by Kaylee Ryan
“Thank you, Doctor.” I hold my hand out and he accepts it. “We’ll be here when she’s in her room.” With a nod, he’s out the door as quickly as he arrived.
I guide Cass to the row of chairs and set her down on my lap once again. I need to hold her and give her all my strength right now. Her face is buried in my chest, and her grip on my shirt is tight. I close my eyes and rub my hand up and down her back. It’s not until I hear a throat clear that my eyes snap open and I see the guys and Logan standing in the doorway watching us. Cass moves to get up and I lock my arms around her. “Stay, baby.”
“Hey.” Logan takes the seat next to us. “How are you holding up?” she asks Cassidy.
“I’m doing okay. It was a stroke.” She goes on to tell her everything the doctor just told us. “Where are the kids?” she asks.
“Stacy and Lauren are watching Drew at Cole and Stacy’s with Zach and Riley.”
Kacen takes the seat next to his wife and wraps his arm around her shoulders. “Drew was in big brother mode when we left.” He chuckles. “He loves to feed the babies. I’m telling you, he needs a sibling,” Kacen tells his wife, causing us all to laugh.
“I’ve been telling Lauren the same thing,” Tristan adds.
“Trust me, as soon as I can get Stacy on board, it’s happening.” Cole grins.
“Hey now,” Logan speaks up. “Give the girl a break. He’s three weeks old,” she counters.
“I know and can’t wait to do it all over again.”
“You guys.” Cassidy sits up on my lap, but my arms are around her waist, so she can’t move. I want her right where she’s at. “You didn’t have to come down here. I’m good, promise.”
“Bullshit,” Cole says. “Cassidy, you’re family. Not just part of the Soul Records family, but by the looks of the way my boy has you on lockdown, you’re in deeper than that. We take care of our family.” She drops her head to look at her lap and her shoulders begin to shake. “Shit, I’m sorry, Cassidy, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s not that. She’s—” She stops to gather herself. “She’s the only family I have left. It’s just been the two of us as long as I can remember.”
I pull her close, placing my lips to her ear. “Not anymore,” I say, at the exact same time Kacen, Logan, Tristan, and Cole say the exact same thing.
A sob breaks from her chest, and I pull her close. She latches onto my shirt and lets her tears fall.
“We’re going to go grab some coffees. We’ll be back,” Logan says softly. I nod and watch as she points to the door and my three best friends, my brothers, follow her out.
I knew they would react that way, that they would accept her into our family with no questions asked. I’m glad she got to see it as well. I just wish it were under better circumstances.
Gavin’s hold on me never wavers as I grip his shirt and let my emotions get the best of me. For so long it’s been the two of us, my mom and me. I’ve handled these trips on my own before today. Calls in the middle of the night, falls, spells, illness… all of it, I was alone. Then today, he was there, and with him comes this amazing group of people. I know them more than just as my employers and their families. I know them. I know that Logan wants another baby just as badly as Kacen does. I know that Stacy, although she might pretend otherwise, would be thrilled to have another baby just like little Riley. I know that Lauren and Tristan are trying for number two now. I know all that because I’ve become friends with them. Somehow, I missed it. Between the phone calls, the chats in the office, the invites to barbecues, birthday parties, and baby showers, I somehow missed the bigger picture. These people are not my work colleagues, they’re my family.
What makes it worse is that Gavin has been trying to tell me that all along. That no matter how things might or might not turn out with us, that won’t change. I’m an idiot. I’ve been so wrapped up in Mom’s sacrifices for me, I failed to notice that I do have more than her. They might not be blood relatives, but I know without a shadow of a doubt if I need them, they’d be here for me.
Lifting my head, I look at Gavin. His eyes are trained on me. “You okay, baby?” he asks, pushing my hair out of my eyes.
“Yeah.” I sit up and place my hands on his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Gavin. I’ve been pushing you away. No matter how bad I wanted to pull you close, I had myself convinced I couldn’t have you. I was convinced I would lose them when I lost you.”
“That’s ridiculous. They love you.”
“Of course, we do,” Tristan says from the doorway. He walks toward us and sets two coffees down on the small table before taking the seat next to us. “I’ve watched him for months now.” He points to Gavin. “He’s the first to volunteer with anything that has to do with the studio, and although he’s technically single, he never once complains about us staying in with our wives and kids. I should have seen it sooner. It wasn’t that he was just being nice, since we now have our own families, although that is part of it. It was you. He wanted to spend more time with you. We all knew there was someone. We just didn’t know who. Not until the girls started dropping hints.” He grins. “G, he was there for me when Zach was born. They all were, but G stepped up, and until now, I didn’t know how I would ever repay him. Let me tell you what I’m sure my brother has already said, but the way I see it. Cassidy, he loves you. We all see it. Trust me on this one. Don’t fight it. Life is a precious gift, and you never know when that will be challenged.” His eyes go dark, and I know he’s thinking about how he almost lost his wife and son. “If my wife is right, and she’s always right, you love him, too.” He stands and walks away. “We’re going to grab something to eat. We’ll bring you something back.” And with that, he’s out the door and leaving us alone.
Gavin is quiet, and so am I. I think about how it feels to be with him, to know that I can lean on him and that he’ll always be there. I want that forever. I want to be able to know I have his strength, and in turn give him mine.
“I’m sorry, Gavin,” I whisper.
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for. Let’s just worry about getting your mom better.”
“No.” I sit up and slide off his lap, taking the seat next to us that Tristan just left. I need a clear head for this, and that can’t happen with him touching me. “I’m sorry for pushing you away. I was wrong, so very wrong.” I pause, and when he reaches for my hand, I let him lace his fingers through mine. “I don’t know why I couldn’t or didn’t see it before now, but I’ve been so wrong. My focus has been on my mom, on what she gave up for me. I was too honed in on the fact that I’m all she has, to realize that when she’s gone, I’m alone. I have no one. That phone call today, although it was like many others I’ve received in the past couple of years, it did more than scare me that I’d lost her this time. It opened my eyes. Maybe it was my talk with Logan earlier, maybe it was the time we spent together last week…? Probably a combination of everything but what I realize is that I need you.”
“Cass,” he whispers and reaches for me, but I lean back.
“I’m sorry for putting us through that, for pushing when all I wanted to do was pull. I wanted to pull you into me and hold on tight.”
“I’m right here,” he says softly.
“Do you still want me, Gavin? Can you forgive me for all the heartache I’ve put us through?”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” He reaches for me again, and this time, I let him. He has me back in his lap, his arms locked around my waist, and his face buried in my neck. “There’s something I need,” he murmurs.
“What’s that?” I ask, running my fingers through his hair.
“I need you to say it.”
“Can you look at me?” I ask. I need to see his eyes when I do it. He lifts his head, and his blue eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them. “I want to be yours.”
“You’ve always been mine.” He leans in and presses a kiss to my lips. When he pulls back, he studies me. “This is open, rig
ht? We don’t have to hide, and I don’t have to pretend like I’m not madly in love with you?”
My breath hitches in my chest. “W-what did you just say?” I know what he said, but I need to hear it one more time. Just for clarification.
“Cassidy Hillman, I’m madly and irrevocably in love with you.” His smile is bright and my heart is full.
“I love you, too.”
“Excuse me,” a female voice says from the doorway. “Ms. Hillman, we have your mother moved to a room. Would you like to see her?”
“Yes.” I stand. “Is she awake?”
She smiles. “She is. She’s been asking for you.”
I can’t help but perk up at that. She’s asking for me? That means she remembers me. Those days are rare as of late. “Thank you.” I step toward her. Gavin grabs my hand and moves up beside me. Hand-in-hand we follow the nurse out of the waiting room. Logan, Kacen, Cole, and Tristan are walking up the hall. “She’s awake.” I smile through my tears. I don’t stop walking and neither does Gavin as we head toward her room.
“That’s great news,” Logan says. They turn and follow us down the hall and onto the elevator.
“I’m sorry, but when we get to Mrs. Hillman’s room, it’s two at a time, and immediate family only,” the nurse says.
“We are her family,” Tristan pipes up. “There’re a lot more of us too, so you might want to warn the other nurses.”
Gavin chuckles, throwing his arm over my shoulder as we follow the nurse out of the elevator. When we get to her room, he removes his arm, and kisses my temple. “I’ll be right outside.”
“No.” I grab onto his arm. “I want you to go in with me.”
His eyes soften and he nods. “Okay.”
As simple as that. I need him and he’s there. I push open the door and see Mom’s frail frame lying in the hospital bed. Tears well in my eyes, but I push them away. I need to be strong for her. Gavin gives my hand a squeeze, and I pull from his strength. “Hey, Mom,” I whisper. I don’t know what state of mind she’s in and the last thing that I want to do is scare her or get her agitated. All I know is that she was asking for me, and I pray that I get to have her lucid, for just a little while.
“Cassidy, my baby.” She holds her hand out for me, and I drop Gavin’s and rush to her side, losing the battle with my tears. “I’m sorry I scared you,” she says when I take her hand in mine.
I shake my head and smile. “How are you feeling?” There are a million things I want to ask her. A million and one things that I want to tell her. I don’t know how long her lucid state will be here for and I miss her. I miss my mother.
“I’m fine. Don’t fuss,” she says, looking over my shoulder. “You again?” she asks.
Gavin clears his throat and steps up behind me. “Hello, Margaret,” he says.
“I’ve seen you before.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m Cassidy’s boyfriend, Gavin.” His voice is strong and full of conviction. She’s the first person we got to tell, and my heart is full because of it.
“You did good, sweetheart.” Mom smiles.
An abrupt laugh spills out of my mouth. “Yeah.” I look to the side and smile at Gavin. “Yeah, I did.”
“You two will make beautiful babies,” Mom adds, and I feel the blush coat my cheeks.
“Mom,” I scold her.
“She’s right, Cass, we would,” Gavin says with a wink.
“I’m not getting any younger you know.” There’s an amused glint in her eyes that I haven’t seen in so long. It’s so beautiful I capture it to my memory.
“Right again, Cassidy. You know, you should really listen to your mother,” he says, his face stone serious.
Before I can reply, a nurse steps in. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Ms. Hillman, I have a few papers for you to sign.”
I look at Mom and back to Gavin. “Go on.” She waves me off. “Gavin and I will get to know one another.”
I turn to look at him. “We’ll be right here when you come back.” He leans in and kisses my cheek, then steps back so I can follow the nurse out into the hallway.
I don’t take my eyes off her until she’s out the door. Part of me wants to chase after her and glue myself to her side. I just got her, officially, and I don’t need her changing her mind. Not that I think she would. I can feel in her touch she’s felt this way for a while now but has fought it. She’s not fighting anymore.
“You love her,” Margaret says. Her voice is soft, weak.
“I do.” She’s lucid, and although I don’t know where she goes when her mind wanders, I hope she knows that her daughter is loved and will always be taken care of.
“She loves you, too. I see it.”
“She does. I’m a lucky man,” I confess.
“What are your intentions with my daughter?” she asks, a small smile tilting her lips.
Here goes nothing. “I plan to marry her and give you those grandbabies you were just asking for.” I put it out there, and it feels damn good to know we’re finally both on the same path toward our future. “With your permission of course,” I add. I don’t need it, but I know that it would mean a lot to Cassidy.
She chuckles. “Promise me to love her with everything in you, and you have it.”
“Wait.” A thought hits me. I dig my cell phone out of my pocket. “Do you mind if I record this? I want to ask you again and have you tell me that or whatever version of that that you can. I want her to see this one day. I want her to know that you know she’s being loved and taken care of. That she has my family and me, my friends to support her.”
“That’s a good idea,” she says softly. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be me, and I want that peace for her for when I’m not here.”
I can’t imagine what that must feel like. To know one day you’re not going to know your loved ones the next. To not know how long you will remember your loved ones and the memories you’ve made. I can’t fathom the worry and the pain knowing that when they come to see you, that you don’t know who they are and you push them away.
“You’re always you.” I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “Ready?” I ask. She nods, and I hit Record on the camera, facing it toward her. “Margaret, I would like to ask your permission to marry your daughter. I love her. I want to give you and her those babies you were just talking about.” I try to remember how our first conversation went, but this time I’m nervous. I don’t know if it’s because I started this conversation or the fact that one day, Cass will hear it. Or maybe it’s because I want to marry her and have babies with her… yesterday in fact.
“You’ll love her with everything you have? Love your babies just as fiercely?”
“You have my word.”
“Yes.” She looks at me for several long minutes and just as I’m about to end the recording, she starts speaking again. “I don’t know if I’ll remember this. I don’t know if I will ever be me again after this. This disease, it’s a terrible one, but there are a few things I want to say.” She turns her face to look directly at the camera. “Cassidy, I love you, my sweet girl. You have given me so much joy in my life. I know we had some hard times when you were younger, but we always had each other. I want you to know that if I’m not here either in body or mind on your wedding day, that I’m there with you in spirit. I’m watching over you, and I’m so happy that you’ve found a man who loves you like Gavin does.” She swallows hard.
“And the day you have your babies. I’ll be there. I want so badly to see you as you go through the changes that pregnancy brings, to watch you be a mother, but I know the chances of that are slim. Instead, I’ll be with you, watching you love those babies and that husband of yours. I want that for you, Cassidy. I want you to be happy and live a full life. I want you to not fret over the things I can’t be there for, but for the memories you have. Keep them close to your heart and maybe share a few of our traditions with your own family. You know, making cookies over the holidays, making your Halloween costumes, camping out in th
e living room. When you do those things with your children, think of me. I’ll be there with you, I promise you.” She stops as her tears take over. I go to set my phone down, and she shakes her head. I keep it up, recording her tears as I feel my eyes well up with my own. “I love you, Cassidy. Be happy, my sweet girl. Love this man, and live each moment. I’ll be there in your heart, in spirit. I’ll always be there. I love you,” she says, her voice cracking. This time I do end the recording. I shove my phone back in my pocket and grab her frail hands in mine.
“Thank you, Margaret. I promise you I will love her until the day I take my last breath.” She smiles up at me and nods.
“Hey, everything okay?” Cass asks us. I pull away and blink back the emotions, not wanting her to see.
She steps up next to me, but I don’t look at her, not yet. “Everything is fine. I was just telling your mom how fantastic her daughter is,” I say, pulling her into my side and kissing her temple.
“Mom?” she inquires.
“Just a twinge of pain, sweet girl. I’ll be fine,” she assures her daughter.
“Uh-huh,” she says, not really believing either of us, but letting it go. “So, they say you have to stay overnight. Then you can go back tomorrow.”
“I’m fine here, you should go,” her mom says.
“Not going to happen. Gavin, you can go back. I plan to stay here with Mom.”
“I’ll go tell the others, and then I’ll be back. I’m staying with you.”
“They’re not going to let both of us stay.”
“You let me worry about that.” I flash her a grin and see the smile that she’s fighting. In the waiting room, I find the guys and Logan. “Hey, she’s good. Actually, really good right now. She’s herself, which is an uncommon and a pleasant surprise all things considered. Cass needs that.”
“How is Cassidy?” Logan asks.
“She’s okay. Relieved. Spending some much-needed time with her mom while she can.” I don’t explain my statement. They all get it. “They’re keeping her overnight just for observation. Y’all should go on home.”