by Laney Powell
I enjoyed the brushing of the horses, and I liked the goats and turkeys. There was something satisfying about the care of and feeding of animals. They were immediate in their response—which you didn’t always get with humans.
After lunch, which Jensen made, and I cleaned up, we went and took the horses for an afternoon ride. When we got back, we brushed them, and we were done for the day. I immediately called Taylor.
It went to voice mail.
I texted her.
There was no response.
What the hell? I paced around my room, debating what it could be. She was working, but she should be nearly done. The bakery closed at three, and it was ten till three right now.
“I’m heading into town. You need anything?” I asked Freeze as I walked into the main room.
He didn’t look up from the book he was reading. “No, I’m good. But I’m not the only one. If that changes, I’ll have Axel text you.”
“Great,” I said, grabbing my keys from the hook by the door. I was out and in my truck before he could say anything more. My instinct told me that I needed to get to Taylor. I had no idea why, either, because there shouldn’t be anything wrong. But my instinct had saved my ass on more than one occasion, even though it seemed to have fallen down on the job lately. I wasn’t going to ignore it.
I found it difficult not to speed all the way into Paulson. I didn’t need a ticket, so I drove like a guy in a hurry, rather than a guy with life or death on the line. I wasn’t sure it was life or death, but it sure felt that way. My gut was in shreds. I drove into the downtown area, parking a couple of spaced down from the bakery. I saw Taylor’s Suburban, so I knew she was there.
It was after three. The doors were locked, and the Closed sign was turned out. I knocked, and I saw Taylor sitting behind the counter. Beezie had an arm around her, and Taylor looked like she was crying. Whatever was going on, I’d been right. My instinct got it spot on today.
Beezie looked up, and when she saw me, she hurried from around the counter. She unlocked the door and let me in.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Beezie’s lips thinned. “Some people are like dog shit on your shoe. You clean them up, and the smell is still there. “
A couple of long strides brought me over to the counter. I reached across for Taylor’s hands. “What’s up?”
She looked at me, and she had been crying. A sense of rage at what—or who—made her cry washed over me. My entire job in life was to help others. To save them. So that others may live. It pissed me off to no end when other people didn’t at least make an effort for those in their lives. When it came to Taylor, I was even more angry. I felt certain I knew where this was coming from.
“I was worried,” I said. “I called, and texted, and you didn’t answer me.”
“You didn’t have to come into town for me,” her voice came out small and sad.
“I planned on coming into town for you as it was,” I shrugged. “What happened?”
“Margaret called.”
Shit. I racked my brain, trying to keep up, and couldn’t remember who Margaret was. “What did she have to say?”
“She told me that Kasper woke up.”
“No shit,” I said. I figured, from what Taylor told me, that he would never wake up. It sounded as though he’d done a pretty heavy number on himself. Figures, I thought bitterly. These kinds of people never made it easy for the people around them.
“I’m glad to hear it,” I said, lying through my teeth. “I don’t understand what that has to do with you.” It came back to me—Margaret was the mother of the ex.
“She told me I needed to come back, because he was going to need help.”
I rolled my eyes. “Is she on the same shit her kid is?”
Taylor’s eyes widened. “Raif!”
Beezie walked behind Taylor, back toward the kitchen, nodding. She gave me a thumbs up as our eyes met.
Letting go of Taylor’s hands, I crossed my arms. “Your ex is not your problem, Taylor. He sounds like he was your problem for too many years, and his lame family was all fine and dandy with that. When he was safely in a coma, they left you alone. Now that he’s awake, you need to come take care of him and all his shit? No! That’s bullshit.”
“His mom texted me before,” Taylor began.
I cut her off. “Did she ask how you were doing? Did she call to check on you? See how things were going? Did she say she was sorry you felt you had to leave your entire life?” I didn’t think Taylor had much of a life with the ex, but I wanted her to see this woman was a manipulative asshole, and that Taylor was a means to an end. The end being, Margaret didn’t want to take care of her kid. Which was fine, but it wasn’t Taylor’s problem.
Taylor looked down. I wondered if I’d gone too far. I looked over Taylor’s head to see Beezie watching from the kitchen. Link had come to stand next to her, his arm around her. Jesus. I hoped they didn’t think I was being an asshole.
“You need to block her,” I said.
Taylor looked up and gave me a sad grin. “I did. She called the house, and Mom told her to—”
“Fuck off,” Beezie supplied.
Taylor smiled, and continued, “So she called here. Kasper must have told her about the bakery. I didn’t think he even knew the name.”
“Amazing what people remember when it’s to their benefit,” I said. I knew I was dropping the hammer, but Taylor needed to see this for what it was. Even if she didn’t want me anymore, I realized, she needed to see this. Everything would be a shit ton better if she did want me, but this wasn’t about me. I shut up then, because she needed to make this call on her own.
She looked down for what seemed like a long time. Then she looked up at me, and her smile made me feel like the sun had come out. “You’re right. Kasper, and Margaret, and whatever else is going on is not my problem. She has never asked me about how I’m doing. It’s always about what I’m doing or not doing for Kasper. He let her, too. She’d light into me, and he’d just sit there.” Taylor’s brows furrowed.
I loved to see her get mad. Not that I was a shrink or anything, but when you got pissed and tired of how people treated you, that’s when you started to make changes.
“She doesn’t care about me,” Taylor said.
“No, she doesn’t,” I agreed.
Beezie opened her mouth behind Taylor, and Link gently put his hand over her mouth. She turned around to glare a hole in him, and he just shook his head. Beezie then glared at me, and I kept my face blank. No way in hell I was stepping in the middle of that.
“If Kasper really cared, he’d tell her to shut the fuck up,” Taylor said.
“Yes, he would. Your relationship was between the two of you. What kind of person lets someone else, much less their mom, get in the middle and yell at their partner?” I kept my voice soft, although I wanted to tell her the answer. This was like figuring things out on a mission in a way. Sometimes, we got intel that was bad. And we had to figure it out on the fly. I could see it, but Taylor couldn’t. And like members on the team, you had to let them see the lay of the land, so to speak, for themselves.
That skill was part of what made me a good leader. And part of what had kept my team safe—until recently.
“An asshole,” Taylor said.
“Exactly.” I nodded.
“An addict,” she added sadly.
“And that, you cannot fix. No one can,” I said.
She took a deep breath. “You’re right. Margaret can go to hell. So can Kasper.” She blinked and then looked up at me. “That is harder to do than I thought it would be.”
“It’s always hard to cut off people, even if they deserve it,” I said.
Behind Taylor, Beezie pumped her fist.
“I saw that,” said Taylor. “I can see you in the reflection of the cases,” she smiled.
Beezie walked forward and put her arms around Taylor. “I want you happy, and safe. Kasper is neither.”
Taylo
r rested her arms around her sister’s. “I know. I know. It’s just hard. I feel responsible.”
“Because you’re a good person,” Beezie said. “Good people take on shit that’s not theirs all the time. People like Kasper and his mom count on that.”
Taylor nodded, although I could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. She looked up, and then above my head. “Oh, no!” She jumped off the stool. “I’m going to be late for my appointment.”
“Nadine?” Beezie asked.
“Yes, and I have a lot to talk about with her today,” Taylor met my eyes and her face and neck went pink.
Before I met Taylor, I didn’t know blushing was so damn sexy, but on her, it was like an aphrodisiac for me. “You want a ride?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, I’ll drive over. You want to do dinner later?”
“That would be great,” I said. “I have some things to do.”
Taylor came out from around the counter. “I can come back to finish up,” she said to Beezie and Link. “I’m sorry I got distracted.”
“You go,” I said. “I’ll help them.”
“No, there’s really not that much,” Beezie said.
“That would be great,” Link said at the same time.
Beezie elbowed him. “What?” he asked. “It’s a shit show in here today.”
“Go,” I said to Taylor, kissing her lightly on the lips. “I’ll see you later.”
I watched her leave and then turned back to Beezie and Link. “Okay, point me in the right direction.
An hour later, the cases in the front were clean. All the tables were wiped, and the chairs turned up on them. I’d finished mopping, and the bakery sparkled. I’d never worked in a restaurant before, but cleaning was part of life on base, or a ship, or wherever you happened to be stationed, and after ten years in the service, I found that I didn’t care for clutter.
Beezie came out. “Thanks, Raif. You didn’t have to do this, but I appreciate it.”
“You should tell Link he was right,” I teased, hoping I didn’t get an elbow for my troubles.
“No way in hell,” she said smoothly.
“I heard it anyway,” Link called from the kitchen. “You can’t hide from me!”
Beezie rolled her eyes, and I laughed.
“You want something to eat?” she asked. “We have some amazing cake that we were working on today.”
“A tester?” I asked. “Will I die?”
“No one dies from my food,” Beezie said as she walked back into the kitchen.
I followed her. It smelled divine in here, like cake batter, and chocolate, and fruit and sugar. It was a good thing I still did all my exercises and worked in a physical job. I could gain twenty pounds just by standing here. “How do you work in all this and not eat everything?” I asked. Both Link and Beezie were wiry. Taylor was a bit curvier, which I liked.
“You slave over hot ovens and burn sugar a few times,” Beezie said. “It’s not as appealing then.”
“You mean you don’t love all the things you cook?” I teased, since I was out of reach of her elbow.
“I love it all, but I understand moderation. I live in a cloud of sugar,” Beezie said.
“That’s because you’re in my cloud,” Link declared as he moved by her, kissing her on the cheek as he went by. “And I’m sweet all the time.”
Beezie laughed, but the look she gave him told me Link wasn’t far off base. Taylor had told me about them, how they’d been devoted to each other since high school. You could see it in the way they were.
“Here, try this. Tell me what you think,” Beezie said as she cut a slab of cake.
The bell over the front door rang about twenty minutes later, when I thought for sure I was about to go into some diabetic coma.
“I’m back,” Taylor called out.
“I’m saved,” I said. “Death by sugar is not my choice.”
“There are worse ways to go,” Beezie shrugged cheerfully.
The entire time I’d been here, we hadn’t talked about Taylor, or her asshole ex, or anything. Part of me was dying for some further intel, but the other part of me felt like just hanging out with Taylor’s family was a good thing.
“Hey, I wondered what you were still doing here,” Taylor said. “Oh, no. You’re not going to want to eat for the rest of the day.” She’d seen the cakes on the counter in front of me.
“I might not, but it was delicious,” I said.
“He was a big help. But now you two can get out of here,” Beezie said. “You’re free.”
Taylor slipped her hand in mine as we left the bakery. I waited as she locked the door behind her.
“She’s such a good baker,” Taylor said. “It’s all I can do not to shove all the cake in my mouth all day long.”
“I had no intentions of eating that much cake,” I said. “But your sister is persuasive.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Taylor said, chuckling. “I won’t ask you what you want for dinner. You want to go for a drive?”
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll drive.”
We climbed into my truck. I liked the way it felt having her with me. “Where to?”
“Let’s go out to the lake,” Taylor said.
We drove in silence for a bit, and then I asked, “How’d your appointment go?” I figured that Nadine was her therapist, given her comments and what Beezie had said.
Chapter Fourteen
Taylor
I considered before I answered. It had been an intense hour, and we’d actually gone over a little. I told Nadine that I’d finally completed my homework and asked Raif where he saw us going. When I told her about his answer, she immediately asked how that made me feel.
“Scared,” I said. “But in a good way.”
I shared with her that we’d slept together, and she was pleased for me. Not that she was advocating sex, but that I felt like I was in a place where I wanted it because I wanted it. I told her about Raif making me ask for what I wanted, and she laughed. “How hard was that?” she asked.
“Really tough, but worth it in the end,” I said.
And we’d both cackled like hens. While she was definitely my therapist, I felt like she was also a friend.
Then I had to tell her about Kasper, and his psycho mom, and how Raif had confronted me with their actions.
“He’s good at making you look at it from a different perspective,” Nadine said. “It’s nice to hear it from a number of people.”
“Yeah, you’re all on my ass,” I said before I could stop myself.
“It’s difficult to feel like you’re being nagged. I hope you don’t think I’m nagging.”
“No, you just ask all the uncomfortable questions,” I said.
“People want the best for you, but I’ll bet they’re nervous and scared for you as well. That makes methods a little intense at times,” Nadine said.
Overall, it was a good appointment. She was happy for me with how things were going with Raif, and she said the way he was reacting to me, and talking with me was the sign of a healthy person. I remembered what he said about having his own shit, and it was nice to know that someone could be healthy, and still have shit to deal with.
It made me feel like there was hope for me. I also felt like I’d taken a big step today. Agreeing that Kasper wasn’t my problem, nor was his mother my problem was huge for me. Huge. It had always been my way to make things easier for everyone around me. To want to make things go smoothly, even if I wasn’t the one making a mess.
I did it with my family as well, and that would be something I’d have to work on, I realized. But one thing at a time. When I left Nadine’s office, and went back by the bakery, I felt good. It was surprising to see that Raif’s truck was still there. And it pleased me more than I could express to see him sitting with Beezie, tasting cakes. Beezie didn’t share food with people she didn’t like.
Which meant that what Raif said last night was true. They were just worried about me. But
they liked him, and they didn’t think I was a big loser.
I’d been told, by Kasper mostly, and by his mother when I had to be around her, what a disappointment I was. I never did anything right. No matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. Wasn’t good enough. Whatever. Even though I’d gotten away from him, and our toxic relationship, I carried all the words he’d dumped on me.
Another thing to work on. A month ago, I would have been depressed to think that I still had so much to do. Now, I saw it as moving beyond the way I’d been living, and the way I’d allowed myself to be treated.
So when Raif asked me how it went, I was able to tell him, “It was a great appointment.”
He smiled. He had the most gorgeous smile. Everything about him was gorgeous. He was a big man, with a big presence. I wondered if he realized how big. I found it interesting that my sister, who was afraid of very little in this world, found him intimidating initially. I hadn’t seen that at all—I’d been bowled over by his beauty, by his kind manner. He wasn’t brash, or pushy, like a lot of big men were. He was quiet.
Because he knew his strength and didn’t have to prove a thing to anyone. That was so sexy to me. I wanted to be like that, be like Raif. So comfortable with myself that I didn’t care what anyone else might say. He exuded a quiet confidence.
“I’m glad. How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better. Thank you for talking me through that,” I waved a hand to indicate how he’d found me earlier. “I know it’s not fun to talk about someone’s exes.”
He shrugged. “That’s part of your life, Taylor. Just as my past is part of mine. You don’t wipe it out. You just… learn to live with it.”
“Are you doing that?” I asked, knowing by the change in his expression he was thinking about his team member who had died. Morrison.
“I’m working on it. My shrink thinks I’m making progress. Although he said, and I agree, that you don’t ever move past it. Someone you knew, someone you felt responsible for, died. There’s no changing that.”
I reached for his hand. We drove out to the lake, parking at the park where we’d met a number of times, and without talking about it, we got out and walked along the path. What was so nice with Raif was the feeling that I didn’t have to talk, or entertain him. I just had to be there.