“And yet we’re not going to have any tonight?” I asked, my stomach suddenly rumbling. “Because I feel the more we talk about it, the more we should actually have it.”
“It’s not like Beetlejuice where you say it three times, and it just shows up,” Adrienne said dryly as she set a cheese platter down on the table. “But I have three types of cheeses for you. Only three because I get a little overwhelmed by more than that. Now, if we were at Thea’s table, we’d have like seven. But that’s just her and Dimitri, they’re kind of special like that.”
I shook my head, laughing, and put a piece of Havarti on a cracker. I really liked cheese, apparently not as much as some people, but to each their own.
“I love you, Auntie Violet,” Daisy said softly, hugging me.
Daisy had hugged me more in the past twelve hours than I thought she had for the past month. Maybe she assumed I needed it, or perhaps she just needed it, too. I knew Daisy missed Allison, all of us did. And holding onto the little girl, the bit of my brother that was all the best parts rolled into one—daisies and unicorns and puppies—just told me that I had made the right decision in making sure that I was okay. All of us were hurting in little and different ways, and it was okay. It was okay to talk about it, it was okay to miss Allison. It was okay to be completely confused about why we were where we were.
We were just finishing up the cheese course and getting ready to head into the dining room for the rest of the meal when my phone buzzed.
“Is it Cameron?” Sienna asked quickly.
“Do I need to kick his ass?” Mace asked. “Because I wasn’t allowed to do it before. I deserve an ass-kicking.”
“Yes, you do deserve an ass-kicking.” Adrienne grinned.
Mace scowled. “I meant I deserve to kick his ass. I misspoke. Shut up.”
“Don’t tell your fiancée to shut up,” Sienna snapped. “Violet, is it Cameron?”
I looked down at my phone and groaned. “No, it’s the end of the world.”
“Is it Kent or is it Lynn?” Harmony asked.
“I never liked Uncle Kent,” Daisy said. “He was a butthead.”
“Daisy!” Adrienne said quickly. Of course, there were little red splotches on her cheekbones, so I had a feeling that Daisy had learned that phrase about Kent from someone in the family, and it wasn’t me.
I just shook my head. “Oh, he is a butthead. But I’m going to answer this. Who knows, maybe Lynn is hurt or something and can’t come into work.”
I waved off their looks, knowing that I probably shouldn’t answer, but I wasn’t a mean person, and my goal in life at least for now was to face my demons, even if one of them was named Kent.
I figured the call was about to drop soon since it took so long for me to answer. When I did, Kent’s very chiseled and boring face came on the screen, his eyes narrowed.
“Hi, Kent. How can I help you?”
“I thought you weren’t going to answer.” He paused. I saw him frown, and I wondered what the hell this could be about. “But I’m glad you did.”
“Good. How can I help?”
“Lynn and I just wanted to ask you something. No, we wanted to say something.”
“Okay.” I had a really bad feeling about this, but it wasn’t like I could hang up. And, frankly, Kent hadn’t called me since the divorce was final, so I was kind of wondering what exactly he had to say. It wasn’t like Lynn had been the one to call me. And we worked together. It would make sense if she called me. Maybe not on a Sunday, but you never know.
“Well,” Kent cleared his throat. The phone rustled, and then it moved to landscape mode, so both he and Lynn were in the frame.
Great. This was going to help me. Totally.
“We just wanted to let you know that we’re expecting. A baby. We’re having a baby.”
I waited for the shock, waited for it to hurt. I was expecting the pain that had come when I saw Cameron standing there with a woman next to him. I was waiting for that infinitesimal amount of time to pass where I thought that my trust in Cameron wasn’t good enough.
That never came.
And honestly, I didn’t think it would come at all.
“And?”
Kent cleared his throat, and Lynn gave me that sickly sweet little smile of hers. The one that said she pitied me.
I really hated her. Not because she used to be my friend and was now married to my ex-husband. Not because of the cheating. Because of those looks.
“Well, we know it’s been really hard at work with how things are.”
I held up my hand and realized that they couldn’t actually see that, so I just shook my head. “No, you’re going to stop right there. Live your life. Love your life. I’m doing the best to live mine. I’ve learned the hard way that others can’t always live their lives.”
They gave me a strange look, and I swallowed back some tears. Not because of them, but because of those who I had lost because they couldn’t live the life they wanted. Or some other reason that I just didn’t know.
“I’m happy for you. Happy that you’re moving on. But it’s not my business. It never was.” And so I hung up and really hoped that they wouldn’t call again. Because, frankly, I wasn’t in the mood to keep hitting ignore.
My ex-husband and his wife were having a baby. That was great. Seriously great for them. Kent had always wanted kids, and while I wanted some in the future, the two of us having kids had never really been a big part of my plan. Yes, that was probably on me. I hadn’t really felt when I was with him. But I did feel when I was with Cameron. And so, the next time Cameron called, I was going to answer. I wasn’t going to be so far into my head that I would run away again.
I was just walking back to the dining room when the doorbell rang. I frowned.
“Can you get that, Violet?” Mace asked from the kitchen. “My hands are full, and you’re closer.”
“Sure. But you’re lazy,” I called out and then laughed when I knew my brother was trying to flip me off from beneath the pot holder.
I opened the door and then froze.
“Cameron.”
“You’re here. Oh, thank God. I had Brendon text me the address, though I don’t know exactly how he got it, and I’m not going to ask. But I was really afraid that I read it wrong and would end up at the wrong door. But you’re here.”
I swallowed hard and looked at him. “Yeah, I’m here. And you’re here.”
“I’m here to say I’m sorry.”
I shook my head and then moved forward to put my hands on his chest. Damn, I missed him. “No, you don’t have to be sorry. That was so not on you. I think I just got overwhelmed and I walked away, and then I couldn’t answer my phone. Couldn’t because it was too much, not because I didn’t want to. And I’m sorry.”
He blinked. “Really? Wait, no, I’m supposed to be the one groveling here. I’m the one who let that woman touch me.”
I shook my head and bit my lip. “Let’s never talk about that again because that was so not on you. I’m the one who walked away because I got overwhelmed. I did exactly what you did. We really suck at communicating.” I said quickly. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, that’s my line. Seriously. I’m the one who sucks at communicating. I’m sorry.” He was almost growling the words now, and I had a feeling that he had practiced a whole speech and I was ruining it for him.
“I love you.” His eyes widened, and I continued. “I love you so damn much. I loved you when you left, and I loved you even more when you came back. I just didn’t realize it. There are a lot of things that we need to talk about, but first…first you need to know something. I love you and I’m sorry for walking away like I did. I’m sorry for it being too much and me not knowing how to handle it. I did exactly what you did, and now that I’m thinking about it in retrospect, I’m really ashamed.”
Cameron shook his head and cupped my face, kissing me hard. “I came here to apologize to you. To grovel as Dillon said. He said a good grovel is exactly w
hat was needed.”
“He told me he was reading those romance books and learning about women.” I laughed when Cameron rolled his eyes. “No, really. He mentioned it. I guess that’s where he learned the word.”
“That’s what he tells me. But I love you so fucking much, Violet. We need to do this better. We need to be better at this. We’re older now, we have more experience. We can’t be stupid at this.”
I kissed him then and fell into him. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you so fucking much.” I sighed at his words, let them sink into me. “I’ve loved you for so long, and I made so many bad decisions that broke everything that I had with the people I loved. With people who loved me. And I’m never going to do that again. Yes, I’m going to make mistakes, but I’m never going to make this mistake again. So, anytime there’s an issue where it gets to be too much, we need to talk it out. Or we need a sign or something to say that we need some space. Something so we don’t end up in this situation again. Because, Violet? I can’t live my life the way that I know I need to if you’re not in it. I need you by my side. I need you.” He let out a breath. “You’re the one who talked about breaking before, but I know I’d be broken without you, I was already breaking without you before. So, let’s do this thing. Let’s figure this out together. Because I love you so much.”
“I don’t want to ever break again. Not like that. And I do trust you. I’m the one that walked away this time. But I’m not going to do it again. So, come on inside, Cameron. Let’s have dinner with the Knights, let’s take it one step at a time. Because I love you. And I want you in my life just like you said. And we’ll come up with that sign when things get to be too much. We’ll come up with everything.”
And so, I took his hand and led him into the living room.
I knew we had more to talk about, that there would be more emotions and feelings that we needed to deal with as time passed. I knew I wasn’t completely over losing Allison, and I never would be.
But that was just one part of my life, a part that I would get through by talking with good friends, with family, and with my man by my side.
The man I loved with all of my heart.
We’d ended up apart for too long because of mistakes we couldn’t erase, but now we were together in spite of those. And that meant more than anything.
That was a promise.
A promise worth keeping.
Epilogue
Cameron
The beer was pouring, the tapas were popping, and people were laughing, spending money, and having a good time. The fact that we were on week eight of the pool tournament, and I was in second place along with my girl meant that we were doing pretty damn well for ourselves.
The bar was doing great, and I knew we would be just fine, no matter what happened next. The Connolly brothers and Jack’s place, The Connolly Brewery, were going to thrive.
And as I wrapped my arms around my woman, kissing her hard before she bent over so she could take her shot, I knew that my girl and I would be just fine. Plus, as I took a few steps back to watch her ass as she moved, I knew I was a very, very lucky man.
“You know, you’re making it very hard for me to concentrate when you keep looking at me like that,” Violet said, shaking her hips.
I just grinned, keeping my eyes on her ass. “Well, I can’t help it. I kind of like it.”
She looked over her shoulder and mock glared. “Kind of like it? I don’t think so. You’re supposed to love it.”
“If you two could stop discussing Violet’s ass and everything you’d like to do with it and get to actually playing pool, that would be wonderful,” Brendon said, chalking up his cue. He met Harmony’s gaze, and both of them started laughing at a joke I probably wasn’t privy to. Didn’t really understand what was so funny about the fact that I liked watching Violet’s ass, but…whatever.
There was shouting from the kitchen, and I winced. “Damn it,” Brendon muttered under his breath. “You want me to go handle that?”
“I’ve got it,” Dillon said quickly before running back there. The fact that the shouting was between Aiden and Sienna was not lost on anyone. They had been disqualified the previous week at another bar because they had been fighting and hadn’t actually finished the game. So, they weren’t even in the tournament tonight. I didn’t know why they were fighting, but I figured we’d learn eventually. We were all too close these days for us not to figure it out. Dillon was a brave soul for going back to the kitchen. But Sienna liked him, and Aiden and Dillon had created a bond over the past couple of months and seemed to understand each other better than they had before.
Things were looking good, and I was damn happy.
Violet missed her shot, cursed under her breath, and Brendon and Harmony smiled at each other before Brendon went for his own shot.
“Sorry about that,” Violet said.
“No worries, this is just fun at this point. The next tournament is getting set, we have another special going on, people are crowding the bar. I’m happy.” I kissed her temple, and she leaned into me, so I wrapped my arms around her.
Things hadn’t been easy for the past two months, and I knew they wouldn’t be completely easy going forward either. But that was fine. All three of the girls had started going to therapy, and I had even gone with Violet a couple of times. I’d had a therapist when I was younger, but then I quit going, but I actually liked going and talking with Violet’s so I might end up getting one of my own. That was if I didn’t just keep talking with Beckham or my brothers behind the bar. They said a bartender was like a therapist sometimes, and most of the time, Beckham usually ended up feeling like he was qualified for both jobs—or so he said.
Therapy or not, I loved the woman in my arms, and one day I would ask her to marry me. Not yet, not when everything was just a little too fresh, a little too raw. I wanted to make sure that she was settled and ready for what we faced.
She had grant money coming in for work, and Lynn was no longer working at the school because she was pregnant and didn’t want to be near some of the chemicals and had decided to be a stay-at-home mom. That meant that Violet didn’t have to deal with her ex-husband or anything having to do with him, and she could actually do what she loved and focus on it.
I knew she was still dealing with grief over Allison. That would likely be never-ending even as it changed.
But we had each other, and we trusted each other.
And maybe Dillon was right, and reading romance novels had helped just a little. It felt like I could get into Violet’s head just by reading someone else’s words regarding what a woman might actually want. Of course, it was fun reading it to each other, and especially when we got to the dirty bits and could try and act out some of the scenes to see if it was physically possible. It was research, after all.
Brendon missed his shot, so I went for mine. I made two balls and then missed the third.
I cursed at myself, but Harmony looked like she was on cloud nine. She sauntered over to the table, pulled her hair back from her face, and sank their last two balls and then the eight ball in quick succession.
I felt like we had been hustled, even though I’d been watching her get better over the last two months.
“That’s my girl,” Brendon called out, spinning Harmony around. She pushed at his shoulder, and the two of them separated, not looking at each other but still smiling.
I rolled my eyes at them as they started doing an actual synchronized dance that I had no idea when they’d had the time to practice, but apparently, they were competitive when it came to pool.
Violet pouted for a second before laughing at the spectacle that was the dance before turning around in my arms and kissing me on the chin.
“Well, we got second place. We still get money, right?”
“Yeah, a few bucks. Kind of pissed off that Mr. Moneybags over there got most of it, but whatever.”
Violet kissed my chin again. “How about I use some of my winning
s to buy you a beer.”
“So you can give more money back to the bar? I think I like this.”
“Sounds like a plan to me. Because I plan on hanging out with you here for a long time to come, Cameron Connolly. So, you better keep that sign above the door and the Connollys within these walls. Because I love it here. And I love you.”
“I love you, too, Violet Knight.” And I kissed her, ignoring the catcalls from around us. People were coming in to congratulate the other team and then taking the pool table for their own, enjoying the time, having fun, drinking and just being.
But I only had eyes for the woman in my arms. I knew that everything was going to be all right, just like she’d said. Because I had Violet. I had my family. I had this bar.
And I didn’t need to keep running away from things.
Finally.
Next in the Fractured Connections Series:
Harmony and Brendon in Shouldn’t Have You.
A Note from Carrie Ann Ryan
Thank you so much for reading BREAKING WITHOUT YOU. I do hope if you liked this story, that you would please leave a review! Reviews help authors and readers.
This story wasn’t easy to write. But it was one that I needed to get on paper. This series is heavy, I know that, but in the end, there is hope, there is that happily ever after. I wanted to write a series where there is love even when it doesn’t feel like there can be.
I’m honored you’re reading this series and I do hope you continue on. This is possibly one of my most personal series and I’m blessed in the fact I get to write it.
Next up is Harmony and Brendon, and if you know my personal story, you know this book will be hard, but then again, there is a reason we all love reading HEAs.
After that, Sienna and Aiden have some explaining to do. And Meadow and Beckham surprised me and screamed that they needed their stories as well.
Breaking Without You: A Fractured Connections Novel Page 19