Breaking Without You: A Fractured Connections Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  My eyes widened at Aiden’s words as much as the tone. “Okay, then. I guess I’d better get behind the bar.”

  Brendon shook his head quickly. “Before you do, there’s a few things I want to go over.”

  “There’re always a few things you want to go over,” Aiden said, growling.

  I noticed that Aiden glanced over at Dillon but didn’t say anything. Dillon didn’t say anything either. This wasn’t a mess. This was a total fucking mess. But we were going to fix it one little wing and tapa at a time.

  “Okay, I think the next step needs to be the pool league that we talked about.”

  I frowned. “Pool league? When did we talk about that?”

  “He said it like on the second meeting you guys had,” Dillon said, shoving his hands into his pockets just like Aiden had just done.

  I looked over at the kid and nodded. “You really should be taking notes for us, like an executive assistant or something.”

  “Good thing you didn’t call me a secretary, or I’d have to kick you in the shin,” Dillon said.

  I looked over at my other brothers, all of us with laughter in our eyes. Yes, this kid was pretty amazing. “Okay, so what is this about a pool league?” I asked, trying to remember exactly what we had talked about when I first moved back. I didn’t really remember much since everything had been thrown at me all at once and it was a little confusing.

  “It’s a co-ed pool league. I’ve started talking with a few other bars about it. What it does, is we bring in teams from the surrounding bars and bring in a shitload of people, and you do about four couples per night playing pool. It brings in money for watching it, brings in money for the actual league itself. And we can make it a whole thing. We just need to make sure that we have the right people playing from our bar.”

  I nodded, going around the desk to make some notes. I pulled up my phone and started typing. “I remember now. I think we did something similar to this back in one of the bars I first worked at when I moved to California. My bar didn’t actually have a pool table so we couldn’t do that. But this could work. It could really work.”

  “Of course, it’ll work. I’ve thought about it a lot. I ran all the numbers, and it can at least put us in the black for this quarter and into the next. Then, we can figure out the next step. But as soon as they come in and eat Aiden’s food and taste our beer? It’s going to work.”

  “Of course, my food’s going to bring people in. I’m amazing.” I knew Aiden was joking, but still, it was kind of nice having my twin actually like what he did for a living.

  “And, Beck and I’ve been working with bringing in different beers for people to try. The ones from California, and maybe some others that may not be as famous but taste amazing. So, between what we have on tap and the food, we should be able to keep them here once we get them through the doors.”

  “Okay, let’s make tonight work. The special starts for sure in about thirty minutes, but people are already starting to come in and order.”

  “Let’s make it happen,” I said, reaching out and putting my hand on Brendon’s shoulder. “We’re going to make this work. We’re not going to let Jack’s place die.”

  I reached out and put my other hand on Aiden’s shoulder. I knew this blocked out Dillon slightly, but I needed these two guys to understand what I needed them to do. “This place is part of us. We can’t lose it. And we’re going to make this work.” I gave them both a squeeze and turned so I could let Dillon back into the circle. “The four of us can make this work.”

  I emphasized the word four, while Brendon nodded, smiling, Aiden jerked a bit.

  I knew it had been minute, and probably hadn’t even been intended as mean, but Dillon had seen it.

  “Yeah, the four of us,” Aiden said quickly, and that made me sigh. The knot of anger or frustration that always filled me released slightly because Aiden hadn’t sounded worried or anxious about me adding Dillon to it. We just didn’t know how to make this work. I had never heard of a family situation quite like ours, and making these kinds of connections wasn’t easy. But we were going to do it. Because I wasn’t going to let it happen any other way.

  Brendon cleared his throat and then nodded to Dillon before the two of them walked out. I didn’t know if they had planned it or if it was just that the two understood each other, but soon, Aiden and I were alone in the office, and things were about to get even more awkward.

  “Thanks for including Dillon,” I said quickly.

  “Yeah, I can’t really exclude him, can I?”

  “Aiden.”

  “We have to work. Let me just deal with that first. I’m trying, Cameron. I just feel like everything came out of the blue, even though it shouldn’t have. And that’s not just on you, it’s on me, too. But I just need a moment to breathe. So, just let it happen, okay? I don’t hate the kid. I just don’t know him.”

  “That’s my fault.”

  “No, it’s Mom’s. And both of ours. But it’s mostly Mom’s. And that’s what I have to deal with. So, let’s just work tonight and make sure we don’t lose this place. Because I think if we do, I think that’s it. You know? There’s no coming back from that.”

  “I know. I love this place. It saved us.”

  “So, I guess we should save it back. And I’ll try not to be an asshole to the kid. Mostly because I don’t like acting like an asshole. It just keeps coming out naturally, and it’s starting to bother me.”

  I laughed. “We’re twins. I’m an asshole, too.”

  “Yeah, but at least you’re getting laid regularly. I’m an asshole with just my hand.”

  “You know you could fix that. I saw the way that you were looking at—”

  “Nope. Not going there. Your girl, though, she walked in as soon as I came back to the office. She was just taking a seat with her other girls. So, go say hello to Violet, and then get back behind the bar, and serve everybody some really expensive beer.”

  “You know that’s not how this works.”

  “Well, it’s how it should. Just make us some money. Now, I’m going to go make the most amazing food in the history of food.”

  “You are weird.”

  “I know. But it’s what draws in the ladies.”

  “You just said you weren’t getting any.”

  “Stop throwing my words back in my face.”

  I laughed. Loving this. We sounded like we had in the past, like the brothers that we used to be before we quit talking because we were too afraid of what the answers would be if we asked too many questions.

  Aiden seemed to come to the same realization, and he stopped laughing, his eyes growing slightly cooler but not as icy as they had been for the past few months.

  Things weren’t completely better, but they weren’t worse either. They were going to change. We were going to find what we once had, even if it was a little banged up.

  I had to believe in that.

  Aiden lifted his chin, not in anger but as a goodbye, and then went back toward the kitchen.

  I let out a breath, rolled my shoulders back, and went out to the front.

  There were indeed more people here than usual.

  I almost wept in relief.

  Dillon was out training while he was busing, doing more things at once than I thought possible.

  The tables were full, the bar was packed, and while I knew that Beckham needed my help, he waved me off for a minute, and I knew that he was giving me some time to say hello to Violet.

  So, I went over to the table, kissed her hard on the mouth, waved at the other girls, and then left her blinking at me without even saying a word.

  Hey, maybe this whole figuring myself out thing was working.

  Because I had a girl that I had once loved and knew that I was falling in love with again, brothers who might be confusing as all get out but who were trying to find our connection again, and customers who wanted beer, wings, and even some of Aiden’s tapas.

  I worked harder than I had in years,
and I loved it. The back of my shirt was sweaty, my feet hurt, and I had a slight headache from the noise in the bar, but it was amazing. We hadn’t run out of wings, but we had come close. I only think that we stopped from running out because everything else on the menu was ordered to its full extent, as well. And that stuff hadn’t been on sale or anything.

  It was pretty amazing.

  Violet and the others left pretty quickly after eating, not wanting to take the table. And while I was grateful they had done that, I missed her. She had leaned against the bar and kissed me goodbye as her sister and Harmony laughed and waved on their way out.

  It was just like it used to be, where we were a unit. Yet it was completely different at the same time.

  Things were finally starting to die down, and Beckham waved me off, wanting to close part of the bar down like he always did. The man was super particular, even though he didn’t own the place. He had his ways, and I wasn’t going to stop him because they worked. Beckham was the best person we had, and I wasn’t about to lose him.

  I was just walking back to the office to see if there was anything I could do before I went back out to the front when I saw Brendon leaning against the doorway heading into the kitchen. I went up to him, about to ask what was wrong, when he held out a hand, quieting me.

  “What?” I asked, my voice a whisper.

  “Look,” he said, his voice almost inaudible. He pointed over at Aiden, who was at the workstation fixing up a couple of tapas plates, and lo and behold, he wasn’t alone.

  Dillon stood next to him, wearing an apron with his hair back and gloves on.

  “See, this is how you roll it,” Aiden said, showing Dillon how to plate one of the appetizers.

  I blinked, looking over at Brendon.

  Well, then.

  “Come on,” Brendon said, pulling me back.

  “How did that happen?” I asked as soon as we were out of earshot.

  “I walked by, and Dillon went right up to Aiden and asked if he could show him how to do something back there.”

  “No shit?

  “No shit. Apparently, Dillon has bigger balls than any of us thought. Anyway, Aiden stood there for a second frowning with that normal glowering look that he gets and then he gave Dillon a tight nod and moved over so he could show him how to plate something. Never saw the kid’s eyes light up the way they did at that.”

  “Yeah, I saw those eyes. I saw them once before when he was playing in that band of his. But even then, I don’t think they were as bright as they were tonight. Shit. Maybe I should be looking into culinary school for the kid.”

  Brendon rubbed his chin, nodding. “Maybe. Let’s get him into a couple of gen-ed classes first while he figures things out, and Aiden can help train him a bit to get his feet wet and see if that’s what he likes. That is, as long as Aiden keeps playing nice. But I think he will.”

  “I think he will, too. I think we all have to.”

  “Let’s just give him some time. I think time is what we all need, we just didn’t really know what to do when we were waiting for that next step. You know?”

  “I know. I miss you guys. Sorry I was a fucking idiot.”

  Brendon ran his hand through his hair, looking more disheveled than usual. The man never used to, but tonight may have been a busy night, and it meant more to all of us than just numbers.

  “Aiden should have called. I should have called back. It’s on us just like it was you. We were all just so angry with each other that it was easier to walk away than pretend that we had anything important to say. And so, yeah, I think Aiden and I lost out on a lot of time with a kid who’s pretty amazing. But we aren’t now. And I’m not going to take that for granted. And from what I just saw in there with Aiden? I don’t think he’s going to take it for granted either. So, let’s just give him some time.”

  I swallowed hard, my throat feeling oddly full. I cleared it. “Time works.” I paused again. “We’ll work it out.”

  “We will. Because we’re Connollys. And that kid in there? He’s a Connolly too, even without the name. I don’t have the blood, and I’m one. You and Aiden don’t have the blood, and you’re Connollys. So, Dillon is, too. He’s one of us. And we’re not going to fail him. We’re not going to fail each other. Not again.”

  I didn’t reach out and hug Brendon, even though some part of me wanted to. I just stood there awkwardly in the hallway, my throat thick as I waited for any shouts from the kitchen in case Dillon and Aiden stabbed each other or something.

  I figured this was a good step in the right direction. We had worked hard. We had plans to get more people in, the food was amazing, the beer was fantastic, and I had my brothers back.

  I just needed to keep them.

  And along the way, I just needed to make sure I didn’t fuck up. Because I was good at that, and I was afraid that if I messed up again, that would be it. There’d be no coming back.

  So, it was on me not to be the reason we lost it all.

  And it was on me not to be the reason I lost Violet.

  So, I would just have to do it. But the thing was, I wanted this. I wanted it all to be right. And I was going to do my best not to be the man I was before.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shot! Shot! Shot!

  - Allison in a text to Violet

  Violet

  “I think this was the best idea we ever had,” Sienna said. I looked over at my sister.

  Sienna had her head back on the chair, her eyes closed and covered by cucumber slices. I hadn’t realized that some spas actually used cucumbers, but Sienna had apparently asked for them specifically.

  I loved my sister, even if she was a dork. But then again, I was just as much of a dork as she was.

  I didn’t have the cucumbers on because they had slid off.

  “It really was a great idea, Harmony,” I added, sinking back into my chair.

  My friend smiled, her eyes closed. “I occasionally have them. I knew we needed a day that was just us. We’ve been so busy with our various jobs and other household issues. Not to mention the fact that a certain friend of ours has a boyfriend, but I figured it would be nice to have some girl time.”

  “And thank you for inviting me, too,” Meadow said, her voice soft.

  “I’m glad you were able to come.” I had invited Meadow to a couple of girl-time things, but this was the first time she had come to hang out with the three of us. I wasn’t sure if it was because she actually wanted to hang out with us, or if it was the fact that she knew we were missing our fourth. Meadow wasn’t replacing Allison, not in the slightest. Because we had always invited Meadow along with us even when we tried to do girl-time things with Allison. Meadow hadn’t been able to come, but today, she was here.

  And so, the four of us were enjoying our spa day, each of us in the middle of a different treatment. We were all completely clean, scrubbed, and massaged. I was going to get a facial soon, and I was contemplating getting a hair mask since the ends were getting a little dry these days. I had dyed it blond recently, and it was a little unhappy with me at the moment. But I liked the color, and so did Cameron.

  A small smile played on my face, and I felt more than saw Harmony sit up and smile back.

  “You’re thinking of Cameron.”

  I looked up at her. “How on earth did you know that?”

  “I see you didn’t deny it.”

  “Of course, she’s not going to deny it,” Sienna said, her eyes still behind those cucumber slices. “Why would she deny it when she’s getting laid?”

  We all laughed, even Meadow.

  “I think you’re very lucky that we’re behind closed doors right now or we’d probably get kicked out,” Meadow said, a smile in her voice.

  “As if they aren’t used to a group of women talking about getting laid or random male body parts,” Sienna said smoothly.

  “Speaking of male body parts…” Harmony said, acting all too innocent.

  “Hey, we’re not talking about t
hat. And, Harmony, I am truly shocked. Shocked. You are the sensible one of us.”

  “Hey!” Sienna said, finally pulling off her cucumber slices and setting them down on the table next to her. “I resemble that remark.”

  “I am the sensible one,” Harmony said, throwing her hair back and looking very mysterious and classy. “However, I would also like to know about the size of your boyfriend’s penis.”

  She said it so pompously that I couldn’t help but snort. Thankfully, I had already finished drinking my water, or I probably would’ve sprayed it all over everybody.

  “You did not just ask that.”

  “I believe I did,” Harmony said smugly.

  “I too would like to hear about the size of Cameron’s penis,” Sienna added, not sounding quite as pompous but doing pretty well.

  I scowled at both of them and then looked over at Meadow, who sat on my other side. “So? I take it you want to know, as well?”

  Meadow raised her chin and then plucked at a non-existent spot on her robe. “I would never dare ask such a sensitive question. However, if that information was just casually mentioned, I would indeed take in any type of gossip you may have about a certain appendage of a man I might’ve just met.”

  I just looked at her, laughing. “You guys are sick. Sick, sick, sick.”

  They all laughed, and I just shook my head. I had missed this. Harmony had been right. We had been so focused on our jobs and just trying to heal after Allison that we hadn’t taken time to just be together. It felt weird that Allison wasn’t here with us, but it also felt strange that we weren’t talking about her.

  So, I needed to change that. Even if it hurt.

  “You know who the first person would’ve been to ask about his penis?” I said, keeping my voice casual. We hadn’t broached the subject of Allison, not in any real detail, but I didn’t want to not talk about her. The more we pushed her down into our memories, the more I was afraid we were going to forget her. Or forget what she meant to us.