“Time can do a lot.” Dante sounded hopeful.
“Time does fuck all,” I replied, because it did nothing for me. I still remembered everything, and still felt the same.
The guilt over Marissa was still there, and the reminder that I couldn’t be with Ava. I closed my eyes at the thought and the memory of the last time I was with her.
“Time does fuck all if you allow it to do just that. Take it from me. We all share the same kind of pain. Remember.” Gio’s face hardened.
I pressed my lips together and ran my hand over my beard. “She’s better off not knowing me, Gio. I fucked up her life enough.”
It all started out with a guy who liked a girl. She looked like an angel to him.
I was the guy, Ava the angel. I’d been so wrapped up in her that I didn’t see
the trap Marissa set for me. I got caught in a game I didn’t want to play, and somehow, the life I’d thought I was going to have turned upside down. It turned into this world where I got married to Marissa and Ava hated me.
Of course, things between us had been awkward while I was married to Marissa, but they became a colossal mess after she died. Yet the damn universe kept throwing us together at times when I least expected it. Like now.
Gio stood, then Dante.
“Think first, okay? Things may not be as they seem.” Dante tipped his head into a curt nod.
He could be right, but fact was fact, and I actually thought things were exactly as they seemed. Because of me Marissa was dead, and Ava could have died too.
Time served as a reminder that that motherfucking psycho Goliath still
walked free somewhere in this world. As did the damn Manellos. Joe Manello and his crew.
That fucking asshole Joe had set me up to work with Goliath, and since that day so long ago, all had been ghosts. Off grid like they didn’t exist. Like they never existed, like it was all a figment of a horrific nightmare.
Goliath… I still searched for him.
To me it wasn’t just seven years since Marissa’s death. It was seven years that had passed, and I still hadn’t found him.
Contrary to many beliefs, I didn’t kill mindlessly. No one dared mess with me and mine, and they were right to have that kind of fear. Mindless killing wasn’t me though.
Kill or be killed. That was the rule I lived by.
My last kill, Victor Pertrinkov, was an example of that. That man had been an animal who had to be stopped.
Goliath was the same.
Whenever I saw him again, I would kill him. That was one sure thing. One damn sure thing.
“Hey.” Dante leaned forward and tapped my hand, interrupting my thoughts. “Think of the now.”
“The now?”
“The now. Trust me. I don’t think it’ll be a good look for you if you keep going on like this. At least make contact. It’s for business.”
Business.
Dante got up, and Gio followed. Both looked back at me before they left. Leaving me to my thoughts.
I pulled in a deep breath. Ava enquiring about the lease on the property was indeed business. I knew that. It was simple, and I could treat her like any other business deal. I could pretend until it killed me if I wanted to.
It was just that I feared what I’d do if I did more than just watch from the shadows.
I feared that I’d want more.
The guys were right though. Was I seriously going to allow her to pay out all that money, and to me?
That wouldn’t be right.
Not when I already owed her so much.
Chapter 3
Ava
* * *
“Okay, talk. Why did you just turn him down?” Kelly asked. Her dark brown eyes held that air of suspicion that told me she was going to go off on one of her rants. “John’s a nice guy. We like nice guys, and it was a bonus that he’s super hot.”
I stifled a groan and rested my pen down in the center of my notebook.
Leaning across our think table, I gave her a pointed stare. “I told you he was full of himself.”
“Like how?” her perfectly arched brows snapped together and she pushed the collection of herbs and exotic peppers we’d laid out to the side.
The combo created an unusual aroma in our little office tickling my nose in a very good way.
“Malaguetas and basil, we should try that.” I beamed really wanting to change the subject of John.
We’d been in here for hours writing recipes for the restaurant anniversary week. This was our creativity office where we came up with all sorts of recipes. Close to the kitchen and separate from our own office we shared, so we could have access to whatever food items we needed. I’d gotten here from eight this morning to find Kelly already up to her elbows with all manner of vegetables and spices. It was night now and we really hadn’t done all that much. I’d taken John’s call to turn down my date with him. Kelly heard me. I should have taken the call outside.
“Malaguetas and basil are a crazy, sexy combo,” I added when she pursed her lips together.
“Ava, for God’s sake woman. Don’t you dare try to change the subject. Tell me, how was John full of himself.”
“He just was.”
“He was sweet and caring, nurturing. So what if he talked a little bit more than the average person about his accomplishments? Normal people do that. It’s okay to do that if you’ve just been promoted to senior partner in one of the biggest law firms in Chicago.” She waved her long spoon at me like it was a wand and she was about to cast some spell. Then she shook it for effect at the end of her speech.
I slumped my shoulders and leaned against the metal back on the stool.
I hated when people were right. It meant I couldn’t argue or find some retort that would get me off the hook.
I hated it even more when said people was my best friend. Kelly knew me and knew what I was like. She knew I was behaving irrationally in turning down a man like John. The kind of man who would be good for me.
“There was no chemistry.” I frowned.
She tilted her head to the side and regarded me quizzically. “Did you give him a chance to make that happen?”
“Chemistry doesn’t work that way. It happens instantly. Like adding garlic to food. Or basil to sauce. Or that dash of parmesan to pasta. There’s an instant reaction.”
“Must you always do that? Food isn’t everything.”
“I stand my ground that it kind of is.” I laughed knowing it would annoy her.
That was how I explained everything. With food. Cooking, the love of my life. The only love that had never let me down, ever.
I was the very, very proud owner of Delizioso, a Michelin-starred restaurant that had been in my family for three generations. It all began as a deli my grandfather started. Pa took the place to the next level, then handed over sole control of the restaurant to me last year.
I guess I was the obvious candidate to take over, and people probably thought I’d just had it handed to me on a silver plate, but nothing was further from the truth.
My father was the primary owner, and he made me work hard for years to earn it.
He made me go through everything he did to be the award-winning chef he’d become, and better.
It took me a little over ten years to convince him that I was worthy, but not just that. My parents were the kind who pushed you to do good and accomplish your goals but only if the thing they were pushing you to get was what you truly wanted.
So, here I was. I owned the restaurant and ran it with Kelly as my business partner. We created all manner of recipes and menus.
We knew what clicked and what didn’t, so she should know that chemistry was not something that could come with time.
She knew I couldn’t be fooled into thinking so either, because I’d had chemistry before. The kind that was crazy, raw, and primal in its essence. The kind that couldn’t be controlled and blew out of proportion.
It wasn’t good, and it wasn’t bad either. It was ju
st neither here nor there, and in my case, it would have been better if I’d never happened upon it.
Kelly snapped her fingers in front of my face and smiled. I’d zoned out again.
“Must you do that too?” She chuckled then straightened and gave me a pensive stare.
“What?”
“Get lost in your thoughts without me.” She shook her long black hair, and it fell to one side of her shoulders, contrasting with her pale skin. “I’m trying to savor these moments between us. That soon-to-be husband of mine is going to whisk me away for six months. I just want to make sure that my best girl is taken care of. Would be nice if she could bring a date to my wedding too. The kind of date that’s potential boyfriend material. Even better if he’s potential husband material.” She waved that spoon again and picked up a chocolate habanero chili.
“Trying to get me married off again.” I laughed. It wasn’t funny, not one bit, but sometimes in life laughing at our situation was the best a person could do.
“I can’t be blamed.” She put the chili back on the counter and rested the spoon down next to it. The look she gave me next heralded another discussion I didn’t want. “Ava, I’m going to give you some advice because I worry about you sometimes. Okay, maybe I worry about you a little more than sometimes. It’s more like most of the time. John was a nice guy, and nice guys don’t come around often, or a lot. Especially guys who tick the box in nine out of ten categories. You can’t keep turning them away.”
“I don’t,” I pouted.
“You can’t keep turning them away… because of the past.” She bit the inside of her lip and squinted at me.
Here it was. The discussion I didn’t want. My best friend saw straight through my lying ass and flimsy excuses.
“It’s not the past,” I lied.
“Yes, it is.” It was her turn to laugh at me now. “It’s the same every year. Did you actually see him this time? Would you even tell me?”
I stiffened, and my shoulders tensed. Not wanting to meet her gaze, I looked away to my desk and focused on the flashing computer screen.
“I tell you everything.”
“You think you do, but you don’t. It’s not healthy, Ava. Look at you. You’re beautiful. Seriously beautiful.”
I smirked and turned back to face her. “Yes, my friend who looks like a super model.” She actually did.
“Thank you, but you know what I mean. This isn’t about who looks the best. I’m saying that you don’t have to try hard to draw attention. You could have your pick of the bunch, so pick and stop finding fault.”
“Okay. I will stop finding fault. Can we drop this now?”
“After you answer the question. Did you see him?” She held my gaze.
Him…
Does feeling him like he’s watching me count?
Claudius Morientz. Just thinking his name sent a jolt to my heart. I didn’t know how it could be that a man who I’d shared so much with was no longer part of my life.
He hadn’t truly been part of my life since that horrible day seven years ago when Marissa was killed.
Four years ago, when I last saw him was…
Well, I couldn’t explain it other than to say that it was like I’d found a version of him and lost him all over again. Worse than before. It was the day I’d stopped feeling what was left of my heart.
I hadn’t been the same since.
“I didn’t see him, but it felt like he was there. Somewhere.” It was a whole week ago, but that confliction hadn’t left me.
Every year it was a little different. That feeling I got when he was nearby was different. This time had been intense, but it was crazy. Maybe it was just my imagination or me wishing he was there. Not seeing him was for the best.
Better if I didn’t see him, maybe not ever again.
“Maybe he wasn’t there,” Kelly offered, her voice soft and cautious.
I nodded. “Yeah. Maybe I just want closure.”
“Maybe you should go see him and get it.”
Sure, because that would be the most sensible thing to do. I just wanted to avoid him as much as he wanted to avoid me. Besides, Claudius wasn’t any old guy.
He was the don of the Chicago mafia.
Jesus…
Ten years ago, when I’d first met him and his brother right here in this restaurant, I knew the man was trouble. He was the kind of guy you just knew to stay away from. But he’d worked his charm on me and charmed me out of my sense and dignity.
He’d made me love’s fool and cast me aside because my sister was a better fit than me. All that happened, and I’d never learned my lesson.
“I can’t do that.” I shook my head.
“Why?”
“Do you seriously expect me just to go to his office? And say what?”
“Just go see him. Air out the shit from the cupboard and move on or…”
“Or what?” I frowned at her.
“You know, Ava, you’ve been jonesing for this guy for as long as I’ve known you. You know he’s not exactly my favorite person. The situation with him and Marissa is the stuff the National Enquirer would love to get their hands on. But a part of you likes him. Still.”
“No. I’m good. Let’s drop this. We’re just talking about crap that doesn’t need to be discussed. We have a lot to do. These recipes aren’t even close to being ready, and I’m still waiting to hear about the property.”
My one-year anniversary of owning the restaurant was a month away. I wanted a whole new menu designed for that week, and I wanted to announce the plans I had to take the business to the next level. Another branch here in Chicago, and then I’d set out to opening a chain in all the major cities, starting with New York, then on to LA.
I had big dreams. Dreams that took up all of my time. Time I wouldn’t waste thinking about a man who’d never wanted me.
Kelly released a slow sigh then frowned. “Fine… let’s talk shop. Malaguetas and basil are a good idea. However, I don’t think you should use the habanero chilis in the Bolognese. It’s too hot. You’ll spoil the flavor.”
“What about scorpion chilis? I want it to have that fiery kick.”
“That could work. Just a dash though.”
“It’ll need a tad more than a dash for the recipe I want.” I wanted hot with flavor. Good, my mind had already started thinking about the ingredients I’d written down to try out the recipe.
Better to get lost in my thoughts about things like this.
“Just try it and see. As for the property, I don’t know what to suggest. I still think it’s too far.”
“It’s not. It’s perfect. The river’s nearby. Just like this.” The river ran right along the edge of the restaurant and the park. The VIP section upstairs had an excellent view.
She quirked a brow at me. “If you were going for somewhere just like this, why didn’t you get somewhere closer?”
Claudius again. That was why.
When I first got the idea to expand, my accountant had checked things out as best as he could. There wasn’t a single property within a ten-mile radius that didn’t have some influence of sorts from Claudius. I didn’t think it was good for one man to have so much power. My reason for going as far as I was, was to avoid any kind of contact with him.
I thought the properties on the east side might be fine. They were beautiful and far, for sure, but perfect. The plan was to start the setup on that, and if I got the loan from the bank, then I could start planning for New York.
The office door opened, and Ariel, our restaurant manager, came in with a mischievous smile on her face. Her red hair sparkled as she passed the hanging light.
“You guys,” she bubbled, bringing her hands together.
“What happened?” Her stories were the best. Ariel had that outgoing personality, but she also happened to attract the bizarre.
Kelly twisted around to look at her.
“There is an uber hot guy here. Just booked the VIP lounge on the balcony and requested t
o see the owner.”
“What?” I wrinkled my nose.
“At least he’s uber hot.” Kelly laughed. “He could be uber ugly, then you’d have problems.”
“Why does he want to see me?” I ignored Kelly’s comment. These were the parts she got out off. Basically, the shit. Like when people wanted to complain. I had to deal with that. Complaints didn’t happen often, but I hated anything unpleasant.
Ariel chuckled. “It’s weird. He wants a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich, and he has it on good authority that this place is the best at that.”
My blood froze in my veins the moment she said peanut butter. My blood froze, and my poor heart stilled.
Kelly started saying something, but I couldn’t hear her. Ariel spoke to me too as I stood up, and started laughing, but I didn’t hear her either.
There was only one person he could be, and I didn’t think my mind was screwing with me.
“Ava,” Kelly called to me, but I was already going through the door.
Curiosity propelled me, fueling my movements. I walked through the crowd, enveloped by the smooth jazz playing in the background.
My nerves spiked, and my head started spinning.
Peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich…
It was such a simple thing. But he knew I would come if he said that. He knew I would know it was him if he said that. The time for such trivial, youthful foolishness had passed.
He knew I’d want to see him though. No matter what he’d done to me.
I hated myself for that. For the way I always fell prey to him.
I took the stairs two at a time, steadying my heals against the groves in the wooden flooring. The night air graced my cheeks and caressed the bare skin of my arms as I stepped outside.
I stopped in my tracks when I saw him standing on the balcony, next to the booth.
His black coat billowed out against the wind like a cape as the wind swept it out and around him, and his hair…
I’d always liked that he wore his hair long. He’d cut it a little shorter though, so that it was just brushing his shoulders. When I’d known him before, it was down to the center of his back.
Dirty Hearts: A Bad Bod Mafia Romance Page 3