by Nora Cobb
After a while, I finally speak. “What did you want to talk about anyway?”
He coughs a little, then wavers, but he replies, “I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend.”
I smile at his incredible optimism and admire his courage to ask after everything that has happened. I can’t blame him alone for all the mistakes I’ve made.
“You know,” he continues, “We have more in common than you know. And I know that Montlake is a pit, but when we’re out, things will be different for us.”
I lift my head off his shoulder. “How?” I scoff. “Will you have a wider territory?”
His posture stiffens, but I’m not quite ready to make it easy on him yet.
“I’m going to college on a full scholarship.” His voice is low. “Everything is included. I’m studying engineering.”
I turn to face him, and his face is close enough to feel his breath on my lips. “Anthony, that’s wonderful. I’m so proud of you. And happy, too.”
Literally, his face beams as if I’ve given him the scholarship myself out of Uncle Phil’s money.
“Natalie, I’ll have a real job, and we can be together away from Montlake. We don’t belong here. Not in this school, or in this town. We can move anywhere you want to go after graduation. You know that even if we follow the code, these kids will never accept us. We deserve more, and that starts with being treated better.”
His soft voice is excited, and his eyes watch me as he leans in closer. “We can make each other happy. You already make me happy. Let me try to make you happy too.”
His eyes tell me how much he wants me, and his touch speaks the truth. My lips part as his lips meet mine. I close my eyes as I lean into him, and I let myself go.
Anthony is right. We’ll never be accepted by the elite of Montlake, and right now, I don’t even care. Lucas showed his true colors tonight, and Jacob will have to fail calculus on his own. I’m tired of being taken advantage of by boys who only want to brag. Maybe, with Anthony, I could have peace, love, and a future.
My arms wrap around his neck as he deepens the kiss, and his tongue sweeps into my mouth.
“It’s really naughty of you to have my picture on your phone.” I breathe.
“I couldn’t resist,” he whispers. “I look at your pictures every night when I’m in bed.”
“And what do you do in bed?”
He pulls my hips against his pelvis, and there’s no mistaking the hardness under the zipper of his jeans. My mouth opens, and I accept his eager tongue as his hands hold my breasts tighter, rolling my nipples in his fingers. I’m aching for release in another way. I’m tired of crying; I want to feel good inside and all over. I reach up for his jacket and push it off his shoulders. The heavy leather slides off him and hits the floor. Anthony is wearing a thin T-shirt, and underneath the curves of his defined pecs stretch the fabric. I lift my gaze, eyes hooded as Anthony leans in for another deep kiss.
“Man, the things I’ve dreamed about doing to you,” he whispers against my hair, making it flutter.
My breathing picks up as he holds me close, and his lips explore my neck. His chin rubs against my chest as his hot breath heats my skin. I close my eyes as his hands slide under my top. Anthony watches me as his hands slide up my tummy toward my breasts. I sigh, and he takes that as a yes as he lifts my T-shirt off over my head.
For a moment, he pauses. His breath is fast as he stares at me in my bra. His eyes trace the line of the lace surrounding my breasts. I reach behind my back, and I unhook it and fling it at him. Anthony catches it with one hand and smiles.
“I guess I should have asked earlier if your uncle was around.”
“He’ll be out for a while.”
Anthony pulls off his T-shirt, and now we’re both standing topless in the kitchen. I gaze at his heart tattoo up close. My fingers trace the lines on his chest and the intricate shading as I feel his heart underneath my fingertips beating faster. He pulls me against him, and his mouth goes to my breasts, sucking and kissing my nipples into hard peaks. I close my eyes and moan. Unwanted and unbidden, I see Troy’s face leering at me in my mind.
I push Anthony away.
“What’s wrong?”
I wrap my arms around my torso, concealing my breasts, and turn my back on him. I never thought I would ever think about Troy while making out, but I did. Now, I’m cursed with that memory of what happened to me in a dark bedroom with the wrong guy.
“I’m sorry, but maybe we’re going too fast.”
Anthony steps forward and holds me in his arms from behind. He kisses my shoulder, but his mouth remains there. He doesn’t dare move farther, as if I am a delicate bird waiting to be crushed in a giant’s hand. My body tenses as I wrap my arms tighter around myself, and he lets me go. I can’t help but think that Anthony has betrayed me again. He may not have meant it, but it happened, and I’m not sure if my first time should be with a guy who has caused me pain.
“I want my first time to be special, not in my uncle’s kitchen, while he’s out of the house.”
Anthony nods his head. “I can wait until you’re ready. I hope, though, that you’ll wait for me.”
Our eyes meet, but I say nothing. I can’t make any promises for the future, because I don’t know how fucked up I will feel. Troy is in my head, and I have Anthony to blame. My phone chimes. It’s Lydia, apologizing that she can’t come tonight.
CHAPTER 18
BETH
It started out as another dull day of shopping. I was too lazy to go into the city, and Anthony wasn’t answering his phone. I was craving a Shack Burger, and that’s where Arielle finds me, feasting my blues away.
Though Arielle rubs me the wrong way, I have to admit that the girl is a stunner. When she walks in, men of all ages turn in their seats to look at the amazing blonde beauty. It’s like seeing a hot alien from Venus land on your front lawn. People like Arielle never eat fast food, but here she is sitting at my table. I feel awkward eating my ketchup-soaked fries in front of Arielle.
She wants me to go with her to Natalie’s house.
“You mean like a stakeout?”
“The boys are heading over there now to confront her. I want to watch the fallout.”
I put my burger down in the box. “How do you know this?”
Arielle eyes me like I’m in kindergarten, and she’s in grad school. “Beth, I have friends who look out for me. And you should have some too.”
That pokes me in the gut.
So, like a trusting lamb skipping and laughing to the wolf’s den, I let her follow me back to my house, so we can drive around in her silver BMW coupe. I do get some satisfaction when Arielle sees the killer Victorian that my parents own and restored. The Sage Lady was renovated with all original materials from the shingles to the stained glass windows. Not shabby, baby. Arielle looks impressed when I get into her car.
“Gorgeous house,” she nods, looking at the bay window.
“Thanks. Nice car,” I reply. See? I can play nice with others.
By the time we arrive at Natalie’s house, it’s dark outside, and Jacob’s Hummer, along with Lucas’s Camaro, is parked in the drive. There is no sign of Anthony’s Audi beater. It was a good car … twenty years ago. I’m sighing in relief that he isn’t stupidly following his hormones. But Arielle is tense and grips the wheel like it might run away. She was dating Troy, but by the way she’s acting, you’d think she was still with Lucas. Her eyes are glued to the house, and her lips are in a thin white line. I’m afraid the girl will break the steering wheel with her grip, and we’ll need major roadside assistance. We sit perfectly still as Lucas drives off and then Jacob.
“There,” she says triumphantly, proving her craziness is actually our reality.
I see Anthony standing on the doorstep as the door shuts in his face. I can barely see him dressed in black against the modern gray house with walls of windows. Holding my breath, I wait and watch him start to walk away, but then, he does the wrong thing. Anthon
y turns back and runs around the side of the house.
“Come on.” Arielle grabs my arm while kicking her car door open with her foot. But I pull back, convinced that she’s about to drag me out of her car and cause a scene.
“Come on,” she demands, and I almost pee. Almost.
“Where? Why? Are we going to knock on the front door?”
She rolls her eyes at me, and then she leans back into the car. Her blonde hair swinging in her face as her eyes flash blue, she grabs my arm and yanks hard. “Don’t you want to know the truth?”
I do want to know the truth. After a midnight phone call that lasted two hours, Anthony knows how I feel. Reluctantly, he admitted that he doesn’t feel the same, but how could he not? We have such a good time together. I mean, we do almost everything together. We dress in black; we listen to unsigned bands; we smoke and get high. I laugh at his weird jokes. And I get him, and he gets me. Why would he want or need anyone else? Barbies don’t get goth.
Holding my breath, I follow Arielle around the side of Natalie’s house. She must have done this type of thing before because she doesn’t make a sound as she scurries along the bushes past the pool. We hide behind the tarp-wrapped hot tub, and we can see Anthony inside the kitchen with Natalie. There are no blinds on the large patio doors, and with the lights on, it’s like watching HDTV. We can see everything, and I don’t think I want to.
“Maybe we should go,” I whisper, crouching down next to Arielle.
Arielle shushes me and continues to watch intently. “You won’t get something for nothing, Beth. I know you think I’m given everything I want, but not always. I put in the work. And you need to start doing the same.”
How dare she? I’m about to tell her off when it happens. They kiss. Watching in wide-eyed horror, I see Anthony pull Natalie into a kiss that I could only dream about. He’s never looked at me like that. Jealousy pokes at my insides and flips me the middle finger. But I can’t look away. I see my life crumbling, but I can’t look away.
I wish I had when she shoves his jacket off onto the floor with a hungry look. Anthony holds Natalie in his arms as his hands snake up her T-shirt, and she lets him. Natalie lets him.
Arielle pulls out her phone. I almost tell her to stop until Natalie lets Anthony pull off her T-shirt.
I gag, and I have to look away, but Arielle is filming it all on her phone.
“Why are you filming it?” I whisper, bending my head down as if I might be sick.
Arielle shakes her head as she watches the screen. “I have so much to teach you about success. First, it’s not an accident.”
I don’t respond. I just kneel on the ground, deeply inhaling the cold night air, letting it cool my burning head. Behind my back, Natalie doesn’t care about my feelings. Natalie knows how I feel about Anthony, but I’m nothing. She’s leading him astray, and for what? Do they even have a future together?
Suddenly, Arielle is by my side, and we huddle down, holding each other in a panic as the patio door slides open.
“Can I call you later?” It’s Anthony’s voice, and he’s speaking to her in a smooth voice that he never uses on me.
“Okay, but don’t rush me. Okay?”
“I won’t,” he sighs.
There’s silence, but I know they’re still there. The sound of a soft kiss floats across the air, and then the door shuts. I can’t move. I just crouch there, huddled in a lump. My brain doesn’t know what to do with my body. I had heard the rumors about the sexy photos, but this is too much.
I feel an arm around me and look into Arielle’s face. Her expression is soft, and there’s a crease in her perfect brow. She looks sincerely concerned, and that alarms me. I must be frightening her in order to get her arm around my shoulders.
“I’ll help you back to the car, Beth. You’ll be okay.”
The kitchen light goes off, leaving the backyard pitch-black. In silence, we walk hunched over and back toward the car. Arielle’s arm is around me, guiding me away from what I’ve just witnessed.
***
“I told you she was a slut.”
Arielle hands me another tissue as we sit in her car, still parked near Natalie’s house. The heat is on in the coupe, but the lights are off. The car is parked across the road, hidden behind the neighbor’s massive oak tree. It’s dark outside and too dark for anyone to recognize Arielle’s car. It looks like any other silver BMW in a wealthy neighborhood.
I sob again, grabbing another tissue. Holding the tissue box, Arielle places a clean tissue within my reach. I blow my nose hard. I glance over at Arielle, expecting a triumph smirk on her lips. Triumph because she told us all what Natalie was, but Arielle’s not gloating or even smiling. The corners of her mouth are turned down, and her brow is furrowed. She looks even more upset than me if that’s possible.
“I’m really sorry, Beth.” Her voice is soft and earnest. “But she did it to me, and I couldn’t stand by and watch her fool someone else.”
“Oh gawd, I’ve got to stop crying.” I grab for another tissue.
“Now you know how I feel.” Arielle’s face is pensive as she takes a tissue and dabs her eyes gently.
Leaning back, she inhales before starting her car. She drives down the road slowly toward the main road. She makes the turn, and then we take off. Literally. She’s speeding at sixty, and I don’t care. Arielle turns off the main road onto a back road by the woods and pushes the car faster.
I let down the window. “Whoa!” I scream into the night air. “Whoa-woo.”
Arielle laughs and does the same. “Whoa-woo.”
We ride along the dark street by the reservoir yelling and cackling like two crazed crones. Before I know it, we’re at Montlake Academy. We fly past the golden gates that are locked at night, but Arielle swings her coupe onto an access road, and soon, we’re on the school grounds.
“What are you doing?” My eyes are wide, wondering what I’ve gotten myself into.
“Let me show you my school spirit, baby.”
Arielle races down the circular drive, but when she comes to the end of the drive she doesn’t stop. The coupe jumps the curb and drives across the quad. I start screaming, not because I’m scared but because this is fucking wild. I didn’t know the good girl had it in her. The coupe speeds toward the athletic field and, cutting the wheel hard, Arielle starts digging doughnuts into the perfect turf.
“Fuck them all!” she shouts. “I can’t be broken, motherfuck-fuck-fuckers! I won’t be broken. I am the top bitch.”
Laughing, I cheer her on. I’m amazed because this is the most real I’ve ever seen this girl. How Arielle is acting is cracked up, but I’m not scared. I’m elated. She spins the car around, and we holler as she digs another doughnut into the grass. She slams on the brakes, and only my seat belt keeps me from popping my head against the windshield.
Gasping for air, she turns to me. “You wanna try?”
I nod my head like it’s going to bounce off, and we switch seats, not even bothering to cut the engine. In a second, I’m whipping that coupe into three-sixties as we laugh and scream.
Eventually, the wheels skid over the mud and torn-up grass. I stop the car before I lose control of it, and we fall back in our seats. Laughing and holding our stomachs, we just gave Montlake a major middle finger.
“Aren’t you afraid of being caught?” I gasp.
“No,” she scoffs as we switch seats. “I’m a princess of virtue. No one would ever believe I did this. Much less think of it. Now, you, on the other hand.”
My laughter stops, and I curse myself for being so gullible.
But Arielle laughs. “Beth, it’s cool. We’ve got each other’s backs. I watch out for you, and you watch out for me.”
Giggling, the relief spreads over me.
Driving away, Arielle turns on the radio, and some nondescript folk song plays as she takes me back to my house. I’m still fuming over what I saw, but at least someone really gets me, and she knows firsthand what I’m going thro
ugh.
“Beth,” Arielle’s voice ends the silence. “You need better friends. Truer friends.”
I nod my head, but she doesn’t see me do it, so I speak up. “Yeah, I picked the wrong girl to hang with and the wrong boy to fall for.”
Arielle presses her lips together as she looks straight ahead at the road. The lights inside the car play across her pretty face, and I can see that her expression is sincere.
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you since day one,” she says. “It’s a shame this had to happen to you, but the silver lining is I know now that you’re a cool girl.”