I was just going to pray that this migraine would be over soon.
I felt someone move closer to me, and I opened my eyes to see Meadow sitting on the coffee table, looking at me.
“This is a bad one?” she asked, keeping her voice low. I was grateful for that.
“Yeah,” I whispered. I used to try to nod or shake my head and answer so I wouldn’t have to talk, but I figured out that doing that hurt more than just the whisper.
Migraines were the work of the devil, that much I was sure.
“Is there anything you need?”
“I don’t know. Death?” I froze as soon as I said the words, and Meadow did, too.
Meadow didn’t really know my other friends, but she had met them a few times over the past few years. She hadn’t been at Allison’s funeral because she had been out of town for something, but she had sent flowers. She also knew exactly how Allison had died, and she had been by my house to help me after the migraine that had come from me reliving exactly how I found Allison.
I didn’t realize how much I used the word death in random conversation. Didn’t comprehend that I said stupid things in the vernacular that hurt even more.
But it wasn’t like I could apologize to Meadow for making myself hurt.
So, I just let out a sigh and wrapped my fingers around the edge of the blanket, pulling it closer to me.
“I’m going to get a cool washrag so you can wash your face. You’re sweating a bit, and I know that you don’t like that on your skin.”
“Everything hurts,” I said. I wasn’t just talking about my physical body either.
There was something in Meadow’s eyes that told me that she understood exactly what I was saying. “I know.”
She tucked me in a little bit more and then went back to my guest bathroom to get a washrag.
As soon as she came back and wiped my face, I let out a groan. It felt so good, as if maybe she could wipe away some of the migraine itself.
I knew it didn’t make any sense because the rubbing, even as softly as she was doing it, started to hurt my skin, but the coolness made me feel like maybe I had a fever. I knew that wasn’t the case, but migraines just knocked all of my senses out of whack.
“I know you’re not going to want to eat and the idea of it probably makes you want to get sick right now, but I’m going to put something in the Crock-Pot for you, and then I’m going to come by and check it later. I’m only doing that because you have nothing in your fridge.
“Shopping hurts.” I paused. “That’s not what I meant to say, but words hurt.” She snorted, and I held back a smile only because that, indeed, would not be the least painful thing I could do just then.
“I know everything hurts. But you’re going to have something to eat later for yourself that will last the whole week, or I can freeze it for you. Either way, it will be food. For later. But for now, just try to keep down some water and go to bed. I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you, Meadow.”
“You’d do the same for me.”
I really wished that was the truth. And maybe it was. Because I knew I would do this for Harmony and Sienna. And, yes, I would probably do the same for Meadow, she just never seemed to need me. I was always the needy one. But all of that just reminded me that I had not been there for Allison when she needed me. Needed us. She hadn’t asked for help, but I hadn’t seen that she needed help either.
Was this survivor’s guilt? Or was this just the idea that nothing was under my control and everything was just crumbling into pieces.
I didn’t know how long Meadow had been there, but when the doorbell rang, I let out a scream. Well, at least a silent scream. I put my hands over my ears and rocked back and forth.
Who was the evil person on the other side of that door? Who would dare ring the doorbell on today of all days?
Meadow was still apparently in my house because she padded towards the front door then opened it and whispered something fiercely.
I couldn’t make out the words, but as soon as I heard the deep tones of a whisper on the other side of the door, I knew exactly who was at my house.
Of course, he was here.
Meadow, ironically, knew everything about Cameron because we had gotten drunk on wine and cheese one night when we first started hanging out at my house, and I had told her everything. From the fact that I had loved him, to the fact that he had left me.
Then, we had held each other’s hair back as we threw up because we’d had one too many bottles of wine and one too many bites of really stinky but amazing cheese.
So that meant that Meadow knew exactly who Cameron was as he walked into the house.
Then, the traitorous bitch left me.
Okay, that was uncalled for, but I was in pain, and she was out of the house after quickly waving goodbye and leaving me alone with him.
Cameron.
What was I supposed to do? I was helpless here, and all I wanted to do was crawl under the blanket and never find my way out.
“Those damn migraines,” Cameron whispered, his voice low. Cameron had seen me during a migraine or two back when we were dating, but I’d hidden most of them from him, mostly because it hurt too much to deal with human beings.
But he had helped me through a few of them, and he apparently remembered exactly what to do. He went and got another cool washrag, the best thing ever in the history of the world, and then somehow got himself onto the couch with my head on his lap.
He ran his hands through my hair, softly petting me back to sleep.
Nothing had ever felt so good.
And nothing would ever feel this good again.
This was perfection.
I slowly drifted off to sleep, without him even saying a word. Because, honestly, there was nothing he could say to make this better. There was nothing he could say that I would want to hear.
All I wanted was to get better. Somehow, with my head on Cameron’s lap and his hands in my hair, I knew that just might happen.
That probably should’ve scared me, but I was so warm and comfortable right then, it didn’t.
Nothing else mattered.
Chapter Twelve
Cameron
Violet was on my dick.
That was the only thing that kept going through my mind as I watched her finally fall asleep as she lay on my lap, my fingers playing with her hair.
Violet was on my dick.
And not in a good way.
I let out a soft breath, trying not to shift because I knew that might hurt her, and then she would wake up and feel like crap even more.
I hated seeing her in pain, and these migraines were no joke. They had always been debilitating and seemed to knock her back a few steps. I hadn’t known how to help her back when we were younger, and I still felt so far out of my depth that it wasn’t even funny.
I remembered back when we were first dating, and she’d gotten the start of a migraine in front of me. She had tried to hide it. At first, I didn’t know if it was because someone had made fun of her for them, or if she was just embarrassed or proud, but I’d been really confused.
I had always thought that migraines were just more painful headaches where you could just pop a few pills and get through it.
I had been wrong. Seriously wrong.
I’d held back her hair when she threw up, and I had learned how to take care of her using cold compresses and by just lightly running my hands through her hair.
She’d always told me that she hated being touched when she was in pain, but me running my fingers over her scalp had always felt good.
So, I did my thing. I massaged Violet’s scalp, and she didn’t back away. Finally, she slept.
It was odd that even after all this time, I could do these things, and she could just relax in my arms. So, here she was again, asleep on my lap, very close to my dick, and finally looking like maybe she was at peace.
And, yes, there was something deeply wrong with me for thinking about m
y dick at a time like this, but I couldn’t help it, she was Violet, and my thoughts tended to stray there more often than not with her.
It was late in the day, and I had worked the afternoon shift at the bar. I didn’t have to go in tonight because Beckham was working. I could have if I wanted to, just to check things out and maybe actually have a conversation with my brothers, but I had come to Violet’s instead because I had texted her and she hadn’t responded.
That might make me needy, but I had actually started to get worried. Because even when we were angry with each other back in the day, she’d always texted me back. She always let me know that she was okay. And she hadn’t this time. I hadn’t heard from her at all since she left my house, and Dillon had been the last person I knew that had spoken to her at all. For all I knew, she hadn’t gotten home safely, and something was wrong. I had even texted Sienna to ask if she knew whether Violet was okay, and she had said that she hadn’t heard from her sister all day either.
I had not only worried Sienna and therefore Harmony, but I had started to worry even more myself.
So, I had driven over here to make sure that she was okay, only to find that she was anything but.
I was grateful that her neighbor Meadow had been here for her, and from the scents coming from the kitchen, the other woman had made dinner for if and when Violet woke up and was actually in the mood to eat.
I didn’t know Meadow, but she had let me into the house just fine, so I guess she trusted me or had at least heard of me. Or Meadow was a serial killer, and I had just let her out of the house after she had tried to murder Violet but had gotten interrupted.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I really needed some sleep if I was going on about that in my head. Yep, I was losing my damn mind. But that wasn’t anything new.
Violet shifted ever so slightly, her hand under the blanket I’d pulled over both of us slowly rubbing along my inner thigh. I froze, making sure she was still asleep before shifting myself so she wouldn’t accidentally touch something that would probably make both of us uncomfortable.
Thankfully, she went right back to sleep, and I just lay there, making sure I kept my fingers on her scalp, trying to ease away the tension of the migraine.
I had no idea what it felt like to actually have one, but I was glad about that. From the way they literally took Violet down to the ground and made it so she couldn’t do anything but try to breathe, I knew I would probably react even worse than she did.
Because she had an inner strength that I was a little jealous of. And because I was one of those guys who actually reacted like the joke of a guy with a man-cold said we did, I probably wouldn’t do well with a migraine.
With the temperature in the room, and the sweet smells of whatever Meadow had put in that Crock-Pot drifting over me, my eyes slowly closed, and I found myself falling asleep even though I hadn’t meant to.
Violet was out on my lap, and I laid my head on the back of the couch, telling myself that I wouldn’t sleep, that I would just rest for a little bit.
* * *
I snored myself awake at the sound of my phone buzzing.
I held back a curse and slowly reached into my pocket to pull it out, very thankful that it hadn’t woken Violet.
She was hopefully on the other side of her migraine if the vibrations against her head hadn’t sent her into another tizzy.
Hell, that probably wouldn’t have felt good at all if she were awake.
But she was still sleeping, snoring slightly.
I thought it was pretty damn cute, and then I realized that there was no more light coming from behind the blackout curtains. The tiny sliver that I could sometimes see that told me exactly what time of day it was was no longer there at all.
I cursed again, this time a little bit louder as I looked at the clock.
Yeah, it was almost midnight, and that meant that I had stayed here for far longer than I wanted to.
I hadn’t been sleeping well, thinking about Violet, the kid, my brothers, and the bar. Apparently, I just needed to pass out. It seemed Violet was the same way from the way she hadn’t moved an inch from my lap.
The buzz of my phone was a text from Dillon, asking where the hell I was.
I couldn’t really blame him, considering that I hadn’t told anyone where I was going, and I sort of just lit out of the bar after my shift was over. I knew that Dillon was supposed to work the dinner shift busing tables and working on possibly starting to wait tables too, but I didn’t even know what time he was getting off that day. That was Beckham’s choice.
I let out a breath, then quickly texted Dillon back, telling him that I wouldn’t be home but that I was okay.
Dillon: You at Violet’s?
Me: Yeah, she’s not feeling well. You okay?
Dillon: I’m fine. Sorry she’s sick. You need anything?
And this is why I loved that kid. Not just because he was my brother, but because he actually cared about others. Yeah, he had that veneer of a perpetual teenager that was just on the cusp of adulthood, and he still acted like a brat sometimes, but he was a good kid. Somehow, Mom hadn’t fucked him up completely. Hell, somehow our mother hadn’t fucked Aiden or me up either.
I ignored the little clutch I felt at the thought of Aiden’s name, knowing that I needed to fix things with my twin. Because my brothers were worth more than me walking away when things got tough.
But that was something for another day.
Today was about making sure that I didn’t fuck things up with Violet. After all, she was the one still in my lap.
Me: Everything’s good here. I’m just going to make sure she’s fine. I’ll be home in the morning. Do you need anything?
Dillon: I’m fine. Worked. Going to play games. Eat. Sleep.
I snorted. Yep, that sounded like any other night. Dillon hadn’t made a bunch of friends yet in Denver, though I hoped that would change soon. I didn’t really know how adults made friends, so I wasn’t very good at it other than work friends and my brothers. But maybe Dillon needed to find a group of people to hang out with. Or he would do better once he was in school and could actually make friends among his classmates.
I knew when Dillon had said that he would just leave and go hang out with his friends so as not to bother my brothers and me, that he was talking about his friends from California. Those friends were off in college, and we weren’t in California anymore.
I needed to do better about my little brother. Hell, I needed to do better about all my brothers.
And I would. Just as soon as I figured out what the fuck the right decision was.
Me: Don’t stay up too late. We have a morning shift.
Dillon: Well, I guess you do too. Don’t stay up too late with your girl.
I didn’t say she wasn’t my girl because it wasn’t like I could actually say that now, was it? We weren’t going to be able to ignore each other. Not anymore. And I didn’t want to ignore her. Maybe that made me a masochist, knowing that it would hurt more in the end if things went to shit, but I didn’t want to walk away. Not again. I just hoped that she would be able to forgive me. Because I missed her. I missed her so damn much.
Me: Get some sleep. Thanks for checking in.
Dillon: I was just worried I’d have to go live with Brendon or Aiden or something if you croaked on me.
I laughed this time, trying to quiet myself so I wouldn’t wake up Violet.
Me: Yes, that’s what I’m going to do from now on. Every time you annoy me, I’ll just threaten you with having to live with one of them. I’ve done it, it’s not pretty.
Dillon: Yeah, cause living with you is such a joy.
I could practically hear Dillon rolling his eyes. But I still smiled.
Me: Well, I guess I need to threaten Brendon and Aiden with you then, don’t I?
Dillon: ** (middle finger emoji) **
Me: Goodnight, loser.
I paused.
Me: Love you, kid.
There was
no answer for so long, I figured he’d either not seen it yet or was just sitting there wondering what the fuck was going on. I didn’t really talk about my feelings all that much, and I knew I needed to do better about that.
Dillon: You too, bro.
Something warmed inside me, and I hoped that maybe we were going down the right track. I loved that kid. He wasn’t my actual son, but I had raised him, at least these last few years.
I didn’t know exactly what Dillon had gone through, but I figured it was enough to connect us in some ways.
Now I just needed to find a way to connect Dillon and Aiden. I had a feeling that Dillon and Brendon would be just fine. I had watched them over the past month or so as they circled around each other. They didn’t have the animosity towards one another as Aiden had for Dillon, even though Brendon hadn’t known that Dillon existed either. It was more that Brendon and Dillon didn’t really know how to act around one another and were being cautious. But there was no hatred.
I was really afraid that there was hatred when it came to Aiden and Dillon.
But that was on me. And I was going to fix it.
As soon as I fixed everything with the woman currently lying on my dick.
And on that thought, I slowly slid out from under her, grateful that she was still sleeping. I leaned down and ran my thumb along her cheekbone. And then I kissed her forehead. When she didn’t wake up, I knew that she needed the sleep. I also knew that she probably needed a better place to sleep than her couch. Because, yeah, I loved this damn couch and how deep it was so it could fit both of us quite nicely, but I knew that she might like to wake up in her bed.
I slid my hand under her neck, and then my other arm under her legs and picked her up.
She snuggled into me, letting out a soft moan, and I willed my dick not to get hard. Because I loved that moan. She moaned like that often for me. At least she used to.
I tucked her into bed, wiping her hair from her face. And then I put a glass of water by the bed, her migraine meds that I found in the bathroom right by it. I didn’t know if she would need them or if we had missed the window for it, but I also didn’t want to wake her up. Because when she was sleeping, she wasn’t in pain, and I was going to count that as a win. And then I went and cleaned up the living room just a bit before putting away the dinner in the Crock-Pot. Thankfully, Meadow had kept it on warm, and everything seemed just fine. But I still found some Tupperware in one of the cabinets and as quietly as I could, put everything away and did the dishes. I didn’t know if the Crock-Pot was Meadow’s or Violet’s, but I figured that leaving the ceramic part in the drying rack with the rest of it on the counter was just fine.
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