“This will be great,” Cale spoke in his usual light tone, “the castle absolutely comes alive of a Friday night, as a creature that feeds off energy, you should be in heaven, little synfee.”
I elbowed him for that remark, but let them march me to the castle as if I were a prisoner all the same. To nobody’s surprise, Kaylee was waiting for us when we got there, and she looked just as unhappy to see me, as I was to see her. Though for the sake of the others, I managed to keep the hostility out of my expression. I watched as Hazen walked right past her, still deep in thought, and almost laughed at the look on her face. She skipped after him and put a hand on his arm, causing him to look up in surprise.
“Hey?” She said, “Everything ok? You did say I could come over tonight.”
“Right,” he seemed a little annoyed, but when she smiled and planted a kiss on his lips, he returned it with enough force to make Rose gag a little beside me.
When Kaylee drew back, her eyes were shiny and she was a little breathless, but Hazen seemed unaffected, and he led us all through the gates and into the entrance chamber. For once, we didn’t go straight to the garden, but climbed to the third floor and entered a huge, elaborately decorated sitting room. Miriam was already there, talking to a tall, handsome man on the other side of the room. They both turned when we spilled in past the doorway, and Miriam’s face lit up into a breathtaking smile.
“Beatrice! It’s been so long!” She rushed over, ignoring her own children, which I suspect secretly amused them, and pulled me into a hug, her hand running over my hair in a way that gave me no doubt as to why she was so happy to see me.
I said a muffled, and slightly embarrassed hello, though the heavy feeling weighting on my chest lifted a little, and when she pulled back I managed to smile.
“I see you’ve found a new mannequin to fawn over, Mother.” Hazen’s words were rich with amusement.
She glanced at him, and a look of such tenderness passed over her face that it almost hurt to witness.
“Hello darlings,” she said, planting a kiss on Hazen’s cheek, and then Rose’s.
To my surprise, she included Cale in the round of kisses as if he were her own child, and indeed, he held the same expression of tolerant amusement as the others.
“Lovely to see you again Kaylee, will you be joining us for the Friday festivities? Garlen here was just telling me about his circus troupe, they’ll be performing in the theatre, I really am quite excited.”
The man strode over as though summoned, when he heard his name, and gave us all an exaggerated bow, but I had to tune out the rest of their conversation when I heard Hazen’s voice in my head.
I think a little distraction will be good for you.
I turned to look at him, still not used to this strange way of communicating, but his attention was on his mother and the dark-haired stranger, his hand wrapped around Kaylee’s waist.
Why her? I found myself asking.
His reply didn’t come straight away, but when it did, I got the sense that he had picked his words carefully.
Being around people is often painful. Some minds are worse than others. Sex especially is difficult for me, but Kaylee’s mind is very simple, very uncomplicated. It’s easy to spend time in.
I didn’t really know what to say to that, and I felt a spark of sympathy for him, that was immediately followed by a spark of something else, at the thought of him and Kaylee doing much more than the kiss I had witnessed outside. Whatever it was, it left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I quickly pushed it out of the forefront of my mind before Hazen could sense it.
Why didn’t you let Cale kiss you?
I didn’t know what he was talking about for a few moments, but then I remembered Cale walking me home after our first session together, backing me up against the fence, his face so close to mine…
“Bea?”
I jolted from my thoughts, my eyes snapping up to see everyone watching me, apparently waiting for me to answer a question that I hadn’t heard.
“Oops, daydreaming.” I blushed.
Rose chuckled, “I asked if you have anything to wear tonight?”
I groaned, “oh god, not this again.”
Miriam clapped her hands together, taking this as begrudged acceptance, which, in a way, it probably was. I liked Miriam and Rose, there was something pure and uncomplicated about the both of them, something that always managed to lighten me when I was near them.
“We’ll go easy on you,” Miriam said gleefully, causing Rose to giggle, “I promise.”
I caught sight of Kaylee’s expression then, and immediately felt bad. Deliberately not pausing to consider my next words, I quickly blurted them out before I could stop myself.
“As long as Kaylee has to go through the same torture.”
The elven girl seemed just as surprised as I was, at my unanticipated effort to include her, but Miriam looked overjoyed at the prospect of two dress-up dolls, and turned a pleading look on Hazen, who smirked and held up his hands, and if to say that he wanted nothing to do with this. When Kaylee finally tore her eyes away from me, I wasn’t sure if the blush rising in her cheeks was embarrassment or anger, but her tone was coolly polite.
“I have something to wear, and I’d rather just hang out with Hazen, if that’s ok.”
For just a moment, Miriam looked a little crestfallen, and I doubted many people had ever refused her before, but a second later, the whole thing seemed to blow over, and she was again talking about Garlen’s troupe. I didn’t try to pick up the internal conversation with Hazen again, taking the interruption for the blessing that it was. I liked Cale, I liked his easy smile, and the way he took everything in stride. I especially liked that he was the first person to show me any sort of kindness, and that without him, I never would have met Hazen, Rose and Miriam. I probably would never have survived my eighteenth birthday, and certainly wouldn’t have survived the Academy with my darkening mood swings. Not to mention the Academy surviving me. Cale was my very own guardian angel, but I felt no need to kiss him. Even under Nareon’s compulsion, I had violently resisted it.
An hour later, I found myself in Rose’s chamber again, the boys having been shooed away so that Rose and Miriam could strip me off and start forcing me into a parade of dresses that seemed endless. It soon became a game between the two of them, to try and find something that didn’t suit me—a task they quickly declared to be impossible. Eventually, I began to laugh along with them, and even picked out a few dresses for myself. I was twirling around in one such monstrosity that I had found pushed to the back of Rose’s never-ending closet when someone knocked on the door.
Miriam called out for whomever it was to enter, and a few moments later, Hazen poked his head through the door. He paused when he saw me, clutching the ruby-red dress with the ballerina skirt against my chest, as it wasn’t buttoned up along the back. I knew that my cheeks were red with laughter, my eyes shining with it, and I widened my smile when I saw him.
“What do you think? Will this do for the party?” I asked, giving him a spin.
The dress’s individual components weren’t so bad, the red satin, the bunched black tulle beneath the puffed-out skirt, and the giant pink bow at the base of the row of heart-shaped buttons leading down the spine. But put together, along with the garish silk roses adorning the neckline, it was an eyesore. Hazen seemed to think so, for after he got over the shock that held him momentarily in thrall, he snorted.
“You’ll take that off,” he shook his head, stepping into the room, “if you know what’s good for you.”
If course he didn’t mean for me to undress right then and there, but somehow, his words made something flutter deep in the pit of my stomach. I must not have pushed the thought away quick enough, for the smile soon fell from his face, and his eyes darkened. Rose, blissfully unaware of my sudden urge to flee the room, stepped back up to continue rifling through the closet, as Miriam looked to her son, one of her eyebrows inching up. He tore his eyes away
from me, probably hearing some inquisitive thought in her head.
“Father is here, I came up to tell you.” He spoke to his mother, but over by the closet, I saw Rose suddenly stiffen.
Miriam nodded, the smile also fading from her face a little, and she moved to follow her son back out of the room. After they both left, I went over to Rose, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“You okay?”
She turned, her smile a little tremulous, “yeah, fine, just a little surprised is all. He hardly ever comes here, unless it’s during the day, to conduct court business, you know.”
“He doesn’t live here?”
“No, not so much anymore.”
“Where does he live then?”
She shrugged delicately, beginning to gather the fallen dresses, and I followed to help her.
“I don’t really know, nobody has ever asked him. Probably either in the Harem District, or King’s Blockage.”
“Maybe he’s just here to see his family?”
Her smile was a little softer when she turned to me again, “Maybe. Now lets get you into something a little less frightening.”
She ended up dressing me in a soft white chiffon dress that floated around me like a cloud, but didn’t have any straps. The top was a boned, corset style, layered with a soft, white material, flowing into the skirt that began at waist height. It was unlike anything I had ever worn before, and despite the revealing nature of the top-half of it, paired with the slit that parted the full skirt, halfway up my leg, I immediately loved it. As she laced the back of the short top, I admired the style in the mirror.
“You constantly surprise me, Rose.”
She flicked a look at me in the mirror, finishing off the too-constricting binding, and then winked, pushing me over to the vanity to do my hair.
“It’s a talent. Me and my mother, we could turn even a rock into something beautiful, and you’re no rock Bea.”
“I don’t even worry about my appearance when you dress me up, I’m too captivated by what you end up putting me in.”
She giggled, but from the flush slowly rising up her neck, I could tell that she was pleased with the compliment. She pulled the tie out of my hair and began to brush out the waves, before rubbing some random, lilac-scented lotion that shone like oil into her palms, and spreading it through the tresses.
“My mother will hold a formal dinner now that he’s turned up. Will you sit with me? I’d feel more comfortable having you there I think.”
“Are you sure? It wouldn’t make things even more awkward?”
She rolled her eyes, “you might be infamous at the Academy, but everyone knew you were coming, and when people see you with your father, then they know who and what you are. My father won’t even look twice, you won’t even register… he’s like that.”
I could sense the bitterness in her words, and again my heart ached for her, causing some of the darkness to creep back in.
“Sure,” I said quickly, hoping to bring her smile back, “I’ll sit with you.”
Sure enough, her smile chased the darkness away, though not entirely, and after she finished with my hair—leaving it in thick waves down my back—we headed down several stories to yet another room that I had never seen. It was a long hall, housing several circular tables, thought there was one that clearly held the position of importance, right in the middle, on a slightly raised dais. The room was already full of people, most of whom were seated, and servants bustled from table to table with trays of goblets. Cale, Hazen, Miriam and Kaylee were already seated, along with a man that I faintly recognised. The King had a large, imposing build, unlike the rest of his family, and his eyes were a cool blue, his hair cornflower yellow. The only one who seemed to look anything like him was Hazen, who had inherited his height, but not his bulk. They also had the same stern expressions.
Cale stood up and wolf-whistled when he saw us, causing the others to also look up. I purposely avoided any eye contact with Hazen or Kaylee, the memory of my embarrassing mind-slip earlier still taunting me. Cale pulled out chairs for both Rose and I, and as we sat, I cast a glance towards her father, who—true to Rose’s word—hadn’t even spared us a glance. He was deep in conversation with his wife, who had paused to give us both a tense smile, but turned back to her husband almost immediately.
I could feel the tension radiating off Rose, and was unsurprised when she snagged a passing servant and snatched two goblets off his tray, pushing one at me. I drank more because I didn’t want to make her drink alone, but even I was wondering how we were going to last the whole way through dinner as she switched our fourth glasses for fresh ones. Cale noticed, and snagged my goblet, taking a large enough swig of it to convince me he hadn’t just been thirsty. I threw him a grateful look and he winked.
That was when all hell broke loose.
The King—his name was Fenrel, if I remembered correctly—burst out of his seat, sending it flying backwards and clattering to the floor loudly. He slammed his fist down on the table, knocking Rose’s goblet into her lap, and causing everyone else to jump. Miriam had gone white, her gaze riveted to the tablecloth ahead of her, and Hazen slowly stood, his eyes flying from one of them to the other. I was surprised that he wasn’t up to speed already. Instead of watching the other two, I watched him, knowing when the brief look of horror crossed his face that something had to be terribly wrong.
“Mother,” he said, not turning his head away from the King, “maybe you should take Rose upstairs to change. She spilt wine everywhere.”
Miriam looked up, and I could have sworn that I saw relief flashing in her eyes. She pushed up from the table, visibly shaky, but didn’t get very far before Fenrel’s hand shot out, snaking around her upper arm.
“We will talk about this in the morning.” His tone was quiet, but the force of it carried, and beside me, Rose shuddered.
Fenrel was the one to walk away, striding through the hall and ignoring the way that people pretended they weren’t staring at him, or perhaps he just didn’t care enough to notice. Miriam hurried around to Rose and pulled her from her seat, obviously realising that she was drunk, but there was only sympathy in her lovely eyes as she led the girl from the room. Left alone in the aftermath of whatever had just happened, I sank back into my seat, staring at the tablecloth. Hazen lowered back into his own seat, giving Cale a short, almost imperceptible shake of his head, which had the other’s face crinkling with worry-lines immediately.
I cleared my mind of everything, and focused on only Hazen, calling his name softly in my head, not sure if it would get his attention or not. He dropped the fork he was playing with and his eyes swung to me, before returning to Kaylee, who was trying to whisper in his ear.
What is it Bea?
Suddenly I had nothing to say, or perhaps too much to say that I couldn’t decide which was more important, so instead, I pulled out the important memories. The ones of Rose, tied into heartbreaking knots over her father.
I’m sorry I thought, once I had finished, if there is ever any way that I can help, let me know.
Go to them, he returned, after a stretch of silence.
You don’t think I’d be intruding?
You’re more than a pretty face they like to dress up, Bea. Your lost, and it gives them purpose to have something to care for.
I’m not lost.
Across the table, Hazen nodded to Kaylee and then turned to me, his expression amused of all things. He didn’t speak, but instead pushed a series of images into my head, which flicked before my eyes in a silent parade. The first was my face, standing below the cherry-blossom tree with Cale, on the day we had first met. My appearance was a little disheveled, my hair pulled into a ponytail, which hung over my shoulder, and my hands clutching the stack of books in my arms. My lips were pressed with some emotion that looked like worry, and my violet eyes were wide. Lost.
The images that followed were of me over the last few months, and in all of them, my expression was similar. Wide eyes, and
a nervous set to my mouth, my shoulders slightly hunched.
Without saying a thing, in my head or otherwise, I stood up, holding out my hand for Cale to stay when he made a move to stand as well, and then turned to walk out of the room. On my way out, I paused and grabbed a glass decanter of some liquid, hoping that it was alcoholic, and made my way back to Rose’s chamber. I knocked on the door first, and heard Miriam’s soft call to enter. I was nervous by the time I finally pushed open the door, unsure as to whether they would welcome my intrusion, but when Rose saw the decanter in my hand she started laughing and ran over to give me a hug. To my surprise, Miriam drank right out of the decanter with us, even though the liquid burned like fire and chocked us all up.
“I think he’s lost,” Rose suddenly said, looking at me, “I think it’s time to stop waiting.”
“Stop waiting then.” I said, though I didn’t at all sound convincing, even to my own ears.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen your father Bea?” She asked, those lovely dark eyes pleading with me for something, perhaps a common pain.
“I saw him last when I was here.”
Miriam’s eyebrows shot up, “is he usually away this long?”
“Once he was gone for almost six months.”
“But when he came to see you, he was so distressed.”
“He loves me, he cares what happens to me, but our family died with my mother. And he knows that I can take care of myself.”
Rose sniffled, and took another swig out of the decanter.
“Maybe you can teach me.”
I reached over and grabbed her hand, “of course I will, you’ll never be alone Rose.”
We stayed there talking and eventually laughing, until the decanter was empty, and mother and daughter were curled up asleep. I wanted to curl up and sleep myself, but instead I hopped up off the bed, swaying a little, and then headed for the door. It did strike me as ironic that I was once again drunk within the castle, but the circumstances were less dire this time, so I didn’t worry so much, even when the darkness came swooping back into my mind and my head swam with images of Miriam and Rose’s tear-stained faces. By the time I reached the dining hall again, it was bereft of people, and I sighed, kicking off my shoes and leaving them there as I started wandering around in search of the others. I eventually found where the party had migrated, though it was significantly smaller now.
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