Following Pete’s instructions, I settled back on my bed and tried to clear my thoughts. I focused only on finding Cassandra. With errant thoughts drifting through my mind here and there, it was more difficult to clear my head than I thought it would be. I don’t remember how long I’d tried, but I finally managed to concentrate on Cassandra. I saw images of the Seoladán—it was foggy. Through the mist, I saw her with someone. They were holding each other in a passionate embrace, no, they were doing more than that, but I couldn’t quite make out who was with her. Disgusting. As I drew closer, I heard a loud buzzing sound. I looked around and couldn’t determine were the sound was coming from. Then the fog lifted. I woke up with my alarm clock going off. It’s five o’clock in the morning, already?
“Crap. It was just a dream.”
I shook my head and sat up, rubbing my swollen eyes. “Note to self: attempting astral travel when tired leads to bad dreams. Thanks for the warning, Pete.”
It was Monday morning and I had to get ready for school. This was the last week before spring break, and I had an exam in Spanish II a few hours away, but I wanted to try again. My slippers were at the foot of my bed. I found them and shuffled into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face, hoping that would keep me from falling back asleep.
Satisfied that I was wide awake, I settled back on the bed but set my alarm for 6:15 to be sure. Once again I tried to relax—it was easier to do because my mind was clear. Pete said to focus on the object I wanted to find, and then clear my mind and relax my body. I said, “I will find Cassandra,” and then I began to focus on nothing other than relaxing my body and slowing my heart rate. My natural ability to calm myself helped.
With my eyes closed, I began picturing the ceiling above me, just as he had done. I don’t know how much time had passed, but I felt like I was beginning to move upwards. Fully cognizant of where I was, my body tingled for a few moments. Then I had the sensation of floating. The picture of the ceiling in my mind grew closer. When I opened my eyes, the sense of movement reversed and I felt like I was falling, rather suddenly, back toward the bed. My heart took a few quick beats as I found myself lying awake on the duvet cover.
“More time, give it more time, Maggie.”
I repeated the process until again I felt like I was floating. This time, however, I didn’t try to open my eyes or move. Just as Pete had said, I seemed to be sensing the energy in everything around me and slowly I became aware of my body somewhere below. The sensation of rolling over occurred simultaneously with my desire to do so. The vision in my mind changed as I did, and even though I couldn’t feel my eyes to make them open, I saw myself, tangled hair, stretched out in my huge, wrinkled Razorback t-shirt, several feet below.
I willed myself to the window and to the window I went. Pete said it was important to keep mental discipline, because we could create anything our minds desired, good or bad, and as he put it, he’d been led “to a variety of unfortunate places and into the presence of a great many less than desirable images by mere conjecture and flight of fancy.”
Duly noted, Pete.
Focusing on the garden, I at once moved to it through the window of my room. A milky fog blanketed the area obscuring objects more than forty or fifty feet past me. The energy of everything in the garden was almost palpable to me, however, and I didn’t have to extend my mind to sense it. The Fae guards were in their normal positions. Each appeared to be as oblivious to my presence as Pete said they’d be.
Shoe’s on the other foot, I spoke, or thought, to the one nearest the gate, who happened to be in the form of a rabbit.
It startled and turned in my direction, startling me. Immediately, I felt my body back up in the bedroom, and the connection, or tether, I had to it was lost. Pete said we remained tethered in this state, and if threatened, we’d return to our bodies immediately. Then I felt another presence, one that appeared to be moving quickly toward me. I recognized her, somehow, as Aunt May, though she didn’t look the same. She motioned me to follow her but placed a finger over her mouth.
Going to her was difficult and took all of my concentration. She wasn’t leading me to the Seoladán, but to the boat dock. I started to speak and she seemed to sense it. Again, she turned and held a finger over her mouth. I drifted down the mist-cloaked hill, through the trees, behind her. She was much younger looking…wherever we were, and very graceful as she floated to the edge of my view. She patiently waited for me to close the distance, and then repeated the movement several times, always holding her finger over her closed lips.
Before the edge of the dock came into my field of vision, I felt Cassandra. She was there with someone, a human, who seemed strangely familiar, but whom I didn’t yet recognize.
“You must leave now, but remember what I want. She stole it from me and I must have it back.” Cassandra’s voice cut through the fog like a knife.
“I’ll get it back, I promise.”
I heard the voice, and I recognized it immediately, but I couldn’t accept that it was really him. I concentrated on the dock and found myself hovering there. Cassandra and Doug were embraced—he was half-dressed, his bronze skin gleaming from the waist up. My worst fears were realized—Rachel had been right. Aunt May glided up next to me, and again urged me not to make a sound.
I wanted to warn him and pull him away from her. Doug didn’t know that she could snap him in two. A moment later, she pulled his face toward hers and his mouth fell open. He clung to her body, nude except for a thin gown that hid nothing, and kissed her passionately. She grabbed his hair and guided his face down her neck to her breasts before gently pulling his head away so that he was staring up into her smoldering brown eyes. His breathing came hard and fast as he ground his hips into her, and she him.
“There will be time enough for that later, lover,” she cooed and laughed seductively. “For me, for us, I need you to leave for a little while.”
He smiled at her, his ornery smile, the one he used so effectively on me, and she grinned back at him while letting her gown fall. He began wrestling with his belt when I heard the buzzing sound.
The falling sensation was the same as before and I woke up startled, angry, but alone in my room. I refused to think about what I’d just seen, and grabbed Pete’s journal. My gut told me to hide it, but why I wasn’t sure. I walked to the wall of my bedroom and opened a hole in the plaster with my mind. With the book tucked inside, I closed it, leaving the surface precisely as it had been. Hidden, I hoped.
Fifteen minutes later, when I was in the bathtub, I felt Cassandra move from the boat dock to the Seoladán. I fought with nausea.
***
“Maggie, what’s wrong? Can you tell me?” Sara asked as we drove to school.
I thought about it for a moment, but there was no way I could tell her what I’d seen without telling her how I’d seen it.
“Nothing, really, I just didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Really, you appeared to sleep like a rock. Bad dreams?”
“Yes, you could say that.”
Sara didn’t ask any more questions, dropping the subject like I’d hoped she would, and instead told me her plans for the day. Five minutes later, she said, “I’ll go keep an eye on your parents. I’ll see you tonight.” She shifted out of physical form and moved back toward the Weald.
Alone at last, my mind began to whir. “Did I actually see Doug with her?” I asked myself. I knew I had, though I wanted to deny it. “How long have they…?” I couldn’t finish that question aloud. I was hurt by it, and I was jealous. She was beautiful and Doug was looking at her the way he’d always looked at me.
I told myself it didn’t matter that he had been with her, but it didn’t help much. I was upset for another reason: I was afraid for him. The thought of what might happen made me sick, and then I started blaming myself. If I’d had the courage to tell him the truth twelve months ago, he would have certainly moved on with his life, and that meant he would have never crossed paths with her. My
selfishness had put him in danger. Yes, it was selfishness. He wanted me and I knew it. I’d kept him hanging on for a year and I’d known better all along. What did I expect to happen?
None of that mattered now—I had to protect him. Somehow.
I was still wrestling with my options when I pulled into the school parking lot. My blood ran cold when I saw his Jeep in Gavin’s old parking place next to mine.
“Oh crap.”
Jabbing the brakes, I stopped at the entrance and toyed with the idea of driving away. It wouldn’t do any good, I knew. He’d already seen me, and the look on his face told me it wasn’t going to go well.
I pulled forward and parked. He leaned against his Jeep, and the first thing I noticed was his clothing. He wore the same clothes I’d seen him in early in the morning. His eyes were red, glassy, and for the first time since I’d known him, I would describe them as hard. He’d apparently driven straight here after he got home with his boat. I wondered whether this was part of some plan she’d concocted. Time to find out.
I stood up and closed the door of my car, smiling at him.
“Thought you were going to avoid me again,” he snapped.
“Doug, listen…”
“No, bitch, you listen!” he growled, cutting me off.
The words wounded me—he wasn’t acting like himself at all.
“You’re a liar, Maggie. Come on, admit it, you’re with someone else—I know it. I want you to admit it!”
Calling me by my real name hurt worse than calling me a bitch. It was the first time he hadn’t called me Havana.
I managed to keep my anger in check. “Fine, I admit it. I didn’t go see my brother. I went to Thorncrown instead, but it wasn’t to see another man, or any human being for that matter.” Technically, that was the truth.
“Bull crap! On my god, you’re such a liar, you’re a fu…”
“I was at Thorncrown!” I snapped back, interrupting his tirade.
Several students in the parking lot had stopped talking and were watching us. Great.
His eyes grew even harder and he was seething. “Well, even if you were at Thorncrown, I know you weren’t there alone—your car was at the house in the driveway.”
“I own more than one, remember?” I shot back.
“Why in the hell can’t you be honest with me? Huh? What’s wrong, can’t you own up to it? Sudden speech impediment? Or are you trying to figure out another stinkin’ lie to tell me?”
“Stop it, Doug!”
“You know, you could have told me the truth, but oh, no. The truth ain’t good enough for poor old Doug, is it? You’re too much of a lying tramp to do that. I’m sick of it—I’m done with you.”
I tried to catch myself, but anger mixed with being publicly humiliated got the best of me. “There is nothing for you to be done with, Douglas. I’m not in love with you…never have been, and after today, I promise you, I n-e-v-e-r will be. Now leave me the hell alone!”
His face turned red with rage. “You’re just afraid to admit it. It’s so obvious, it’s pathetic!”
“Yeah, I’m in love all right, but the only thing I haven’t admitted is with whom. Gavin! I’m in love with Gavin, not you, now get the hell away from me!” I screamed and started toward the door.
He marched around the end of my car, cutting me off. He glared at me and acted like he might try to hit me. “Liar! He’s been gone for a year. You’re whoring around with someone else—I know it. Gavin wouldn’t do that to me.”
From behind me, Candace ran in between us. “Doug, that’s enough, you need to leave.”
“Get the hell out of my way,” he roared, clenching his hands into fists.
“NO!” she screamed at him. He stopped, and shifted his glare to her. “You’re being a complete ass—a jealous, childish ass. Her brother is dying, you ignorant clod. Did you hear me? Dying! And what are you doing?” She squared her shoulders as though she’d fight him herself.
He studied her and began to calm down. “I know her brother is sick, but she…”
“But she nothing!” Candace cut him off. “If she wants to be alone, it’s her right. God, can you even begin to imagine what she’s going through?”
“Fine, you want to defend her, go ahead. This isn’t about her brother and you know it! She lied to you, too!” Then he looked at me and I saw his resolve begin to weaken.
“Doug, she’ll hate you forever for saying this if Mitch doesn’t make it. Is that what you want?”
Something clicked and his face changed. “Maggie, I…”
“Don’t talk to me.” I said slowly and forcefully, keeping the emotion off my face.
I knew for his sake I needed to do this, though it was going to kill me to. With a calm voice that only he and Candace could hear, I said, “I don’t ever want to see you again. Do not come onto my property, ever. Don’t call me, don’t text me, and don’t ever show up in my school parking lot screaming at me again. This is my fault, you’re right, and I’m going to fix it right here and now. I’ve been unfair to you, and for that I’m sorry. I don’t love you, Doug, I love Gavin, and he loves me. When I graduate, I’m going to find him.”
His face went white and his mouth went slack.
“Havana…”
“No, you don’t get to call me that, not anymore. Why don’t you stick to your new pet name for me—If I ever see you again, that’s exactly what I’ll be. Now, tell me, are you going to quit the swim team or do I need to? Your choice.”
“I will,” he said softly.
“If I see you there, I’m out the door. I’m sorry, Doug, but this is for the best. Good bye. Come on Candace, I have a test to take.”
His face was so wounded it cut me to the core. I wanted to apologize, to tell him that I cared about him, but I knew that would only put him in more danger. Instead, I focused on the door and ignored him as I walked by. I heard him whisper my name, and then I heard him punch the back of his Jeep and gasp in pain.
“Oh my god, did you break it?” Candace asked him.
I didn’t stop though, even when I heard the pain in his voice when he called my name again. The tears were pouring down my face when I walked by Rachel and Ronnie, and entered the building. Rachel was crying too, and gave me a sympathetic nod. They understood it was what I had to do to save him. I went straight to the restroom, locked myself in a stall, and sobbed.
SEVENTEEN
WORDS OF WISDOM
When I got close to Sara’s cottage, I noticed how desolate it seemed. It was my first visit in nearly a year, and the first since she’d left last summer. It was the same tiny limestone structure, but it was completely different. The horses were gone, too. After Sara’s false confession to Aunt May’s murder, Dad had asked Victoria and Sherman to take them. Technically they were mine, but I hadn’t protested. He had been suffering at the time and removed anything that reminded him of Aunt May’s murder. I still hated sitting on that lie, but I knew if he had even the remotest inkling about what really happened, it would have driven him mad.
I knocked on the weathered door, its blue paint peeling in a few places, and heard Grandma.
“Come in,” her melodic voice rang through. I loved how she always seemed excited to see me.
The cottage interior was quaint, with yellow plaster walls, beamed ceilings, and smooth stone floors. The rooms were tiny—so tiny that I wondered how my ancestors lived in such a small space. A kitchen, with a whitewashed cupboard, white enamel sink and an antique stove, sat to the right of a slightly larger living room that had two pale blue sofas that faced each other and flanked an oversized limestone fireplace. The windows were small and deeply set in the thick walls. Pink verbena, fuchsia and white begonia bloomed in the flower boxes—Billy’s magic touch reached the small cottage as well.
The two cozy bedrooms were situated off a short hallway behind the living room, along with a recently added bathroom. Well, the 1950s were recent, compared to the rest of the cottage.
Grandma
was seated at the small, round kitchen table reading a book of some kind and drinking what looked like lemonade.
“Well, hi, Maggie, what’ve you been up to today?” She gave me her trademark smile.
“Just trying to stay out of trouble…and failing.”
“Well, I doubt you of all people would have any trouble with that.”
If only she knew the truth.
“Where’s Grandpa?” My voice was more sheepish than I wanted it to be.
“With your mom, driving around in that big red car—the coast is clear.” She smiled knowingly and patted the seat of a chair. “What did you want to talk about?”
“I’m not sure where to begin.”
She stretched her face, raising her eyebrows.
“Begin wherever you’re comfortable.”
I let my senses expand beyond the cottage to the area around us and didn’t sense any Fae nearby. To make certain we wouldn’t be overheard, I extended my Air barrier around us. Grandma was the only person I could really talk to—she had always been my confidant and she was the coolest person I knew.
“Let me break the ice. This is about a boy, isn’t it?”
I laughed and blushed.
“Grandma, what do you do if someone loves you, but you don’t love him, at least not that way?”
She gave me a kind, sympathetic look, and tipped her head to the right. “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s sooo touchy.” Her expression changed and she instantly looked wise, like she always did when she gave me advice. “There isn’t anything you can do, except let him know. You can’t make yourself care, and it’s my experience, the harder you try, the worse it turns out. Now, honey, are you sure you don’t share Doug’s feelings?” She grinned really big and nodded her head.
“You know?”
“Oh, child, of course I know. Men are the easiest to read when they want someone. It’s the silly bravado and the mindless puppy dog eyes—that’s especially true among the teenage vintage.” She said it so matter-of-factly that I laughed.
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