“Dani…” Ben's voice was a possessive growl, and I felt his fingers tighten around my pelvis. “So sweet, so soft,” he said in that same deep, almost inhuman voice. “You don't know how long I've wanted to do this. Wanted to fill you up and claim you as my own, even if it is only this one time. Just for tonight.”
I wanted to tell him it didn't have to be just for tonight, that it could be for a lifetime, but I was past doing anything but moaning. I had no idea how he was able to hold off as long as he had, how he could stand to hold still, his cock pulsing in time with his heartbeat, stretching me even though he wasn't thrusting at all. I was used to him now, and I needed him to move, needed him to fuck me hard and fast and long. The moonlight above me demanded it, and my own body begged for it.
Lowering myself from my hands to my elbows, I leaned forward, feeling the slow slide of his cock as it pulled out of me just an inch or two. Then, bracing myself against the rough rock, I pressed back against him, reveling in the sensation of his shaft entering me again and nudging the mouth of my womb. It felt amazing and Ben and I both groaned out loud. But I needed more force—needed to feel him driving into me like the mindless animal he had been less than half an hour before.
“Ben,” I begged aloud, shameless in my need. “Ben, please, I need…”
“I know what you need,” he growled bitterly. “You need to get this over with, don't you?”
“No, I—” But the denial I was about to make left my mind completely when he pulled almost all the way out of me and then slammed himself home, ramming his cock balls deep into my wet, trembling sex. “God!” I moaned, throwing back my head and reveling in the exquisite pleasure/pain of being so full of him, of his cock. I felt his fingers tighten around my hips, digging into the soft flesh there in an almost painful way, but I didn't care. Didn't care about anything but feeling him inside me, fucking me, claiming me with his cock as I so urgently needed him to do.
“Is this what you need?” Ben asked in his low, growling voice. He pulled out and slammed into me again and again, setting up a slow, deliberate, rough rhythm that made me feel like I was being turned inside out with pleasure. My fingernails scratched at the unyielding rock beneath me, and I felt the stone rubbing the skin of my arms and knees raw, but none of it mattered. All that mattered was Ben, inside me at last, giving me what I needed so desperately.
Soft, panting moans were pulled from my lips with each rough thrust of his shaft into my sex. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to stop them, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I braced myself against the cold stone beneath me, but I no longer tried to push back to meet his thrusts. It was all I could do to hold my position beneath him as he fucked into me, filling me with himself, taking what he wanted from me—what I knew he had wanted for years.
I could feel another orgasm building inside me, and as before, there was the feeling of something huge waiting to taste the pleasure as it rushed over me, as Ben forced it from me with his rough thrusts. I felt like a rag doll now, no longer in control of my own body or even my own emotions. The world had narrowed down to the relentless thrust of his cock in my cunt, to the push and slide of his thick shaft straining inside me, stretching me, taking me. It seemed like Ben had been driving into me forever and that he would never stop. That there had never been a time when he wasn't moving within me, and that there would never be a time when he wasn't.
Through the haze of pleasure and pain, I heard him saying something as he pressed into me. After a moment I realized it was my name, repeated over and over in a low, desperate tone. It sounded like a prayer on his lips, like a benediction of need and love and longing.
“Ben,” I said, or tried to say. “Love you so much.” But the words wouldn't leave my lips; nothing coherent would because at that moment he increased his tempo. I felt his arm curve around my body, and then two blunt fingertips were rubbing along the side of my over-sensitized clit. It was exactly what I needed to come. Ben wasn't gentle, but his very roughness brought me to the edge and pushed me over.
“Oh, God, Ben!” I moaned. The orgasm that flooded me this time made the one I had just had while he went down on me seem like nothing. I felt like a current of electricity was coursing through my body, setting me on fire, shutting off my brain in an ecstasy of pleasure. Every muscle in my body contracted with the intense sensation—my hands clenched into fists and my back arched. I opened my mouth again to moan or gasp, I didn't know which, but no sound came out at all—my vocal chords were locked up.
Behind me I could feel Ben pressing deep and hard, trying to get as far into my body as he could to flood my unprotected sex with his seed. The connection I had felt between us earlier seemed to soar into the stratosphere, and I felt like I was two people at once—myself down on my knees, spread open to receive his cock, and him on his knees behind me thrusting as deeply as he could to fill me with himself.
It was confusing and scary and glorious. I was so mixed up with pleasure and pain and need and want that I couldn't tell who or where I was anymore. And through all of it there was that sense of something bigger than both Ben and me put together—something that fed on our pleasure and magnified it a thousand-fold until the orgasm threatened to overload my brain and burn my body to ashes. I could feel it—call it the Goddess, or the mystery of the universe, or nature, or whatever you wanted. I don't know what it was, but it held us in its hand for an endless moment like ripe fruit and squeezed us for every last drop of sensation before dropping us gently, satiated at last.
“Oh…oh, God,” I gasped at last, when the exhilarating and exhausting sensation finally ended and I could breathe again. In fact, all I could do was breathe, or rather, concentrate on catching my breath. I collapsed to the ground, fatigued beyond anything I had ever felt before, feeling like I had just run a marathon.
“Dani?” Ben was no longer joined to me, and though I didn't know exactly when he'd withdrawn, I found that I missed him already. I looked up to see him bending over me, a look of guilt and sorrow stamped on his strong features. “God, Dani,” he whispered, looking down at me. “I'm so sorry…so Goddamned sorry.”
“No…not…” I wanted to tell him there was nothing to be sorry for, but I was still trying to just breathe. Ben's supernatural were metabolism may have allowed him to keep up with whatever had just happened, but to me it had been the erotic equivalent of a tsunami. I felt utterly drained, utterly spent. But he looked so upset, so worried, that I wanted to make him feel better even if I couldn't talk. I raised my hand, which felt like it was made of lead, to cup his cheek, but he grabbed my wrist before I could touch him.
“Your hand,” he whispered in a voice so full of horror that I looked at it myself to make sure it hadn't mutated into a tentacle or something. At that point, nothing would have surprised me. It still looked normal to me except for the fresh scrapes I had gotten from trying to brace myself against the rock while he plowed into me.
“Ben,” I started, trying to get a good breath.
“You're bleeding,” he interrupted me, still sounding horrified. “God, Dani, I made you bleed.” He bent to examine me more closely. “And your arms, your knees…” He shook his head, his brown eyes anguished. “I never meant for this to happen to you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You didn't—” I started to say, but he shook his head and put a finger against my lips. His brown eyes were no longer glowing, but they were suspiciously bright, as though he was holding back tears.
“Don't try to talk,” he said in a choked voice. “Just…Please, Dani, I know you probably don't want anything to do with me now, but I need to heal you one last time.” He bent his head and began to kiss my wounded palm, effectively silencing any protests I was about to make as the warm tingling pleasure began to envelop my body once more.
I knew he meant well, but the new sensation was too much when my body hadn't even begun to recover from the tsunami orgasm I'd just been through. As his warm, wet mouth worked its magic on me, the pleasure beg
an to build again. It was too much. My brain declared a time out and everything went black.
Chapter Sixteen
Ben
“Dani? Dani!” I gathered her into my arms and her head hung limply to one side. Her eyes were turned up and I could see the sickly-pale glimmer of her whites. She looked dead. “Oh, God, no. No.” I crushed her to my chest and buried my face in her long, beautiful hair, breathing in her scent. I'd killed her. It was just as I had feared for so many years—I had finally given into my were nature and now I was paying for it.
“She's all right. She'll be fine if you just let the poor child breathe.” Molly was suddenly at my side. The white wolf that was McKinsey crouched at her feet and whined.
I looked up at the priestess. “I killed her,” I said.
“No.” Gently, she pried loose my grip and studied Dani's face. “She's just worn completely out. Hosting the Goddess and helping you pay such a heavy debt have taken every ounce of energy she possessed. She'll be fine once she recovers.”
As if to confirm her words, Dani gave a little gasping breath that made my heart feel a thousand times lighter. She was alive! I hadn't killed her! But the next moment I crashed back down to earth again. Because alive or dead, I had just had the one and only romantic encounter I was ever going to have with my partner and best friend. Did I say romantic? I nearly laughed at myself. I had pounded the living hell out of her when I knew exactly how afraid she was of sex. I had hurt her. I could never forgive myself for that.
“Come, let's get her inside. The rest of the pack will be celebrating Mabon all night.” Molly gestured at the full moon that still hung over head. “Come morning I expect we'll have a new pack leader.” She glanced at me. “You know, had you killed Theodore outright instead of leaving it to the rest of the pack, that would be you right now.”
“You think I want that?” I lifted Dani's limp form carefully, trying to support her head. “You think I give a damn about being Lead Wolf in the pack?”
Molly frowned. “At the very least you would have saved a lot of bloodshed. Now the alpha males will have to battle it out between themselves.”
I glanced at the snarling pack of wolves contemptuously. Most of them had changed back to their first or human forms to honor the Goddess through sex, but now they were almost all back in wolf form and fighting for dominance.
“Let them rip themselves apart,” I said bitterly. “I don't give a damn. Dani and I did what you wanted. We got rid of Thrash Savage for you, and I'm sure whoever succeeds him will be much easier for you to control.”
Molly nodded gravely, not appearing the least upset. “Very well, I can see it's no use asking you to stay. A pity, you would have made a formidable Lead Wolf.”
I turned without answering her and carried Dani down the stone steps. I had no idea how I was going to get us home—we were both still nude, and they had taken my clothes, along with the keys to my truck, before the ceremony. But I did know that if I stayed here one more minute, I risked another change myself. The pheromones the other weres were putting out rose like a cloud in the air, and the moon was still full and pulsing, calling my blood.
“Benjamin.” Molly put a hand on my arm, and I looked at her warily. “Go in peace,” she said quietly. “And remember what you learned tonight.”
I looked at the limp form of the woman in my arms. The woman I had betrayed in the worst possible way. “I didn't learn anything,” I said. “Except how to hurt what I love.”
“No.” Molly shook her head and gave me a look that seemed to pierce right through me. “You learned that the Goddess demands her due. Do not forget it again.”
I didn't answer her because I had no answer to give. Still carrying Dani, I turned and made my way back to the tattered remains of my life. A life that would never be the same again.
* * *
I found my keys, wrapped us both in blankets, and managed to get Dani home all by the time the moon finally set. I didn't dare try to heal her again, but I cleaned her up as best I could and got her into her bed. She was breathing easily, and when I pulled the covers up to her chin, her eyelids fluttered open and she recognized me.
“Ben?” She looked confused, like a little girl waking up from a bad dream. “Where am I?” she asked.
“Shhh.” I smoothed her hair back from her face. “It's all right now. You're home and safe. No one's…no one's going to hurt you anymore.” I nearly choked on the words. I was the one who had hurt her. Who had betrayed her.
“Ben…” She tried to sit up but she was still too weak.
I shook my head. “Go to sleep, Dani. You need to rest.”
She sank back down onto the pillows, and her eyelids fluttered closed again. I leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. It was probably going to be the last time I ever got to kiss or touch her, and I couldn't help lingering a little. I breathed in the warm scent of her skin and thought of how much I was going to miss this. Dani stirred and a slight frown crossed her face, but she didn't wake up again.
“I love you, Dani,” I whispered, even though I knew she couldn't hear me. “Oh, God, I love you so much.”
I wanted to stay and hold her, wanted to feel her head resting on my chest and her warm, soft body pressed against mine. But I knew when she woke up and remembered everything I'd put her through, that was the last thing Dani would want. So I left her sleeping peacefully and went home to spend a sleepless night in my own bed. I had to get up for work the next day, since it was Monday. I found it hard to believe that everything Dani and I had been through had only taken one weekend. One weekend to ruin my entire life.
* * *
The next day Dani called in sick for the first time since I'd known her. I spent a miserable day fielding questions from everyone from the copy boys on up to our managing editor, Barry Craythorne. They all seemed to assume that I knew exactly what was wrong with Dani, and it didn't help any that they were right.
The whole day I couldn't concentrate on work. Normally if Dani was sick, I would've been near her, taking care of her in some way. Making her soup or taking her temperature or just rubbing her back. But I was never going to get to do those things again. My mind kept replaying the entire Mabon ceremony from start to finish like a broken projector that wouldn't shut off. The ritual, the fight with Thrash Savage and what had happened afterwards—what I had done to Dani—looped over and over in my brain. I had controlled myself for years—why hadn't I been able to control myself a little longer? I remembered the burning need I'd felt in my blood—the single-minded urge to take her in any way possible. At the time it had seemed like I would die if I couldn't have her, now I wished I would've run as far and as fast as I could have away from her rather than do what I had done.
Around three o'clock, the phone rang and I snatched it up, hoping it was Dani. But it was only my mom on the other end, wanting to make sure I was okay. I realized, with some guilt, that I had forgotten to call her. I reassured her as best I could, but when she asked about Dani, I ended the conversation abruptly. After that, my grandpa called with questions of his own. He had heard what had happened, of course, even though he had attended Mabon at a different pack. Mainly he wanted to know why I wasn't Lead Wolf and when Dani and I were going to get married since we'd finally “gotten together.”
I had never been rude to my grandfather in my life, but I came pretty close to it before I hung up the phone for the second time. Why, I wondered, running both hands through my hair, did everyone have to ask me about Dani? It was bad enough that my own mind wouldn't let up without having everyone I knew bringing her up over and over again.
I picked up the phone a dozen times to call her, and put it back down again each time. I was the last person she was going to want to hear from. It hurt like hell to know that, and it was terrible not to be able to talk to her or touch her. I told myself I had better get used to it—this was what the rest of my life was going to be like.
And, in fact, that was what the rest of the we
ek was like. Dani called in Tuesday and Wednesday too, and by Thursday I felt like I was going crazy. I needed something to investigate—some new angle to look at or a story to break. Maybe if I could get my mind off of Dani for a little while, this wouldn't hurt so much. Right. But I had to try.
I searched my mind for something worth investigating and what popped up almost immediately was the Mabon ceremony again. But not all of it—the part where Doctor Locke and McKinsey had broken in during the middle of my duel with Thrash Savage. That got me thinking—how had the doctor managed to turn himself into a wolf when I knew perfectly well he wasn't a were? And more to the point, how had he turned McKinsey into a wolf, and was there any way to turn her back? It was the kind of question that normally would have occurred to me at once, but I had been so miserable and preoccupied with my thoughts of Dani that I hadn't been able to think of anything else.
I left early Thursday afternoon and drove down to the docks, hoping to find some clues to the continuing disappearance of McKinsey Cullen. Or transformation, or whatever you wanted to call it.
I parked in the same parking lot I had used that night when Dani had first convinced me to come down and investigate Doctor Locke. To my surprise, there was a sleek green Infiniti sedan parked there as well—Dani's car. But she had called in sick yet again—what the hell was she doing here? Probably the same thing I was.
I almost turned around and headed back the way I had come, but I had to face her sometime. It wasn't like I was planning on quitting my job, so even if she switched partners, I'd still have to see her at work.
I walked down the long street lined with abandoned warehouses that still looked spooky and dangerous, even in the daytime. Just the thought of Dani down here alone with no one to protect her upset me. What if another bum like the one I'd scared away came upon her in Locke's abandoned lab and decided he liked what he saw? I felt a growl building in my throat. She was mine, damn it, mine.
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