me if she found out.” He shook his head. “Goddess help me, I loved that woman so much, I thought I'd die if I lost her.”
I sighed. “I know what you mean.”
Grandpa grinned at me. “That's because we weres mate for life, sonny boy. You find the right woman, and bam, it's like a sledge hammer straight to the heart. And there's never anyone else for you after that.”
“That's how I feel about Dani,” I admitted. “And I just don't want to lose her.”
“And that's the way I felt about your grandma. But I nearly did lose her by trying to hide what I was. She was a sharp woman, was your grandma. She caught on pretty quick that I wasn't coming home one night a month or that I was sneaking out and staying out till dawn.”
“Did she draw the obvious conclusion?” I asked, interested. I had never heard this particular story before.
Grandpa laughed. “Sure she did. She assumed I was steppin' out on her. Isn't that what any red-blooded woman who doesn't know about the existence of weres is gonna think?” He sighed. “Ah, it would be so much easier if there were female weres we could fall for, but as it is we're stuck trying to explain ourselves to ladies that have never had the urge to howl at the moon. One of the Goddess's little jokes, I guess.”
I rubbed my forehead, trying to ease some of the tension that had gathered there. “I think Dani just thinks I've suddenly turned into a world-class jerk. All day at work she was trying to talk to me about the story, asking me what's going on, what's wrong with me…”
“And what did you say?”
I sighed. “What could I say? I've been putting her off, not answering her questions…”
“That's only gonna make her dig harder.” Grandpa frowned. “Believe me, boy, you have to watch out for the smart ones, and that Dani of yours is smart as a whip. She's gonna take it a whole lot easier if she hears it from you than if she finds it out on her own.” He took another sip of coffee. “You know your grandma was so relieved when I finally came out with it? She thought sure I had a fancy woman on the side. The idea of me turning furry once a month wasn't near as bad as that.”
“Why did you finally tell her?” I asked.
Grandpa shrugged. “Had to. She had her trunk packed and a one way ticket to her sister's place in Duluth. It was tell or lose her, and I knew I couldn't stand to lose her.” He gave me a shrewd look. “Of course, you have to have a woman first before you can lose her. I think your were nature isn't the only thing you need to tell that Dani girl of yours.”
I poked the remains of my cherry pie with a fork morosely. “It's the same thing, Grandpa—I don't want to lose her trust. Right now I'm her best friend—the one she goes to when she's hurt, when she needs comfort, when she wants to talk. I'd lose all that if I told her how I feel, and she didn't return those feelings. Things would get weird between us.”
“You don't think loving a woman to distraction and not sayin' a thing about it for five damn years isn't weird?” Grandpa demanded, thumping the table again. “Damn it, sonny boy, you're all bottled up inside, and it all goes back to your were nature.”
“Grandpa—” I raised a hand to stop him, but he was already on a roll.
“You keep the wolf inside you all squeezed down into a tiny little corner, and you wonder why all the rest of your feelin's are squashed down to little nothings too. Your were nature is the part of you that makes you take risks, go for the gusto—”
“Act like an asshole,” I interrupted him. “I saw the way the other guys acted, the other weres, at the gathering you took me to. I don't want anything to do with that.”
“Benji,” he objected—my grandfather was the only person in the world who could get away with calling me that. “It's not always like that. If you'd just give it another chance…”
“I don't want to give it another chance,” I burst out. “I want it to go away. I want to be free of this…this thing I've been carrying around inside me for the last fifteen years. Free to live a normal life. Free to tell Dani I love her and want to marry her. Free to have kids without having to worry I'll pass it on to them like some kind of defective gene.” The waitress walked past us again and gave me a quizzical look, but I didn't care.
“Well.” Grandpa clapped me on the back. “I'm real sorry, sonny boy, but that ain't gonna happen. Your problem is you see the Goddess's gift as a curse.”
“How could I see it as anything else?” I demanded. “That's what it is. But I had it under control. I haven't even changed in the last three years, and now, all of a sudden my body's going crazy. Why?”
Grandpa shook his head. “You mean you don't know? Oh, sonny boy, are you in for a shock. It's Mabon coming—the Autumnal Equinox. Only this year, it's something special.”
“Special?” I frowned at him, feeling a sinking in the pit of my stomach. “Special how?”
“Look.” Grandpa tapped the table with his coffee spoon. “Once every eighteen years there are thirteen full moons in one year instead of twelve. You were too young to be affected last time it happened. That extra moon, the thirteenth moon, we call the Hunger Moon because the Goddess is hungry—her appetites have to be appeased. And who do you think has to do the appeasing? Her creatures, especially the ones she's chosen to display both aspects of her face.”
“What does that have to do with me?” I asked, afraid that I already knew.
“A lot,” Grandpa said seriously. “You've been denying the Goddess her due for three years now—probably longer than that, 'cause I know you've been tryin' to push the were part of you into a corner almost since your first change.” He leaned forward and tapped the table with his coffee spoon. “The Hunger Moon is a time of great power, and you've got a lot of raw need built up in you. This time the Goddess will not be denied—you're gonna change, and it's gonna be a doozy.”
“No, I won't,” I denied at once. “I've managed to control it so far—I can keep it up.”
Grandpa just shook his head. “You'll change. You won't be able to help it. Trying to fight it will only make it worse—more painful.”
“I don't believe in all that Pagan crap,” I said, clenching my jaw. “Lycanthropy is a disease, not a blessing or a curse, and it can be controlled.”
Grandpa sighed. “For the life of me I don't know why you fight it so hard. Let me tell you exactly what you need to do. First, go tell that pretty little gal of yours that you love her and you want her so bad you can't see straight. Second, tell her the truth about what you really are. Third, find a pack or a coven to celebrate Mabon with—or just go off the two of you and celebrate alone. Let her watch you change. When you change back, worship the Goddess together.”
“Worship…?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Take her, sonny boy. Make love to her. You've never had sex till you've had it after a change during the Hunger Moon. It's the closest thing you're gonna find to Heaven this side of the Milky Way. Why, I remember with your grandma—”
“Grandpa, please.” I could feel my cheeks heating. “I really don't need to know the details.”
“All right then.” He kind of chuckled, like it
amused him to embarrass me. “The point is, Benji, that the Hunger Moon is the time when the Goddess actually manifests herself among her creatures. After the Mabon ceremony she fills every woman to the brim—you can see her shining in their eyes like moonlight, and it's beautiful, just beautiful.” He sighed. “She's most present in the Mabon queen, the woman picked to represent her, but every woman there gets a little piece of her for that one special night. You haven't lived until you've fucked a goddess under the full moon on a crisp autumn night, sonny boy. You really ought to try it.”
The waitress was passing by again and she gave us a dirty look, but Grandpa didn't notice. He was deep in a memory, his craggy old face shining with past glory. It was a big relief when my cell phone rang.
I looked at the display and saw Dani's number blinking back at me. Great, I hoped she wasn't calling to ask more probing questions—I really didn't need that right now. But when I pushed the accept key, instead of her sweet, sultry voice in my ear, I got a notification that I had a voice message. I pressed the buttons to retrieve it, wondering why Dani would leave me a message instead of calling me outright.
“Ben,” her voice filled my ear as the message began, “I don't even know why I'm calling because I know you don't want anything to do with this story, although you won't tell me why. I don't know what's going on with you lately, but I thought I should tell you what's going on with me. Communication is a two way street, right? Even if traffic is kinda stalled on your end right now.” She laughed slightly and paused. I could hear male voices in the background and a clink of glasses. Was she in some kind of a bar?
“I ran a new check on McKinsey Cullen, now that we know McKinsey is her first name, not her last,” Dani's voice told me. “I found out she disappeared about three months ago. She was over eighteen so her case didn't get the recognition a minor's disappearance would have.” She sighed. “Anyway, she was last seen at a bar down on Nebraska Avenue called The Cloven Hoof. That's where I am now, trying to pick up a lead.”
Hunger Moon Rising Page 5