“What?”
“Nothing.” Feeling unsure, I release my pinky’s grip, but Ryder grabs my hand back, this time lacing our fingers together. “So, coffee?” he asks. “I don’t have another class until one so I’m free for the next three hours.”
“Actually, do you mind if we get something to eat?”
Ryder laughs incredulously. “You can’t still be hungry after all of those donuts.”
I raise our joined hands and punch him with his own fist. “Hey! I ran ten miles this morning. Ten miles! I need at least another five thousand calories to make up for it. And I’m really, really hungry.”
“Student cafeteria?”
“Sounds good. According to my meal plan, they’re supposed to carry gluten-free cheesecake. And I want some chips and salsa. Better yet, I’m craving sweet potato fries. Oh, and a chicken lettuce wrap.”
Ryder grimaces at my food choices. “I can’t wait to see you try to eat all of that.”
“Challenge accepted, my friend.”
Chapter 12
Ryder
I watch in fascination as Elizabeth finishes off the cheesecake and groans. “I think I’m going to need a minute or twenty before I’m able to get up.”
“I told you.” I chuckle as she sticks her tongue out at me.
“It was worth it. So good.”
We’re sitting at one of the smaller tables in the student cafeteria near the back. Several people who know me have already stopped at our table, probably out of curiosity to see who Elizabeth is. I would too if I were them. Elizabeth is that stunning. So absolutely beautiful. As we walked in, several heads turned her way, mostly men of course, and I had to tamp down my jealous reaction to all of the male looks she was receiving.
Speaking of which, “Who’s Trevor?”
Elizabeth takes a drink of her iced tea and relaxes back into her chair. “He and I actually met a few weeks ago when I went to the beach for a walk. Remember the day I had lunch with Julien?” I nod. “That was the day.”
“He wants you, you know.” Why did I say that?
Elizabeth splutters her drink and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “I don’t think so.”
“He’s already given you a cute nickname.” He called her Wildcat.
“Oh, my God, no. I’m not interested. He’s relegated to study buddy. Nothing more.” That makes me feel better.
I decide to change the subject away from talk of Trevor. “Do you have any more sessions this week?”
Elizabeth had told me about the therapist she’s seeing twice a week. I’m glad she’s going. She seems to be having a lot of nightmares lately, many of them a mix of old memories and of the night she was attacked. Come to think of it, the night she called me was the same day of her first appointment with Dr. Clairemont. I don’t think any of us will ever be able to imagine the hell Elizabeth must live in now with no memory and having to start her life from scratch. I wish Jay would ease up with the pressure he puts on her.
For a brief second, a haunted expression flicks over Elizabeth’s face before it’s gone. “I go again tomorrow, and I have an MRI on Thursday.”
“Want me to go with you?”
Elizabeth looks at me, a myriad of emotions on her face. “You don’t have to do that.” She starts chewing on her thumbnail. I grab her hand away from her mouth and place it on the table.
“I want to. I don’t want you to have to do that by yourself. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there for you, Elizabeth. Always. Therefore, I’m coming with you.”
She nods. “I’d like that. Very much. Thank you, Ryder.” She looks down at our hands and I can feel the mood shift around us. “Ryder?”
“Hmm?”
“Would you like to go out on a date with me?”
Holy shit! Did she just ask me out?
“What?” I state a little too loudly. My heart thuds triple count.
She focuses her sage green sight on me, and I’m instantly caught. “Go out on a date,” she repeats. “With me.”
I can only stare at her. My brain has fritzed out and all I can think is, Holy shit.
“Ryder?”
“What about Jay?”
“What about Jayson? I’m not asking him out. I’m asking you out.”
There it goes again. My heart speeds up to quadruple time now.
Ten years of my life I’ve spent pining for Elizabeth. I spent almost half of that time watching from the sidelines after Jayson claimed her. Forced to watch all the times he held her and kissed her. All the times I loved her and couldn’t be with her. All the times Elizabeth and I would collide back together, being pulled toward one another by buried feelings that we were forced to suppress because of that one night Jay went behind my back and stole her away from me. The night when she chose him because she didn’t know I was in love with her too.
Now it seems fate has given me a second chance. I think back to what Fallon said to me at the track, and I understand now. I’m being given a second chance with Elizabeth. But that chance may come at a price.
Elizabeth has no memory of what she and Jayson were to each other. What happens if I say yes and her memory comes back? Will she leave me and go back to him? Will I be able to survive it again? Am I brave enough to take this chance? Jay sure as hell is not going to stand by and watch me and Elizabeth date. A selfish part of me doesn’t care. Jay destroyed that nexus of our friendship years ago when he listened to me confess my feelings for Elizabeth, then ran immediately off and professed his love to her. He kissed her. He claimed her. I may have stepped aside, but I have never forgiven him for doing that. I also have never stopped loving Elizabeth.
“It’s fine. I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I apologize if I was too forward,” Elizabeth says quietly and gets up from her chair.
Do something, I yell at myself. Do not let her leave. Do not let her walk away. Don’t be a stupid asshole. Grab ahold of this gift that you have wanted so much, for so long, and take it.
It’s funny how random thoughts pop into your mind at unexpected moments. I remember Elizabeth’s words from the night she came to me after her fight with Jay. The night she chose to kiss me for the first time. The night she chose to stop fighting her feelings about us.
I’m done letting everyone make choices for me. I won’t do it anymore. How do I know what I want if I’m never given a choice, never given a chance to decide for myself?
Right now, she’s making a choice. A choice that is all hers. And she’s choosing me. Not Jayson. Not Julien. Me.
My hand snatches hers and I pull her back down to her chair.
“Yes.”
“Yes?” she asks, a glimmer of hope and happiness in her word’s inflection.
I pull her chair closer to mine and lean in to cup her cheek, rubbing my thumb across its silkiness and reveling in the fact I get to touch her like this.
“Yes,” I tell her with more clarity and determination. “I would love to take you out on a date. But we need to be careful, Elizabeth. Jayson and Julien aren’t going to understand. Especially Jayson.”
“I don’t want to cause any problems between the three of you. It’s like I told Julien. I feel it, that thing that’s between us, and I’m pretty sure you do, too.”
“I do,” I say, acknowledging the truth.
“These past weeks with you, Ryder, have made it clear to me just how much I like being with you. How badly I want to be with you,” she clarifies, “and I would like to be able to explore that…with you. I can’t remember my past, but I would like to start living in my present. I would like it to be with you.”
I continue to caress her cheek with my thumb and she tilts her head, her eyes fluttering close, a sigh escaping her full heart-bow lips. Lips I am dying to kiss.
Even though her eyes are closed, she continues talking to me in a hushed voice. “What we do is between us. You and me. It’s no one else’s business.”
Elizabeth opens her eyes and while watching me, presses her l
ips to my thumb. Electricity zings down my hand and through my body at her light touch. We drift closer, that invisible string that has always tethered us together pulling tauter. I rub my thumb along her bottom lip, up along her cheekbone. I can feel the heat of her blood under the skin come to the surface, deepening the color of her skin before my eyes.
“Okay,” I hear myself tell her. Her radiant smile lights up my soul. God, I love this woman. This time around, I’ll make her mine.
Elizabeth
I can’t believe I just asked him out. It was like word vomit. I couldn’t help myself. I feel giddy and light, like I’m floating on a cloud. I smile at him and press a kiss to the pad of his thumb and the smile he gives me in return detonates a bomb inside of me. That familiar stomach flip returns with a vengeance. Shivers of excitement tickle up and down my skin causing goose bumps to explode everywhere.
Ryder is so damn handsome. We’ve been dancing around our undeniable attraction to each other for weeks. It’s not just Ryder’s devastating good looks or ripped body I find myself staring at more often than not that has me hooked. He’s also caring and supportive. He doesn’t push. He doesn’t try to make me be someone he used to know, to fit a preconceived mold of who the old Elizabeth was. When I’m with him, I’m happy. I feel free and alive, more comfortable in my new skin. Every moment I spend with him makes me even more attracted to him, and I fall just a little harder. And right this second, I would give anything for him to kiss me.
“When would you like for me to take you out on our first date?” His question breaks me from the trance my thoughts have on him.
“Friday?” Please say yes, please say yes. I would have suggested tonight, I am that eager for our first official date together.
“Friday it is. I’ll tell the guys I’m racing that night or something.”
I frown. I hate that we have to keep this a secret from Jayson, Julien, and Elijah, but like I told him, it’s no one’s business but ours.
“I can’t wait,” I tell him, my excitement clear as day.
“Hey, Elizabeth.” Meredith pops up at our table causing both me and Ryder to startle. “Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?”
“Not at all.”
Meredith happily sits down. “I’m Meredith. I’m in Elizabeth’s Lit class. Are you her boyfriend?”
“Just a really good friend,” I reply. “Meredith, meet Ryder.” She gives him a cute wave and starts talking a mile a minute to me.
“I just got back from the library. We have study room three reserved for every Wednesday evening from seven to nine. I already texted Trevor. This is going to be so much fun,” she squeals. This girl is just a ball of energy.
Just like Maria.
A girl with dark hair and eyes flashes before my eyes.
“Elizabeth, did you hear me?”
“Sorry. What?”
“I asked if you were going to the party on Saturday. Trevor invited both of us and asked me to remind you.”
For some reason, her mentioning the party makes me uneasy, but when I came here, I decided I was going to make sure to experience as many new things as I could. I have a lifetime of them to make up for.
“I guess we can come.”
“We? Oh, are you coming too?” she asks Ryder, but he looks to me.
“How about I text you and Trevor later this week,” I tell her knowing full well I’ll see them again on Wednesday for class and study group.
“Sounds good to me. I hope you both can make it. It’s nice having new people to hang out with. Other than you, Trevor, and my roommate, Sara, I don’t know anybody else here. I’m a freshman.”
“Me too.”
“It’s my second year,” Ryder says.
“Cool. How did you two meet?” Meredith takes a sandwich out of her bag and begins munching on it.
I let Ryder answer this one. “We’ve known each other since we were kids.”
“Seriously? That’s cool. I totally thought you guys were together. I get it now.”
“Just really good friends,” I tell her again, my face a hot mess because of the little white lie.
Meredith keeps talking. She doesn’t notice the deep stares Ryder and I can’t stop giving each other, or the fact we are holding hands under the table. “I like it here, but it’s much different from where I grew up in Boston. Things are more laid back here, like everyone’s on a slower pace.” That must be why she’s so animated and full of energy. She’s used to the fast-paced life of the big city.
“Crap. I’ve got to go. It’s almost ten thirty. My next class is five buildings down from here.” Just like her whirlwind persona, Meredith air kisses us and hurries away in a flurry of movement.
“She’s interesting,” Ryder comments.
I stack my paper plate and used napkins together. Ryder takes everything from me and dumps it in the trashcan near our table. When he comes back, I stand up not wanting our time together to end just yet. “I have an hour to kill before my next class.”
“I’ve got another two before mine.” He picks up his stuff and my bag. “I have an idea. Do you trust me?”
I want to tell him that I trust him with every fiber of my being. “Yes.”
“Then let’s go.”
As we walk out of the cafeteria, our hands seem to gravitate to each other. Mine reaches for his and he takes it. My heart makes that final leap and I fall all the way this time; effortlessly, completely, fall in love with Ryder.
Chapter 13
Ryder
The CU campus is laid out in a block pattern with buildings surrounding each block on all sides and green spaces between. Each block is dedicated to different academic themes. There are several blocks and clusters of buildings where all of the science classes are taught, the same for the two blocks dedicated for mathematics, another for the arts. That’s where I’m taking Elizabeth now.
“So where are we going?”
I’m having trouble keeping a straight thought with her beside me as we hold hands like a normal, everyday couple taking a leisurely walk. I’m half expecting Jay to jump out from behind some bushes and kick my ass, then grab Elizabeth and run off with her. A little paranoid of that actually happening, I quickly scan around us and then pull her inside one of the concrete buildings. Air conditioning blasts us as we enter and it feels wonderful, a stark contrast to the stifling humid air outside.
“We’re here,” I announce and continue to lead Elizabeth down a long hallway.
“And where is here? Wait.”
Elizabeth cocks her head to the side when she hears music. A lilt of a saxophone, the deep keys of a piano, the thumping of a drum set, and the reverberating sound of a woman’s voice going up and down a scale. Elizabeth’s face lights up.
“Is this the music hall?”
I don’t think she even notices that she’s been bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet since the moment we stepped inside. I knew she would love this and am proud I’m the one who has put the deliriously happy expression on her lovely face.
“Follow me.”
I check a few doors until I find one that’s unlocked and open it. We’re really not supposed to be here without reserving a room and getting a key but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. We’ve got about forty minutes before she has to get to her next class and I’m going to make the most of it.
The music room we enter has several different instruments placed along the walls and a piano in the middle. Elizabeth approaches the piano and runs her fingers across the white and black keys tinkling out a simple four-note tune. I walk over to where an acoustic guitar sits in its cradle and take it out. I don’t have a guitar pick so my fingers will have to do. I sit down on a nearby stool, propping one leg up on the bottom rung, and situate the guitar until it feels comfortable in my hands.
Elizabeth takes a seat on the piano bench. “Why didn’t you tell me you play as well?”
“Your dad gave me lessons growing up.” I strum a few chords of the notes to the song I w
ant to play for her. “I’m not half as good as you are, though.” Her cheeks flush, the prettiest blush appearing, and she gives me a demure smile.
“You are so beautiful, Elizabeth.” Her face blushes more to the point it turns an almost fiery crimson. “I’ve missed the hell out of you.” I begin strumming a few measures.
She scooches the bench closer to me and crosses her legs on top of it, her rapt attention on my face as we gaze at each other.
“You know, you can reserve any of these rooms or instruments any time you want.”
As I softly pluck at the strings with my fingers, I continue talking. It’s almost as if my words are the lyrics to the music I’m strumming, and it captures Elizabeth’s attention so her focus remains entirely on me. Elizabeth inhales deeply, the beginnings of what I think is arousal in her eyes.
“This song is one you wrote me. You gave it to me the night of our senior prom. I have played it and practiced it over and over the past year, putting it to memory, hoping that one day I would see you again and play it for you.”
“I wrote this?”
“Just for me,” I affirm.
Her chest heaves again as she breathes in and out, and I start to play for her in earnest. My fingers glide across the strings and ruts, and not once do I look away from her. The song she wrote for me is heartbreaking in its melody. The ebb and flow of the musical notes are filled with longing. She wrote it about us. The music is our story. As Elizabeth sits cross-legged on the piano bench, she closes her eyes and begins to hum the tune. Does she remember? Is the music transporting her back to that night where we danced cheek to cheek, longing and love flowing between us?
She has her hair up today in a loose bun, little wisps hanging down on the sides of her face and on her neck. I take a mental picture of how she looks now, like a blond Titian goddess, wishing I had my phone out to capture her beauty with my camera. I finish playing as her humming grows softer and an electric silence penetrates the room.
Her misty green eyes open. “I really need you to kiss me right now, Ryder.”
Paper Stars Rewritten: Fallen Brook Series: Book 2 Page 11