Her face turned stern. “Asshole!”
Unable to control it, I burst out laughing and Flick’s body froze. “What?”
“You should do that more often,” she whispered.
“Didn’t have much of a reason to laugh before, baby.” I kissed her again and dragged her and the takeout bag into the house, handing out food to the kids already waiting at the table.
I waited and waited, timing was always everything, so when her guard was down and she had a mouthful of burger, I took my chance. “Kids, are you okay if I take your aunt on a date?”
Flick froze again, her eyes went wide as did her mouth, giving me a full view of mushed up bread, burger patty and fries. “Beck. Wha’ sto’. No.”
“You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, Aunty Flick,” Lila chided, causing Flick’s excellent upbringing to kick in as she closed her mouth and speed chewed.
Cute.
When she opened her mouth to get involved, Lila got there first, ignoring her aunty and firing the questions at me. “Will she wear a pretty dress?”
“Doesn’t she always?”
Her brain spun through some data before she nodded and went back to her pancakes.
So far, Ben had said nothing, and in truth, I wasn’t sure how this would go over with him. “Lila, you wanna be a big girl and take the desert cookie I got us to the coffee table?” I looked at Flick. “Can you take the bowls and spoons?” Even a little worse for wear, she knew what was about to go down and that the chat with Ben would be a man-to-man thing. As soon as they’d left, I looked at Ben. “You got a view, kid?”
He shrugged.
“No lies. Let me hear it.”
“If it doesn’t work out, do we have to leave?”
“No. Never.”
“If it doesn’t work out, does Aunty Flick have to leave, like my mom made my dad leave?”
“No.” Ben’s little body sagged in relief. “But that’s not to say she wouldn’t want to. And we’d have to respect that. But no, I wouldn’t make her leave. She’s important to us all.” I knew my answer wouldn’t do anything to quell his fears, but if I expected him to be honest, I had to do the same in return. “Adult relationships are tricky, buddy. They take work and time to grow. You’ve got my promise that I’m committed to giving it both of those things to make sure it’s the best for all of us. Can you take some more honesty?”
Ben nodded.
“I’ve been in some bad places in my life. Choices I made, jobs I did, put me on a path of darkness and unhappiness.”
“Being a soldier?” he asked.
I nodded. “Being a soldier. But believe me when I say that having you and your sister here, and Flick, have been the best and brightest of my days for a long time. I’m not real keen on letting any of that go. So, you have my word that I’m gonna work my ass off to keep it. You understand what I’m saying?”
Ben thought for a brief second, and to me that second felt like an hour. “We mean something to you, Uncle Beckett.”
“No kid. You, Lila, and Flick mean everything to me.”
I let that settle with him and waited while it dug its way deeper. Physically, I saw the change that the thought of permanency did to him. The load of being unsettled shifted. If I could have given him this sooner, I would have done, but the time wasn’t right. He needed to see that I’d taken this seriously and considered everything before I’d fallen for the thought of spending a normal life with the three of them.
It hit me then, I’d be responsible for teaching him the right way for all of his life lessons here on in. I was going to shape and form this kid’s beliefs.
Was this task my reward?
Were they my reward for enduring all the pain and suffering?
Had some higher being sacrificed my sister to save me?
Fuck. This was deep and our roles had now reversed. Ben stared at me, just waiting, as I snapped back to the here and now. “Ice cream and cookie?”
His response was to stand up. Of course it was, no one wanted deep and meaningful over ice cream and cookie. “You have any questions, just talk to me, yeah? This family is important to me and I don’t want any uncertainty, okay?”
“Okay.”
When I followed him into the living room, Flick had tears in her eyes and a big soppy smile on her face that had little to do with over imbibing at a vodka fueled staff meeting. I guess she approved then.
That night I went to her bed. I wasn’t taking the chance that the booze would get to her and she’d crash out. Flick was barely conscious when I pulled her back into my arms.
“Will you tell me?” she mumbled.
“About?”
“The darkness and unhappiness.”
“You stick with me, see this ride through, and I’ll tell you.”
“Don’t if you don’t want to,” she muttered into her pillow.
I squeezed her tight. “It’s not about that. I’m just not keen on spreading darkness if I don’t need to. But we keep on the path to good, I’ll share.”
“I hope we do.” Flick yawned and settled against me.
“That yawn mean I’m not getting the drunk fuck I was after?”
Her breathing was already deeper than it was a few seconds again, and her cute-as-fuck snoring began. The goodness in this girl was something I could see myself cherishing and protecting for the rest of my days. The thought of having her light beat back my darkness was so overwhelming, it had me hopeful, and I only ever associated hope with making it out of somewhere alive, or completing a mission in true clandestine order.
In. Kill. Out. Done.
“Babe.” I nuzzled that soft spot just under her ear and she shifted closer, responding without words.
“I’m gonna love what we’re building so hard. Almost as much as I love the thought of falling deep in love with you.”
Flick gave no reply which was probably a good thing, I’d already gone deep tonight with Ben and when I went deep with Flick, it would definitely be better if she was conscious for it.
“Stay here, babe, I’ll sort the kids.”
Flicked groaned from under her pillow and the duvet.
Closing the door gently, I made my way to the kids’ rooms. “Rise and shine, kiddos.” I wrapped my knuckles on their doors and headed for the kitchen. If they hadn’t surfaced in fifteen minutes, I’d drag Ben and Lila and that damn unicorn into the land of the living—which Flick wouldn’t see for a few hours yet.
The landline in the hallway rang. I ignored it, no one I wanted to talk to ever rang that number, I only had it for the broadband. A few minutes later I felt the cell phone in my pants pocket vibrate. Fishing it out and balancing it between my ear and shoulder, I got on with changing the filter on the coffee machine. “Yeah?”
There was nothing but a click.
Fifteen minutes later in the car, the cell rang again interrupting some god-awful boy band that Lila was bopping along to. “Yeah?”
For the second time I received no reply when I answered, just the same click which sounded like the same time delayed click I’d been presented with before. It sounded dumb that a click could be the same, but the length of time they took to hang up was identical.
A chill floated down my spine from top to bottom, touching every nerve point inside of me. I was suspicious by nature, and definitely by nurture, the US Government’s nurture, but no one ever called me. Everyone I knew or still wanted to know was either living with me or connected to the club, and no fucker would play with me like this.
At the school drop off, I waited until it was my turn. As they climbed out, I called Ben back to me. “Keep an eye on your sister today, okay?” I didn’t know why I said it, it was a compulsion I had to see through.
“Always do. She’s crazy.” The kid smiled and ran off.
I waited, half expecting it to happen again, another call, the third call. Three times meant something. In my old world, it meant you were about to be contacted. A handler would get in touch because there
was a mission on the horizon. It used to send my blood pumping, and it did now, just not with excitement. I was done with all of that. In any case, my file wasn’t even listed as active, I’d been declassified as a sleeper.
Done.
Out.
Used and left on the verge of broken.
At the autoshop, I jumped every time a hammer gun buzzed, or someone clanged metal on metal.
What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn’t feel irritated, I wasn’t withdrawn, I was just in limbo, waiting for that third fucking call. It sent me back to a point in time where my blood pressure peaked and if a doctor tested it right now, he’d call a paramedic, expecting my heart to arrest and expire.
By lunchtime I was frayed. I needed out, a distraction, and Flick was the only thing that had beaten back my demons recently, and as I downed tools, shouted at Wolf that I’d be back in a couple of hours, I prayed that being with her, feeling her close would settle me.
Surprisingly, she was up and about when I walked through the door.
“Hey, babe.”
“Ugh.” I didn’t need to look at her to know she was battling with a hangover. She nursed a cup of coffee in her hands like it was lifeblood, and her complexion was a lot closer to the color of the porcelain mug than her usual healthy glow.
“Gotta say, I’m disappointed, was hoping you’d still be tucked up in bed.”
“Typical,” she groaned and gently laid her head back against the couch.
“You telling me you’re not pleased I’m home? We have the house all to ourselves and you’re awake enough to participate.” Flicks eyes showed signs of life. Signs that told me I still had a chance of getting her back in bed, us naked, and me between those fantastic fucking legs of hers.
“Would have still been there, but the damn phone kept ringing.”
Every fiber in my body wanted to stop at her words, but I knew she’d notice that. Flick was astute, attuned, so I slowed my pace just a little and tried with all my fucking might to enquire nonchalantly. “Did you answer it?”
“On the fifth time, yeah.” Finally, she looked at me “It was weird, actually.”
“Weird how?”
“Well, firstly, I didn’t even know you had a proper phone.”
She paused and I wanted to scream at her to hurry up. “Was there a secondly?”
“Yeah. I said hello and a voice just asked, ‘This where Beckett Hope lives?’”
This time I did stop, there was no other alternative, reaction took over my need to pretend. “What did you say?”
“I was kinda grumpy, so I asked who they were. They didn’t answer for a bit, and then a guy just muttered, ‘It is,’ and then hung up.”
I didn’t know whether to be worried or not, this was different. None of this was standard protocol for any contact from the agency. It wasn’t the third dead-air signal I was expecting, but it was someone who didn’t want to be identified; my experience, and that of my past life, meant it never lead to anything good.
I dug deep, searched my gut for the answer and it only trembled in reply and I always, always listened to my gut.
Yeah, I was fucking worried.
Shadow
“Where are you going?”
“Bathroom, babe.” Flick rolled over, hugged her bed pillow and went back to sleep. In reality, I was escaping to the bathroom because I needed to get my head on straight and lying next to her while trying to work through the whirring in my brain was doing my fucking head in.
If I fidgeted, I woke her up. If I did my Shadow thing and laid perfectly still, my brain got out of control and I wasn’t down with my past coming back to haunt me while we were in bed together. She’d brought that to an end for me and I was keen to stay on that winning streak.
I took a piss and then looked at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands. Could this be it, for real? Could my time on the down low be over and I was back on radar?
A large part of me convinced myself that it wasn’t possible, but the part of me that told myself to stop being so fucking naïve, was there, stronger, staring back at me.
Of course it was possible. I’d made a deal with the devil, blinded by some secret need to serve and protect. A goddamn, mother-fucking Jason Bourne ideal that sounded appealing. I’d fallen for a fucking sales pitch, and that deal sold my soul to them, bound me to them for life, and it was possible that that part of my life was never ever going to be over, just dormant, asleep in the shadows, until it was time to go to work again.
I wondered if I had any hope of refusing. The possibility of out running them was slim; all operatives had the same tracking skills. I wasn’t used to being hunted though; I was the hunter. During training, I hated it, being in a forest or mountain range and knowing that someone as skilled as me was trying to track me down. They rarely managed it though, I was better equipped, both physically and mentally, to hunt prey and kill. Ending a life, the life of someone I’d all but stalked, studied, and become intricately acquainted with without them realizing and leaving no trace behind, was my specialty. There were only a handful of people who knew where I’d hidden the bodies, or body parts, and those people had the power to bring me down, to end this normality I’d found, a normality I’d been craving without even knowing it.
This time it would be different though, if they sucked me back in, I would make sure I had insurance. They wouldn’t take me down without a fight.
The bullet hole in my shoulder caught my attention. I let Flick believe it was something I’d earned during combat with the army, it was just easier. I didn’t though. I got it from a senator who I’d been sent to remind of his obligations, and the motherfucker knew he was on borrowed time and tooled up; he was ready and waiting. A toddler’s cry had disturbed me, given him the edge, and the cunt pulled a silenced gun on me and took a pot shot. Any higher and I’d have been the one in an unmarked grave. It was only adrenaline that got me through that night. Carrying a corpse with lead burning in your body is more than just a little unpleasant. I knew his bloody disappearance was still an open cold case, thankfully I managed to get back to the scene and clean up. But still, my clothes and body armor were soaked in blood, some of it must have been left behind, even though I checked, but thankfully, nothing like that about me was on any official record. The police and the forensic investigators would have come up with a dead end. My files were unreachable. Nothing about me existed. No medical records, that was part of the deal. I fucked up once and now it was like I never existed.
I was going to have to tell her all of this. My promise, my oath was what had kept me safe up until now and telling Flick would break that, put her in harm’s way, but I refused to let her fall in love with a Shadow.
Because she would fall in love with me. I’d make fucking sure of it.
“Beckett.” Flick appeared behind me and scared me half to death. This shit was absolutely messing with my head, no one ever got the jump on me. Luckily, she was still half asleep and didn’t notice. God, she was cute when she was sleepy. “You okay?”
“I am now.” I pulled her farther into the bathroom and jerked her close to me, she was definitely more awake now. “Can see your nipples, baby, wanna see your tits too, though.”
The sleepiness in her eyes was replaced with something else immediately.
Desire.
“Loose the top.”
“Come back to bed.”
“And the booty shorts.” I carried on ignoring her, making my intent clear. We were going to fuck in my en-suite and as soon as I could arrange for a sleepover for the kids we were also going to fuck on my couch, the dining room table, and the kitchen counter tops. And when the weather really warmed up, I planned to ride her in my back yard and then steal her away to somewhere secluded and fuck her on the back of my bike too.
I was obsessed with Felicity Peters, but I was also completely obsessed with feeling my dick inside her. The world melted away and ceased to exist when we were joined together like this.
“
You’re still wearing your clothes, baby, want me to do it?”
“I… uh…”
“Too much thinking and talking and not enough action.” I whipped her top up and saw those nipples pucker up more. Leaning forward I sucked her pink mounds into my mouth. Her head lolled back, and I felt those fucking glorious nails score my scalp.
God! That got me so hard.
I forced my hand past the elastic waistband and cupped those perfect ass globes, slipping a cheeky finger close to where I knew she was already wet. “Like that?”
“Absolutely,” she breathed, and her positive response took this from sleepy, sneaky bathroom sex, to, gonna drill her against the wall until she begs me to stop. I forced her shorts down her thighs and dropped to my knees, with a finger poking at her swollen pussy, I licked at her and felt her knees buckle. I fucking adored that I brought this out in her.
Me. Shadow.
The shadow that was dead inside and on borrowed time, brought this girl to her fucking knees with want.
“More.”
I finger fucked her harder, licking and sucking desperately at her clit, feeling her get wetter and wetter. When I could hold back no more, I picked her up and pulled my drawstring pants down just enough to free my dick and impaled her.
As I groaned her head shot back and hit the wall. Her eyes, heavy and lidded, totally in this place, this moment with me, just the two of us. “You feel so fucking… good, baby.”
“Need you, Beckett.”
“You got me,” I whispered, and those lidded eyes connected with mine, understanding that she had me, the very most important part of me. The part of me that I still had control over, the part of me that didn’t belong to anyone but her, my heart.
As I started to move in her, I watched mesmerized as she played with her tits, sending my brain into a spin. This wouldn’t last nearly long enough if I had to watch the little minx tease me while we were connected. With each upstroke I pounded harder, she was going to feel this for days and remember what we’d done here every time she came into this bathroom. I wanted her as connected to me as possible, I was going to need that when I told her the truth. Told her about my real time of service.
Flick (The Black Sentinels MC Book 4) Page 13