by Laney Powell
Mom turned around, and I saw a couple of emotions cross her face, but the one that settled was calm, kind, and neutral. “I can understand that, honey. You can talk to me when you’re ready. But since that’s not going to be right now, let’s talk about what you want to do.”
“I don’t know,” I said, feeling irritation rise.
“Well, you need a job. No,” she held up a hand as I stared to protest. “I realize you don’t want to talk about a thing, but you need to get some money in your pocket so you can figure out what you’re going to do. It’s your lucky day, Taylor. Your sister’s main counter help just up and decided to run off and get married, and her new husband doesn’t want his wife working.” Mom rolled her eyes. “She’s only nineteen, so she’ll figure it out. So will he. But your sister had to call me three days ago and ask me to come in. I’m absolutely delighted to turn that shift over to you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You didn’t plan this?”
“For Mandy to run off and get married just so we had a place for you to land? No, honey, not even we’re that conniving.”
“But you could be,” I said, feeling my irritation dissipate some.
“We could be if we planned better, absolutely,” Mom said. “However, I don’t have enough time for planning. Not with Beezie and Link working all hours, and me watching Tatiana,” she smiled as she mentioned my niece.
Beezie (formally known as Beatrice, but she hated the name) was six years older than me, and she and Link had started dating in high school. Beezie went to culinary school, and Link stayed here, working himself to death with two jobs, although no one knew why. But when Beezie came back, it was all became clear. They bought a building in the downtown area and promptly opened Beezie’s Buns. The name made me laugh every time I said it. It also made my sister blush, which made me wonder how the name really came about. But neither she nor Link ever said anything more about the origin of the name. Two years after they got married, along came Tatiana.
I didn’t really know my niece. I’d never been able to come back to Paulson enough to see her. Now I’d get the chance. I hoped.
“No, the Mandy situation was unexpected. And when you called to tell me you were coming back, I told Beezie that you could fill in until you figured out what you wanted to do. That would give her and Link time to find someone reliable.”
There was a small sting at my mom’s words, as though I were unreliable. But I realized that was my own baggage coming to the forefront. My family was nothing other than supportive, even as much as they loathed Kasper.
“What did Beezie say?” I asked, not able to help myself.
“She said, Thank fucking God, because none of our applicants are worth a darn!” Mom laughed, and I joined her.
“It’s nice to be needed,” I said.
“Honey, you’re not needed. You’re wanted. That’s the problem, though, isn’t it?” Mom cocked her head as she looked at me. “You can’t walk away when you’re needed.”
“Mom—”
She held up a hand. “I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I just can’t seem to help myself. Think about that. I won’t let you fall into that trap again,” she finished.
“Thanks,” I said. “I think.”
Mom stopped what she was doing to look at me with a serious expression. “We’re here for you honey. There’s only one thing.”
“Which is?” This is what I’d been waiting for. The condition. There was always a condition. I’d learned that with Kasper. If you did A, he would do B. If you didn’t do A, and you needed B, well, too bad. It was always a matter of give and take.
“I want you to see a therapist.”
That wasn’t what I expected. “Why?” I wasn’t being confrontational. I really wanted to hear what she’d say. Okay, maybe I was feeling a little confrontational.
“Because when you end a relationship, it’s never easy. Add in addition, and a lot of enmeshed behaviors on the part of everyone in the relationship, that makes it even more difficult.”
“You mean you don’t think this is all Kasper’s fault?” I wanted to blame him, but I found that I felt defensive about him, even as I knew his problems weren’t mine. Which was kind of fucked.
“No. His drinking, the drugs, his current situation—yes, that’s all on him. But you two stayed together for a couple of years while he was actively using. So… “she shrugged. “I figure there’s a reason you stayed. You managed to ignore me and Beezie fussing at you. That suggests a lot of strength and determination in you.”
To say that I was shocked was an understatement. “Mom, have you been seeing a therapist?”
She nodded. “Yes, I have. I wanted to help you, and I couldn’t. Then I got so mad. At you, at me, and for sure at Kasper and his family.” She knew about Margaret. “It’s not good to hang on to all that anger. So I went to talk to someone. And I want you to do that. That’s the only thing I’ll ask you to do other than help out at the bakery.”
I considered. The thought of therapy was both appealing and frightening. I’d have to face my own shit. There was something off with me, that I’d be willing to put up with Kasper for as long as I did. No one wanted to look at that, though. I remembered what I’d thought as I drove out here from Cheyenne. I didn’t want to take on any more project relationships. Kasper had been one of those. So had the three guys before him, even though they didn’t last as long. When all of them ended, I’d felt guilty at leaving them on their own to face whatever it was they were facing, and bereft that I didn’t have anyone to help.
I’d never even thought about helping myself. Maybe it was time. “All right,” I said. “Let me guess. You have a recommendation.”
“Well of course I do,” Mom said, laughing a little. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
I smiled. “I know exactly who I’m talking to. All right. I’ll do it. When do I start at the bakery?”
“Tomorrow. If I were you, I’d get more sleep today. We’re busy as can be.”
“I think I’ll unpack and get settled. And sleep,” I said.
“Good plan. How about some breakfast?”
She made me eggs and toast, and then I went about unloading my car, and moving back into my childhood home. As much as I didn’t want to be moving home at my age, I felt safe. I felt like I’d be all right. I didn’t feel like I had to hold everything together, or it would all go to Hell in a spectacular fashion.
A part of me said that wasn’t the way someone should feel at twenty-five.
My sister came over with Link and Tatiana came over after dinner, and the way Beezie hugged me told me that while she might have strong words for me—there was never anything but with my family—she was here for me. She was on my side.
Tatiana sat in my lap and stroked my hair. The long brown strands were tired looking, and I wondered if stress showed up in your hair? When they left, Tatiana patted my face, and fell asleep on Link’s shoulder.
When I went to bed that night, I went to my room early. I needed to be in at seven tomorrow morning, and I was tired after hauling all my crap in.
The alarm went off, and I turned to go back to sleep when I remembered what was happening today. I flew out of bed, got a shower, put my tired hair up in a messy bun, and drove down to the bakery.
“Hey,” Beezie said as I came in through the back door. “Glad you’re on time. Can you run the register, and the counter today?”
“I think so,” I said. “Let me just look over everything.”
By the time the doors opened at eight, I was ready. So I hoped. There was a line outside, and we were busy for the next two hours. After ten, the line slowed, and Beezie came to join me. “Good job, Taylor. You want a break?”
I nodded. “I think I need a soda with a lot of ice and the bathroom.”
She laughed. “You go. I’ll take care of it until you regain your strength.”
As I walked to the back, I wondered why I hadn’t come home earlier. I’d been afraid, afraid of fa
cing my choices. Of having to answer for them. Because deep down I knew my choices—and my partners—sucked. I sighed as I leaned against the wall, drinking a soda with a lot of ice. Once I’d finished, and washed my hands, I went back out front.
“Thanks for doing this,” Beezie said. “I know you just got here, and things were crappy to make you leave finally, but I really appreciate it.”
“Mom told me about Mandy.”
Beezie rolled her eyes. “I want to kill her, but Link and I knew before we ever graduated high school. How can I say anything?”
“You went to school, and he saved up a pile,” I said.
“How do we know they don’t have a plan?” she threw up her hands. “So I’m not saying a whole lot, and I’m hoping they chose each other for the right reasons. Regardless, I’m glad you’re here. At least now, I can’t be mad we’re in the weeds with help.”
“I appreciate you letting me work,” I said.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Beezie was indignant. “I’m glad you’re home.” She looked at me. “Bask in that while you can.”
I laughed. “There’s the Beezie I know.”
“Hey, I don’t want to disappoint. I’ll come out again with lunch. Let me know if we’re getting low,” she gestured to the cases in front of us.
“Got it,” I said. I stretched, and then focused on the door as the bell rang, and two men came in. One was older, a grandfatherly age. The other one was younger. As I watched them, the younger man got bigger as he got closer.
And wow. Just… wow.
He was huge. Six feet and change. His arms were huge and muscular. I could see tattoos under his sleeves, and he looked like a man who was very comfortable with his body. He wore a green tee shirt, a worn baseball cap, and as he walked up to the counter with the older man, he smiled.
I felt a warmth in my belly that spread out to all my respective lady parts. Holy shit. That smile should be registered. If he kept it up, I was pretty sure that from a physical aspect alone, my panties would just melt away.
“Who are you?” the older man asked.
“Hi, I’m Taylor,” I said. “Who are you?”
“Where’s Mandy?”
I smiled. This, I could answer. “I believe she’s on her honeymoon.”
The man stared and then laughed. “Well, good for her. I hope he’s worth it, and she’s happy. But that doesn’t tell me who you are.”
“I’m Taylor. Beezie’s sister.”
His brows furrowed. “Don’t you live in Cheyenne?”
“I did,” I kept a smile on my face.
“Good to see you. I’m Freeze Buckley. I own a ranch around here. Don’t know if you remember,” he held out his hand.
“I do,” I said. He was friends with my mom. “Good to see you again.”
“This is Raif. He’s staying with us for a bit out at the ranch,” he jerked his chin towards the huge beautiful dangerous looking man next to him.
Raif came close to the counter and took my hand in his. I felt tiny, which was an interesting thing. And when he touched my hand, the electricity in his touch made me want to toss off my clothes and drag him to the back room. While I’d been in a relationship, I can tell you that things in the bedroom hadn’t really been there for Kasper and me for some time. And this guy… holy Joe. He was walking sex on a stick.
“Nice to meet you, Taylor,” he said. His voice was a gravelly baritone, with a hint of command in it. Like he was used to being obeyed, or he’d know the reason why. For some reason, the thought of that thrilled me.
What the hell? I’d left my former boyfriend of two days in a coma. I had no business looking at anyone else. I ducked my head as Freeze ordered two coffees, and an assortment of muffins and doughnuts. I was putting the order together as Beezie came out.
“Hey, Freeze,” she said. “Geez, you feeding an army?”
He used his thumb to indicate Raif. “He’s eating me out of house and home.”
She laughed and helped me get the order together. We brought it to the table where Freeze and Raif were sitting, and my hip brushed against Raif’s arm. God, those muscles. He looked up and thanked me. His eyes were gray, like a sky before a storm. They stood out against his tanned skin. His hair was short, so I couldn’t tell what color it was. Plus whatever hair he had was under a hat.
Raif was a lethal weapon to me and to all the women in the vicinity. I’d seen several eying him carefully. I set down all the food and hurried back behind the counter where it was safe.
Chapter Five
Raif
The woman behind the counter, Taylor, stunned me into near-speechlessness. She was beautiful. Brown hair casually pulled up. She wore jeans, and a tee shirt with an apron. Her face was heart shaped, and she had dark pink, kissable lips. I wanted to pull her to me and spend days making out with her. Her eyes were blue. She was beautiful.
There was something in her eyes, though, that was at war with her natural, casual appearance. She had a watchfulness about her, a wariness. I’d seen it often, having been in places where I had to watch my ass if I didn’t want it blown off. I had to wonder what it was that made a woman like Taylor have the same kind of wariness.
Freeze watched me for a moment as he took a bite of a doughnut. “She hasn’t been here for a long time,” he said.
“What?” I asked, turning my attention to him once more.
“Taylor. She must have gotten here in the last couple of days.”
“Oh?” I wasn’t going to be drawn into this.
Freeze nodded. “I know everyone that lives here. I’ve been here all my life, except when I was off on Uncle Sam’s time. I know her mom, and her sister, Beezie, who owns this place. She’s been gone for a while. I think her mom told me one time she was living with some less than great guy down in Cheyenne.”
“It happens,” I said.
“It does,” Freeze said. “Well, eat up. We’ve got work to do today. So take advantage of this moment,” he grinned.
Conversation turned to the places we needed to stop, and the things he wanted to get done today. As we talked, I snuck a few glances at Taylor-the-owner’s-sister. She looked just as good as she had when I walked in. The wariness was still there. Freeze and I plowed through all the carbs, and I knew I’d feel it later, so I welcomed the chore list today.
“Bye,” Freeze yelled out as we headed out the door.
“Bye,” I heard from the back.
“Bye, Taylor. Good to meet you,” Freeze lowered his voice to a normal volume.
“You, too,” she said, smiling carefully.
Our eyes met and held. A surge of lust, of want, enveloped me. I wanted her. It had been a while since I’d had a girlfriend, or even a casual friend. Taylor hit all my buttons for what I found attractive. “Bye,” I said.
She smiled, but didn’t say anything. I felt her eyes on me as we left the bakery. It was a feeling that you got used to, and it had saved my ass in a few occasions. In this case, I wasn’t sure if I wanted my ass to be saved. Not if it was Taylor who was after my ass.
That would be something worth getting caught for.
“So what do you think?” Freeze asked, bringing me back to the moment.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t focused,” I said, feeling like a jackass.
“No problem. Doughnuts can do that to a man,” Freeze said. “I asked what you thought about getting some extra fencing for the goats.”
“The goats,” I said. “Right. The goats are like weasels—all over the place and eating everything.”
“A couple are milk goats. They’re giving enough milk to make cheese, which I have to admit, is good,” Freeze said. “Pris still wants to make soap, but Axel and I are over riding that in favor of cheese. You’re right though. They’re crafty.”
“Like weasels,” I nodded. I was glad he hadn’t said anything about my lusting over Taylor. Probably because he was too polite, although that wasn’t the descriptor you’d use with a guy like Freeze. He was open, and blunt,
and not afraid to tackle a situation head on. I’d learned that in the two days I’d been here. But he wasn’t rude. He was alert and seemed to see everything. On the ride into town today, he told me about how he’d given Axel and Pris a nudge, and done the same thing for the other guy who worked as a ranch hand, Jensen. He was engaged to a woman named Carissa who did the ranch’s accounting.
“Every one of ’em needed a little push,” he confided with a grin. “I was happy to give it.”
“You sure they didn’t think you were meddling?” I asked.
He laughed out loud. “No. All of them were so involved in their own whatever they didn’t even notice.”
“You’re not what I picture when I think of Cupid,” I said with a grin.
“Out here, you have to take what you can get.”
“You playing Cupid for yourself?” I asked.
“No,” his expression sobered. “I had the best wife ever. No need to mess with perfection. It’s enough to see my kids happy around me.”
I left it at that, considering what he’d said. He did seem happy. I’d seen him with Jensen, another guy like me and Axel, a former military guy who had abruptly left the service due to injuries. That wasn’t me, though. I was just on leave. But back to Freeze. He treated Jensen just as he treated Axel—like family.
A wistfulness ran through me for a moment. I had my family, but we weren’t close. My brother was offering me a place to land because he needed help, and it was a good solution all around. Both of my brothers were older—Geoff, the one I was going to stay with, eleven years, and Marco, the eldest, fourteen. I was the oops in our family. They were both good guys, but they were closer to each other than they were to me.
Another reason I missed my PJ team.
“It’s good to know your limitations,” I said to Freeze. “You’re a wise man.”
He hooted with laughter. “I’ll be asking you to tell everyone that at dinner. No one ever wants to listen to me, always telling me to be quiet.”
“They love you. Now you’re just complaining to complain,” I said.